Fight Fear With Fire
by TooMuchPressure88
Summary: South Park is screwy. Stan's a vampire, Cartman's a wizard, Kyle's confused, and Kenny's in a coma. Not to mention the war that's about to break out. Rated for language and crude humor.
1. Stan Goes Through Freaky Puberty

_Fight Fear With Fire_

This is not supposed to be a humorous story, like the summary may hint. :) Sure, it'll have funny parts, but I mean, it's not a full out humor thing. So, just wanted to say that.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the life that is boring enough to write this. It all belongs to Matt and Trey. And Comedy Central

**Chapter One: Stan Goes Through Freaky Puberty-** After waking up from a mysterious dream, seventeen-year-old Stan Marsh goes through one of the strangest days he's had in a while. -Stan's POV-

Enjoy!

* * *

"_Hello?"_

_The hallways are dark; the only light is coming from the windows fifteen feet up. It is barely recognizable that this is the school, but he can see the doors of the classroom a few feet away. _'Where is everybody?'_ he thinks to himself, peeking in doorways and around corners. He himself doesn't know how he ended up here tonight- he only knows that there's something very wrong._

"_Hello?" he calls again, peeking around another corner. Still nothing, but a strange scent is filling the air. It is a smell that is registered in his deepest memories- one he can't put in its place. "Whoever is there had better come out right now or I'll…" his sentence is cut off as a strange pulling sensation drags him to the end of the hallway. _

_Now something else is visible. A strange light shining from around the corner. He knows he shouldn't look. He knows it could be dangerous. But the pulling sensation takes him to the end of the hallway; all that's left to do is turn his head. His heart is refusing, but his brain is curious. Something is wrong. Something's going to happen. _

_He carefully turns his head, allowing curiosity to get the best of him. Anger fills him as he realizes nothing was there after all. Even the strange light must have been a figment of his imagination. _'Maybe I do need therapy…'_ he thinks, putting a foot forward to search this hallway for a way out. Why doesn't he know the way out? This is his school; he comes here every day! Wasn't there a door right there a second ago?_

_There's another one. He needs to get out of this hallway and he knows it. He runs for the nearest door he sees. He's running as fast as he can, but it seems as though he is walking in slow motion. But he reaches it and looks for the handle, finding it and grabbing it to find that nothing is there. Raising his eyes, he sees that there is no door. "It was just there a second ago!" he shouts to himself, desperate to hear some noise to make him feel less alone. The voice echoes off of the walls not even sounding like his own. _

_Spinning quickly on his heel, he looks around the hallway. Moments ago he could have sworn there were six doors, but now they're all gone! Where's the way out? "Please? Is anyone here? I need help!" his voice is desperate and helpless. He feels trapped inside of a terrible horror movie. "Please! Somebody! Anybody! Where's the exit?" _

"_Stanley?"_

_He turns at the sound of his name. Maybe it's help! He runs down the hallway to where he thinks it came from._

"_Stanley!" _

_Wait- it's coming from the other way! Skidding sounds are heard as he takes off in the other direction. _

"_Stan!" _

_Why does it keep changing directions? Why does it seem like it's not moving at all? _

"_Stanley, come on!" _

_Realization dawns. It's just in his head. Or… maybe… all of this is in his head. What is wrong with his head? He closes his eyes, trying to block out all of his confusion. A sudden stinging fills his brain and he feels like he's blacking out._

Stan Marsh bolted upright in bed. His mother was knocking angrily at the door shouting, "Stan, if you don't wake up you're going to be late for school!"

"I'm up, Mom! Sorry!" he shouted, surprised that his voice was so strong. He felt almost sick when thinking about his nightmare. Was it a nightmare? It didn't seem like it could be considered a dream. Jesus, this is what he got for sleeping with a history book under his pillow. Speaking of that… school! He had to get to school! The bus would come in… ten minutes! "Shit!" he said to himself, grabbing the book (and taking the pillow with it) to stuff it in his bag.

*~*~*~*~*

Once at the bus stop, Stan greeted his friends with a cheery hello. The three of them looked at him strangely. "What?"

"Are you going goth again, Stan?" Kyle asked, his green eyes looking at his own, but not meeting them.

"Huh?" Stan said intelligently.

Cartman laughed. "No, Kahl, don't be stupid. This is _emo_."

Stan looked down at his clothes, thinking he was wearing all black or something. He wasn't. A green t-shirt with blue jeans wasn't what he considered goth or emo.

"Mm mms… Mm mmph mmphs mmmph mmm mm," Kenny said, giving Stan a strange look.

"Please, how could he _not _notice he was putting on makeup, Kenneh?"

Makeup? He gave Kyle a confused look, and the redhead reached into his pocket, pulling out a mirror. "Look at your eyes, dude." Stan took the mirror and held it close to his face. At first, he didn't notice anything different, but then he noticed how his eyes popped out. He didn't blame the others for thinking he'd gone emo; his eyes were dark looking and it looked as though he'd put on a bit too much eyeliner. But the things that bothered him the most were his actual eyes. They were black. Not just really dark brown, but black. It looked as though he just had huge pupils.

"What the hell…?" he muttered, looking at his friends.

Kenny shrugged. "Mmm mmph mmph mmmphmm."

"Puberty?" Cartman repeated, laughing, "Ha, well, when I had 'the talk' with my parents, it said nothing about going emo unintentionally."

Stan rolled his eyes. "Damn it, Cartman! I am not emo!"

"Have you felt any strong urges to cut yourself in anyway, Stan?" Cartman pushed.

"Shut the fuck up! Maybe… maybe it is just puberty!" Stan argued, huffing and looking away. Cartman shrugged and walked away, talking to Kenny about puberty-related mood swings.

Kyle put a hand on Stan's back. "Don't worry about it dude, it's just Cartman being a usual asshole. It's really not even that noticeable."

"Then why were you staring when I first got here?"

"Well, it's noticeable to us; we see you every day."

Stan sighed. "Okay. I guess I'll just roll with it. But if that douche makes a big deal out of it and tells everyone I'm emo, then I'll…"

"Stan," Kyle interrupted, "Just ignore him."

"Fine, fine," Stan surrendered, "I've just had a weird morning with weird dreams and freaky changes," he added, referring to his dark eyes.

Kyle nodded understandingly as the bus pulled up to their stop.

*~*~*~*~*

"Stanley, answer the question."

Stan raised his head from his desk when he heard his name. Mr. Garrison was looking down at him with a disapproving look on his face. "Wha- what?" he mumbled.

Mr. Garrison sighs loudly. "Would it kill you to pay attention?"

"Um… was that the question?" he asked stupidly.

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean, Kyle! What was the answer?"

Kyle looked startled but gives the correct answer with a guilty look at Stan. The latter just shrugged and tried to look sorry for not paying attention. But when Mr. Garrison continued his lecture, he promptly zoned out and looked around the classroom.

He first focused on Wendy- his girlfriend of nine years. Well, it had been two years since their last breakup, which was a good accomplishment for them. Wendy had become less possessive of Stan and focused mostly on her studies- and making sure to see every one of Stan's football games.

Then he focused on Bebe Stevens, who was a good friend of Kyle's now. They became a couple in seventh grade but broke up in ninth, only to become good friends. Stan was unable to believe that the two could survive a breakup and still be as close as they were. And somehow, the chances of them getting back together still looked very slim.

Kenny was his next stare victim. He was looking down a girl named Stacey's shirt, unnoticed by her because of his parka. Yes, Kenny had kept his parka on all these years. But that was just about the only thing about him that had stayed the same. In tenth grade he became bisexual just so he could sleep with more people. The only students in the entire school that he hadn't slept with were Kyle, Stan, and Cartman; his target right now was Kyle.

Stan thought in his head that Kenny and Kyle would make a good couple. The only obstacle was the fact that Stan wasn't sure if Kyle would date a boy. He had once asked Kyle about his sexuality, and he had responded that he wouldn't choose. He would find a soul mate one day, and it really didn't matter to him if they were a boy or a girl. Stan claimed that this was a difficult way of saying he was bi.

The last holder of his attention was Cartman. And the moment Stan looked at him, he got a painful feeling in his gut. It was as though someone had punched him from the inside. "Ouch!" he muttered, causing a few people –including Kyle- to turn around. 'You okay?' the redhead mouthed to him, and Stan responded by nodding. He rubbed his stomach, but the feeling had gone away the minute he'd opened his mouth.

He heard Cartman mutter to Kenny something about cramps and rolled his eyes. Cartman glanced at him, and he felt the sting come back, this time less intense. '_What the hell?'_ he thought confusedly. He was sure to keep his eyes on anything but Cartman for the rest of the period.

After class, he met up with Kyle. "You okay, dude?" his best friend asked concernedly.

"Yeah, I think I just ate something bad… my stomach kind of hurts."

Cartman approached them from behind, grinning. "You know Stan. They say exercise is a good remedy for cramps."

"Shut up, Cartman, I don't have cramps!" he snarled, wondering to himself why he was getting so worked up.

"Mmm mmph, mmm mmmph mm!" Kenny exclaimed, finally catching up to them.

Kyle slapped his shoulder. "You really shouldn't compare breasts to food, Kenny. And Stacey does not have potatoes… they're more like eggplants."

Stan laughed and glanced at Stacey, who was across the hall. "He's right… they're so oddly shaped!"

"Mm mmph mumm mmm," Kenny accused.

Cartman snorted. "We are not jealous of her lumpy boobs!" Kenny hit his arm and grinned.

They opened the door to the courtyard and into the sunny day. Stan could hear birds chirping. Sitting on their usual bench, they talked about how they should get a longer free period. Until…

"Stan? Stan! Did you hear me?" Kyle asked, waving a hand in his friends face. Stan looked at him, and Kyle was shocked to see his red face. "Dude? What's wrong? Why are you all red and sweaty?"

Stan shook his head, feeling like he was getting sunburned rapidly. He barely heard the redhead talking to him, or Cartman talking about PMS. It sounded as though they were far away. He was seeing through a dark tunnel and the world he could see began to spin. He felt himself begin to sway before he thought no more.

* * *

Hope you liked it and I hope it's not moving too fast. I think the next chapter will be in Cartman's POV, so be ready. This is the first fantasy thing I've written, so cut me a break if it's lame. :D Please review, even if you hate it. Flames will be used for seeing if the tent we'll be camping in is flammable!

ReViEw PlEaSe!

Your buddy, Lori!


	2. The Sore Loser Gets What He Wants

_Fight Fear WIth Fire_

First off, I would like to thank xxx0BlackRose0xxx for being awesome and reviewing! A big hug for you! This chapter is centered around Cartman. Yep.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything. *facepalm*

**Chapter Two: The Sore Loser Gets What He Wants-** Eric Cartman's determination reaches a whole new level. -Cartman's POV-

Hope you like it!

* * *

"Mmmph mmm mmm phmmm mm!" Kenny sang, just before the band failed.

"Damn it, Kenneh! This is why we don't let you play Rockband with us!"

"Mmph mmm mmph mph!"

Cartman threw a drumstick at Kenny, who dodged it and it went through the television. "Shit," Cartman muttered, dislocating the wood. Kenny was just cracking up behind him. "This is your fault, asshole!"

"Eric, poopsiekins! What's wrong?"

"Nothing, mom!"

Kenny turned toward the door than back towards Cartman. "Mmph mm mph mmm?"

"_Don't insult my mother, you poor piece of shit!_" A spark from the broken television flickered behind him after his shout. He jumped forward and turned around. It was just sitting there now, it's broken screen reflecting his face innocently.

"Mmm mmm mphmm mm…" Kenny stated.

Cartman nodded. That _was_ fucking weird. The door opened and his least favorite person walked in, followed by his gay butt buddy.

"Hey guys. Sorry we're late. Stan took forever to change because of his… uh… sunburn. What happened to the T.V.?" Kyle asked, words flowing out of his mouth like gum from a broken gumball machine.

Cartman rolled his eyes. "None of your business, Jew. Jesus, Stan, you look like a fucking tomato!" He was right. Stan's face was red, along with his arms. It wasn't like a normal sunburn; it looked like he'd gone to the sun and tried to get a tan.

"Thanks. That makes me feel better," Stan snapped, gingerly sitting on the bed. "So, what _did_ happen to the T.V.?"

"Mmph mmm mphmm mph mph."

Stan laughed. "Oh. That makes sense."

"Why the hell did you get sunburned like that?" Cartman asked offhandedly, inspecting the damage on the television.

"I don't know. And Kyle already asked me why I passed out. I don't know. The nurse said it was heat exhaustion or some shit like that."

"Doesn't explain the burn," Kyle mumbled worriedly, looking at his best friend.

Stan grinned and shrugged. "You always overreact, Ky. Let's just go to the arcade."

*~*~*~*~*

Cartman had always loved air hockey, but he especially loved playing it with Kenny. Why? Because the two boys were the best air hockey players on the whole damn planet. As they played at the arcade, Cartman glanced up at the score. 9:8. _'Kenny's gonna cry when he loses,'_ He thought to himself, grinning. Kenny, who hadn't wasted his time counting his unhatched eggs, scored while Cartman was imagining his crying face.

"Wha-? Goddamn it!" Cartman said, grabbing the puck from the tiny slot.

This time it was Kenny who grinned. "In your face, fat ass."

Cartman flipped him off before setting the puck on the table, noticing a certain redhead floating in the corner of his eye. Ignoring the new audience, he hit the puck as hard as he could to Kenny's goal.

"Ooh! It's the match point!" Kyle exclaimed excitedly, hurrying to the side of the table.

Cartman grunted as Kenny blocked the hit and sent it flying towards him. "Shut the fuck up you stupid Jew," he snapped, trying to bounce it off of the wall to sneak it on Kenny.

"Watch out!" warned Kyle, allowing Kenny to notice the oncoming puck and deflect it.

"Damn it! Stop fucking helping him!"

Kyle pouted. "Pfft. Kenny can beat you without my help."

"Then let him!"

"I'm gonna!"

Kenny's grin turned into a frown as Cartman blocked another shot. He was determined to show the Jew that he was the master of this game. Not Kenny.

"Dude, he's totally gonna kick your ass," Kyle muttered to him.

Cartman just bit his lip and focused all of his concentration onto the game.

"Me and Stan have a bet, just to let you know. Obviously, my money's on Kenny."

Now money was involved? All the more reason to win. Stan and a few guys from school approached the table. Shit. Now he was going to embarrass himself if he lost. He hit with all of his might, and just when Kenny was about to block it, the puck swerved to the side, hit the wall, and shot into the goal.

"YES!" Cartman shouted, slamming his slider thing on the table and high-fiving Stan.

Kenny was staring at the table in shock, while Kyle was shouting, "What the hell was that? What the fucking hell was that?"

Cartman raised his eyebrows as he thought of a way to humiliate the Jew further. "Hey Kahl. How much money did you bet on the match?"

Kyle glared at him. "Ten bucks, and don't even think about gloating."

"Would you like your money back?"

"No shit I would," came the hasty reply.

Cartman turned to a Taxi Race game. "Listen up. We'll play Turbo Taxi. If you win, I'll give you twenty-five bucks. But if I win, you give me twenty. Sound fair?"

"Not really, but it's in my favor, so let's go." Cartman grinned. Little did Kyle know that he was the master at this game. He'd played it almost every weekend with Craig: another good player.

Kyle and Cartman climbed into the seats and stuck the tokens in the slots. "Ready to lose, Jew?" Kyle just rolled his eyes and picked his car. "What kind of car is that? It's fucking purple!"

"Shut up, purple's cool!" Kyle argued, his face slightly pink.

He just chuckled and picked his usual black car. As the game begun, he saw his competitor speed ahead of him. He quickly accelerated, determined to pick up the first customer. The time in the corner ticked down from five as a man in a business suit climbed into the car. The ticking restarted at 00:30, and he sped to get the guy where he wanted to go.

While driving, he glanced up at Kyle's screen, seeing that he was dropping off his first customer and driving away. The man got out of his car and he headed for the next arrow. "How you doin, Cartman?" Kyle asked smugly.

"I'm on my third person, asshole," Cartman lied, allowing the teenage girl to get into his car. "Hm, this chick's hot," he muttered, turning a corner. His car sped headfirst towards Kyle, who swerved out of the way and hit a lamppost. "That's gonna lose some tips."

Not slowing down, he dropped the girl off and grabbed his next person, who was only a block away.

Kenny and Stan showed up behind them. "Who's winning?"

"Kyle," Kenny said, ignoring Cartman's hiss to shut up.

The music in the game pounded in Cartman's ears, fueling his drive to win. It had always been a characteristic of Cartman's; taking things too seriously. To him it was not just a game; it was a way to put a daywalker Jew rat in his place. Why would he turn that down?

Once again, they were in the same position. One customer left, and only one of them could get her. On the same street they raced, constantly bumping each other and muttering swears. Finally, the old lady was in view. "Ha, see you in the winner's circle, loser," Cartman jeered.

"Yeah, I'll be there." Two blocks away. Kyle was ahead by a little bit. In a fit of desperation, Cartman focused all of his energy on the purple car. "_What the fuck?_" Kyle shouted as his car blew a flat tire and swerved off of the road. "What the hell was that?"

Cartman sighed and easily won the game, turning to Kyle to collect his money. "That will be twenty dollars."

"That's… that's cheating!" Kyle exclaimed.

Stan nodded. "Yeah dude, his car totally just blew a flat!"

"And that's my fault?" Cartman challenged, knowing deep in his heart that it was.

"Well…" Kyle mumbled, "I mean, it had to be! There's no way it just… please. You know it was you."

The large boy folded his arms. "All I know is that you owe me twenty, so cough it up, Jewboy."

Kyle hesitantly reached into his pocket and pulled out a twenty. "That's the last of my money," he muttered quietly, pushing himself out of the seat and positioning himself between Stan and Kenny, both of which who were looking at Cartman with a strange face.

Cartman shrugged and walked into the bathroom, staring in the mirror. That was a strange moment back there. He remembered… when he focused all of his energy on the one car… how that jolt of energy had burst through him. Then the flat. What was that all about?

And the same thing had happened while they were playing air hockey. He'd concentrated all of his will on winning that game, and the puck had just changed course like a car would have.

He knew he could convince Stan, Kyle, and Kenny that these were all coincidences, but it would take a hell of a lot more persuasion to convince himself.

God, he was awesome.

* * *

Meh. Short chapter, don't kill me! I mostly like writing the Stan parts- there's more Kyle in there. But further in the story, Cartman will become more amusing to write. Because my two favorites are Kyle and Kenny, and this story is mostly about Cartman and Stan. It's just weird. So yeah, please review!

I'm not going to play the review game, but I'd really like to get at least three reviews before I post the next chapter. If I don't that's cool. But please, in the words of a movie I saw today, "Drag Me To Hell"... _"I am a proud woman, Miss Brown, and I don't beg. But I am begging you..."_ normally now she begs for an extension on her foreclosure, but I'm begging for reviews!

By the way, you should see Drag Me To Hell. It scared the shit out of me!


	3. The Edward Cullen Reject Argues the Supe

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I am happy to say that I did reach my goal of three reviews. Thanks so much to xxSay and GlitterBlings for reviewing the story! I'm glad you guys like it! I posted it last night, and woke up this morning to find three more reviews! Anyway, I wrote this entire thing this morning, and it's only 10:13. So, I hope it's alright, because I'm a total morning person.

**Chapter Three: The Edward Cullen Reject Argues The Super Bowl-** The Magical Society of Wizards attacks the Vampires to get their leader.

I really hope you enjoy this one!

* * *

"Aleser?" Aaron called, turning a corner leading into a dark room.

"What?"

Aaron fidgeted nervously with his papers. "Um… I have news of a possible new recruit."

"Yeah, okay, who is it?"

He pulled out the paper. "Some kid from Colorado. Stanley Marsh."

"Kid? As in…?"

"He's seventeen."

"Aw, fuck him! We need professionals out here. Just screw him. Forget him."

Aaron's eyes widened. "But… but sir! He doesn't know who he is! He might… the sun! How do you expect him to avoid the sun?"

"Well, I'm sure the first time he gets burned to a crisp he'll learn his lesson," Aleser said dismissively, waving a hand.

"The visions. He will keep having the visions until he is aware."

Aleser stood up and raised his arms. "Big _deal_! Listen here, Aaron. I am the boss here, okay? I have been for two months now. I know what I'm doing and it's a hell of a lot better than you do at your pussy job! So shut the fuck up and let me do mine!"

Aaron curtly nodded and turned to get out of there as fast as possible when he heard a loud crash. "What was that?"

"Just my dog. He needs to be let out."

Aaron glared at the turned back, hating Aleser's laziness when it came to his new leader job. He turned to walk out the door, and he heard a scream followed by a woman jumping into the hallway.

"Kadira? Is that you?"

The girl in question squinted at him before she realized who she was speaking to. "Yes. Aaron, right?"

Aaron nodded. "What the hell's going on?"

"The MSW is attacking again," she replied breathlessly.

'_Damn wizards,_' Aaron thought to himself. "Okay, Kady. Get to Aleser's lair and tell him that they're attacking… again. And _stay safe_."

"I will," she replied, and ran to do as she was told.

Aaron sighed opened the door to the source of the noises. Sure enough, in the middle of the room stood Tanek- leader of the MCW. The Magical Society of Wizards. Behind him stood an army of about thirty other wizards, their wands sticking purposefully in front of them. "What is it?" Aaron asked, glaring at Tanek.

Tanek just chuckled, stroking his short black beard. "Where is your new leader?"

"D'you want to talk to him or kill him 'cause there's a killing fee," Aaron replied smartly, clenching his hands at his sides.

"Don't be a smart ass; just tell me where he is!"

*~*~*~*~*

"Aleser?"

"What _now_?" groaned the man.

Kadira flinched but ran to her leader's side. "Sir. The wizards- they're back!"

"What the hell do they want _now_?" whined Aleser, leaning back in his chair.

She held back her temptation to slap him and grabbed his arm. "I am not sure. Aaron White is taking care of it now. We just… we need to go. I think they're after you."

This got Aleser's attention. "Me? But… how do they know I'm leader? I thought they were keeping it a secret!"

"Someone leaked it," Kadira replied simply. "Please, you must help us! Go speak with Tanek."

"_Tanek?"_ Aleser repeated incredulously, "Tanek is _here_? But he hasn't come since the 1940's. He usually just sends troops!"

"I know! I know!" Kadira said desperately, "Please, they will start killing if you do not go speak with him. Aleser, you must!" Aleser stood up quickly and began to run towards the back. "What?" Kadira called, "Where are you going?"

Aleser laughed hysterically. "I am hiding. No way in hell am I gonna be beaten by Tanek. He's not gonna find me."

"You… you're _running_?"

"Yes, you stupid girl! See you later. Maybe."

Kadira chased after him and blocked the door with tears in her eyes. "You coward! You are supposed to be our leader! Why are you not helping us?"

"Actually, I am," Aleser replied coolly, "See, if I die, what are we to do? We can't go on without a leader. It's okay if messenger boys like Aaron and computer analysts like you die because you are easily replaced. But my powers are superior and are harder to find."

"If your powers are so rare and superior then you can defeat Tanek. People will hate you if you flee."

Aleser laughed. "And there'll be no one to hate if I'm dead." With that he flung the door open, revealing a middle-aged wizard standing in the doorway. Aleser was still staring at Kadira.

"Aleser! Look out!"

*~*~*~*~*

"See! His foot didn't even touch the line!" Aaron pointed out, referring to the projector screen.

Tanek folded his arms. "Yes he did. You're just sore because the Cardinals lost."

"Go Steelers!" came a shout from the army.

"Where the hell is Aleser, boy?" Tanek asked furiously.

Aaron decided to ignore the question. "See, both of his feet should have touched the line, but this one didn't ge…" he was interrupted by Tanek flinging a spell at his screen. It caught fire and fell to the ground.

Tanek slowly approached Aaron and grabbed his shirt. "Where. Is. Aleser?"

"I… I won't say," Aaron replied defiantly, meeting Tanek's eyes.

Tanek roughly threw him to the ground. "You will tell me where he is, you Edward Cullen Reject, or I will use mind force."

_Edward Cullen Reject? _If one thing pissed Aaron off, it was referring vampires to that human book series… Twilight. He lifted his hand out of his pocket and summoned the darkness. He shut out Tanek and all of the other wizards in the room and focused all of his energy on the small scar on his hand. The scar that made him a vampire. When it began to feel warm he opened his eyes and saw Tanek's open slightly. He knew they had turned completely and fully black. An angry rush of power swirled around them, shutting out the lights and knocking some warriors to their asses. In the corner of his eye he saw some of the wizards- including Tanek –pull their wands out and point them at him.

As Tanek raised the wand, Aaron realized that he had to end this now, before Tanek could curse him. He focused all of the energy on the dark man, and felt it burst past him and wrap Tanek in its cold and unforgiving depths. Tanek was surrounded by black smoke that seemed to be strangling him.

A few more minutes was all he needed, but he couldn't do it. No matter how much he hated Aleser, he just wasn't as strong as him. He felt the power leave him and slumped to the side to catch his breath. The darkness left Tanek and he fell to the ground, fumbling for his wand.

"Foolish vampire boy. You don't have the skills to overpower wizards," Tanek sneered, turning to his warriors. "Men! Search the premises! Find Aleser and kill him! Also," he glanced back at Aaron, "Kill anyone who gets in your way."

*~*~*~*~*

Aleser turned around to see the wizard behind him and jumped back. "Hello, Aleser," the man said, glaring at him.

"Who are you? Where's Tanek?" Aleser demanded.

"My name is unimportant and neither are Tanek's whereabouts. I'm about to kill you."

Aleser shook his head. "No you aren't. You may have a magical tree branch, but I have the power of darkness."

"You call yourself a true master of darkness?"

Aleser scoffed. "Of course I do. It chose _me_ as its master. See, unlike your 'democracy', our darkness chooses a _true_ leader through means of power and nobility."

"Nobility? A true noble person would never abandon their men in battle," the man argued, eyeing Aleser with distaste.

Finding a retort was hard for him, but he managed. "If I don't leave, I will be killed, and then nobody will have a leader to look up to."

"The darkness wouldn't have a hard time picking a new leader," he said quietly, "I mean, picking you was not its smartest choice."

"You want to fight?" Aleser challenged.

The man smiled slyly. "This will not be a fight. However, I will humor you."

Aleser just rolled his eyes and closed them, summoning the darkness. He could hear Kadira's breathing and the man getting his wand out. Blocking them out wasn't working. He tried and tried, but the darkness would not come to him. He could feel the man's wand pointing at him and desperately called out for the darkness. The man just waved his arm and Aleser fell to the floor in a heap.

The darkness had abandoned him.

* * *

Even shorter than the last one! AAAH! Sorry that there was no Stan or Cartman in this one. I have to teach you more about vampires and wizards before we get totally into the story, right? I had fun writing Aleser; he is such a cowardly asshole! I couldn't come up with a good name for "the man" but I will by the next time we have these guys.

The Darkness is the power that the vampires use. Use an analogy. Wizards are to Magic as Vamps are to Darkness. Is that good? Yeah, I thought this was ironic because usually the darkness is a bad thing, but the vampires are good. It's just a point, you know?

Okay, so now, since I reached my three review goal, my new goal is five reviews. Can we do it? I'll give you a little more time. I mean one chapter last night and another one this morning. But thanks for reading!

We'll go back to South Park in the next chappy.


	4. You Don't Need Braces To Screw Up A Kiss

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Okay, I lied. I said I'd give you more time to review, but I gave you a day. I'm sorry I'm so fast, but I kind of doubt that you're complaining. Anyway, I didn't reach my 5-Review goal, but I did get one review. Thanks to xxSay for your second review on this story!

**Chapter Four: You Don't Need Braces To Screw Up A Kiss-** After a little slip-up while kissing, Wendy gives Stan an eerie speech.

So here you go, chappy numero quatro! (is that how you spell it?)

* * *

"Shit!" Stan exclaimed as he bolted upright in his seat.

The redhead next to him turned around in concern. "You okay?"

"Yeah…" he replied, rubbing his aching forehead. School. He was still in school. Mr. Garrison chattered away at the chalkboard, not even noticing the shout.

He'd had _another_ dream about that damn light. However, it was always a different situation. So far he'd dreamed about the school, at the mall, at home, at Cartman's house, in Kyle's room, and now, at Stark's Pond. But one thing bothered him: he was always alone.

Of course, he'd been alone a lot of times. But he'd never gotten the eerie feeling like he was alone in the entire world. Like he'd never see anyone again. And the headaches. He'd always wake up with a terrible headache that went away the moment he realized he was awake.

The only people who knew were Kyle and Kenny. He wouldn't dare tell Cartman, who would leak it all over the school. But even if Kyle did know, he didn't want to bring it up and cause a fuss.

Finally, the bell rang. His best friend stood next to him. "Hey Stan. You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah," he replied, "Just had a headache."

Kyle smiled. "Probably from the spider webs in there, dude. Do you have to sleep in every class?"

"You try sleeping with the sound of Shelly moaning next door!" he snapped. His sister had a new boyfriend, meaning that he was at his house every night. With her door locked. Stan was surprised Shelly didn't have AIDS and wasn't pregnant or something; that was all it meant.

The Jewish boy winced. "Okay… mental image I did _not_ want to see."

"You sure about that, Jew?" Cartman asked, approaching them from behind.

Kyle just flipped him off as Stan remembered something. "Why weren't you in History?"

"Meh. Kenneh jacked a Playboy from his dad. We were reading it behind the school."

He noticed Kyle give the large boy a disapproving look and decided to change the subject. "Wonder what's for lunch today."

"I don't know, but I hope it's quick. I'm meeting Wendy behind the school. She has to talk to me," Stan replied.

Kyle looked at him strangely. "About what?"

"Probably gonna do more than talk," Cartman said slyly, "Hey Kahl, you should get some popcorn to go watch. God knows you'll never get to do it."

Kyle's face turned red and he spun to the large boy. "Shut the fuck up, okay?"

Stan blinked. He knew Kyle was sensitive about his uneventful romantic life. He also knew Cartman often took advantage of that. "Okay guys, don't start arguing."

Cartman opened his mouth for a smart reply but was interrupted by the arrival of a certain blonde boy. "He-hey fellas."

"Hey Butters," they all said simultaneously.

"I-I was just talking to Bebe, and you- you know Kenny's girlfriend, Tammy Warner?" The three boys nodded. "Bebe says that she's moving to Mi-Michigan."

Stan raised his eyebrows. "Michigan? Does Kenny know?"

"N-no. She's afraid to tell him. That- that's why we were thinking that you g-guys could do it," he replied nervously.

Kyle sighed. "So basically what you're saying is that you want us to break Kenny's heart."

"Well," Butters said quickly, "She-she's not _dumping_ him. She's just wondering if he's okay with a long- a long distance relationship."

"Which he won't be," Kyle said.

Butters looked at him quizzically so Stan explained. "Kenny really only likes the sex. And anyways, he's only been going out with her for two days."

Cartman raised a finger to interrupt. "But he did go out with her in fourth grade. Remember the Jonas Brothers incident."

"Ugh," Kyle groaned, "Don't remind me. I used to love Mickey Mouse, and he's a total asshole. Didn't he think we were from Paramount or something?"

"Dreamworks," Stan corrected.

Kyle grinned. "Oh yeah. He shot us with fucking tranquilizers."

They laughed at the memory as Kenny approached them silently. He walked next to Stan and sat clumsily down at the lunch table. Before they got in line, Kyle looked at him. "Kenny? Aren't you gonna eat?"

Kenny shook his head. "Mmph mmm mphmm."

"Not hungry?" Cartman said incredulously.

"Yes, Cartman, it's possible for someone to not have to eat seven meals a day."

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but Kenny's poor. He probably can't afford to eat the two meals he should be eating at home."

"Mmph mm," muttered Kenny, but it was with much less anger than when Cartman usually insulted his money situation.

Stan decided to ditch lunch today and sit with Kenny. "Dude, you look really pale," he said, noting the bit of Kenny's face he could see. "Are you sick?"

"Mmph mmph mmm mmmphmm mph mmm," Kenny replied.

"Well, if you're not feeling good you should go to the nurse," Stan concluded, feeling his friends forehead. "You're burning up, dude! You really need to…"

"Stanny!" shouted a high-pitched voice.

Stan turned to see his girlfriend running towards him. "Hey baby," he said, giving her a quick kiss.

"Hi Stanny. I was just making sure you remembered to meet me," she said cheerfully.

Ugh. He could handle shit by himself. "Yeah Wendz, I remembered. Kenny here just isn't feeling well."

"Aw, Ken. Hope you feel better, cutie! I'm just gonna borrow Stan for a while."

Stan glanced at his pale friend. "Maybe I should…"

"Mmph. Mmmph mm phmm."

"Are you sure?" Stan asked uncertainly. Even if Kenny said it was okay, he really didn't want to leave him here like this. But Kyle and Cartman would be back soon, and it'd be fine. He slowly got up and followed her out to the back of the school.

"What did you want to talk about?" he asked.

"It's really cool," Wendy said excitedly. "Okay, so my parents got four tickets to go on a cruise this weekend. We get to skip school on Friday, even!"

Stan raised an eyebrow. "And this is exciting for me because…?"

"Because I'm bringing you, silly!" Wendy squealed, giving her boyfriend a big hug around the waist.

He grinned. Three days on a boat with Wendy. That would be… amusing, to say the least. "That's great, baby!"

"Yeah," she said, her voice muffled in the cotton of Stan's shirt, "You don't get seasick, do you?"

Stan shook his head and smiled. "I only get lovesick, and not even that anymore."

He leaned down and kissed her. She took a moment, but finally kissed back. They had been going out for so long the kissing had to be violent to be fulfilling. Their tongues tackled each other's and wrestled until…

"Ouch!" Wendy pulled away and crossed her eyes, trying to look at her mouth.

"What's wrong?" Stan asked confusedly.

She stuck out her tongue. "Isth mah tongue bleedin'?" she asked around it.

He was shocked to find that it actually was. "Was there a cut there before?"

She shook her head and pulled it back in. "Ew. It is bleeding. I can taste it."

"Did I do that?" he asked, also tasting some blood in his mouth.

Giggling she shrugged, "You got sharp teeth."

He used his tongue and felt around in his mouth. His back teeth were fine, but the front ones… "Damn!" They were sharp. It was just two of the teeth on the top row. He poked them with a finger, making the tip bleed.

"Jesus!" Wendy exclaimed, "what, do you use a nail filer on those things?"

He shrugged. "They weren't like that before."

She also shrugged but stopped suddenly. Her eyes became unfocused and she looked confusedly up at Stan. "I feel… really weird." Stan was alarmed to hear that her voice was almost slurred and sounded as though she had a cold.

"What's wrong?"

She swayed where she stood. "I think I'm gonna…" she fell to the ground flat on her back and stared up at the sky. Stan hurriedly knelt by her side. Her blue eyes were dull and reflecting his face.

"Wendy? Wendy! Are you awake?" he shook her limp arms. "Come on baby, snap out of it!"

She took a shuddering breath that sounded ragged and hoarse.

Stan considered going for help, but he wouldn't leave her alone. Somebody would have to come by soon. He stood over his love and tried to meet her wide eyes. Suddenly, she spoke.

"_Stan Marsh…"_ Stan gasped at the sound of her voice. It was rough and whispery, nothing like her own. And why did she use his last name?

"Yeah?" he said stupidly. Wendy took a breath and her eyes rolled into her head. A strange wind seemed to blow around them, ruffling her hair and mildly chilling Stan. Her mouth opened and a strange growling came out before she spoke in the same whispery voice.

_"The final battle approaches._

_One power will stand above the rest._

_There is a traitor in your midst_

_And a tragedy in your future._

_To save one, many must die._

_The power lies within one._

_For darkness to rise _

_it must make the right descision."_

"Uh…" Stan mumbled, watching as Wendy's eyes rolled back to normal and she took a shuddering breath.

"Stan!" she gasped, grasping his arm.

He held her hand and she met his eyes. "What was that, Wendy?"

"I… I don't know. I guess I just passed out," she replied.

"But… you said something."

"I did?"

Stan looked at her with worry in his eyes as he picked her up to carry her to the nurse. Whatever this was, it had something to do with him.

* * *

There you go, it's number four! It ties with Chapter One as the longest chapter, so it ain't a shortie. When Wendy called Kenny "cutie", I couldn't help thinking of Lexus from that one episode where Stan went goth. I think it's called Raisins. Yeah, I was reading through and I was like "hey!" and I just imagined poor Butters thinking that she liked him.

My goal is still five reviews, but I'm not gonna promise you more time. Cause it's summer, and I just get so inspired all the time to write. I mean, yay! The reviews are the things that keep me writing.

Thanks for reading this, you guys, I really appreciate it!


	5. Cartman Plays A Harsh Prank

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Still didn't reach my goal, but who cares. Sorry it took me so long to update! This is a long chappy. On Microsoft Word it's 10 pages. The others are only like 6. Thanks to GlitterBlings and xxSay for reviewing Chapter 4!

**Chapter Five: Cartman Plays A Harsh Prank- **Cartman uses his strange abilities to mess up a contest for Kyle. Unfortunately, he isn't the only one with a secret.

YOU BETTER ENJOY THIS! I rewrote it like three times. 

* * *

"Hey Kahl," Cartman said, approaching the redhead behind the stage.

Kyle looked at him with wide, nervous eyes. "Shut up, fat ass. I'm nervous enough as it is. Just go home."

Cartman faked a look of shock. "Well… I can't believe this! I come to wish you good luck and you snap at me like a French turtle."

"A French turtle?" Kyle repeated, raising an eyebrow.

The large boy rolled his eyes. "Anyway. I just came to say… break a leg."

"Why do I think you mean that literally?" Kyle asked suspiciously, his eyebrow disappearing behind his curls.

Cartman laughed and shook his head. "Kahl, Kahl, Kahl. Don't be a silly goose! I'm gonna go in the audience, so you just do the best you can, kay?"

Kyle shook his head and walked to the other side of the room to speak to another kid who was competing.

Cartman grinned and ran out the door, retreating to the guest lounge where Kenny sat with his head in his hands. "Dude, dude, okay, this is gonna be so fucking sweet."

Kenny didn't reply; he just sniffed to acknowledge Cartman's arrival.

"I know; I'm psyched too! Kahl's gonna cry to his Jew-bitch mom when this is over."

This little bit caught the hooded boy's attention. What was he planning on doing? "Mmph mmm mphm mmphmm mm?"

"Okay, Kenneh, this is gonna sound really weird, okay? And I know I've lied before, and I know I'll lie in the future, but in the next ten minutes, every single thing I say is gonna be the truth. Every damn thing."

"Mphm mmm mphmm mm mphmm mphm mmmph mmm?"

Cartman groaned, expecting this. "You will know I'm telling the truth because you'll trust me. Ask me any question, and I'll answer it truthfully."

Kenny gave that question some thought. "Mphmm… mph mph mphmm mphm mphmmm mphmm mphm mph mphmm mphmmphmm?"

"Scott Tenorman? Did I make out with Scott Tenorman? What kind of fucked up question is that?"

"Mphm mm?"

Cartman growled angrily. "Okay… yes. But it was only cause I was drunk and we were playing spin-the-bottle. And it only lasted like one minute." He was shocked to find that Kenny wasn't as excited about this information as he thought he would be. As a matter of fact, it looked like he was asleep. "Kenneh? Kenneh, wake up, damn it!"

Kenny blearily sat up and stared at his racist friend. "Mph mph, mphm mphm mmm mphmmphmm," he sang quietly.

"We are not writing songs about my sexual orientation, okay, we're gonna get Kahl!" Kenny sighed and looked attentively at Cartman. "Okay. This is gonna sound really odd, but I think I have magical powers."

There was a pause in which Cartman waited for Kenny's response. He was infuriated when the latter burst out laughing. "MPH! Mph mmm mphm! MPH MPH MPH!" The happiness was cut short by a bout of loud coughing.

"That's fucking karma, asshole!" Cartman yelled, hitting Kenny's arm. "Plus, I can prove it to you. See that chick over there?"

"Mmhmm," Kenny nodded.

"Look at her boobs." Kenny turned and stared at him, but happily obliged. "Pretty nice, huh?"

Kenny took off his hood to get a closer look, revealing his pale, clammy face. "Eh, I've seen better," he said.

"You're about to see better," Cartman said, and focused all of his energy on the woman's breasts. Kenny watched as she made a weird face and clutched right below her breasts. He watched at they grew about two sizes bigger.

"Damn!" he shouted, his eyes widening. The lady looked down, and feeling the difference, proceeded to flirt with the guys at the Abercrombie and Fitch store.

Cartman raised an eyebrow. "Believe me now, poor boy?"

Kenny's bloodshot eyes were sparkling with a strange hint. "I guess so. Have you always had… magical powers?"

"I… I don't think so," Cartman admitted.

"What about when you were able to catch the left hand killer and the copycat killer?"

"I made that up, dumb ass," Cartman snapped, "but this is real. And I don't know how it happened, but it's how I beat you at air hockey, and it's how I kicked Kahl's ass at the taxi game. I spent like three nights thinking about it."

Kenny wiped the sweat off of his face and closed his eyes. "Wow. Are you gonna use that to get at Kyle?"

"Yeah, I have an idea. Have you seen Bruce Almighty?"

The blonde grinned. "Who _hasn't_ seen Bruce Almighty?"

"I don't know. Anyway, remember that part where Jim Carrey was making Steve Carrel babble like an idiot?"

"You mean in the news room?"

Cartman nodded and Kenny followed. "Yeah, so I'm gonna do that, except I'm gonna do worse. You know how these essays are about caring for the environment and shit?" Another nod. "Well, I'm gonna make it look like Kyle doesn't really give a fuck about it. Make him say stuff that will make him look bad and lose."

"Dude," Kenny muttered, "That's a bit harsh. I mean, he's been working on this for months!"

"He called me a fat ass and nearly beat me at my own game! I can't let that happen," Cartman snapped, "And anyway, the more likely he is to cry if I do that."

"Why the hell am I here, then?" Kenny asked, pulling his hood back over his head and fastening the strings.

Cartman shrugged. "I don't know. Don't you want to see Kahl's demise?"

"Mphm mmm," Kenny replied honestly.

The large boy's eyes widened. "_Not really_? Dude, just watch, you'll love it." He grabbed Kenny's arm and proceeded to enter the audience. "Okay, dude, listen," Cartman whispered, "I think Kahl made first, so that's gonna make it even worse."

"Mphm mmm mph mmm?"

"Yeah, totally sure," he answered confidently. "Now, if this doesn't work, I'll use my powers for something else… something last minute."

"Mph mm mphms mphm mm mph mm?" asked Kenny with a raised eyebrow.

He just chuckled. "I know my powers won't bail on me, I've just never used them for something like this before."

"Mph mmm mph mm mmph mm's mphh mphmm mphmm mphmm mph phmm mphm mmphm mmm mphm mphmm."

"You're right. This will work. I _did _make the girl's boobs big."

They were silent as an old man came onto the stage. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the thirtieth annual essay competition. Five people placed on top in this contest, and all of them will be going to Washington D.C. to compete in the nationals!"

"Mphm mm mphm…"

"Shut up, Kenneh, we're doing this!"

"Let's get started then. In fifth place was South Park High student, Leopold Stotch!"

Cartman laughed out loud and whacked Kenny's arm. "Butters, dude! Fucking Butters!"

Kenny didn't say anything and shrugged apologetically to the people who shushed them. They both had to stifle laughs as Butters came onto the stage wearing a fancy button up shirt with a sweater vest. His stuttering voice boomed through the microphone.

"I did my es-essay on car-carpooling," he began, grinning at his parents in the audience. "Lots of the world's pollution is caused by-by the gasses em-emitted by cars. In 19-1985 alone…"

Both boys were surprised at how dull the essays were. Cartman was shaking in his seat. Kenny took off his hood again to wipe the sweat from his face.

"Dude… I feel like shit…" he muttered.

Cartman turned to him, clutching the arms of the seat tightly. "I know," he whispered, "I can't take this. I'm so tempted to use my awesome powers to blow his fucking brains out. God… I can't take it!"

"No…" Kenny mumbled, "I mean, I feel sick. I think I should go…"

"_No!_" Cartman said a bit louder than he'd meant to. Some people gave him furious glares. "I mean, don't you wanna see me embarrass Kahl?"

Kenny shook his head and leaned back. "Not really, but I'll stay. I just want to see if your fucked up powers really work." With that he closed his eyes and spoke no more.

Cartman shrugged and turned back to the stage, where the third place winner, some girl named Daisy Richardson, was giving her speech about buses. He sat up slightly taller and glanced around the room. He saw Butters' parents in the second row. Wendy glaring at the Daisy girl in the back row, behind Cartman.

"Hey Wendy."

She just glared at him. "What do you want?"

"Whatsamatter? You got some sand in your vagina?"

"Huh?" she said, her look softening into confusion before returning. "No. I just… I should have won! I mean Butters? How did Butters beat me?"

Cartman shrugged. "I mean, nobody cares about gay dolphins, Wendy. And speaking of gay, where the hell is Stan?'

"At home," Wendy replied shortly, "He got another bad sunburn yesterday."

"Another one?"

She nodded and sighed. "You know, that Daisy girl looks all innocent up there. She's really a damn bitch."

"She's from some private catholic school. How bitchy can she be?"

"How could she be bitchier than you?" asked a voice that Cartman was surprised to hear. Kenny had woken up and was turned around in his seat.

Of course, it was just a force of habit. Wendy was no longer as possessive and freaky as she used to be. She wasn't always bitching, but she still had the bitch-like quality about her.

"Shut up, Kenny," she snapped, then her eyes widened at the stage. "Look, it's Kyle! I'm glad he won. He's a really good friend."

"I thought you were a jealous mess cause Stan likes him better," Kenny pointed out.

She scoffed. "He doesn't like him better. It's just… best friends and girlfriends are up in the same box, you know?"

"Shut up, bitch, I gotta pay attention," Cartman snapped, causing Wendy to widen her eyes in surprise.

Kyle was up on stage, wearing nice clothes like everyone else, and his hair straightened and tied back behind him. In Cartman's opinion, he looked like a pirate.

"I did my essay on the importance of our environment." As he began reciting, Cartman noticed that his voice was different than the others that had spoken. It cut through the air like a knife through butter, catching everyone's attention.

Halfway through the speech, Cartman remembered what he was supposed to be doing. "Many people have taken action regarding global warming, including my Jew bitch mother."

People in the audience gasped as Kyle clapped a hand over his mouth. Cartman and Kenny stuffed their fists into their hands as Kyle's face turned the color of a Valentine's Day heart.

He cleared his throat. "I uh… didn't mean to say that… Anyway. One of the examples of these actions is the EPA, or the Environmental Protection Agency. The EPA is an organization of fucking faggots that deserve to have their balls cut off."

Now there was an angry murmur that had Kyle's face in his hands and Cartman and Kenny's fists choking them. "What the hell is he saying?" they heard Wendy mutter from the back.

"The… the EPA was formed by the judge's old hobo haircut… and… and…" Kyle grabbed his notes and searched through them. "Sorry… someone must have… switched my notes…"

"They're the same ones you brought in!" came a voice from behind the stage.

"Yeah… I guess they are… I seriously don't mean… oh my god…" He was dropping note cards and searching through the ones in his shaking hands when a man came up.

The man looked sternly at him and sweat could be seen on Kyle's face from the back row. "Mr. Broflovski, you know the rules of this competition."

"Yes, sir, I do. I really don't know why I'm saying…"

"I'm afraid we're going to have to strip you of your first place award."

All of the color left Kyle's face as a "What what WHAT?" came from the audience. A large woman was seen barging onto the stage. "You can't do this!"

"Yes, I can," the man said, "He obviously doesn't take this seriously…"

"Please, sir! I do! I really do!"

"Shut up Kyle!" came his mother's shout with a slap across his face. Kyle just blinked and picked up his note cards. "What the hell were you thinking? Why would you say something like this at the competition?"

"Mom, I don't know what happened…"

Another slap. Cartman's grin widened and he couldn't breathe from laughing while Kenny's laugh had completely faded and there was a look of guilt and horror on his face."

"You listen to me, young man! I know you did this on purpose!"

"Ma'am, you need to get off of the stage…"

"Shut up!" she shouted at him, turning back to her son, "You have disappointed me for the last time. First the violin recital and now this?"

"Violin recital…?" Kenny muttered confusedly.

"I'm sorry! I just got nervous!"

"Being nervous is a _weakness! _Are you weak?"

"No!"

"You had no excuse to screw that up except for being a fucking failure!"

Cartman was cracking up in his seat when he spotted unshed tears in Kyle's eyes. "Damn… she really is a fucking… bitch!"

"I know! I'm sorry, Mom!"

"Madam, I really need you to…"

"I'm doing something here!" she screamed at him. "Why can't you do anything right?"

"I don't know!"

"You're not seeing any of your friends until you get that violin piece memorized!"

"But I just got it yesterday!"

"I don't care!"

"GET OFF OF MY FUCKING STAGE!" the announcer screamed.

Sheila and Kyle looked at him in shock, but she grabbed Kyle's arm tightly and was still scolding him as they left the building. Kenny and Cartman were quick to leave too.

"I can't believe this! That was so fucking awesome!"

Kenny looked really guilty. "Cartman, I think he's in real trouble."

"Well obviously, dumb ass!" Cartman said, breathing hard and trying to wipe the smirk off of his face. "Jesus, did you see his face! Oh man, I'm gonna gloat about this at school tomorrow."

Kenny shook his head. "Dude, I really gotta go home. Like I said earlier, I feel like shit. Talk to you later, okay?"

"Whatever, poor boy." Cartman began to walk out the front door when he heard a voice.

"Little boy?" He turned around to see a middle-aged man looking down at him.

Cartman raised his eyebrows. "Yeah?"

"I saw you in the audience."

The large boy backed away a little. "You like a pedophile or something?"

"No! No, I just… saw what you did."

Cartman's face flushed. How could this guy have seen it? He had his mouth behind his hand. "What… what I did?" he asked innocently.

"Don't play innocent with me, kid," he said not very harshly, "You messed up that Broflovski kid's speech."

"No… I… you don't understand… how the hell could I do that?"

"I'm not going to yell at you," the man interrupted, "I wanted to ask you. Do you know anything about the MSW?"

Cartman scrunched his face. "The whoddawhatta?"

"You've never heard of it then. Come with me," he began to walk away, but Cartman stood his ground.

"I'm not a retard, you know," he said, "I know not to run off with some old lonely looking dude to behind a fucking building. How stupid d'you think I am?"

The man walked up and leaned by Cartman's ear. "Listen. I know how to help you use your powers for the right reasons."

"I'm not into that whole 'morals' shit," he snapped.

"Neither am I. Come with me, please. You can bring your cell phone, you can leave the door open, just come on."

Cartman rolled his eyes and decided to follow. He could handle any old fag that tried to kill him. "So what's this CNN thing?"

"_MSW_," the man corrected with a sigh. "Magical Society of Wizards."

"Wizards? Like Harry Potter shit?"

The man laughed. "No, not at all. Yeah, we use wands and say spells, but we don't fight for humans and we don't want world peace. We know we're better than the humans, and we plan to show them that."

Cartman blinked. Sounded way better than having to follow some old gay hippie around. "So who are you then?"

"I'm Percy. Just Percy. And I know who you are, Eric Cartman."

"How did you…?"

"I read your mind."

Cartman angrily crossed his arms like a young child. "Don't do that, asshole."

Percy chuckled. "Anyway, yeah. So we hate humans, and all that stuff. But you'll learn that in Wizard Training."

"Sounding more and more like Harry Potter…"

"Oh no no no no no…" Percy said, "We're training you in combat…"

"Like Harry Potter 5…"

"To destroy the vampires…"

"Still kinda like the fifth one…"

"And to take over the world."

"And that is where it gets better. So what's wrong with the vampires?"

"They believe that humans, wizards, and themselves are all equal. Long ago we were all on the same side, before humans ever existed. The vamps came first, then the wizards, the dinosaurs, and finally, the humans. Humans are weak, they have no power whatsoever. They ruined the workings of our world by making us their slaves. Making us use magic for them. We went into hiding, but it isn't enough payback for the years of pain they've put us through…"

Cartman sighed, already bored with the story. "That's great. Okay, listen. Terrance and Phillip's on in about ten minutes, and I've wasted enough time here. So while you destroy the vampire menace, I'm gonna use my powers to torture Kahl. So see ya."

"Wait, I'm just gonna have to modify your memory. You'll only remember this conversation when you are ready to become a wizard," Percy said, raising a stick out of his pocket.

"You better get that fucking thing away from me or… ouch!" Cartman stumbled back and fell on his ass. "What the… who the fuck are you?"

"My work here is done…" Percy said, vanishing from sight.

* * *

Sorry about the suckish ending. Hehe. Also, sorry bout all the Harry Potter references. I just wanted to show that the wizards are kind of unique. And that Harry Potter's awesome. So, hope you liked it. Longest chappy in the entire story, and... please review!

OMG what's that over there! It's green, and it has an R on it! You should click it!!!


	6. Darius Pisses Off A Japanese Vampire

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Oh my god, one review. I love ya, xxSay. Hey Hey. I just made a poem out of your name. Haha. Luv my reviews but I'm hungry for more more MORE! ARRRGH! Hahaha just kiddin. Here's chappy numero... what is it? Six! Chappy six! Woot!

**Chapter Six: Darius Pisses Off A Japanese Vampire- **Aaron, Kadira, and Aaron's brother Darius all go to Japan to speak with a girl who can help them get a new leader.

* * *

"You'd think they'd at least stay to gloat," Aaron's brother Darius said.

Aaron turned to him in shock. "Dude, Aleser's dead!"

"You gonna pretend to think he was a good leader?" Darius challenged with a raised eyebrow.

"Well…" Aaron mumbled, "The darkness _did_ choose him."

"The darkness looks for power, not for loyalty or kindness," came Darius' rebuttal.

The sound of a door opening snapped them out of their conversation. Kadira was running towards them.

Aaron met her halfway in her approach. "Kady! Did you find anymore casualties?"

She nodded. "Just one man. Mario Hernandez."

"That's an original name," Darius scoffed.

"Shut up," Aaron muttered to him, "That's it? Hernandez and Aleser?"

She nodded again. "I do not believe it."

"I know," Aaron agreed, shaking his head, "I didn't think Aleser would ever actually die. He was really powerful."

"No… you were not there when he died. It was as if… his powers. They didn't function properly," she said, mostly to herself, "As though he'd angered the darkness or something of the sort. I've never seen one's powers just stop working."

Both Aaron and Darius stared at her strangely. "Are you sure he just wasn't pulling a blonde moment?" Darius asked uncertainly.

Kadira shook her head and glared as she tucked a strand of golden hair behind her ear. "No. It was gone. Completely gone."

"Sucks for him. Okay, who's our new leader?" Darius asked, clapping his hands once and changing the subject.

Aaron and Kadira glared at him. "Listen. The darkness doesn't usually choose a leader except for every thousand years. It's been two months. I think we're in a predicament," Aaron says.

"Maybe we should vote," Darius suggests.

"Vote?" Aaron repeated in shock, "Half the vamps around here are total dipshits! We can't put the fate of our country in their hands."

"So? Half of America are dipshits and they still vote," Darius agreed.

Aaron rolled his eyes. "And look how…"

"Okay, let us not get involved with politics. This is a bad time," Kadira cut in, "Now, we cannot vote for the new leader. It would be historically incorrect. The darkness has always chosen our leader."

"So what," Darius said, "Are we just supposed to wait a few hundred years for the darkness to pick?"

Kadira met his eyes. "We may not have to. This cannot be the first time a leader has died while he or she was in power!"

"Vamps live thousands of years," Aaron argued, "It probably hasn't ever happened before."

"Vampires can be murdered. Vampire leaders are large targets for our enemies, the wizards. They must have been slaughtered before. It will just require a bit of research," Kadira explained.

Darius groaned loudly. "Dude, I've been out of college for two-hundred and sixty three years now. I don't study!"

"Darius, do stop complaining," Kadira insisted, her eyes dulling with exasperation, "I know someone who can aid us."

* * *

_Knock knock_

"Who's there?"

"How cliché," Darius whispered to Aaron. They stood behind Kadira, who was placed confidently at the door. It had taken hours to get here; they were at the Japanese vampire base.

A girl with long black hair wearing a white tank top with light blue jeans opened the door. "Yes?"

"Hello, are you Kaminari Lu?"

She nodded. "Yeah. How do you know me?" Her fluent English surprised both Aaron and Darius. She sounded completely American unlike everyone else here.

"Well, I read about you. My name is Kadira Mann, and these are my comrades Aaron and Darius White. We are from the American vampire base."

Kaminari leaned against the doorway. "Cool. Come on in, I just made some brownies." She widened the door and allowed Kadira, Aaron, and a brownie-excited Darius to enter her home.

It was quite large and was littered with pages torn from books and old candles. The air was filled with an aroma of vanilla from the candle smoke. They trooped into the kitchen, where they sat at Kaminari's kitchen table.

"So, I heard about the wizard attack on your base. How are you doing out there?"

Kadira shrugged. "We're doing all right."

Kaminari placed the brownies in the middle of the table and sat across from Darius. "I heard that your leader Aleser was killed."

"He was," Aaron said, nodding.

"In fact," Kadira added, "That is why we are here."

Kaminari's eyes widened. "Are you trying to make me bring him back from the dead, because all that shit is rumors. I can't bring no one back to life."

"No, no, of course not," Kadira said quickly, "We heard that you are gifted with prophecy and contacting spirits and the darkness."

"Yes," Kaminari replied, her face softening when she found out that she wasn't expected to resurrect anyone, "I do that stuff. What do you want me to do?"

"Contact the darkness," Kadira whispered, "So it can pick a new leader for us."

Kaminari blinked at her. "You serious?"

"Yeah, so let's get to it," Darius urged, "Come on man, Family Guy's on at nine and I'll be damned if I miss it!"

"Yes, I'd hate to miss it too," Kaminari agreed, slightly shocking Aaron and Kadira. They had expected Kaminari to be more… mystic and sophisticated than Family Guy. "But there's a little problem."

Both Aaron and Darius sighed loudly before Kadira hurriedly shut them up. "What's the problem?"

"Well, you know, there's people you need for contacting the darkness. People with qualities."

Darius grinned. "I have great guns," he informed them, showing Kaminari his large arms.

Kaminari giggled and shook her head. "No, not the guns. I mean, we need someone like a prophet."

"That's impossible," Aaron said.

Kadira nodded. "Yes, there hasn't been a sign of a prophet since 1448."

"Oh my god, that guy performed at my birthday party!" Darius exclaimed excitedly.

Kaminari shook her head. "That is not exactly true. There haven't been any vamp or wizard prophets since 1448. But, there have been a few humans about every hundred years."

"So they're actually quite common," Kadira noted.

"Eh… kinda. I mean, last time I checked, there were only three living ones. One was like a baby and one was like a zillion years old."

Aaron sighed. "When was the last time you checked?"

"Like ten years ago."

"Well, check again! And we'll find this prophet freak, and get him and this shit over with!" Darius snapped.

Kadira glared at him. "Respect the prophet."

"Respect it!" repeated Darius, very proud of his Capri Sun commercial reference.

"You guys, shut up," Kaminari said, "Okay listen. I'm gonna go check the prophet population. You guys eat those brownies. They have a really kick ass taste." She grinned and quickly skipped off to the back room.

"That girl's a nutcase," Darius said.

"She is a bit strange," Kadira admitted, "But she's going to help us, and that is what we came here for, correct?"

Darius waved his hand. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

"I can't believe prophets still exist!" Aaron said with amazement.

"Yes. And we're going to need to get them on our side before the wizards do," Kadira said.

Darius leaned back in his chair. "Easy peasy, just give him some dough."

"No, it is not that easy," Kadira argued.

"Yeah, let's face it," added Aaron, "The wizards look much more appealing with their flashy wands and cool shoes. What have we got? Little scars that hold our power. Gay."

Now Kadira glared at him. "No, not gay. We vampires are very powerful!"

"Yeah, but the wizards have kick ass rides. I saw this one guy with a Lamborghini. Damn, it was sweet," Darius said.

Kadira exasperatedly rested her forehead against the table as the two brothers talked about all the wizards' awesome cars.

"Oh my god, you guys!" Kaminari exclaimed, running back into the room.

Kadira sat up quickly as Darius said, "Dang, that was fast."

"Yeah, I've been doin' this a long time." She put a paper out on the table. "Anyway, there are two living prophets. One is from your country, America, and the other is from somewhere in the Amazon rainforest."

Darius laughed. "What's he doing there?"

"Research, apparently… oh shit."

"What?" Aaron asked.

The paper began crumpling up all by itself and finally burned to a crisp on the table. "What the hell?" Darius asked incredulously.

"He… uh… kinda got eaten by a white tailed deer," Kaminari said sheepishly.

The brothers looked at each other in shock. "A white tailed deer? Aren't those things friendly?" asked Darius.

"Uhm… not these ones. They're minions of the wizards."

"Aw, aw, aw!" Darius exclaimed angrily, "Why little deers? They're so cute and cuddly. Poor Bambi."

"Shut up, Darius," Aaron snapped, "So the American one. Where's he from?"

Kaminari shook her head. "Look man, I can't tell you. The darkness'll give you clues to find him, but I don't even know where the hell he is."

"Well, that's cheap!" Darius said, "What help were you?"

Kaminari glared angrily at him. "Fuck you, I did the best I can. The darkness likes puzzles and shit, it doesn't just come out and say, 'hey here's this dude. He sees the future. Use him to contact me.'!"

"I am truly sorry about him, Kaminari. He is just very… well, you know. You did good. I guess we'll just go home and see if the darkness gives us more hints. Is there any more information you can share with us?"

Kaminari shook her head. "No, but I can give you something." She ran to a corner of the room and took out a box before running back. "I know it's really cliché, but it's a necklace. It's like that Hot and Cold game we used to play when we were young. When you're close to your goal, it burns. When you're getting further from it, it becomes cold."

"How creative," Darius said.

"Shut up," Kaminari said, "It's really useful. But it's really important to me, so please make sure you bring it back."

Kadira nodded. "Thank you so much. And I promise I'll bring it back. So I guess we'll just be heading back to the U.S."

"Yeah, here we go," Darius said tiredly, glaring at Kaminari. He was angry about the supposedly pointless trip.

"Okay, bye, and if you come back, don't bring that asshole," Kaminari added, returning Darius' glare.

"I wouldn't want to," Aaron replied, grinning at their new friend.

* * *

Mkay guys. Please review while I go paint my room black!

The next chapter will bring about more of the stuff explained in the summary. So that means we're gonna get into the real story. Mkay, see ya around, and drugs are bad!

Love Lori!

P.S. The more reviews I get the faster I update; have ya noticed?


	7. The Young Grasshopper Argues With Stan

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Hey you guys! I got reviews! I got two reviews! Thanks you guysh! Thanks to **XXforget-x-me-x-notXX** (I LOVE COOKIES!) and thanks to **Pururu** (Yep, it was hard to write with no South Park characters. I was so glad to get back to Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. Cartman'll come back in the next chappy.)

**Chapter Seven: Stan and Kyle find out that Kenny's in the hospital during an argument. **

Oh my god you guys I know this chappy sucks. I kinda made Stan look like an asshole, but trust me, there's a reason. You'll find out soon.

* * *

"Dude, you would not believe how fucking pissed she was!"

Stan nodded. "Yeah. I can't believe you called the EPA a bunch of fucking faggots!"

Kyle nodded like Stan had and flipped the ice over on his eye. "I'm gonna look fucking hideous at school tomorrow."

"You can borrow some of Shelly's makeup," Stan said, "Was your mom this pissed after the violin solo?"

"Oh Jesus…" Kyle muttered, "Almost. Check out my arm, man." He rolled up his sleeve to show his friend a large purple bruise on his arm. Stan was only a little shocked. Kyle's mom had been a little crazy for the last few years. At first Stan had gone completely insane and yelled at Kyle to tell somebody, but now he was used to it and just helped him nurse the injuries.

"Why the hell did you say all that shit?" Stan asked.

Kyle sighed. "I told you, dude, I have no idea. It was like I had no control over what I was saying."

"That doesn't make any sense," he argued.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. That's why my mom was so pissed off this time. I can't explain why I did that."

Stan crossed his arms and leaned back on his bed. "Well, whatever, then."

"You think I'm lying to you," Kyle said. It wasn't a question; it was an accusation.

"Well," Stan admitted, "Your excuse doesn't make any sense."

"It doesn't make sense to me either!" exclaimed Kyle, throwing his arms up in the air.

Stan rolled his eyes and looked away. "Okay, fine then. Look, I gave you ice, so you can go home now."

The green eyes widened a little. "Dude, I- I can't go home. My mom's still totally insane."

"Fine. Stay a little longer," Stan said coolly, showing that he could care less either way.

Kyle frowned and sat on the other end of his friend's bed. "Stan, I don't want to fight about this."

"Okay," Stan said, his voice falsely content.

"Come on, man, if I could explain it to you, I would," Kyle said.

'_He just wants attention,'_ Stan's mind whispered. "I'm sure you would." _'He did this whole thing for attention. So his mom would beat him up and he could come crying to you once a-fucking-gain.'_

"God. This is ridiculous. The only reason I'm staying is because I need to talk to you," Kyle snapped.

Stan sat up a little. "Bout what?"

"Wendy. What the hell happened to her today?"

Stan reeled his mind. He hadn't thought about the Wendy thing since school. She was perfectly fine afterwards, but what the hell had happened? "I- I uh… don't know."

"What do you mean?" Kyle asked, "What did she do?"

"She… her eyes went into her head and her voice was all weird. She said all this weird stuff and then she was all normal."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks for the intellectual description, Einstein. What did she say?"

"I don't remember," Stan admitted. He closed his eyes and thought back to that afternoon. "Uh… something about a battle… decisions… let me think… something will be better than the rest or something…"

"One power will stand above the rest," Kyle corrected.

"Yeah, that," Stan dismissed, "and there was… wait a minute. How did you know?"

Kyle shrugged. "Just guessed. Sounds like something outta Star Wars or somethin' huh?"

"No, no. That was exactly what Wendy said."

Another shrug. "Dude. It's a cliché. Get over it. What made her have the… uh… random poetry recital?"

"We were kissing and I kinda cut her tongue on accident."

Kyle grinned. "Getting rough, were ya?"

"Shut up," Stan snapped, "She was talking about how fine it was and then she just fell. And when she was done, she didn't remember anything."

Kyle "hmph"d and didn't make any move for a while. He just twirled his ice in his hands.

"What d'you think?" Stan asked.

"I think it's time you get a new girlfriend. Cause yours'll be in the nutty shack soon."

Stan rolled his eyes. "Fuck you. Can't you be serious?"

"Okay, okay. Why did it happen?" Kyle asked.

"I don't know. I uh… can't explain it."

Kyle glared at him. "Sounds familiar."

Stan blinked in realization. "Okay, fine, but mine makes more sense than yours. You actually said it, and you could control it."

Kyle sighed. "Just whatever, man."

"Why were you so curious about Wendy?" Stan suddenly asked suspiciously.

"Because she's my friend," Kyle replied.

Stan shook his head. "Tell me."

"She's my science partner and she told me in science that you were acting weird."

Stan glared at him. "Getting cozy with my girlfriend, huh?"

"What?" Kyle asked suddenly, standing up. "What the hell is wrong with you, Stan? Why are you blaming me for everything?"

"I saw you two laughing earlier."

"Are you kidding me? When?"

Stan flicked his hair out of his eyes. "After first period."

"Oh my god. We were reading about this gay potion that makes people think the same thing. All we needed was hair and water, so we made it. It was lame and didn't work, and we were laughing at the cereal company we'd gotten the potion ingredients from. It was on the back of the box."

"Oh Jesus Christ!" Stan exclaimed, "You seriously suck ass at excuses!"

"Excuses?" Kyle flared back, "I'm telling you the truth so quit blaming me for every fucking thing that goes wrong in both yours and my stupid life!"

"Fuck you, Kyle," Stan muttered before his phone rang. "What?" he barked. Then a worried expression crossed his face. "What? Are you… oh my god. Okay. Okay." He hung up. "Kenny's in the hospital."

All of the anger flooded from Kyle's face. "What? Why?"

"He's passed out or something. Remember, he wasn't feeling good today?"

Kyle nodded and then glared. "Remember, you left him to make out with Wendy?"

"Screw you!"

"Okay, let's not do this right now. We gotta go see Kenny."

Stan nodded. "With you there. Let's get outta here."

*~*~*~*~*

"Jesus, Kenny!" Stan exclaimed, running over to his friend in the bed. Kenny's matted hair was showing due to the absence of his parka and his face was pale and sweaty.

"Hey guys," Kenny said in a hoarse voice.

Kyle took the seat on the other side of the bed and grasped Kenny's forearm. "You okay, man?"

"Obviously not, retard," Stan snapped, earning a glare from the redhead.

"Woah, dude," Kenny said weakly, "I sense some tension."

Kyle shook his head quickly. "Just forget it. Stan's being an ass. Just tell us what the hell's wrong with you!"

Kenny's shoulders moved up and down in a halfhearted shrug. "Me and Cartman were hanging out, but I wasn't feeling good so I bounced. Then when I got home I started feeling worse and I passed out. Apparently I stopped breathing so my parents took me to this dump."

"What were you and Cartman doing?" Kyle asked.

Kenny avoided his eyes guiltily. He wasn't gonna tell his friend that it was him that screwed up the essay thing. _'Well, technically it was Cartman,'_ his mind said. But it didn't matter. He'd been there and he'd laughed and he'd let everything happen. He could even see the bruises on Kyle's face. "I uh… we were playing video games."

"Oh," Kyle said, "Did he give you any food?"

"Damn it, Kyle!" Stan snapped suddenly, "Cartman wouldn't give him any poison. He doesn't hate Kenny like he hates you."

Kenny gave a small laugh. "Is that really what you were thinking?"

Kyle blushed a little bit. "I… Cartman does crazy things! Remember Scott Tenorman? He made him eat his parents!"

"Yeah…" Kenny said with another giggle. He coughed and leaned back on his pillow.

"Dude, you look really sick," Kyle said worriedly.

"Yeah I think I just need some rest," Kenny said.

Stan nodded. "Probably. Hey, we're gonna go check out this place's food. We'll check back later."

"You guys don't have to stay," said Kenny.

"We want to," Kyle replied easily, "Dude, you're so lucky. This place is crawling with girls."

Kenny grinned. "Oh my god, I know. You should see my nurse. She's a busty bundle of beauty."

"Niiice," Kyle drawled.

"Kenny's in a hospital and all you can talk about are fucking girls?" Stan said.

Kyle and Kenny smirked at each other. "See what happens when you get a girlfriend, Kyle? You become a stiff like Stanley. Trying to impress a b-yatch with stiletto boots."

"Heh, you've taught me so much, Master Kenny."

"Go, young grasshopper. Remember the way of the buffalo," Kenny commanded in a low voice.

Kyle laughed and patted Kenny's arm before following Stan out of the room. The hallways were brightly lit and doctors were walking everywhere, marking on their clipboards. The boys had been here many times, so they knew exactly where they were going. Stan was briskly leading the way, not sparing a glance at Kyle, who was trying hard to keep up with him.

"What do you think is wrong with him?" Kyle asked, attempting at conversation.

Stan apparently didn't want to play. "I don't know," he said quickly.

"When do you think he'll recover?" he pushed, irritating Stan with his perseverance.

"I don't know," came the harsh reply.

Kyle sped up and fell into step next to Stan. "He'll probably be okay soon. I wonder if Cartman's gonna be here. I really hope not. He is _so_ irritating."

"He's not the only one," Stan muttered, keeping his eyes focused ahead.

The redhead heard the quiet insult. "Stan, look. I'm really sorry for not being able to explain what happened, and I'm sorry for… uh… talking to Wendy."

"You think that's why I'm mad?" Stan asked, finally turning to Kyle, "No, dude. I'm mad because instead of telling me why you did the whole essay thing, you make up stupid little excuses. I know you did it on purpose!"

"Okay, a few things wrong with that, Stan. One, I'm not even making up excuses, even if the whole 'I don't know' think is a lie. Two, for the hundredth time, I did not do it on purpose. And three… well, I don't have a three. I just want to point out that you're acting like a PMS-y girl."

Stan glared at him and roughly yanked open the door. "I am _not_ acting like a PMS-y girl!"

Kyle grabbed the door that Stan had allowed to shut in his face and pushed it back open. "We were just sitting in your room, and everything was fine, and you just had to go all fucking berserk!" He jogged to catch up with Stan, who had plopped himself forcefully down at a table.

"You're the one acting all mysterious! You're the one who is obviously up to something behind my back!"

"Stan, just fine. I tried to apologize, and this obviously isn't going to work for a while. Let's just cool down, okay? We need to tough it out. Kenny needs us to tough it out." Kyle sighed and looked away from Stan at a lady who was sweeping under a table.

Stan stared at Kyle, fuming and not exactly sure why. He didn't understand why he was so pissed off. A lot of things had been going on the last couple days that he couldn't explain, why did Kyle have to be different? He knew that it was true; he was acting like a PMS-y girl. Guilt tightened his chest and he opened his mouth to try and fix things when he noticed a strange look on Kyle's face.

"Uh… Kyle?"

Kyle ignored him and stared at the table with deep concentration on his face. His eyes didn't seem to be seeing it. Stan waved a hand in front of his face, but he didn't blink.

"Kyle. _Kyle._ Kyle!"

Kyle suddenly blinked and jumped a little in his seat. "Kenny's in a coma."

"What?"

"Kenny's in a coma," he repeated, his eyes back to normal and looking at Stan.

"How do you know?"

Kyle blinked. "How do I not?"

Stan's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. "Are you joking?"

"Why would I joke about that?" Kyle asked.

He turned his head across the room, and ten seconds later a nurse opened it. Stan looked nervously at Kyle, wondering if he really was joking.

"Boys," the nurse said as she approached them, "Are you the friends who were just visiting Kenny McCormick?"

"Yeah," Stan replied.

"I'm sorry, he just slipped into a coma."

* * *

Like holy crap, you guysh. I love you. Anyone who reads this is my best friend, even if you hate it. -hugs you-. Now Kyle's involved in the whole messh. Maybe he's a vamp. Maybe he's a wizard. Maybe he's neither. Maybe he'll start seeing dead people! Why am I pretending that I don't know? Trust me, I do. Kyle's my favorite character, you didn't think I was just gonna let him go hide in a corner while Stan PMS-s, did you? God, no! I love Kyle!

Oh my god, okay. I updated faster this time cause I got like two reviews. That's a lot for me! I was so happy. So if I get like five reviews, then the update will be up by like... later today. Wouldn't that be spiffy? This is just a long winded way to say... REVIEW OR DIE. -giggles sheepishly- Just kiddin'!


	8. Cartman Makes A Decision

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I GOT THREE REVIEWS! Hold your applause. Okay. I wanna talk to you guys.

To **UndeadHarlot**: Thank you for reviewing, my fine feathered friend. Don't have much to say besides I love you in a non creepy way. Haha

To **XXforget-X-me-X-notXX: **Two things for you. Numero uno, thank you, I do love cookies. Numero dos, Kyle is a gay fish. The rest is confidential. *laughs loudly to self thinking she is incredibly ninja-like with secrets*

And lastly, to **Hazel-Beka: **Your review made me so happy! It's not often that I get long ones, and that one made me bubbly! And I haven't eaten anything bad today, so I know it was happiness! And thank you for loving Kyle with me.

Thanks to all of you so much for reviewing! You guys are the bestest! Okay, here we are, chappy number... eight? *checks above* Yeah, it's eight. Sorry about the delay. I wanted to get my other story, Geometric Love, over with so I could concentrate all my love into this one. It's funny, cause I just wrote, "all my love," looked below, and the first thing it says is, "ur an asshole." I'm grinning to myself right now, that's just too funny. Okay, I'm shutting up now, bye bye.

**Chapter Eight: Cartman Makes A Decision- **Cartman has to decide his fate. It gets all the more confusing when he runs into a familar face.

* * *

**SexyStan: ur an asshole**

Cartman stared at the screen with a grin on his face. Who's life had he ruined this time? Kenny? Wendy? Kyle? He opened his IM window and typed a message.

**KingCartman: what?**

As he waited for his reply, he stared at his desk lamp. "It sure is dark in here," he whispered to himself, and the light flicked on. "Damn I'm good.

**SexyStan: did u even hear about Kenny?**

Oh, god. This? _This _is why he was an asshole. He didn't even _do _anything to Kenny. Nobody appreciated his ultimate prank on Kyle.

**KingCartman: Ya, hes in a damn coma. So?**

His mother had approached him with a giant hot fudge sundae to break the "tragic" news. Of course, he'd pretended to be upset. But this was _Kenny_. He'd either wake up or die and be back tomorrow. It really wasn't a big deal to him. But, if he kept up his sympathetic ploy, he could later use it to his advantage.

**SexyStan: Y didn't u visit him? **

God damn it! _Why_ the hell would he travel all the way across town to Hell's Pass to visit a kid who would just sleep? _Why _would he want to stare at Kenny sleep? Sure, fags like Stan and Kyle might have enjoyed it, but he had his priorities set.

**KingCartman: Hes sleeping and hes boring. **

He could almost see the two gaywads worrying about their friend. Damn Kenny picked the perfect time to go into a coma. Right after he screwed with Kyle, all the attention goes to the blonde. Even the fucking Jew forgot about the whole essay incident.

Well, Eric Cartman would not let his powers be forgotten. He would be noticed and feared. Worshiped. Everyone would bow down to his superiority. He would show everyone…

"Stop, stop, stop!" Cartman jumped in his seat as a man he slightly recognized appeared behind him.

"Who the hell are you and why are you in my room?" he screamed, grabbing a baseball bat from behind the closet.

The man rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers, releasing memories of the conversation in the alley. "Remember me?"

"Percy, right?" Cartman asked, lowering the bat but keeping it tight in his chubby fist.

Percy nodded. "Yes. And you have got to stop thinking like that. You nearly got me in trouble."

Cartman squinted his eyes in confusion. "Thinking like what?"

"Like you're gonna tell people. Haven't you heard anything about magic? Even in your stupid human fantasy books, they always keep it a damn _secret_!"

"I thought you said this wasn't like Harry Potter," the large boy said testily.

Percy palmed his forehead and groaned. "Fine, there are _some _similarities, now shut up about that damn book series!" He regained his composure and continued. "Listen, the point is, you want to show everyone your powers. And you can't do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because, humans want everything to be easy! Internet replaces books, CDs replace records, then iPods replace them! Machines, robots, freaky mechanisms that make humans lazy and useless. If they knew that we could do anything by just waving a stick, they'd be all over us!"

Cartman groaned. "Yeah, whatever. So why are you bothering me again?"

"Look, the alarms went off saying that we were about to be exposed. I wasn't really supposed to talk to you earlier."

"Then why did you?"

Percy shrugged. "I don't know, just for the hell of it. I wiped your memory afterward, so I didn't think it mattered. I'd forgotten that you already knew about your powers before you met me."

"I'm not stupid."

"Obviously," admitted Percy, "Anyway, I need you to come with me right now."

Cartman backed away. "What? I'm not going anywhere!"

"You need to. Don't you want to learn to use your powers?"

"I can figure it out myself," Cartman said, "I'm not an idiot."

Percy crossed his arms. "You can become more powerful. You like power, right?"

"Hell yeah!"

"So, we can make you powerful. Teach you to… channel your powers. You can be a leader and take over the humans with us someday."

Cartman's eyebrow raised into his brunette hair, "Even the Jews?"

"The Jews can go first, if you like," Percy said with a sly grin, "And that's not all."

"Order now and you can receive a free magic twig!" Cartman finished, gesturing to the wand sticking out of Percy's pocket.

"Yeah, you get that too," Percy said, "But there is one thing I know you'll like."

"What?

"Cheesy Poofs," Percy replied simply, causing Cartman's excitement to deflate a bit.

He sighed. "That's it? I mean, I love Cheesy Poofs, but I expected something a bit more… magical."

Percy shrugged. "Dude. Exterminate Jews. It's a dream, right? Chase it."

Cartman had to consider for a while. If he went with Percy, he'd have all the power he wanted. He could control everyone around him, and eventually get rid of the Jew rats once and for all. But he'd be leaving his home. His mother, who gave him everything he wanted. His school, where he'd terrorized so many children. His almost friends, who had gone on so many adventures with him.

But if he stayed, he'd be abandoning his one chance to get what he always wanted. Control. Over everything. And the thought of never accomplish it was enough to make him nod slowly.

"You're in?" Percy asked.

"I… I'm in," he then remembered something, "I have to do something real fast."

He turned back to his computer and saw…

**SexyStan: u r such an ass.**

**SexyStan: Cartman?**

**SexyStan: u there?**

Cartman sighed and sat down.

KingCartman: Im… goin on vacation. Ill call u l8er. Tell kyle and Kenny if he wakes up. Bye.

He pressed enter and shut off his computer. "Um… one more thing." He walked to his bed and grabbed something and hid it behind his back. Percy gave him a strange look, but Cartman faced him the whole time he walked out the door.

"What did you grab?"

"Nothing," Cartman said quickly, and Percy decided not to press it. "Can I call people after I go with you?"

Percy nodded. "But the calls are monitored. To make sure you don't say anything."

"Doesn't sound like much freedom."

"You won't want people to know, Eric, trust me." Cartman just shrugged and carefully made his way down the stairs, walking backwards the whole way.

"Mom, I uh… have to go somewhere for a while. I'll call you later, okay?"

"Okay poopsiekins, I love you!"

"Love you too, Mom." Cartman rolled his eyes and walked outside. "So how are we getting out of here? Broomsticks?"

Percy chuckled. "No way. We got us a better ride." He pressed a button on his keys, causing a car to flash out of nowhere.

"Dude!" Cartman exclaimed, "A fucking Porche?"

"We wizards can afford nice things. Five finger discount."

Cartman rolled his eyes. "I don't think it counts with cars."

"Whatever, are you getting in or not?"

Cartman looked back at his house, realizing that this was his one chance to turn back if he wanted to. But he was so close, and he wouldn't just pass it up. He climbed into the back of the car. Once inside, he took what was behind his back and put it in his lap.

"I can't leave without you, Clyde Frog," he whispered, giving the toy a tiny hug and hiding it under the seat.

The car began to move, and he concentrated on the roar of the engine. He began to think that this was stupid. He'd gotten in the car with a man he didn't even know to take him somewhere that he was never told to do something he'd never done. It sounded incredibly stupid played back in his head. But the powers were real. He couldn't ignore that. The strangest thing was not the situation, but it was the powers. And the only person who understood those was Percy. Did that mean he could be trusted?

The thoughts were too much for his brain, so he changed his flow of thoughts. What would happen when he left? His mother would notice when he didn't come back for days, weeks, months. What would be his excuse? Did he finally decide to take advantage of his life and go back to fat camp? That could work, but his mother would know about that, wouldn't she? No, he could make up excuses. He was good with excuses.

Kyle would throw a party when he found out that he was gone. It would make him _happy_. Why hadn't he thought of that? Kyle couldn't be happy! Damn it, he was going to have to call the daywalker every day to annoy him. Ask him how he and Stan were doing.

Heh, Stan. What would Stan think? He really wouldn't care; he was too busy with Kenny's coma. Damn them and their overreacting. They weren't his friends. They made fun of him for being fat and racist and manipulative and… wait a minute.

These wizards wanted to take over the world, just like he did. They were prejudiced against humans, just like he was against Jews and blacks and almost everyone else. They wanted control and power, just like him. He would be accepted here. He wouldn't be different. Nobody would rip on him or send him to therapy or whine about their worries. Everyone was like him. This was going to be great.

Ironically, the thought occurred right when he saw a strange shadow in front of them, and a loud thump indicating that the car had hit whatever it was. Both Percy and Cartman jumped out of the car and to the front of it.

It took a while for Cartman's eyes to adjust to the darkness, but when he did, he was shocked at the sight before him. On the pavement in front of the car lay Kyle Broflovski. He didn't look seriously injured; he was just unconscious and had a few scratches.

"He just walked out in front of the car, I didn't see him," Percy muttered. "Is he dead?"

The thought hadn't occurred to Cartman and he quickly checked Kyle's pulse, which was beating normally. The moment he touched him, however, Kyle's eyes shot open. "Eric Cartman."

Cartman was slightly shocked at the usage of his full name, but answered anyway. "Yeah?"

"Make the right decision," the redhead muttered. His eyes were glazed and he didn't seem to be seeing the large boy in front of him. And his words came out in a hoarse voice.

"What's the right decision?"

"Only you know," replied Kyle in the same voice, "A war is coming, and now is the time to pick your side."

Cartman raised an eyebrow. "How do you know, Jew?" At the sudden sharp tone, Kyle blinked a few times and focused on Cartman.

"Eric?" he mumbled, and winced as the pain from the collision hit him. "Remember your life here, okay?"

Now Cartman was really confused, and it looked like Kyle was too. He was back to his normal voice and eyes, but he still didn't seem to understand what he was saying. "What d'you mean, Kahl?" he asked.

"I don't know," the Jewish boy admitted. "But remember us. Remember all the things we went through together." Kyle squinted his eyes and shook his head. "Are you leaving? Is that why I'm asking this?"

Cartman was now utterly baffled. "What the hell are you talking about Kyle?"

"Cartman, you're leaving." Cartman nodded. "I don't know what I'm saying, but my brain's telling me that it's really important for me to say this. Don't forget all the good and bad times. Don't let them take you."

"Take me where?"

Kyle groaned. "Damn it, I don't know! I just work here!"

Cartman shook his head and stood up. "Look, man, you must have had a head injury or something, but you need to get the fuck out of the road so I can leave."

Kyle hesitantly stood up and wobbled for a second before limping to the sidewalk. "Bye, I guess. Where are you going?"

"None of your business, Jew!"

"Okay," Kyle said, "Bye."

Cartman gave him his most confused face, but it didn't faze Kyle. Whatever, the Jew probably just had a bad head injury or something. He was talking crazy. He didn't respond and climbed back into the car with Percy.

"Hey Percy?" he said once the car had left South Park.

Percy grunted in response.

"When we take over the world, Kyle goes first."

"The kid we hit?"

"Yeah."

Percy shrugged. "Whatever then."

* * *

I actually kind of like this chappy. I mean, it's not that actiony or anything, but Kyle is so cute, and I just had to stick him in there. *giggles at word choice* You may have noticed that Harry Potter keeps cropping up in there. Can't help it, I love him to death. The new movie's gonna be kick ass, I watched some clips on IMDb. So... yeah.

I love the reviews! They make me so happy and cheerful and for some reason right now I have to pee. I will return momentarily. *plays elevator music*

Here I am! Sorry about that. It's okay, you guys, I washed my hands. I can't seem to shut myself up today, so I'm gonna start the next chappy. Expect the update sooner. I wanna get into this before school starts so I can have a steady thing going where I update like once a week. Is that cool for you guys? Well, it's what you're gonna deal with. Haha

Okay, so please review! I know I beg at the end of every chappy, but do it for me. For Kyle. For Stan. For Cartman. Hell, do it for Kenny, he's in a coma! Pity him! I'll kill him off this instant if you don't review! I am god! Muaahahaha! Okay, I won't kill Kenny in the next chappy even if you don't review. He's so damn cute! But his fate lies in the back of my mind. Will he live or die? What's wrong with him? Do you really care? Is that a banana?

Okay. I'm gonna shut up now, I promise. Five... Four... Three... Two...


	9. Johnny Depp's Agent Makes A Discovery

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Exciting news. I finished quickly, cause I got two reviews that made me happy! In only one day, too!

To **UndeadHarlot**: Hey, you caught the Percy reference! Cool! I really dislike Percy because he was so mean to Harry in the fifth book. So I named a character I didn't like after him. At first, I was gonna make Percy really mean, but Tanek had that covered, so I let Percy be the Darius of wizards. And you'll be happy to know that Kenny survives this chappy... mostly cause he ain't in it, but I still love him! And I was laughing when I wrote that line, a confused Kyle is fun to write. Thanks for reviewing, again!

To **Hazel-Beka: **Haha thanks. I've read (and written) lots of stories where Cartman grows out of his immaturity. But as I watched the show and thought of all the bad things he'd done (feeding a kid his parents!?!), I can't imagine Cartman ever being nice... or normal, for that matter. So I kept him as an asshole, and hey, it keeps the plot going so... giddyap! And I agree with you about Cartman ruling the world would be scary. And I'm part Jewish, so I'd go right after "Kahl"! Kyle IS a cutie! I love him so much! And he does need road safety skills. But Percy was probably speeding too, so, since Kyle's a hottie, let's blame it on Percy.

I love you guys, and I wanna dedicate this to everyone who's ever reviewed this story. This is for you guys!

**Chapter Nine: Johnny Depp's Agent Makes A Discovery- **While recruiting vampires and impressing the ladies, Darius discovers a strange person on his airplane. Now he's on a whle new mission!

* * *

"That was fun," Darius said, "We go all the way to Japan just to have some girl tell us that the thing we need is here."

Kadira ignored him, but Aaron reluctantly nodded. "I hate to say it, but he's kind of right," he admitted, "We have no idea where the hell we're supposed to start."

She stormed past him and opened her laptop. "We need to build an army," she stated, "And we need to get all the last recruits. There are… four unregistered vampires, and two of them are in the U.S."

"We are _not_ going back to Japan," snapped Darius.

Kadira shook her head. "We don't have to. The Japanese will be building an army too. So will every other country, now that we know that Tanek killed one of the leaders." She clicked a few buttons and turned her head to Darius, "And in case you've forgotten, Aleser affected not only our country, but all the others as well."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Darius dismissed, plopping into a chair across from Kadira. "Find anything?"

"Well, one of the vampires is in California, and the other is in Colorado."

Darius cheered. "Woo! Can we go to San Diego?"

"We don't have time for shit, Darius," Aaron said, "We have to find these guys."

Kadira nodded. "He is right, we need to find them, and fast." Two papers came out of the laptop and she stuffed one into her purse. "Darius, you need to go get the California vampire."

"You're trusting him to go to California _alone_?" asked Aaron, amazed.

She sighed. "Yes. Because I can't do this alone, and I really would not fancy being stuck on a plane with him."

Aaron grinned, accepting her statement as a compliment. She liked him better! "Well, alrighty then. So we're getting the Colorado dude?"

"Yes," replied Kadira, then turned to Darius, "Listen. There will be no fooling around on this mission, understand? You will find the vampire, and come back as fast as you can."

Darius gave a short nod. "Got it, boss."

She rolled her eyes and turned to the door. "Well, we might as well get going."

"Now?" Darius and Aaron asked together.

She turned back to them irately. "Yes, _now_. Don't you realize that we are in a weakened state? Tanek could attack us any time now. We need to prepare!"

Aaron groaned. "Fine," he mumbled, and Darius glared before stomping out of the room like a small child. "Are we flying?" he asked Kadira.

"Yes, but we have to keep a low profile."

Aaron grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know if you've noticed, Kady, but I am a super ninja spy when it comes to blending in."

* * *

"Oh my god, look at that!" he screamed pointing at the window. Kadira, who was six seats behind him, groaned and put her face in her hands.

The woman next to Aaron looked. "I ain't seein' nothin'," she grunted.

"Look, there it is again! No right there… left, left, you missed it."

"God damn it," she muttered.

He sighed and leaned back in his seat just as a text arrived from Kadira.

_You are acting like your brother._

He turned to look at her, and her eyes widened and she shook her head, mouthing, 'Don't look at me! You'll blow it!'

"Anyone ever tell ya you got a nice ass?"

Aaron turned back to the woman beside him in shock. "Excuse me?"

"Yer ass, it's a nice 'un."

"Th… thank you?" He sat back in his seat and looked out the window.

"Where are ya headin?"

He sighed and turned back to her. "South Park."

"I'ma go to Denver to visit some relatives."

"Fascinating," drawled Aaron.

She nodded. "What choo got in South Park?"

"Uh… relatives too."

"You single?"

He was shocked by the sudden question. "Uh… yeah."

"Hmm… you know, there's a nice Burger King by the airport. We could…"

"No thank you," he said quickly.

She looked dejected and frowned. "Well I wuddn't offerin'!"

"Okay," Aaron replied, and then, desperate to get out of the conversation added, "I, uh, have to use the restroom."

"Well, a'right then."

He stood up and maneuvered his way around her. Once in the aisle, he let out a deep breath and walked to Kadira's seat. "I can't do this!" he whispered, leaning over her.

"Come on, how terrible could she possibly be?" she asked.

"She asked me out, Kady!" he snapped, "She's creeping me out! Switch seats with me!"

Kadira raised her eyebrows and looked next to her, where a handsome man in his early twenties sat. "I don't think so."

"Why?"

She grinned, something that was rare to witness, "Well, see, I would much rather take the chance of this horrible man speaking to me than sitting next to your charming girlfriend."

"Damn it, she's not a girl, she's an ox!" he argued, but Kadira just shook her head.

"Sorry, Aaron. The flight will end in about a half-hour, can you not wait?"

He shook his head. "Hell no! She'll probably rape me by then!"

"Then go in the bathroom for the rest of the flight," she reasoned, "Pretend like you have explosive diarrhea."

"You know," Aaron pointed out, "I was beginning to doubt that you had a sense of humor."

She turned her full attention on him. "I was serious."

* * *

"So I was like, I don't care if you're the queen of England. Your daughter is not bringing bodyguards on our date!"

The girls around Darius giggled. "Wow, Darry, you're so funny."

"Yeah, you should hang with us after the plane lands."

Darius grinned. "I'd love to ladies…" _There will be no fooling around on this mission… _"… but I can't."

"Awww," the girls pouted.

"I have important business to attend to. My client, Mr. Depp, really needs me at his photo shoot."

One of the girl's… Hazel, her name was… eyes widened. "_You're _Johnny Depp's agent?"

"Well of course," Darius said, "Jennifer Aniston recommended me to him."

"Wow," Hazel said.

"Johnny Depp is like, my favorite actor."

Hazel glared at her. "Shut up, Melissa, you said yesterday you liked Jim Carrey."

"I'm his agent too," Darius piped up.

"Wow," both girls drawled.

A woman arrived by their seat. "Would you like any drinks?"

"I will have some water, please," Darius said.

"Me too," added Melissa.

Hazel waved her hand to say she didn't want anything. He took his phone out of his pocket as he received a text.

I'm trapped in the bathroom on the plane. _Kady wont switch seats with me and the lady in my seat is an ox. How r u?_

Darius shook his head and stuffed the phone into his pocket without answering. The girls were talking animatedly to each other and he looked away just as a large brunette boy tripped in the aisle.

"God damn it!" The kid whispered furiously,struggling to upright himself.

"You okay, kid?" Darius asked.

"Ye-yeah." Darius reached out a hand to help him, and the kid grabbed it. The moment the skin touched, a surge of power shot through Darius' hand. That only meant one thing.

"Kid, are you with anyone on here?"

He nodded. "Yeah, what's it to you?"

"No… nothing. Who are you with?"

The kid stared at him strangely, but Darius caught him glancing in the direction of the person he was with. The man was tall and had a brown hat on with large sunglasses. He was obviously hiding his face.

"Look, dude, I'm out. See ya."

Darius nodded and allowed his eyes to follow the kid back to his seat. That surge of power- he knew what it meant. That kid was a wizard. That guy, however, he did not recognize. He suddenly stood up and ran into the bathroom, much to the dismay of Hazel and Melissa.

Once inside, he dialed 3- Kadira's speed dial. She answered on the fourth ring.

"_What do you need?"_

"Kady, I think there's a problem," Darius whispered, shutting the door tightly behind him.

"_What kind of problem?"_

"I bumped into this kid, and I felt his power," he answered, "He was a wizard!"

"_Are you sure?"_

"I'm not a retard, Kady," he returned hastily.

There was a pause on the other line before Kadira said, _"Who was he with?"_

"I don't know, the man was wearing a disguise."

"_Then he's obviously a wizard too," _she concluded, _"Listen, Darius. Change of plans."_

"Please tell me I still get to go to California," Darius whined.

_"You do, but abandon the old mission. The vampire recruit can wait. The wizards cannot have a new person."_

"What do I do about it?" asked Darius.

_"Follow him, convince him to join our side."_

Darius shook his head. "But he's a wizard. He'll be no help to us. It's in his blood to be attracted to power."

_"Well, you need to stop the two from getting to the wizard headquarters then._

"What?" Darius shouted, shaking his head furiously, "Kady, I can't do this. I'm just a recruiter, I don't do this mission shit."

_"Approach him, tell him who you are. Make him join us."_

A sigh emitted from Darius' throat. "And what if he says no?"

_"We cannot afford to allow another wizard into their midst."_

"You want me to kill him." It wasn't a question, he knew it was true.

_"Do what is necessary to keep him away from the wizards"_

She hung up and left him with the pleasant task of convincing a seventeen-year-old boy to join forces with them. And all he wanted was to go to San Diego.

* * *

And thus, the two worlds merge... kinda. I'm not gonna even pretend I know what I just said. Yes, I just mentioned Johnny Depp cause I love him so much and I really wanna see Sweeny Tood. Sorry about the quick update... wait, did I really just say that? Come on, you know you want a break from my hideous writing. I'm stuck at home today because none of my friends are in town, so HERE I AM!

I hope you like chapter nine. We have to celebrate, because the next chap will be the big 1-0! I haven't been working on this story very long, so I'm surprised that it's moving so quickly. Haha bye!

-------- review ----------

* * *


	10. Most Guys That Sparkle Aren't All That I

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Whee, I'm done! We should sing a happy song now! Well, we should, but we won't, cause I suck at singing.

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: I can see that! ^__^ Yes, I know it's a classic joke, putting a character next to a freaky person, but I had to do it. And Darius just got friggin' lucky! Thanks for reviewing!

To **UndeadHarlot**: Yes, Harry Potter is super awesome! Percy was better in the end, but still, that letter he wrote to Ron. Waahahaaa! And confused Kyle is the best, and he will be in more chaps. What's a story without a confuzzled Ky?

Thanks you guys so much for reviewing. This next chap was kinda hard to write. But, I do have happy news! This is the TENTH CHAPTER! We should celebrate by singing the South Park theme. Goin down to South Park, gonna have myself a... *gets hit in face with brick*

**Chapter Ten: Most Guys That Sparkle Aren't All That Into Girls: **All Stan wants to do is visit Kenny. Two people cause a distraction.

_

* * *

_

_Ding Dong_

"God damn it," Stan whispered to himself, putting his homework down and bounding down the stairs. "I got it!" he shouted to his mother, who was in the kitchen. He opened the door to reveal a frazzled looking Kyle.

"What do you want?" snapped Stan irately.

Kyle looked nervously down at his shoes that were wet from the morning dew on Stan's grass. "Uh… I was wondering if you wanted to go see Kenny with me."

"Kenny?" asked Stan.

"Yeah, you know," Kyle said, "Our perverted slutty friend?"

The black haired boy rolled his eyes. "I _know _who he is."

"I know," Kyle muttered, "Are you in or what?"

Stan sighed and nodded. After telling his mom he was leaving, he left the house with his Jewish friend. "Are you still mad at me?" Kyle asked quietly.

"Yes," he snapped, maintaining a brisk pace. He couldn't believe they were going to walk all the way to Hell's Pass.

"I'm sorry," his friend mumbled, still looking at his shoes.

Even through his anger, Stan had to admit that Kyle was acting strange. "Yeah, whatever. What's your problem?" he asked, trying to keep all concern from his voice.

"I don't have one," Kyle returned.

"Why are you being all quiet?"

The redhead shrugged. "I guess I just have a lot on my mind."

Stan blinked. "That doesn't tell me anything."

"If you hate me so much why does it matter?" asked Kyle.

The other boy was caught by surprise and grabbed Kyle's arm, causing him to wince. "You think I hate you?"

"Well, you're acting like it."

Stan shook his head. "I can't hate you, Ky, you're my best friend," he admitted, "I'm just confused is all."

"Same here," agreed Kyle, "And can you let go of my arm? It hurts."

"Why's it hurt?" he asked concernedly.

Kyle shrugged. "Cartman hit me with his car."

"What?" Stan exclaimed.

"It wasn't that bad, but I do think I can relate to your girlfriend." Stan shot him a confused look. "I had the sudden urge to recite poetry, too."

His friend was shocked. "You said that weird thing about the battle?"

"No, mine was different," Kyle replied, "I was walking home last night, and I got hit by a damn Porche…"

"Cartman has a Porche?" Stan cut in.

"No, it was some guy with him. And Cartman came out and I said something."

Stan sighed. "Well, too bad you can't remember, it would…"

"Who said I can't remember?"

"Wendy couldn't," Stan reasoned, "Wait… you can?"

Kyle nodded. "I still remember it clearly. I don't remember actually_ saying _it but the words are still in my head."

"Well, what did you say?"

"I told him to make the right decision. That a war is coming, and he needed to pick his side. And then, I remember this; I really wanted him to remember us. I didn't want him to forget everything we've done."

Stan was utterly puzzled. "Is he leaving?"

Kyle shrugged. "I'm not sure. I asked him, and he said yes, and I asked him where, and he wouldn't tell me."

"Why does he need to remember us?"

"I don't know, dude!" cried Kyle, "The words come out of my mouth and I just know their true. And it's always in my mind, man, there's always something that doesn't belong. Man, I can't even take a piss now without my mom glaring daggers in my ass. She's pissed at me, but I can't help it. It's like… they're not even my words!"

"Like with the essay thing?"

Kyle looked guiltily up at Stan, but Stan didn't look irritated. He just looked thoughtful. "Yeah, but not really. I mean, I couldn't control what I was saying… but it was a different force."

"How do you know?"

"I just do," Kyle returned, "I can feel it."

Stan rubbed his shadowed eyes. "Man, I'm so confused."

"Same here," Kyle agreed, "But maybe we're overreacting. Maybe we're just…"

"Shh…" Stan whispered, cutting him off. Kyle looked insulted, but then curious.

"What?" he whispered.

Stan froze, and ignoring the pain it caused his neck (the sunburns just got worse and worse), turned to look behind him. Kyle turned too to see a young man and woman standing behind them. They weren't even trying to hide their obvious staring. The woman approached them and looked at Stan.

"You are Stanley Marsh."

"You are a creepy stalker lady," Stan returned, causing Kyle to snort with laughter.

The man appeared behind the woman. "Uh… hey, sorry about her. She's been stuck in the medieval period for the last couple hundred years, her brain's kind of slow."

"I am not slow!" the woman snapped.

"Yeah, is there something you need?" asked Stan, "Cause I'm kind of in the middle of something.

"Quite a sunburn you got there," the man noted.

Stan nodded. "Yeah, I been getting them real bad lately."

"Aren't you wondering why?"

The black haired boy shrugged. "I assume I just have easily sunburned skin. See ya," he replied quickly, turning to walk away.

"Wait!" Aaron called, trotting closer, "We need to talk to you."

Stan looked at Kyle, who shrugged. "What?" snapped Stan.

"Um… without him," he said nervously, grinning sheepishly at Kyle. Kyle rolled his eyes and walked across the street.

"Is this okay?" he called.

"Yeah, you're good," responded Aaron, "Anyway, Stanley. My name is Aaron White, and this is Kadira Watson. We're vampires."

Stan snorted. "What, like Twilight? Are you all sparkly? My girlfriend's into that shit, She loves Edward, and I told her, I said, most guys that sparkle aren't all that into girls."

"Are you implying that we're gay?" asked Aaron.

"Well, obviously," Stan scoffed, "I mean, come on. Seriously, what do you want from me?"

Aaron and Kadira looked at each other. "Stanley, this is not a joke."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Stan apologized, "And listen, I'd love to humor you, but I must be off to Narnia."

He began to turn in the other direction again, but Aaron pushed his hand out and levitated a bench into Stan's path. "Holy shit!" he shouted, jumping back and swiveling to see Aaron. "Did you do that?"

"Oh my god that was so cool!" shouted Kyle from across the street. The three turned to look at him.

"What are you doing?" Aaron called to him, "Turn around!"

"Are you kidding me?"

Aaron moved his fingers in a small circle. "Don't face us, turn away!"

Kyle obeyed, but not before giving Aaron the finger. Stan was still staring at them in shock. "So, what, you're like magic?"

"It's not magic, really, it's more of just power…" corrected Aaron.

"So you really are vampires?" Stan asked, "Is it like Twilight?"

"See? The wizards at least get a decent book series to work with, we're stuck with fucking sparkles and romance," Aaron grumbled.

"You're a vampire too," Kadira told him.

Stan laughed. "I can't lift freaking benches dude."

"Of course not, you need to train yourself to get to that level," Kadira explained, "Aaron here was just showing off."

"Yeah, but I didn't get bitten by anyone," Stan said.

Aaron laughed. "Neither did we. People just become vamps. It's kind of hard to explain. I guess it's just totally random."

"I don't have icky fangs," Stan continued to argue.

"You haven't noticed that your teeth are sharper?"

Stan thought for a moment, and then remembered cutting Wendy when he kissed her. _"You got sharp teeth."_ "Alright, maybe I have. But that doesn't mean…"

"God damn it, you're a vampire, okay? Get used to it!" Aaron snapped.

"Aaron!" scolded Kadira.

Stan held up his hands in the 'I surrender' gesture. "Okay, okay. So what's this mean? Do I have to sleep in a freaking coffin now?"

"Of course not," Aaron replied, "You just need to come with us."

"Where?"

"Well, we have a task to complete, and then we're going back to headquarters," Kadira explained.

Stan squinted his eyes in confusion. "Headquarters?"

"It's just a large building," she told him.

Aaron grinned and added, "With free food!"

"Well, what kind of task is it?"

Kadira sighed. "We're looking for a prophet. Someone who can help us pick a new leader."

"Why don't you just vote?" Stan asked.

"It's not what we do," replied Aaron, "The darkness picks for us. It's like… our god, in a way, except it's not a person. Just a force."

Stan nodded. After growing up in South Park, it wasn't the strangest thing he'd ever heard. "So… what's the prophet gonna do?"

"Well, we have a friend who is good with speaking to spirits, but we need a prophet because they have special abilities to make prophecies and things of that sort," Kadira explained.

"Well, alrighty then, but I can't just leave," Stan said, "I have school, friends, my family. I can't just up and walk away."

Aaron adjusted his jacket. "It's what we vamps do. We leave our old lives behind."

"But my friend's in a coma," he argued, "I need to be there for him."

"Just go visit him."

"Wait, when did he go into a coma?" Kadira asked quickly.

Stan shrugged. "Well, he got sick a few days ago, but he went into the coma yesterday."

"Did he touch your blood?"

"What?" asked Stan, surprised, "What you think he's got AIDS or something?"

"No, of course not," Aaron returned quickly, "Just… sometimes, if a mortal comes in contact with a vampire's blood, it's too much for their body to take. They get ill and go into comas, just like your friend."

Stan shook his head. "Well, he didn't touch my blood, and he…" His voice drifted away as he remembered something. He'd gotten cut on a tree, and Kenny had cleaned the cut for him. "Oh shit…" he muttered.

"He did come in contact, didn't he?"

The black haired boy nodded, "Yeah, he did. When will he get better?"

Kadira and Aaron didn't answer for a moment; they just looked at each other sadly. "Stanley… there is a… well, most people with this problem do not recover."

"What?" Stan exclaimed, "He's gonna die?"

Kadira shook her head. "He just won't wake up. Ever."

"But, there has to be a cure!" Stan shouted, causing Kyle to turn around from his spot across the street.

"What the hell's going on over there?" he called, "Who's sick?"

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Shut up and turn around!"

"No! I wanna know what's going on! I've been here for like ten fucking minutes!"

Stan sighed. "Just give us a minute!"

"God damn it," Kyle muttered to himself, crossing his arms and turning away with a pout on his face.

"Please, there's got to be something!" Stan pleaded.

Aaron opened his mouth, but Kadira whispered something in his ear. Aaron's eyes widened and he whispered something back. Kadira looked irritated, but nodded.

"There is something," Aaron said, "But… it's kind of hard to find. The wizards didn't want us getting anymore recruits, so they…"

Stan cut him off. "What is it?"

"The cure," Aaron answered simply, "It's a rare herb that no longer exists except for in the Chest of Life."

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Chest of Life?"

"We couldn't think of creative names, okay?" Aaron snapped, "The problem is, the wizards took it back in 1942 to help them destroy the humans."

But Stan got excited. "So there _is_ a cure? We can save Kenny?"

"The wizards…"

"We can take it!" Stan exclaimed, "Me and Kyle are good at sneaking into places…"

"Who's Kyle?"

Stan pointed at the redhead across the street. "My friend."

"Stanley, we can't bring anyone else with us," Kadira said.

Stan's face turned glum. "Wh…what? But I do everything with Kyle!"

"Look, Stanley, we can't take lots of people with us…"

"It's just one!" Stan argued, "Please! I need him!"

Aaron sighed. "What's it gonna hurt? Darius is busy with the wizard kid, this Kyle guy can just replace him."

Kadira groaned. "Fine. Fine. Everyone just break all the rules, no big deal!"

Stan cheered. "Kyle! Come here!"

Kyle turned around and crossed the street to Stan. "What? You done being all secretive?"

"Sorry bout that," Stan said.

Kyle just waved his apology off. "So… what did I miss?"

* * *

Hey, this is the second longest chap, only to be beaten by chapter five. Haha. I couldn't resist the title. I was on Facebook and I was looking through the Pieces Of Flair, and I saw this one that said "Most Guys That Sparkle Aren't All That Into Girls" And I cracked up, cause it's so true! Sorry to any Edward lovers, but...

Okay, so Kyle was fun to write here. The next best thing to a confused Kyle is a pouty Kyle. There are so many sides to Kyle, he's like a nonagon! And poor Ken! I think they should just kill him; he'd come back to life anyway! It'd be better than him being in a coma forever. WHY AM I COMPLAINING? I wrote the damn thing!!!

Kay, so I'm gonna ask you, in celebration of the tenth chapter, to review. I know I ask you every chap, but this one is special. *pleading eyes* ^__^


	11. Percy Sits On The Throne Of Observance

_Fight Fear With Fire_

This is a pretty strange chapter, I'll tell ya. I forgot to take my medicine this morning, so I was a bit loopy when I wrote it. But haha, I had a great time! Now, to respond to my reviewing buds!

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: Haha, glad I made you lol. I like to say lqtm (laughing quietly to myself). It's a Demetri Martin joke. Narnia and Twilight- couldn't resist, my friend, couldn't resist. This update is for you so you don't get bored. Haha thanks again for reviewing!

To **UndeadHarlot**: Yay for Kenny! Haha I actually was gonna kill him when I first had the idea. I was gonna have the part where the blood came in contact and he died immediately, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So yes, there is still hope for Ken. And Kyle, I was so happy to write him in this chap. He is so cute! Thanks for reviewing!

To **Hazel-Beka**: Yes, I named Hazel after you. Haha her name was gonna be Jaymee, but I wanted to use that name in another story, so I was looking on fanfiction for other names to use and I had just read your review and I'm like, Hazel! I like that name! So… yeah. :D You're lucky with the plane thing. I got stuck next to some old lady who smelled like my pet hamster. And yep, Stan and Kyle are the super bestest super best friends ever! (say that three times fast!) And thank you too for reviewing!

And if you tell me your name in your review, I might name a character after you too! I'm not good at coming up with names.

**Chapter Eleven: Percy Sits On The Throne Of Observance- **Cartman meets his new wizard trainer and finds some Cheesy Poofs in a very interesting place.

* * *

"Now, Eric, I'm going to introduce you to your new trainer."

Cartman groaned. "I know how to use my powers!"

"We can train you to use them better. Now shut up."

The large boy glared. Nobody told him what to do. "Her house kind of sucks," he commented, staring at the tiny apartment.

Percy cleared his throat. "This is mine."

"Well, it sucks," Cartman repeated, not caring if it was behind the person's back or not.

"Whatever," the man snapped, "Let's just get you to Aria."

He opened the door to his apartment and stepped inside. "Ari?" he called, dropping his bag on the floor. Cartman immediately noticed the messiness of the apartment. Clothes were strewn everywhere, beer bottles and cans littered every table, spider webs dusted the lamps, and the fish in the fish tank were dead.

The girl Percy referred to entered the room, and she was strange too. Cartman would have guessed that she was in her early twenties. She wore a long black and purple dress that poofed out at the waist, black fishnet gloves, and her dark straight hair hung in strands over her face. She looked like she was from the dark ages.

"Yes?"

"Hey Aria, this is Eric Cartman, he will be your student," Percy told her.

She turned to look at Cartman, and he saw that she had deep violet eyes. "Come, boy," she commanded in her low and dark voice. Normally, Cartman would have been angry that she told him what to do, but he nervously approached the woman. He was quite alarmed when she grabbed his forearm in her cold hands. She spoke words in another language, and white light began to glow around her hand and his arm. He could feel the power radiating from the bright light, and was suddenly frightened.

"Eric Theodore Cartman, age seventeen, birthplace, South Park, Colorado, United States of America."

Cartman's eyes widened and he held his shudder in. "Y-yeah."

"You have potential," she declared, her voice barely audible, "You desire great power, yes?"

"Uh-huh," replied Cartman nervously. He was creeped out that she knew so much about him.

Aria let go of his arm, and the light immediately vanished. He could still feel the warmth on his arm. She turned from him and stepped over some beer bottles to retreat into her room.

"How did she know all that? And why is she dressed like that?"

"She… uh… became an alcoholic in the dark ages, she's too far in to realize what time period it is. But she has great skill. She senses power and weaknesses."

Cartman looked around for a place to sit, but none was granted, so he kept talking. "And she's gonna be teaching me shit."

"Yes. She's the best teacher there is."

"Where did she go?"

Percy shrugged. "I can't say. She probably…" The door burst open and Aria stormed through.

"Perseus!"

The man in question rolled his eyes. "Aria, for the last time. My full name is Percy. I'm not Perseus."

"Never mind that, Perseus, take a seat on the throne of observance!"

Percy looked around the room until his eyes rested on a beat up chair that came from a Sunday school. After moving some papers and bottles, he took a seat. "Okay. I'm on the throne of observance."

Aria nodded. "Yes. Stay seated, boy…"

"Don't call me boy! I'm older than you!"

"_Silence!_" Aria commanded, and a few candles around her blew out. "You are in the throne of observance! You are not to be seen nor heard!" Percy shuddered and nodded his head, and Aria turned to Cartman. "You have used your powers before, have you not?"

Cartman nodded, knowing it was a bad idea to lie to this lady.

"On a boy named Kyle Broflovski, yes?" Another nod. "He knows not of your powers, correct?"

"No, he doesn't know."

"Is anyone aware of your abilities?"

"Y-yeah, my friend Kenny McCor…"

"Kenneth McCormick, yes, yes."

Percy's eyes widened. "You _told_ somebody?"

"You will be silent!" came the shout from Aria, and Percy shut his mouth. "There has been no harm done. Kenneth McCormick is comatose."

"How did you know that?" asked Cartman.

"Aria knows all," she replied hastily.

"What's wrong with him. Why is he in a coma?" Cartman asked curiously.

Aria blinked. "Aria knows all except that."

Percy snorted, and he received a sharp glare. "Wh… what are you gonna teach me?"

"I shan't teach you with wands and pretty colors. I shall teach you to use your mind! For your mind is the leading aspect in using your powers."

"I know how to think for myself, lady," the large boy snapped.

She rounded on him, her hair floating around her shoulders. "You know nothing! You know not how to channel your powers! You know not how to focus your entire being on what you must accomplish!"

"And what must I accomplish?"

"Use your mind, boy!" Cartman began to open his mouth, but she waved her hand. "Sit."

"Where?"

She waved her arm. "Anywhere!"

Cartman moved some stuff on the sofa and sat. "Okay, so what do I do?"

"Close your eyes." Cartman wanted to say something sarcastic, but decided against it. Instead, he let his lids close. "What do you see?"

When the question was asked, the first thing that popped into Cartman's head was "Cheesy Poofs."

"You fancy these, do you not?" she asked him. He nodded slowly. "Concentrate on them. Let the Cheesy Poofs envelop your mind."

"Envelop my mind?"

"Yes, let them take over. Let them be all you think about. The Cheesy Poofs are all you want in the world."

"I love Cheesy Poofs," Cartman mumbled, focusing all of his attention on the snack. Just when he was about to give up, he heard a strange noise from under him. "What the…?"

Aria squinted at him, and Cartman shifted again, hearing a weird crinkling. "Do you have the food?"

His eyes widened. "Y… yeah, but I need to use the restroom."

"Pardon?"

"Look lady, I can get you the Cheesy Poofs if you let me use the bathroom."

"They're in your ass?" Percy asked incredulously.

Cartman's face turned red with anger and embarrassment. "Well, this is how I used to sneak things into juvie!"

"Jesus Christ!"

"_Throne of observance!_" Aria screamed at him, and she spun around, gathering force as though it was the breeze around her, and flung it at Percy, who crashed into the wall.

"Holy shit!" Cartman shouted.

Percy rubbed his aching head and sat up. "What the hell was that for?"

"You are on the throne of observance! You are not in the igloo of involvement!"

"You have an igloo in here?" Cartman asked.

"Yes, it is in the back room, now Perseus!"

"It's _Percy_, damn it!"

"I need to go to the bathroom!"

"Perseus is distracting!"

"How hard is it to remember my name?"

"God damn it, there is a huge bag of shit in my ass now _let me use the bathroom!_"

"SHUT UP!"

"SILENCE!"

"FUCK!"

Cartman angrily stood up, and shoved a shelf out of his way, knocking many books to the ground. "I'll find the fucking bathroom myself!" He walked into the back room and passed the igloo in wonder before finding a small door. "This is obviously it," he muttered, flinging it open. A man stumbled out and fell to the ground. "Holy shit!"

The man stood up with wide eyes focused on Cartman, and the latter realized who it was. "Hey! You're the dude from the plane!"

Percy then opened the door and slipped on the igloo. "Eric! You cannot just go storming through a wizard's house! It's dangerous and… vampire!"

"I have a name, you know," the tall man snapped, flicking his sandy hair out of his face. "I'm Darius."

Percy pulled a wand out of his pocket. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to the young wizard recruit."

"Yo," Cartman said, hearing someone refer to him.

The man with the wand did not lower it. "You will not talk to him."

"Listen, kid, joining the wizards is a bad idea, they aren't good people."

Cartman rolled his eyes. "I know that, what do you think I am, a retard?"

"They want to hurt the humans!"

"Yes, I know."

Darius looked to Percy irately. "Can you put that damn thing down? I'm just talking to him!"

Percy shook his head and raised his wand to attack, but Darius held out his hand. "Darkness! Immobilize!" A light blue light burst out of Darius' hand and hit Percy directly in the chest, freezing him in his attack. "There. Now I can talk to you." He kept his hand focused on Percy but looked at Cartman. "Listen kid, you can't join them. Come with us, we may be vampires, but we can teach you to use your powers for good."

"I don't wanna use my powers for good!" Cartman argued, "I wanna kill the damn Jews!"

Darius shook his head. "What about your friends? Your human friends?"

"I don't have human friends. One's an asshole, one's a slut and in a coma, and the other is a fucking Jew that I want to kill!"

"You don't really want to kill him."

Cartman laughed. "Trust me, I do. I've tried to kill him many times."

"Maybe, but you can't join them! Just think about it, Eric. Think about it really hard."

The large boy squinted his eyes in false thought, before looking up at Darius, smiling and reaching out to shake his hand. Darius reached out too, but before they touched, Cartman knocked Darius' other arm away, freeing Percy.

Percy blinked for a moment and flung his wand at Darius, who quickly cast a bubble-like shield around himself.

Cartman, who was also inside the shield, tried to push his way out. "No, kid!" Darius shouted, but Cartman had already broken the barrier, and Percy flung a spell at Darius, knocking him back through the closet. Cartman grabbed the door and slammed it closed, and Percy cast some binding charms to keep the door shut.

"God damn it, asshole!" Darius screamed, pounding on the door.

"Who sent you?" Percy questioned.

"I swear to god if you don't let me out…"

"Who sent you?" Percy repeated.

"Who do you think?" Darius asked irately, "The vamps!"

Percy rolled his eyes. "Well I knew _that_," he snapped, "I meant which vamp? Your leader's dead!"

"I'll never betray my brother!" he shouted.

"Your brother, huh?" Percy repeated slyly. There was a tiny mutter behind the door as Darius realized his mistake. "Well, I think I'll just leave you in here…"

"No!" Darius cried, "Damn it, I'm claustrophobic!"

"All the better, then!" Percy exclaimed happily, "Come on, Eric, let's continue your lesson."

* * *

Yep, today we met a brand new character; Aria. I loved creating her. And about the way she talks... she's a medieval alcoholic- what d'you expect? I probably won't get another chapter up until at least Monday afternoon. I have a friend coming over this weekend and she's a real riot. But I'll give you a break from the overload of chaps I gave you this week.

I hope you all have a great weekend and I'll see ya later!

This is great cause it gives you more time to review!


	12. Stan Crosses A PMSy Wendy

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Okay, I took my break, and now I'm done! I came out with a piece of shit, so please don't eat me alive. Or dead for that matter.

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: Okay, since I was gone for two days, I'll pay you for whatever you destroyed. And Aria loves you too… well she would if she was sober enough. Thanks for your review!

To **UndeadHarlot**: Yep, claustrophobic Darius. Couldn't resist… Thanks for reviewin!

To **Hazel-Beka: **Haha Aria is a cool name! I love it! It took me forever to decide if I was gonna spell it like "Arya" or "Aria" I decided on Aria because if I did Arya people would think it's Arr-yaa when it's Arr-ee-aa. Haha I'm not good at explaining pronunciation. Heehee. Well, Cartman's ass is so large, it's hard for things NOT to end up there! Thanks for reviewing.

**Chapter Twelve: Stan Crosses A PMS-y Wendy: **Stan, Kyle, Kadira, and Aaron begin their journey with some interesting conversations.

* * *

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,"

"Kyle!" Stan shouted, "Shut up!"

Kadira and Aaron looked at each other irritably. "What is your problem, kid?"

"My mom!" Kyle whispered hoarsely, "She's gonna fucking kill me!"

"Now I doubt that," Aaron said.

"No, no, he's serious," Stan muttered, remembering all the other times Kyle had stepped a toe out of line.

Kadira groaned. "Do you want to go home?"

"No, I was supposed to be home at 4:30. They're gonna kill me anyway."

"We need to concentrate on the mission!" exclaimed Kadira.

Kyle and Stan nodded, and Kadira pulled a long chain out of her pocket. "This is a hot and cold chain. It will tell me if we are close to the prophet."

"You're hot then you're cold, you're yes than you're no, you're in and you're out…" Kyle and Stan sang cheerfully together.

"Stop singing," Kadira snapped, ignoring Aaron's snort of laughter. "Now. I think I just have to…" She touched the shiny chain, and it glowed slightly in her fingers. Stan and Kyle 'ooh'ed and leaned forward as the chain froze in Kadira's hand.

Aaron looked from the chain to Kadira. "Is it hot or cold?"

"Yes or no?" Stan added.

"In or out?" joined Kyle.

"Shut up!" Kadira commanded to the two boys, who were about to break into song again, "It's cold. That means the prophet is far away."

Stan adjusted his hat. "How do we know where to go?"

"Yeah," Kyle added, "We can't just drive around till it turns warm."

"You be quiet," Kadira told him, "You have no vampire or wizard abilities, so your opinion is unimportant."

Both Aaron and Stan glared at her. "Kady!" said Aaron.

Kyle just sighed. "No, she's right. I don't know anything about this shit," he said, looking out the window.

"I know just as much as you do!" argued Stan.

"But you have powers," he returned, "Just let it go, dude."

"Sorry, Kadira comes from a time where vamps too were against humans. Old habits die hard, you know?"

Kyle and Stan just nodded, and Kadira looked slightly guilty. "I'm uh… never mind," she muttered, turning the chain in her fingers.

Stan leaned forward again. "So…" he continued, "How _do_ we know where the prophecy…"

"Prophet," Kadira corrected.

"Yeah, prophet, is?"

Kadira sighed. "Well, I did some research, and there was talk of a boy who predicted some things in California."

"Ooh!" Kyle exclaimed suddenly, "We're going to California? Cool! I wanna go to Sea World!"

Stan nodded but Aaron shook his head. "We need to concentrate on the mission."

Kadira agreed. "Yes, this is very important to all vampires."

"Even Edward?" Kyle asked.

"I said that too!" Stan exclaimed, and they both high-fived.

Kadira rolled her eyes. "I really hate teenagers."

"Guys, okay, we need you to focus," he looked at both Stan and Kyle, and then shook his head, "Okay, I need _you_ to focus, Stanley."

Stan groaned. "Okay, quit treating Kyle like he isn't as important…"

"Stan, focus," Kyle interrupted, looking intently at the other boy. Stan sighed at him before turning back to Aaron.

"Focus on what?"

"The mission, damn it!"

"What? I can't even use my powers yet!"

Aaron huffed and looked out the window. "You need lessons. He needs lessons, Kady."

"No, we can just…"

Stan suddenly sat up. "Hey! Look at this!" He grabbed a shiny ruby from under Kadira's seat.

"What are you… no! Don't touch that!"

But Stan had already held it in his hand, and one of the sharp edges cut his palm. "Ow…" he muttered.

Aaron turned back to Stan. "Was that…?"

"Yes," Kadira mumbled, burying her face in her hands.

"What's wrong?" Stan asked, ignoring the slight stinging in his bleeding hand.

"You just activated your powers, that's what's wrong."

Stan looked at Kyle, who shrugged, so Aaron decided to elaborate. "That was the Vamp Ruby. That's what we call it, at least."

"What's the Vamp Ruby?" asked Kyle.

"Never you mind," Kadira snapped, and then turned back to Stan, "It is a powerful jewel filled with dark particles."

Stan blinked. "Dark particles?"

"It sends a wave of darkness through your blood. It mixes the darkness into your blood, making you one of us."

"I thought you said that I was already a vampire."

Kadira and Aaron looked at each other before holding up their left hands. Both of them had a small diamond-shaped scar on their palms. But the strange thing was that they were black.

Stan's eyes widened as he turned his eyes to his own hand, and Kyle gasped. The blood dripping down his arm was no longer the dark red it once was, but it was now as black as ink. "Shit!" Stan exclaimed, trying to wipe the blood away with his sleeve. The black blood smeared onto his sleeve and all over his hand. "Dude, are all vamp's blood like this?"

Kadira nodded. "Yes. It means the darkness is within you. In most cases, it's a good thing."

"In most cases?" Stan repeated.

"But not Stan's," Kyle concluded.

"No, Stan was not supposed to find that ruby," Aaron replied, "He's much too young."

"How old was I supposed to be?" asked Stan.

"Twenty-one," Kadira answered, "And you are only seventeen."

Kyle looked worried and Stan was just concentrating on clotting the blood flow. "What happens if you do it to early?" Kyle asked.

"Your powers develop strangely…" Kadira returned quietly, "It is unpredictable. You could have weak abilities, and they could be incredibly strong. It is just… your powers are undeveloped. Most people already have their power signature defined by the time they use the Ruby. But… you did not."

Stan looked up from his bleeding hand. "I just wanted to get through fucking high school, you know?" he shouted, "But now I'm a fucking retarded vampire."

"You're not retarded," Kyle comforted, "You have to be born freaky to be retarded."

"Gee, thanks Ky," Stan returned sarcastically.

Aaron frowned. "The best we can do is train you like we do a normal Dark vampire."

"_Dark_ vampire?" Kyle repeated.

Kadira glared at him. "Dark vampire."

"That sounds bad," Stan noted.

Kadira just shrugged. "It just means that you are already connected to the darkness."

"Cool," Stan replied.

"Well, that solves the problem about you not being able to use your powers," Aaron said, thinking on the positive side as usual.

"Wait!" Stan suddenly exclaimed, "I can use my powers now?"

Kadira and Aaron glanced at each other. "Yes, but don't do anything…"

Stan gave a loud whoop of happiness and held his hand out the car window. He flicked his hand forward, and the stoplight before them turned green. Aaron reached forward and grabbed his arm.

"Don't do that!" Aaron snapped, "You'll get us found out! Do you want to ruin the entire vampire population?"

"Uh… no," Stan mumbled.

"Then don't show your friggin powers to the world, okay?"

"Yes sir," Stan nodded. He turned back to Kyle, who was looking in his lap with wide eyes. "What?" Stan asked.

Kyle didn't take his eyes off the spot. "Your phone…"

Stan looked down into his lap and saw that his silent phone had a call coming in… from Wendy.

"Hello?" he asked quietly.

"_Stanley Marsh!"_ came the shout on the other line.

"Hey babe," he said.

"_Don't you 'hey babe' me! You were supposed to meet me half a fucking hour ago!"_

Stan slapped his forehead. "I… got distracted."

"_Well, you get over here right now!"_

"I can't!" he exclaimed, "Wendz, I have to go for a while."

"_Huh?"_ Wendy asked, her voice softening.

"I have to leave!"

"_You can't just leave!" _Wendy cried, _"Where are you going?"_

Stan sighed and leaned back. "I can't tell you."

"_What do you mean you can't tell me?" _asked Wendy, _"That's bullshit and I know it! Are you cheating on me?"_

Stan gasped. "Hell no! I love you, Wendz. I just can't tell you. But I will later."

"_How much later?" _Wendy demanded, _"After you're done fucking your other girlfriend?"_

"Of course not!" Stan replied, "Please baby, I swear I'll tell you later. I'll only be gone for a little while. And I love you."

"_I… I know, Stan. I'm sorry I'm such a bitch sometimes,"_ she mumbled, _"Old habits die hard, I guess."_

Stan nodded, remembering Aaron saying something similar. "It's fine, babe. I'll talk to you later."

"_Yeah, okay, bye Stannycakes!" _

Kyle, who had been listening to the conversation, snorted. Wendy didn't hear it, for she had already hung up.

"I was hoping you'd get your ass kicked by her."

"I thought I would," Stan agreed, nodding his head. "I'd rather piss off a bunch of psychopath wizards than Wendy on her period."

"Amen."

* * *

Stannycakes... God I wanna shoot Wendy sometimes. I'm listening to a HILARIOUS Geico commercial. Hahah. So, I love you guys reviewing! You're so awesome! I love you! Review again for me, kay? Luv ya!

Your Super Best Friend, Lori


	13. Darius Becomes A Secret Agent

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Sorry it took me so long. The Harry Potter premiere was on Tuesday, and I went to the midnight thing. I was screwed up for like two days. But I gave you something! *claps*

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: Uh… how about I give you three dollars, and a cookie shaped like a fishie? And I'm glad you want to marry my story. If my story had a heart, I'm sure it'd marry you two. Your family would be so proud. ^__^

To **Hazel-Beka**: Yay! You like Aria's name! She'd be so proud were she sober. And I LOVE Katy Perry! I couldn't resist sticking that song in here when I made up the Hot and Cold necklace. And it would be fun, wouldn't it! If those guys weren't so damn emo, they'd have loads of fun! And haha yeah, Kyle's just kinda like Ladidaaaa… haha that's why I love him! And if the characters had any common sense, the story would be lame! Yep. Will Stan be deformed or incredibly awesome? Well, I know, but you don't. Haha I know something you don't know. *pokes nose* And it IS pretty hard to blame Stannycakes for fearing PMS-y Wendy. Dun dun duuun.

OMG okay, I'm gonna go be a ninja. See ya at the end of the chap!

**Chapter Thirteen: Darius Becomes A Secret Agent: **Darius comes out of the closet because Cartman wants to take a ride on his disco stick. Need I say more?

* * *

Darius leaned back in the closet, clutching his constricted chest. Six panic attacks in three hours did not do him so well, but he was a bit better now. Maybe this would help him get over his claustrophobia.Of course, he should have called Kadira or Aaron the minute he'd gotten trapped. But he'd been a bit distracted, and he had plenty of time. The fat kid was still having his lesson with the crazy chick. But now, he assumed, would be a good time. He dialed Kadira's number and held the phone up to his ear.

"_Yes?" _

"H-hiya Kady!"

"_What is it, Darius?"_

Darius decided to dwindle a little bit before relaying the problem. "Oh not much, just wondering how your part's going."

"_We have the boy, and he decided to bring one of his friends. A _human _friend."_

The man was confused. "A _human_?"

"Yes, apparently he's supposed to be Stanley's friend, but… they are quite annoying. Almost as annoying as you."

He giggled a little. "Yeah… hey, so I followed the Cartman kid, and he was with some wizard guy and some alcoholic girl."

"_Is her name Aria?"_

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"She is a wizard instructor. The man with Eric Cartman is obviously trying to train him. This proves that they will attack."

Darius raised an eyebrow. "It proves it?"

"Yes. You must stay on those two, Darius."

"Oh, yeah, see, there's a problem with that…" Darius muttered, nervously switching his phone to his left hand.

"_What is it?"_

"Well," he began, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, "The kid kinda caught me, and the dude came in, and then they kinda locked me in a closet."

He could hear Kadira's sharp intake of breath. _"Are you bloody kidding me?"_

"N-no. What should I do?"

"_USE YOUR POWERS TO GET OUT, ARE YOU RETARDED?"_ He heard Aaron scream, _"YOU'RE JEOPARDIZING THE ENTIRE FUCKING MISSION AND…"_

"Aaron, Aaron! Shut up!" Kadira shouted at him, "Sorry, he just got killed on one of his stupid video games. Anyway, he is right. Just use your powers."

Darius shook his head, and realized that Kadira couldn't see it. "I can't. I'm claustrophobic, dude. I had like a hundred panic attacks. I don't have the energy."

"_Are you kidding me?"_ Kadira repeated.

"What do I do?"

Kadira shrugged. _"I'm sure they won't just leave you there. They will probably capture you and bring you to Tanek." _

"Oh, well that's comforting," Darius snorted.

He could almost see Kadira roll her eyes. _"It should be. You can become a spy!" _

Darius chuckled. "Are you insane, Kady? They're gonna believe that I've randomly switched sides after coming out of the closet?" He chuckled harder at his choice of words.

"Come up with something, Darry! You know that you're good at lying! Just… make something up!"

Darius groaned and then decided to just handle it when the wizards coming for him. Which sounded soon, according to the voices outside the door. "Shit, Kady, I gotta go. Call you later."

"_Fine_," and she hung up, leaving Darius to quickly stuff his phone in his pocket when he heard…

"Let's have some fun, this beat is sick. I wanna take a ride on your disco stick."

"What?" Darius called in surprise.

The singing immediately stopped and Cartman opened the door. "It's a song. By Lady Gaga. Nobody wants to ride your disco stick, retard."

"I'm sorry, I'm just a bit frazzled."

Cartman raised an eyebrow. "Don't talk to me about your problems, asshole, I'm seriously. I don't care." And he walked out the door and was replaced by Percy.

"Hey Perce."

Percy turned to him. "How do you know me?"

"I heard them saying your name. Throne of observance?"

"Shut up," Percy muttered, "What do you want?"

Darius pretended to take a deep sigh. "It's nothing. I just didn't want to come here alone. It's why I got caught. I hate those damn vampires!"

"The feeling's mutual," Percy said, sitting down by the closet door, blocking Darius' way out with his feet.

"It's like, they care so much about other people and it's never about us!"

Percy chuckled and nodded. "I know, right? They're like fags with all the rainbows and shit. Damn hippies."

Darius nodded. "It's embarrassing to be a part of them! They're so useless, you know?"

"You'd make a great wizard, dude."

"I can't change who I am," Darius told him.

Percy just shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Vamps have joined us before. The darkness just kinda betrays you. But you can use a wand… just not as well as us."

Darius nodded. "Is that an offer?"

"Is that an acceptation?"

"Depends."

"Depends."

"Now you're just being difficult."

"Sorry," Percy said, "You in or not?"

"Yeah," Darius said, glad he got in so easily. This Percy guy really was a retard.

"Come on out," Percy said. Darius gladly stood up and followed Percy out of the closet, stepping over the wrinkled clothes and peering inside the igloo. "What the hell?"

"The igloo of involvement," Percy explained, and Darius raised an eyebrow. "Don't ask."

Darius just shrugged and followed the man out into the main room, where Cartman was twitching in his seat. "Yes! That is good, very good! You have discovered your inner magic!" Aria was shouting.

Cartman fell out of his seat and gagged. "You… you okay?" Darius asked.

Cartman looked up and glared at him, before coughing loudly. "Darius is okay, he's with us. But are you okay?"

"Silence! He's having an epiphany!"

"What? No I'm not!" Cartman shouted.

"Yes, you are! Embrace the epiphany!"

"Lady, I'll take your so called epiphany and shove it up your…" Before he could finish the last word, he choked again and spit something gold onto the ground.

"Ooh, sparkles!" Aria exclaimed, and the three men stared at her.

Cartman rolled his eyes and swallowed, picking up the ring. "Why is it that everything you've taught me to summon ends up inside my body?"

"Perhaps because you've been shoving food inside yourself for seventeen years now?"

Cartman opened his mouth to argue, but nodded and looked away. "So, what's with the ring?"

"It holds your powers," Aria explained, "When you have it on your finger, you can do all the magic you want. It's like a safer version of a wand."

"Why's it safer?"

Percy chuckled. "It's got like… parental controls on it. You can't kill anyone, you can't hurt anyone, and you can't use sexual spells."

"Sexual spells?"

"Have you ever wanted to make your dick bigger?" Percy asked, but was interrupted by Aria.

"Yes, yes, but those spells are blocked." Cartman chuckled and winked at Percy. "And they're not always sexual. We girls use them to stop our time of the month."

Cartman laughed. "You know that also happens after a certain age, right?"

"Are you implying that I am elderly?"

"We'll just be leaving now," Percy said suddenly, leading Cartman away from the suddenly fuming woman.

Once they were out the door, Percy thumped the back of Cartman's head. "Are you retarded?"

"What?"

"You never talk to a chick about their age!" Percy snapped, "Do you want to insult your new instructor?"

Cartman scoffed. "She's shoved food up my ass and rings down my throat! I'm past caring!" Darius snorted, and Cartman glared at him. "And why the hell is he here?"

"He's joined us," Percy explained, "Told you vamps sucked."

Darius laughed. "Vamps suck. Geddit? Suck."

"Ha, ha, ha," Cartman mocked, and then whispered to Percy, "Damn it, he's a nightmare!"

"I heard that!" Darius snapped, "Don't make me tell him that you wanted to ride my disco stick!"

Percy's eyes widened. "You _what_?"

"It's a damn song!" Cartman explained, "You know, Love Games? Let's play a love game, a love game," he sang. "God, I'm never singing songs with advisories in front of you assholes again."

Percy unlocked the door. "Please don't."

"Where are we going now?"

"Probably the hotel."

Darius' eyes widened. "It's sunny. Do you have any SPF 700 on you?"

"…No…" Percy said.

"Shit. I need an umbrella."

Cartman groaned. "Here's a jacket with a hood. That good enough?"

"Yeah."

"What happens if you go in the sun?" asked Cartman.

Darius laughed. "You get a really bad sunburn."

"Ha," Cartman scoffed, "I bet it's not as bad as the one my friend Stan got before I left. He was a fucking tomato, and it just wouldn't go away!"

Darius stopped in his tracks. _Be Stanley's friend… _The new vamp recruit's name was Stanley. And, the boys both came from Colorado. Did this boy know the new vamp recruit?

"Darius! Come on!" called Percy.

Darius caught up, making a mental note to tell Kadira about the Eric-Stan connection.

* * *

Holy Homosexual Pancakes! This is unlucky chap number 13! Haha puhleaze, like anything's gonna happen to me... *gets eaten by manbearpig*

Manbearpig burps out sign: _Please Review... and give me a flashlight?_


	14. Kyle Predicts A Hangover From Hell

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Hey, I made up for the slow update! Probably because this chap was so fun to write. And even in the time I gave you, I still got two reviews! And one was from a new person, too!

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: Okay, cool. I will get to baking that right away. Yep, Percy's an idiot. Must agree with you there. I guess I'm mentally taking my revenge on the Percy from Harry Potter for being such a douche. I updated fast so you wouldn't eat anymore of your room and save room for your fish-shaped cookie. And thank you, that iDog helped me get out of Manbearpig's stomach safe and sound. Thanks for reviewing

To **mango-quincy**: I am a god, aren't I? You should see my awesome hair. I should be on a Loreal commercial. *pats down frizzy hair* And you're right, I don't want you to die, so I updated super quickly! And I'm glad you did find this! Because I love you too! Thanks for reviewing!

Okay, so it's 1:24 AM and the only reason I'm always awake this late is because I have ADHD and anxiety issues, so… you know, not a good mix. I'm always over excited and afraid something bad's gonna happen tomorrow and I won't be able to finish the chap. So, here ya go!

**Chapter Fourteen: Kyle Predicts A Hangover From Hell: **Stan finds Kyle after Kyle finds a drink. It doesn't help matters when Aaron has strange suspicions and Kadira has sand in her vagina.

* * *

That night found Stan sitting out on the hotel's balcony, trying to ignore a party going on downstairs. Kyle had disappeared over three hours ago, and Stan just assumed he'd gone to bed. Kadira was praying to the darkness and Aaron was making out with some girl that had drunkenly wandered upstairs.

"Stanley?" Kadira said, walking out on the balcony to sit stand next to him. "What are you doing out here at this hour?"

Stan shrugged. "Can't sleep. That damn party's so loud."

"I agree," she said, and looked around. "Where is Aaron?"

Stan jerked his head in the direction in which Aaron's arms were wrapped around a skinny blonde girl. Kadira's eyes widened and she quickly stood up.

"Aaron!"

Aaron quickly broke away. "What?"

"What in god's name do you think you are doing?"

"Kissing a chick," Aaron replied, "What are you doing?"

Kadira flicked her hair out of her face in distress. "You cannot be kissing women on this mission!"

"And why not?"

Kadira blinked. "Be… because… I… you… it's really… you know…"

The skinny blonde glared at Kadira. "Who's she?"

"My sister," he mumbled, "Very overprotective… shall we go inside?"

"No you shall not!" Kadira shouted, pointing her palm at the girl and causing large pimples to sprout all over her face.

The blonde grabbed at her once-flawless face and screamed. "Oh my _god_! I just broke out!"

"You must be going through some stress," Kadira said coldly.

The blonde ran away from Aaron in tears, and Aaron and Stan stood awkwardly.

"What the hell was that about, Kady?"

Kadira wiped unseen tears from her eyes. "You need to concentrate on the mission," she said quietly before running into her room.

"God damn!" Aaron snapped, "Did you see that? What the hell is her problem?"

"I don't know," Stan returned, turning back to the cloudless sky. Aaron shook his head confusedly and retreated into his own room, leaving Stan alone to his own thoughts.

It was chilly outside, and he used his new powers to make his body warm. He loved his new life, but he missed his old one. He'd been a whole day without seeing Wendy; it was tragic. But he needed to continue on. He didn't care about the wizards vs vampire battle. He just wanted to cure Kenny. He wasn't going to let him die. He wasn't a bastard.

"Ohmehgawd…" came a slur from the stairs, and Kyle stumbled out onto the landing.

"Kyle?" Stan asked, shocked to see his friend stumbling and drunk.

Kyle's glazed eyes looked up at Stan. "Theresh sooome party down –hic- there…" he punctuated the word down with a finger jabbed toward the ground and a stumble forward. Stan grabbed him and helped him to the chair so he didn't fall again.

"Jesus, Kyle, how much did you drink?"

"Only liiiiike furty fthouthand…"

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Thirty thousand?"

"Dere were gerlss Ssssan… they wass hawt…" He reached for another gulp from his drink but Stan grabbed it away.

"Seriously, Kyle, you can't drink anymore."

Kyle groaned like a small child. "Sssan, that idn't faaer… yer sso boring…" he slurred.

Stan held in a chuckle. Kyle never got drunk, and now he knew why. Kyle wasn't all for being interesting. And right now he was more interesting than a comedy action thriller. "Um… maybe we should get you to bed," Stan said, grasping Kyle's arm.

"I can walk…" the redhead muttered, nevertheless swaying on the spot. Then he grinned at Stan. "I know somtin yeew dun't knoow," he sang.

"What?" Stan asked, trying to keep Kyle steady.

Kyle just grinned. "Whar's dat locket Wendeee gave yew? Dat one yew cuddn't open?"

Stan handed over the locket in his jacket and watched as Kyle stumbled over to one of the lounge chairs and sat it down. "Pruhpaer ta be amassed…" he said.

Stan rolled his eyes and jumped back when a tile fell off of the roof, landing squarely on top of the locket, cracking it open.

"Thee? I dun fissed yer locket."

Stan gasped. "Kyle, did you make that happen?"

"Naw… I juss knew eet wus comin soon."

The black-haired boy shouted for Kadira and Aaron to come out. He was shocked to see Kadira wiping tears away from her eyes, but Aaron looked normal. "You guys, Kyle just made that locket fall from the roof."

"I diddn maeek eet fall…" Kyle corrected, falling forward onto his chair.

"He's drunk," Stan explained.

"Ah," Kadira said, and stepped over the fallen brick to stand before Kyle. "What did you do to the brick, Kyle?"

Kyle shrugged. "I fissed Ssan's locket, obvuslee."

"Yeah, but how did you make the brick fall?" Aaron asked.

"I ssaw eet in my 'ead."

Aaron's eyes glanced toward Stan. "Has he done this before?"

"Just when Kenny got in a coma…" Stan said, "He knew that Kenny was in the coma before the nurse even told us."

"Well, sometimes when a human has too much contact with a vampire some powerful properties get mixed up, and some of them may have been affecting your friend Kyle."

Kyle looked up. "Thass me!"

Aaron snorted but Stan was too confused. "So… Kyle's got some of my powers?"

"No, it's only when he's around you."

Aaron wrinkled his eyebrows. "I've never heard of that," he said.

Kadira rolled his eyes. "You are an unintelligent useless scumbag, it's not a shock to anyone, Aaron." And with that she retreated into her room, Aaron following quickly behind her.

"Woah… sheee's got some ssand in 'er vagina…"

Stan nodded. "God. I swear she's on her period."

"Yeeew PMS like a beech, I would knoow," Kyle sang, but Stan shook his head.

"Dude, not in the mood to sing Katy Perry right now."

Kyle giggled like a girl. "All the tyeme is Katy tyeme!"

"I would tell you to fuck off and get a soda if I wasn't broke, you know," Stan commented.

"Thass wha yeew get fer wakin' up in Vegas…" Kyle mumbled. He fell forward onto his chair and Stan assumed he'd passed out. _'About time…'_ he thought to himself, lifting himself off the table and grabbing Kyle's arm. He turned him over onto his back and gasped.

Kyle's eyes had rolled into the back of his head and he was foaming at the mouth slightly. "Kyle? What the fuck?" The redhead began shaking uncontrollably and Stan grabbed his arms to hold him down. "Kadira! Aaron!" he shouted.

"_The war draws nearer…" _Kyle said in a voice that was not slurred or even his own at all.

"Kinda busy!" Aaron called from inside Kadira's room.

Stan wiped his hair out of his eyes and looked down at Kyle.

_"One of the leaders is not what they seem…"_

"I need help, now!" Stan shouted, "It's Kyle!"

_"An old friend will turn their back…"_

"Kyle's freaking out!" Stan screamed, and Kadira angrily flung open the door.

"What _now?_" she asked irritably.

_"A savior will fall from their own actions…"_

"What the hell is he doing?" Aaron asked.

"He's done this before. It's like he's a fortune cookie or something!"

"_Dimensions will collide…"_

"What's he talking about?" Aaron asked.

Kadira snapped her fingers in his face. "I don't know!"

_"Those who hide shall be the first to fall…"_

Kyle's eyes rolled back to normal and he coughed violently. Aaron was staring at him in shock. "Kady, pull out the necklace."

"What?"

"Now!" Aaron shouted, reaching into her pocket.

Kadira jumped back. "No! Don't touch it! You'll confuse its energies!"

"Is it hot or cold?"

"Freezing Aaron, just like it's been all day."

"But… what Kyle just did… it was as though he was prophesizing…"

Kadira laughed. "You think that this child is the prophet?"

"I guess not…" Aaron mumbled, "If the chain's cold. But… there is something strange going on with him."

"It is just Stan being a vampire that is causing his mind to react this way," Kadira replied.

Aaron shrugged as Stan felt a strange sensation on his back. Kyle was tracing tiny shapes with his finger. "Kyle, what the hell are you doing?"

Kyle didn't respond, he continued brushing Stan's back and muttering under his breath. Stan rolled his eyes. "He's still drunk. Here Kyle, have a coloring book." He tossed the large book at Kyle with a broken red crayon, and Kyle snatched it up immediately. "See? I bet he even screws up the coloring."

"Look, this boy is not the reason we're on this mission. We are on this mission to find the prophet…" She glared at Aaron, "The real prophet."

There was a loud crash behind them as Kyle fell asleep in his chair, the red crayon rolling across the cement ground. The book was wide open, and on the back of a black and white picture of Pooh Bear, there were red letters.

"Kyle wrote something," Stan said.

_THE WAR DRAWS NEARER _

_ONE OF THE LEADERS IS NOT WHAT THEY SEEM_

_AN OLD FRIEND WILL TURN THEIR BACK_

_A SAVIOR WILL FALL FROM THEIR OWN ACTIONS_

_DIMENSIONS WILL COLLIDE_

_THOSE WHO HIDE SHALL BE THE FIRST TO FALL_

The three stared at the words in wonder, and looked to the kid on the ground who was fast asleep with a bit of drool coming out of his mouth. Stan shook him. "Kyle! What did you just predict?"

"Wha?" Kyle asked… "I predict I'm gonna have a big ass hangover in the morning…" he mumbled, "goodnight.'

* * *

Okay, there are bunches of versions of Kyle that are cute. And the drunk Kyle is one of them. Drunk Kyle isn't as cute as Confused Kyle or Pouty Kyle, but hey, it's still cute all the same. I am barely awake here, so I'm sorry if the grammar's a bit messed up... it's just me at 1:30 am! Well, technically it's 1:31... but *gets hit in head with another brick that is painted with the words:*

"Puhleeze reeveewww..." -your friend, drunken KyKy.


	15. Stan's Milkshake Brings All Wizards To T

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I updated quickly again. This chapter's gonna have more action. Yay! And Four reviews, my friends!

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: I bet the unknown object was like a document declaring you the heir to some unknown country or something. Haha, I hope not! I do update quickly, and that just proves that I have absolutely no hobbies. Haha, but it makes others happy, right? Ooh, what movie were you watching? And it makes me feel special! It makes me feel super special and bubbly like a cheerful volcano. And South Park characters I think were born to be drunk. They're just too cool that way. I updated pretty soon, right? Do I get brownies? Your reviews always make me so happy, thanks so much for them!

To **Hazel-Beka **(chappy 13 review): I won the internet? YES! Now to take down all Twilight websites and replace them with fansites for Kyle's ass! PERFECT! Yep, I had to put someone who had a brain, and Kadira just raised her hand for me. Now the wizards are screwed- there isn't a single smart wizard that I've written so far. Except maybe Tanek. But he was a douche. It's funny that you should say the thing about the sexual spam emails. I was thinking of the movie "Yes Man" when I wrote that, and I was thinking of the part where Carl gets that email asking if he wants to enlarge his penis or something. So that's ironic. And don't feel guilty. My chappy friends will always be waiting for you.

To **Hazel-Beka** (chappy 14 review): Haha I'm not gonna tell you. And it was about time that Kyle had some fun. And Kyle has always reminded me of someone cute and sweet, so I just had to call him a fortune cookie, ya know? And I'll let you know, when I read the _'let me express my anger through the colouring of this bunny rabbit! Take careful note of the angry shade of pink that I use! Behold my scribbles of rage!' _part, I laughed so hard that I had an asthma attack and had to find my inhaler. That's a good thing, by the way. And I have no idea where the coloring book came from, I didn't think anyone would notice, haha. Yep. Poor KyKy. I love your reviews too, and you notice a lot of little things. Heh, you're good at that. Do you ever play Where's Waldo?

To **Dnny By**: I was, but Xxforget-me-notxX let me borrow her iDog and I got found the way out. You know, his stomach smells really crappy. Eeew. Thanks for reviewing and thinking about my slight predicament!

**Chapter Fifteen: Stan's Milkshake Brings All Wizards To The Yard: **Cartman is bored, so he decides to call Stan. What was that sound?

* * *

"You know, I thought you people would have better places to stay than shitty hotels," Cartman commented, eyeing a large spider with disgust.

Percy groaned and threw open a door. "Hey, it has TV. You can finally shut up about that damn show you keep missing. Terry and Phil or whatever."

"_Terrance_ and _Phillip_," Cartman corrected, "And I better get my own room!"

Darius and Percy nodded quickly. "Do you really think we wanna stay in the same room as you?"

Cartman opened his mouth to shoot something angry back, but stopped. "…Point taken."

He slammed his room's door shut behind him and looked around. It had hideous tan wallpaper with large roses. The bed was green with even more roses. "What is this, the valentine suite?" he asked himself, throwing his bag in the corner. "Least it's got damn TV."

He grabbed the large remote off the top and pressed the power button. The screen came on fuzzy and with a white line moving up the on it. He tried to ignore the bad omen and flipped to the channel Terrance and Phillip was usually on.

"_Say Terrance, I saw Twilight the other day."_

"_Oh really, Phillip? What did you think?"_

Phillip answered the question with a loud fart and the two laughed with their annoying laugh. Cartman chuckled to himself before the TV began making a strange cracking noise. "Oh shit…" he muttered as it burst into flames. He grabbed the fire extinguisher off the wall and calmly put the fire out.

It was easy to admit to himself that he was bored. The only noise was that of the party downstairs and the music loudly booming.

He decided to call Stan and gloat about missing a day of school. Scrolling down to Stan's contact name, "Hippie", he pressed send. The phone rang once as he laid down on his bed.

The phone rang again as the party's music stopped downstairs.

And yet again as the manager was heard yelling at the party throwers.

A fourth time as he heard a strange noise in the room next to him.

A fifth time as he heard _"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like it's better than yours. Damn right…"_ from the room next door.

A sixth time he was cut out by, _"Hey, this is Stan Marsh. I'm kinda busy right now, but if you're Wendy then you can leave a message. Anyone else can fuck off… except Kyle, of course."_

Cartman groaned and dropped the cell phone on the ground. Who else could he talk to? Kenny was in a coma, and Kyle wasn't really his friend. The same room the Milkshake song came from's door opened and he heard quiet talking through the wall. Look who was home.

God this place sucked. It didn't even have Wi-Fi. Why had he wanted to go with these stupid vampires? Oh yeah, they had promised him power. Well, he doubted anyone with power would be sitting in a rosy hotel room with a broken TV and a homicidal manager. Yes, the manager was still screaming his lungs out downstairs.

What did he do to entertain himself at home? That answer was easy; he ate. But would you look at that, no food. Then he was officially screwed. But surely he'd done other things. Video games, obviously, but the TV was a piece of shit. Myspace… no Wi-Fi. He liked to eavesdrop on his neighbor's conversations. And he had neighbors that were only a wall away.

Grinning to himself, he rolled off the bed and crawled over to the wall. There were two male voices. One was slightly high-pitched and slurry while the other one was deep and masculine.

"You should get some sleep."

"I'm fiiine…" the other voice drawled.

There was a loud thump against the other wall. "No you're not! You can't even walk straight. Now lie down!"

The higher voice muttered irritably to itself as its owner lay in the bed.

"Got a missed call."

"Bet it's Wendy."

Wendy? Stan's girlfriend had the same name. Cartman wondered if she was a psychotic bitch too, like the Wendy he knew.

There was a chuckle from the lower voice. "Ha. It actually isn't. It's Cartman."

Cartman's mouth dropped open. A missed call from him? Did he know these people? He thought as hard as he could… wait a minute! He'd just fucking called Stan a minute ago! And… and… the voice totally fit! Which must have meant that the gay voice was Kyle! Were they in the same hotel room? Cartman had to know.

He called his contact "Hippie" again and listened for the Milkshake song. Sure enough… "_My milkshake…"_

"Holy shit!" Cartman whispered to himself.

"God damn it, it's Cartman again!" he snapped, "Better see what he wants…" Cartman heard a "What?" from the room next-door seconds before he heard "what?" in his ear.

He dropped the phone and bounded out of the room, heading straight to Percy and Darius' room.

* * *

"So, you think your friends from school are next door to you."

Cartman nodded. "Uh huh! And one of them's the Jew! Oh god, can I kill him, Percy? Please?"

Percy rolled his eyes. "No you may not!"

"Which friends are these?" Darius asked.

"Stan and Kyle. They're totally gay for each other."

Darius' eyes widened.

Stan. There was a connection between Cartman and Stan. And it made complete sense that they'd be in the same hotel, they were both in Colorado! "I…uh… have to use the bathroom."

He ran into the bathroom and pulled out his phone. _"Yes?"_ came a tearful voice.

"Kady? Is that you?"

"_Yeah. What is it, Darius?"_

Darius decided that their lives might be a bit more important than the reason Kadira was crying. "The wizards. They're here."

"_What? Are you sure?"_

"Yes! You're in the Hilton Hotel, right?"

"_Yes,"_ Kadira replied.

"_We're_ in the Hilton Hotel!" Darius exclaimed, "I did what you said and became a spy for the wizards…"

Kadira cut him off. _"You were actually able to?"_

"Yeah, what did you think I'd screw up?"

He could practically see Kadira shrug_. "Well, you must admit that you are not the king of intelligence."_

"Yeah, well, neither are the wizards," he replied hurriedly, "Anyway, you've got to get out of here! Percy said earlier that he could sense vampire presence. He knows you're here!"

Kadira laughed nervously. _"He probably sensed you."_

"No! It was somebody else, Kady! Please listen to me and get out. They will attack!"

Kadira sighed. _"Fine. But I swear to god, Darius…"_

"Just do it!" And he hung up and walked out of the bathroom, acting as though he'd just relieved himself.

"Listen, Darius. Cartman was describing his friends to me, and the one called Stan caught my senses. I think he's the vamp I've been sensing all night."

Darius' fists clenched in his pockets. "But… but… you can only sense full-grown vamps. The Stan kid has to be around 17. He's not old enough to have had the Vamp Ruby Ceremony."

"Yeah, but he obviously wouldn't be alone," Percy reasoned, "He's probably being trained."

"I thought you were stupid," Darius accidentally commented out loud. Percy looked up and was forming a glare when Darius added, "I mean, _I_ was stupid. Of course he wouldn't be alone."

Percy nodded. "Well, that settles it. Eric, lead us to the room." Cartman stood up and was heading toward the door, Percy close on his heel. Darius struggled to keep up.

"Come on, do we have to do this?"

"Of course, we must kill the vamps before they can build up an army."

Darius was slightly out of breath. "Yes, but, I'm hungry. Why don't we get some pie?"

"This really isn't the time," Percy replied hastily.

"It's always the time for pie!" Darius said with a nervous laugh.

Cartman rounded a corner. "Shut up, will you asshole?"

"Oh my God! Look at that! It's… It's…. Lindsay Lohan! Look! There she is!" Darius called, "You're not looking! Wait! Stop! Look! Come back!"

"Shut up!" Percy shouted suddenly. "I sense them."

Darius' breath hitched. "Maybe it's a vampire bat. You know…"

"He said shut up!" Cartman said.

Percy threw his head back and sniffed the air. "They're here all right. Right around that corner."

He rushed to the wall and peeked around with Cartman while Darius put his head in his hands. A man with black hair was walking. "That's him!" Cartman whispered, "That's Stan!"

Percy ran out from behind the wall and jumped on the boy, sticking his wand into his neck. "Stop!"

"Dude, what the fuck?" Came a gravelly voice that sounded more like the singer from Nickelback than Stan.

"Oh…" Cartman mumbled, "That's… that's not Stan."

"God damn it, kid!"

Darius was relieved until a door opened behind him and caused him to stumble forward. A woman, a man, and two boys scrambled out.

The taller boy yelped. "Cartman?"

"Kyle?" said Cartman.

"Darius?" said Aaron.

"Stanley?" said Darius.

"Kadira?" said Kyle.

"Mother?" said the man on the floor who was earlier mistaken for Stan.

"You get your ass in here and get your shoes off my carpet!" shouted a woman from a few doors down.

The man scrambled off the ground and ran inside the room, his mother shouting at him. The pause didn't last long, for Percy took out his wand and pointed it at Aaron. Kadira held her hand out at Cartman, and Cartman had his ring pointed at Kyle.

"What are you doing here, fat ass?"

"Don't think I don't know about you being a vampire!" Cartman said, "Percy told me!"

"What's with the ring?" Kyle asked, frightened into sobriety, "Did you get married?"

Cartman's eyes gleamed. "Shut up, Jew. I could kill you right now if I wanted."

"Didn't they say you couldn't use that ring for killing?"

Kyle smiled smugly and Cartman focused his mind on hurting Kyle. Blue light burst from the ring and Kyle was thrown back, almost over the edge of the balcony. But he fell back onto the safe ground, wincing in pain.

"Kyle!" Stan shouted, and then turned back to Cartman, "You asshole!" He used the new scar on his palm to send a jolt of power at Cartman.

The fat boy keeled over in pain, clutching his crotch. "Did you just shoot me in the balls?"

Kadira summoned a ball of energy in her hand and sent it flying at Percy. Percy flicked his wand and it was sent hurtling back at Stan, who ducked and it hit the railing next to Kyle.

Darius backed away, not wanting to get any of the pain being thrown. Percy's wand transformed into an arrow, which he sent straight toward Kadira. Aaron shouted and pulled the classic; he jumped right in front of Kadira and the arrow hit him instead.

"Aaron!" both Kadira and Darius shouted at the same time, rushing to the wounded man's side. Stan was slightly put out that they didn't care about Kyle, who was still trying to regain his breath by the rail.

The arrow pulled itself out of Aaron's arm and flew back into Percy's hand, already transformed back into its original stick form. Percy smiled to himself and decided to do a spell with his mind, so that Stan wouldn't try and shield the girl. Just as he focused, he felt a strong blow penetrate his thoughts. He tried to focus in again, but there seemed to be something blocking him. He opened his eyes and found himself looking straight into a pair of green ones, all the way across the corridor.

The eyes looked intent and angered, the pupils sparkling with rage. Percy frowned. That kid wasn't a vampire. And not even vampires can penetrate the mind and change flow of thought. Hell, he didn't know of any creature that could do that. He tried to focus again, but found his thoughts once again stopped from being pieced together.

The kid was ruining his only chance. He used his wand to send a large wave of force. It was just a white light, but it had the force of being hit in the face with a canon ball. Kyle was immediately knocked unconscious, leaving only Stan and Kadira to be taken care of.

Now that the redhead couldn't distract his thoughts, he sent a hex at her, causing her to flop over onto her back and shout out as her body felt like it was doused in dry ice.

While this was happening, Cartman grinned at Stan, who had his palm held out toward him. "Think you can stop me with your hand? A ring is a bit more magical sounding, don't you think?"

Stan was angry. Angry that Cartman had joined an evil team. Angry that Cartman had used his magic against him. Angry that he had hurt Kyle, Aaron, and Kadira. All of his anger blasted from his hand and flew at Cartman. It was as though a red tornado was swirling around the large boy, and Cartman's eyes were wide with fear.

The tornado spun faster and faster and disappeared quickly, leaving Cartman still spinning from the after shock and allowing him to hit his head on the wall next to him. Percy looked down at the unconscious boy next to him and frowned. He didn't want to fight alone, even though he knew he could win, so he grabbed Cartman's wrist and disappeared into thin air, not even realizing that he'd left Darius behind.

Stan saw that the wizards were gone and immediately ran to Kyle, who was still out cold on the ground.

"Stanley, go get a bandage," Kadira commanded.

Stan was looking at Kyle's broken nose. "Why?"

"The arrow hit Aaron's arm. It did not penetrate very deep, but it did all the same."

"What about Kyle? He could have a cracked skull, for all we know!" he snapped.

Kadira glared. "Aaron could eventually bleed to death!"

"So could Kyle!"

"But Aaron is a _vampire_. He is needed to protect us. Your friend is a mere human and his blood is not as sacred."

Stan stood up angrily. "Sacred? _Sacred?_ You're being like the wizards right now! I thought vamps believed that everyone was equal."

"Yes, but the battle…"

"Fuck the battle!" Stan shouted, and Aaron sat up.

"Kady, really, I'm fine. It's just a hole. And Stanley, your friend is fine too. Don't worry about that."

Stan nodded and dropped down once again next to Kyle and wondered if Cartman had been trying to kill him.

* * *

Hey! It's the fifteenth chapter! That's like... a special number, right?

This one was hard to write, and I'm sorry if it totally sucked. It was the first time I had to use their powers for a real battle. Cartman's an asshole sometimes, but I love him.

Please review!


	16. Kadira's Fear Is Revealed

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Okay, okay, I have nothing to say about this chapter other than I hate it. That's why it's so short, and I'm sorry. I just needed this to happen, and well, I couldn't resist being a total loser. :(

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: OMG poor little plastic thing! And I like your hobbies. I can relate. And I'm glad Tarzan was able to wait while you read that chap. *eats imaginary brownies* OMG they're stuck in my imaginary braces! Well, don't tell any shrinks that I was a contributing factor to your insanity. They might shoot me. That is, if you don't shoot them first while waiting for another chap. And I update so fast because I know waiting for a chapter is like... waiting to see if you're going to die or not. Sometimes. Haha. Thanks for reviewing!

To **mango-quincy**: Yep, it took me forever, but I finally found that mistake. Well, maybe that was just Cartman's fault! It wasn't me! Stupid Cartman! *hits with book* Okay, since i'm a huge KyMan fan myself, I might, MIGHT, throw you a bone. I have an idea for later in the story that could work for that... but I'm not sure yet. But LIVE ON, KYMAN! *raises donut dramatically before eating it in one bite*

To **Hazel-Beka**: Hey, if it weren't for you I never would have found my inhaler. It was behind my bed and when I started freaking out i pulled the cord and it hit the inhaler and was like whee and flew out. And hey, I never thought of that as a reason for the TV exploding but... giddyap I love it! Yeah, Stan is kinda an ass sometimes when it comes to KylevsWendy, but he redeems himself at the end when he got hurt. And that mistake was all Cartman's fault. He's so silly sometimes! I'm really glad that you were surprised at the hotel thing. I was hoping that it would be a twist and that nobody was expecting it. And I guess by the vamps being a little less caring to Kyle is just saying... even though they believe that everyone's equal, they can't be perfect. They're still assholes, even if Ky is human, he's like a puppy! A cute, adorable, Jew puppy! And I shall not tell you anything about Kyle's strange abilities. See, there's this CuteJew-Author confidentiality agreement, and I'd be violating clause 4 if I said anything. And after reading this chap, you're gonna shoot me. I just know ur gonna shoot me. I just mean, it's ironic that you should say the romance thing now. But I swear, this is the last chap of that stuff. It made me wanna puke just writing it! But... this was just waiting to happen, you'll see.

Okay you guys, I swear this is the last chap you'll see of this puke-worthy stuff. I hate this chap, I hate it! I get really weird about my stories, and they mean a lot to me, and I'm just really irritated that I put this in here. But the story's in my head, you know? I mean, it's not like I control what happens... it's just my mind.

**Chapter Sixteen: Kadira's Fear Is Revealed-** Kadira helps Aaron heal his arm and learns some things about herself along the way.

* * *

"Does it hurt?"

Aaron shrugged. It really didn't hurt at all, but the only reason Kadira was this close to him was because she thought he was in pain. "A little," he said.

"Oh, you poor man," she said, suddenly standing up and running to her purse. Just as Aaron was beginning to miss her presence, she was back. "More bandages," she told him. He lifted up his arm compliantly and she began unraveling the old bandage.

He smiled to himself. "You could be a doctor," he told her.

She laughed. "Far from it," she replied, "Blood makes me quite queasy."

"You're fine right now."

She tossed the old bandage in the garbage and unwrapped the new one. "Well, this is a different circumstance."

"How so?" asked Aaron.

Kadira shrugged. "I am unsure," she admitted, "You are someone I care about, and I will act on whatever means necessary to assist you."

Aaron felt a wave of recklessness come over him as he looked into Kadira's eyes. Hiding really got old after a while. "You know, you use all these long words, but you really have no clue hat you're talking about." He knew that if he insulted her that she could burn him to a crisp, but right now, he didn't care.

There was no fire when she snapped, "As though you would know." He relaxed when she changed the subject. "Move your arm up a bit more." He obeyed and she bent over it to wrap the bandages. Aaron's face was next to the top of her blonde head. Her hair smelled like a rainforest. He could almost see the tall trees and exotic birds.

"I thought you were mad at me," he said.

She didn't respond for a moment. "I… you saved my life."

"That may be," he continued, "But I always thought of you as a person to hold grudges until the death."

Laughing, she looked up into his deep brown eyes. He was staring into her ice blue ones. Both faces automatically turned serious when Aaron asked, "Why were you mad?"

She didn't answer, but instead moved her face from the place where it was inches away from Aaron's and stood up. "Your bandages are finished. You can leave."

"You didn't answer my question," he pushed.

She scoffed. "I thought the answer would be obvious," she snapped, "You were fooling around on the mission!"

"Kady," he whispered, "We're not _on _the mission right now. And you know that. Why were you mad?" Her blue eyes glared at him with no response. Although she strongly met his eyes, he could tell that all she wanted was to look away. "You know, Kady, it's okay to show that you have feelings."

Cold laughter filled the room. "Feelings? I don't even have… never mind." She trailed off and looked away, before taking a seat next to Aaron once again. "I need to concentrate on the mission. I shouldn't be doing this!"

"Doing what?" Aaron asked.

"This!" she exclaimed, "Feeling this way! It will get in the way. It always does!"

He smiled. "You're strong on the outside, Kady, I know you are. And you're strong on the inside too. But there is one thing you're afraid of, isn't there? You're afraid to care for somebody."

"I…"

He cupped her chin in his hand and turned her face toward his. "Look into my eyes and tell me that you don't feel it too."

"I can't…"

She fell silent as a finger covered her lips. "You've been concentrating on the mission for too long. Now your mission is to forget."

He leaned forward and covered her lips with his own. Her eyes widened in shock, but when he wrapped his arms around her waist she was easily able to forget and closed her eyes.

When his tongue tried to intrude, she backed away. "How do I know that I am any different from those girls you were whoring around with earlier?"

"How do you know that you're not?"

"I don't want to do this if you're not going to take it seriously."

He shrugged. "I'm tired of taking things seriously." And he leaned forward for another kiss. This time, Kadira was expecting it and allowed him to intrude. It was the strangest she'd ever felt, and it embarrassed her to admit that she was over 600 years old and this was her first kiss. But romance had never been her thing. Aaron was right- she was too serious. On the other hand, could anyone imagine a loose Kadira? She was like a board, a rock. She couldn't fall in love! She'd always lived for the necessary things. Love was like junk food. It was nice and everyone liked it, but in the end it just caused problems. In the end it goes straight to your hips.

But exceeding in everything wasn't always the best way to go. Why wasn't there ever a movie where the main character is flawless? Because it's boring! Being perfect was just uninteresting. But now she was kissing Aaron White, her long time _partner_. Just partner. And this was so wrong. But sometimes being wrong is just the right thing.

Aaron deepened the kiss and Kadira leaned back against the couch, making him have to crawl on top of her. His hand went behind her neck, arching her to make her more comfortable when they heard a noise.

"Woah… you guys gettin' freaky in here!" Darius exclaimed.

Kadira opened her eyes and stood up, knocking Aaron to the floor. "Darius!" she exclaimed.

"Oh no, no, no, don't let me interrupt," he said, waving his hand, "You two carry on."

"There is nothing to carry on!" she said, "What is it? What do you want?"

Darius shrugged. "There's just a psychotic maniac and his dying friend next door but if you two wanna try for kids…"

"Shut up," Aaron snapped, "It's not that kind of relationship."

Kadira turned on him, her blonde hair swinging around her. "I was unaware that it was a relationship at all!"

"We just fucking made out! Doesn't that make us a little closer than friends?"

"Well, you just fucking made out with that girl on the balcony, doesn't that make you a two a little closer than friends?"

Darius clapped. "Kady just cussed! Stop the presses!"

"Shut up!" repeated Aaron, "Kadira, I didn't mean it like that. She was just… there, you know?"

Kadira folded her arms. "Was I just there as well?"

"No!" he exclaimed, "I really have feelings for you, Kady! I wanna turn this into something more."

She rolled her eyes and looked away. "Look, maybe when the mission's over…"

"Listen. This is probably the biggest mission of our lives. We could die here. We could die tomorrow. And I'd love to leave the world knowing that I was with the love of my life. And you are the love of my life."

Darius whistled. "How are you gonna say no to that?"

"I'm not," Kadira replied simply, and swooped in for another kiss, forgetting that Darius was there.

* * *

Short, huh? I couldnt' bear to write anymore. I hate this chap! I hate it! I'm really depressed. And it's funny, because I could just easily not put it in, huh? But it needs to be there. It just does. Please, please don't shoot me!

And I have no right to ask anything of you after that shitty chapter, so I'm not going to beg you to review. I'm just gonna go commit suicide.

After i finish the story, of course!

-Lori


	17. All Hail The Sacred Blood

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Well, I tried to commit suicide, I killed myself, pulled a Kenny, and now I'm back. It's so hard to be emo when you have the Kennyrific gift. But then when I came back alive, I read you guys' reviews and I felt a lot better. Thanks guys, I won't kill myself now.

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: No, I have four, except for when I wear my contacts. XD Screw Tarzan, tell him to go make out with his ape boyfriend. Just kiddin' I love TarTar. Thank you for saving me from your homicidal shrink! Haha, you're right. It's more like toast. Or toaster waffles. Yum. Tweek on drugs? If you hadn't shot your shrink, I'm sure he would come strangle me with his bare hands after seeing the sight of you+Tweek on Drugs. *stops insulting chapter* I'm glad you like KadiraxAaron. What should I call it? Kadaron? Aadira? Hmm… well, they can't be in Vamp Celebrity magazines unless they have a name. And I hope I updated soon enough to save Chris and Shane. Thanks for reviewing! You're always the first!

To **Dnny By**: Yes, that is quite the popular line. Haha thanks for reviewin!

To **Hazel-Beka**: CuteJew says thank you, and that if you REALLY wanna know, you can come with a warrant. Haha jk C.J. loves ya! Well, the reason for the blood-drinking thing is because I'm a bit queasy around blood myself. But you'll see later about their blood-drinking policy. While I do agree that she needs to get out more, she'll keep her young looks forever! She'll never get wrinkly and old. And I was quite proud of that analogy, if I do say so myself. Haha I was like, woot! An analogy that actually is witty and kinda makes sense! And I'm glad you like Darry. He's considered the… comic relief, if you will. Without him, I feared the story would get kinda boring. I'm glad you liked the chap. And to write romance all you gotta do is embrace the inner whine of your heart. It's fun, but it makes you wanna puke afterwards. Thanks for reviewing, homie!

To **mango-quincy**: Haha thank you. But if you hug it, it might give you a paper cut, and then you'd have a bad time. (that was totally a rip on that SP episode, Aspen, if you haven't seen it). Okay, good thing I came back alive and saved you from that horrible twilight-related fate. And may I just add the following: I LOVE YOU. In fact I love everyone who understands the uselessness of twilight and the usefulness we would get from burning every single copy! And haha you're making me blush. You're too nice. And why is it that all my readers spazz out? But I do love it. *spazzes with you while gobbling donut* I swear, all this writing and free food is gonna go straight to my ass. But I love it, my friend, I love it. Thanks for reviewing!

Okay, so I actually had no idea where this was going when I started it, and I think I did okay. It's half talking, so yeah. Just a mellow, relaxation chapter. Let's all get our yoga mats and read.

**Chapter Seventeen: All Hail The Sacred Blood-** How did Kyle penetrate Percy's mind? That's the only question on Kyle's mind, but Stan has a few more uncertainties.

"_Didn't they say you couldn't use that ring for killing?"_

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Well, I tried to commit suicide, I killed myself, pulled a Kenny, and now I'm back. It's so hard to be emo when you have the Kennyrific gift. But then when I came back alive, I read you guys' reviews and I felt a lot better. Thanks guys, I won't kill myself now.

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: No, I have four, except for when I wear my contacts. XD Screw Tarzan, tell him to go make out with his ape boyfriend. Just kiddin' I love TarTar. Thank you for saving me from your homicidal shrink! Haha, you're right. It's more like toast. Or toaster waffles. Yum. Tweek on drugs? If you hadn't shot your shrink, I'm sure he would come strangle me with his bare hands after seeing the sight of you+Tweek on Drugs. *stops insulting chapter* I'm glad you like KadiraxAaron. What should I call it? Kadaron? Aadira? Hmm… well, they can't be in Vamp Celebrity magazines unless they have a name. And I hope I updated soon enough to save Chris and Shane. Thanks for reviewing! You're always the first!

To **Dnny By**: Yes, that is quite the popular line. Haha thanks for reviewin!

To **Hazel-Beka**: CuteJew says thank you, and that if you REALLY wanna know, you can come with a warrant. Haha jk C.J. loves ya! Well, the reason for the blood-drinking thing is because I'm a bit queasy around blood myself. But you'll see later about their blood-drinking policy. While I do agree that she needs to get out more, she'll keep her young looks forever! She'll never get wrinkly and old. And I was quite proud of that analogy, if I do say so myself. Haha I was like, woot! An analogy that actually is witty and kinda makes sense! And I'm glad you like Darry. He's considered the… comic relief, if you will. Without him, I feared the story would get kinda boring. I'm glad you liked the chap. And to write romance all you gotta do is embrace the inner whine of your heart. It's fun, but it makes you wanna puke afterwards. Thanks for reviewing, homie!

To **mango-quincy**: Haha thank you. But if you hug it, it might give you a paper cut, and then you'd have a bad time. (that was totally a rip on that SP episode, Aspen, if you haven't seen it). Okay, good thing I came back alive and saved you from that horrible twilight-related fate. And may I just add the following: I LOVE YOU. In fact I love everyone who understands the uselessness of twilight and the usefulness we would get from burning every single copy! And haha you're making me blush. You're too nice. And why is it that all my readers spazz out? But I do love it. *spazzes with you while gobbling donut* I swear, all this writing and free food is gonna go straight to my ass. But I love it, my friend, I love it. Thanks for reviewing!

Okay, so I actually had no idea where this was going when I started it, and I think I did okay. It's half talking, so yeah. Just a mellow, relaxation chapter. Let's all get our yoga mats and read.

**Chapter Seventeen: All Hail The Sacred Blood-** How did Kyle penetrate Percy's mind? That's the only question on Kyle's mind, but Stan has a few more uncertainties.

* * *

_Kyle smiled. Didn't look like Cartman was going to be kicking their asses. The look of rage in Cartman's eyes said otherwise. Why was he angry? He was the one who attacked them! As Cartman held up the ring, Kyle felt a tiny pang of fear. He couldn't use magic; he was defenseless. Just as the thought crossed his mind, he saw blue. Lots of blue light. The next thing he knew there was the feeling of cement hitting his back._

_His head was swimming as he tried to look at the battle ahead of him. He couldn't make out any of the people, but he did see someone fall on the ground. He hoped it was a wizard. But when his eyes roamed over one figure, he felt a strange feeling of everything going in slow motion, and he heard a strange voice in his head._

"_Kill the girl, then kill the kid. Easy enough if I don't use my wand." _

_Then Kyle wasn't at the battle anymore. He was inside a dark circular room. Strange lights reflected off of the glass walls. It was nearly blinding. Where was he? He took a tentative step forward and watched as red ripples erupted from where his foot had landed. This wasn't a normal place at all. It was like he was in another world. And when he moved it felt as though he was in a dream. He used a classic trick and pinched himself; he couldn't feel it. Sweet, he was dreaming._

_Then what were these little spheres? He hadn't noticed them before. They were small enough to fit in his hand, and they had little tiny movie-like things playing inside them. Damn, his imagination could make him a million bucks if he invented these things. He reached out to the nearest one, which was green, and watched the movie inside. _

_He saw two stick figures, both holding wands out to each other. One was green and the other was red. The green one raised its wand and it was surrounded by a green light; the same green light in the sphere. When he flung the green light forward, it hit the red person and they fell to the ground, a large skull covering its figure. It was dead._

_Wait a minute… wands? Weren't they just with the wizards a moment ago? This was somehow still related to the battle! And… this sphere thing… was it like Pokemon? It could be… it could be like a spell. Like you say, "death ball, I choose you!" and it kills whoever's nearest. _

'Oh god,'_ he thought, _'I'm inside one of the wizards minds!'

"_Took you long enough," echoed a voice in the back of his head. He shook his head. How did he get out of here? How did he get _in_ here? How would he use the bathroom? _

_He grinned to himself and ran to a corner. What? When nature calls, you answer, right? Just as he unzipped his pants, the door in the front of the room opened. He quickly zipped them back up and turned around. One of the wizards… wasn't his name Paul or something?… had walked into the room. _

"_Hey! Paul!" Kyle shouted, hesitantly approaching the man. Paul didn't see him, he was just searching the room for something; probably one of the spheres._

"_Gotta kill that girl and that kid…" Paul muttered to himself. _

_Kyle's eyes widened. This _was_ the battle! He was going to kill Kadira and Stan! The green ball must be what he was looking for. Where was the green ball? He looked up to the ceiling and saw thousands of round spheres floating around._

"_Death Spell, come to me," Paul said, holding out his hand._

_The green ball was hurtling toward him, but Kyle wasn't going to let it. How was he going to stop it? He closed his eyes and imagined a wall between the balls and Paul. Damn it… how would imagining things help? He was just…_

_When he opened his eyes, he saw a tall blue wall… or maybe it wasn't a wall, it looked like a force field made of light or something… in front of where the "Death Spell" was heading. _

_It collided with the wall, bouncing off of it and flying toward the other side of the room._

"_Come on, Death Spell, any day now," Paul said, summoning it again._

_The green ball, not learning from its last attempt, raced to Paul again, and was once again stopped by the wall._

_But Kyle felt himself growing tired. It seemed as though the world was slipping around him. Even Paul was fading out. There was a flash of light, and he saw the battle once again. Kadira and Aaron were on the ground; Stan was the only one standing._

_He could still see his wall in the back of his mind, and struggled to keep it up as the green sphere rammed against it._

_But he could see the man from the room… it wasn't Paul, it was Percy. He never was good with names. Percy looked like he was having a battle of his own. Aha, his shield was still working! He looked at Stan, and then looked behind him. Straight into Kyle's eyes._

_There was a pause, and then the next thing Kyle saw was a huge white light and then the feeling of being rammed into a large boulder. Then there was nothing._

* * *

Stan paced back and forth, wringing his hands and every few seconds glancing at his unconscious friend. It had been a few hours, and he still hadn't woken up. Stan was beginning to worry. No, wait… he had been beginning to worry three hours ago. Now he was just fucking hysteric.

"Oh god, Kyle, please wake up!"

He glanced once again at the redhead, who didn't flinch.

"Kyle, please don't die or anything. I don't know what I'd do if you died. I guess I could hang with Kenny, but he's a slut, dude! He'd probably rape me!"

"Stan…"

Stan waved a hand and concentrated on his shoes. "And it's like… I thought Cartman was our friend! Well… not really friend, but… kinda like… an acquaintance."

"Uh, Stan?"

"Not now," Stan snapped, burying his face in his hands, "And if you die, I'll die, because you're like… a… a… I don't know, you're like me in Jew-form, except smarter and more irritating."

"Stan!"

"Seriously, Kyle, shut up!" Stan shouted, squeezing his eyes shut so little white dots flicked in front of him. Wait… Kyle?

"Kyle!"

Kyle was sitting up in bed, face still a bit bruised, but other than that he looked fine. "Took you long enough."

Stan blushed. "Did you hear all that?"

"Yeah. You think I'm irritating?"

"Well…" he shrugged, "I mean… you can be a smart ass."

Kyle laughed. "And you can be a lovesick douche bag. I still love you."

"I love you too, Ky."

"So, how'd the fight go?"

Stan shrugged. "I don't know. I hit Cartman with a tornado and then they just left."

"A tornado?" Kyle asked.

Stan laughed. "Yeah dude, it was like the coolest thing ever! I was like 'whoo' and he was like 'aah!' and then it was like 'pop' and then everyone was gone."

"Good use of adjectives," noted Kyle, "Where's Kadira and Aaron?"

"Darius said they were having a little fun in their room," Stan replied.

Kyle was confused. "Who's Damien?"

"Darius. Apparently he was a spy. He's a vamp, just like me. He's Aaron's brother."

"Oh," Kyle replied, "What did he mean by 'having fun?'"

Stan laughed. "I don't know, but he said that when he left they were making out like love-starved prostitutes."

"Charming analogy. I can't imagine Kadira making out with anybody! She's so boring!"

The taller boy shrugged. "Yeah, but she's fucking hot."

"She's a bit old for you," Kyle reminded him.

"Shut up," he snapped, "She's already with Aaron anyway."

Kyle grinned and shifted a bit, and then looked away with a peculiar look on his face. "Why did Cartman do that?"

"You mean try to kill us?"

"Yeah… you're right; I thought we were friends too!"

Stan sighed. "I don't know. Maybe the wizards like… brainwash people."

"He seemed pretty normal to me," Kyle said, "I've always known he was an asshole, but this is a bit far, even for him. He tried to kill us."

"I think it's shocking that he's a wizard. I mean, I've never seen him do magic."

Kyle shrugged. "Maybe he didn't know. You didn't know you were a vampire until Kadira and Aaron told you."

"Well, he ain't no cutie Potter I can tell you that."

The redhead rolled his eyes. "You ain't no gay sparkling Edward, I can tell you that."

They laughed together and Stan sat by Kyle on the bed. "So… do you still want to go through with this, Ky?"

"What, are you having doubts?" Kyle asked.

Stan sighed. "I don't know. I'm just worried about you. How will you defend yourself if you're attacked again?"

"I… I can… well, I can kick 'em in the balls and scram!"

"Kyle, seriously," he said, "I'm worried. I didn't know it'd be this dangerous when we first started. But you almost got killed, and… I don't want to take the chance of it not being almost next time."

Kyle groaned. "What about you? What makes you special enough to stay?"

"I can use my powers. I can defend myself."

"Did you not hear what I said about the balls?"

Stan sighed. "Kyle, that won't work. As you saw earlier, we don't really use kung-fu violence against these guys. Hell, there's not even any contact. And… I…"

"Stan. I can look out for myself. I'm not leaving you here alone."

"Kyle, I'll be fine on my own, I just…"

Kyle bit his lip, trying to think of a way to convince Stan. "I won't get attacked, and if we do, I'll run."

"You can still be chased."

"They're not after me!"

"What if they're after me?"

"You have powers!"

"Yeah, but what if they use you to get to me?"

"I… that's gay, Stan," Kyle said.

Stan laughed. "That's the best you got?"

"I… give me a sword or something. That way I can stab them from afar."

"They can hit you with an evil light from afar, it overpowers the point."

Kyle turned his voice to whiny mode. "But Staaaaan, I really wanna coooome…"

"That is really not working."

"Fine. But Kadira and Aaron are fine with me coming. They obviously think nothing'll happen!" Stan sighed and looked away. "What?" asked Kyle.

Stan reluctantly looked back at his friend. "Look. I don't think Kadira and Aaron care that much about your well-being."

"Wh… what?"

"I'm sorry Ky," he continued, "But… I don't know. They're being prejudiced. When you got hurt, and Aaron did too, they didn't care about you. It was all about Aaron. So I asked about it, and Kadira said your blood isn't as 'sacred' as his."

Kyle snorted. "Sacred? All hail the holy blood!"

"Kyle I'm not joking!" Stan snapped, "Look. I just don't think you should trust Kady and Aaron's opinions on this."

Kyle nodded and looked down at his folded hands before he spoke in a quiet voice. "But Stan… if I go home… my mom'll kill me!"

Stan's eyes widened slightly. "O…okay, stay. I think you're safer here than at home."

"God, that really proves my mom's a bitch, huh?"

Stan smiled a bit. "Come on, you know it's true."

* * *

Hmm... I don't know what to say. This is a rare moment; someone get a record book. All I know is that I'm super pissed off cause my friends are total douche bags and made me stay at home all day.

By the way, I saw Harry Potter 6 for the second time yesterday! I still cried!

*points to button* Did you know that if you click that button you'll get a prize? You'll get a quick update! Wait... I always update quickly. Screw it, just click it anyway.

Do it for Kyle, Stan, Kadira, Aaron. Do it for Aadira!

Love Lori


	18. Mozart Falls For A Retarded Goddess

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I tried so hard to write yesterday, but I just couldn't get into it. So sorry about that. Here's your fairly quick update, but it's slow for me.

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: Oh no, you're in a closet with John Travolta and Tom Cruise. "Come out of the closet… something something something… and I pull out my gun!" Haha that was funny. And don't worry, I check my email every five minutes, we're on the same boat here. And yeah, I love Stan too. He's serious and funny at the same time. And I'm not surprised that that was the first conclusion that your mom came to. No offense, spazz attacks are pretty frickin awesome. And Kyle kicks so much $$ that his foot has formed itself to fit perfectly in key ass spots. And yes, I'd love to marry you. Is that present you mentioned the ring? Yeah, I was pissed off at the movie too, but Draco made up for it. But I was mad when he killed the cute birdy. And bribery does work! First once again, thanks for reviewing

To **Hazel-Beka**: Yeah, well Kyle sucks at priorities. And I'm glad you asked that question. It was the part of Kyle's mind that brought him there- the part that knew what was going on that said it. He should have. It would have been funny. And guys are just douche bags. (no offense to any guys reading this… CALL ME!) Yeah, when I was writing that the keyboard was all "click click click" and my mind was all buzz and I was like "Sweet". Haha, trust me. I know. Yep. Stan is Kyle's shield of magicalness. I semi gave you the prize, right? Lol thanks for reviewing!

To **Kiakamon**: I actually haven't explained that. It's a secret though, I can't explain until later. Though, I'm surprised that Stan and Kyle haven't asked Aaron and Kadira that question. Maybe they're like me and avoiding the subject. Eesh, I hate blood. Haha. Thanks for reviewing

This chap is mostly people chattering. Heh.

**Chapter Eighteen: Mozart Falls For A Retarded Goddess –** Percy has questions. Aria can answer them. Cartman is not good with cats.

* * *

Cartman awoke to see the night sky above him. "What the fuck, where are we?"

"I wouldn't look down if I were you," he heard Percy's voice warn.

Not heeding the warning, he looked down. "SHIT!" he shouted, backing up.

"No, Eric, don't!"

Cartman immediately stopped moving and looked around him. They were flying hundreds of feet above the ground. "Wh… what is this?"

"This is Artemis, she's a Pegasus," Percy told him, stroking the mane of the horse in front of him.

The large boy looked beside him and saw large purple wings beating on either side of him. "Woah…" He was sitting on the Artemis' back, her blue silky hair glistening slightly. "Don't the people below think this is kind of… strange?"

"Well, Artemis is dark, so she blends at night. Now during the day, there will be a problem. She'll fly in the clouds, but if anyone sees, we'll just plant spies to stick 'im in mental institution."

"Sweet," Cartman praised. Artemis' long purple tail flowed behind them, and he stroked the blue in front of him. "Where are we going?"

Percy sighed. "To Aria's."

"Again?"

"We need her help, and you could use more training."

Cartman glared at Percy's back. "I did perfectly fine. In case you didn't notice, I nearly killed that stupid Jew."

"Yes, that was impressive, but he was a mere human," he returned, "If we want to win this battle, we'll have to kill vamps. You need more training. No questions."

"Asshole," muttered Cartman. He watched as a small bird flew past them, soaring with its wings wide open. Most people would find it a beautiful sight; Cartman just find out how birds crap when they fly. The bird flew in front of Artemis, who suddenly jerked and sped toward it. Percy grabbed at her mane, but she didn't slow down.

"These Pegasuses aren't that that intelligent, are they?" asked Cartman.

Percy pulled on her hair harder. "No, that's just Artemis. Slow down, girl!"

The bird dodged her and flew straight toward the ground, but just as Artemis was about to follow her, but Percy pulled her up. "Most Pegasi are quite intelligent. I like to consider Artemis kind of… retarded."

Cartman laughed. "How much longer till we get there?"

"Few minutes."

"Can't you teleport?"

Percy nodded. "I can."

"Then why didn't we do that?"

A blush crept over Percy's face. "This is more fun," he replied simply.

* * *

"Come along, dear, it is time for supper."

The penguin didn't move from its spot in the igloo of involvement. It waddled to one side and sat down.

"Mozart, we haven't all day."

The penguin stood up, and the tiny ball of poo it left behind's smell hit Aria. "Fine! You can just starve. I will go eat my supper."

She irritably turned around, her long black dress getting wet from the igloo's ice.

_Ding dong_

"Oh dear, what is it now?" she asked herself, hurrying to the door and opening it.

There stood Percy and her student Eric Cartman. But that wasn't the shocking part. Behind them stood a large Pegasus with blue hair and a purple mane, tail, and wings. It was nuzzling Cartman's ear, and he was looking irritated at the show of affection.

"What is it, Perseus?"

Percy pushed past her, Artemis trailing behind him, and sat at her table. "It's Percy, and we just lost a battle with the vamps."

"Eric, take the Pegasus to the back room."

Cartman shrugged and put a chubby hand on Artemis' neck and led her to the back room.

"So, what is it, dear Perseus?"

Percy decided to ignore the constant butchering of his name. "We were in our hotel, and Eric said that some kid from his school was there. I sensed vamp presence, so we went to attack. There were two teenage boys, one was the actual vamp, a woman and a man."

"Well, you were defeated. It is not that tragic, son."

"No, it's…" he was interrupted by the reentering of Cartman. "Damn it, I don't wanna say it in front of him," he whispered.

Aria looked at Cartman and nodded. "Boy, I need you to plunge my toilet."

"Huh?" Cartman asked, bewildered.

"Plunge. My. Toilet. Did I stutter?" she said, "My cat, Pebbles, got wedged in the little toilet bowl, so it'd be just grand if you could get her out and her… droppings."

Cartman's eyes were wide. "Oh my god lady, you are a fucking lunatic."

"Will you do it, Eric?"

"No!"

"You don't have a choice!" snapped Percy, flinging his wand at Cartman and pushing him into the bathroom. He then turned to Aria. "Do you really have a cat in your toilet?"

"Well, Pebbles is quite the adventurous fellow…"

"Okay then…" Percy said, "Anyway, I just have a question. Is it possible for… someone to, I don't know, control other's minds?"

Aria squinted. "Control minds? Brainwashing?"

"No… not like that," Percy replied, "Like… building a wall to stop someone from doing something like a spell."

"A force field?"

Percy nodded. "Yeah! Like that. And like, stop someone from accessing a part of their own mind?"

"I have heard of it," Aria said, "But it is quite rare. There have been a few humans who have been known to do this with presidents and such. Do you think you witnessed one?"

"Well, I was trying to kill a couple of the vamps, and every time I tried to focus my mind, it was as though there was a wall stopping me from piecing my thoughts together. And when my eyes opened, I saw the little human boy glaring at me. And his eyes… his eyes were like… wow."

Aria sighed and leaned back. "Well, it is very possible that this was just a fluke, but I know you are quite gifted in the art of death spells. But it is just strange that you should stumble across this boy. They are so rare."

"What is he? Like an alien or something?"

"No, Perseus, that's ridiculous. He is quite human," she folded her arms. "I think that he may be a prophet."

Percy snorted. "A prophet? Are you insane? Prophets make prophecies, not this shit."

"Prophets are the only ones with enough strength in their brain waves to use their minds like that."

"I don't know, Aria. I think if he was a prophet, the vamps…"

Aria leaned forward. "He was accompanying the vampires, was he not?"

"He was…"

"The vampires know then! They know all about him! But he is not much of a threat. Having these mind control things, as you call them, are quite rare. It is like… adrenaline. It happens when the prophet is quite anxious, afraid, or angry. He was upset that you were going to hurt his friends. Which brings me to another matter… you said there was a teenage vampire with them?"

Percy nodded. "Yeah, he's the friend of Eric's."

"He is the threat. You said he was able to use the darkness, right? With his hand?"

Another nod came from Percy. "Yeah. But all vamps can do that, right?"

"Not all vampires. You have to be of age. You must be at least twenty one."

"So they judge it by when you can drink?" Percy asked.

Aria rolled her eyes. "No! That is just a coincidence!" She took a breath and continued, "Do you know how a vampire receives their powers?"

"Isn't it like… a big ceremony with this emo cutting and stuff?"

"Yes," replied Aria, "It is the ceremony in which they scar their hand with the Vamp Ruby."

Percy scratched his head. "Vamp Ruby?"

"Yes. It is a ruby that holds dark particles. When it touches one's blood stream, it mixes the dark particles with their blood, making their blood black and giving them the scar."

Percy nodded in understanding. "But… the boy wasn't yet twenty-one."

"Precisely," she told him, "He was far too young. Now, of course this has happened before. Remember their old leader, Aleser?"

Percy nodded a fourth time, his neck getting quite sore.

"He was quite powerful, yes?"

"Yeah," Percy said, saving himself from yet another nod.

"He too was scarred early. I believe that having dark particles enter one's blood stream so young makes them quite powerful."

Percy squinted. "So why don't the scar everyone early? They could be really powerful."

"I do believe there are side affects. I also believe that it affects others quite differently. I believe some vampires have died."

"Ah. But you're worried the vamp kid could have extreme powers."

Aria nodded. "Correct. Which is why you must destroy him before he gets training. Before he is too powerful."

"But, we're outnumbered. There's two adults and two kids there, and we have one adult and one kid."

Aria smiled. "I would love to help, but I am quite busy around here. You must catch the boy on his own. You said he was a friend of Eric's?"

"Yeah, they were friends up until he left with me."

"Use him. Use Eric to get to the boy."

Percy shook his head. "But he hates Eric after he tried to kill them. He…"

"We both know that Eric is a persuasive boy," she interrupted, "He can tell him it was an accident or something of that sort."

"Well, how are we even going to get near the vamps again without them noticing?"

Aria sighed. "I am not a war general, I do not know. But I do know that you are talented in ideas, so I am positive that you can think of something."

"You suck, Aria."

"You would have never known any of this if it weren't for me."

Percy shrugged. "You still suck."

RAWR!

They both turned when they heard the sound of an angry cat, and Cartman slammed the door open. He was holding the wet cat by its tail and had a long scratch on his face. "I wanna shove a fucking pebble down Pebbles' throat!" he shouted.

"Whatever, we're done here, so we'll just go get Artemis and be gone."

He nodded irritably and followed Percy into the back room, where Artemis had her nose in the igloo of involvement. Cartman and Percy looked at each other as a tiny penguin waddled out, grasping Artemis' nose. Artemis nuzzled the penguin's face, and the penguin pecked her nose gently.

Aria opened the door behind them. "Are you leaving or… Mozart!"

"What is he doing to Artemis?" Cartman asked.

"I think… they have fallen in love."

Percy snorted. "Penguins don't fall in love!"

"Magical penguins do," Aria informed him. "We should leave them to their privacy. Come along Perseus, Eric."

She led the way back into the living room. "I assume you will be needing another Pegasus for your journey home."

"We could just telepor…"

"We'd love one!" exclaimed Percy.

Aria reached around her neck and touched the red jeweled necklace before handing it to Percy. "Here you are. His name is Hermes. He is quite intelligent. Well, more intelligent than Artemis, for sure."

"A doughnut is more intelligent than Artemis," muttered Cartman as Percy took the red necklace. "Wait. Lady, are you retarded? That's not a Pegasus, that's a necklace!"

"When we get outside, I'll show you."

Percy led the way outside, Cartman close on his tail. They headed to an alley between two apartment buildings, and Percy threw the stone to the ground. There was a large puff of pink smoke, and when it cleared, a large red Pegasus stood in its place. It was blood red with jet-black wings. Its eyes were like the jewel on the necklace, except there were small pupils.

"Hello, Hermes," Percy said.

* * *

I'm not gonna write more cuz im on da phone.

REVIEW PLEASE


	19. Kyle Gives Stan A Memory That Won't Be S

_Fight Fear With Fire_

This chapter was inspired by **Kiakamon's **review of chapter seventeen. I was thinking about how I should go about the whole blood thing, and here it is. I'm sorry about bombarding you with chapters again. Just couldn't resist.

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: Congrats, you've reached your goal on this chap. I love posting a chap, going to eat a waffle, coming back, and there's your review, always waiting for me. So thank you. So THAT'S why Chef left? I was always wondering. Thanks for the trivia! And yes, even my ass as the mark of Kyle's sexy Vans. Oooh, how about a Crunch Bar in ring form! I'd wear it all the time, until it melted, then I'd just eat it. Same here! Dumbledore's all old and wrinkly, but that bird was so cute! Making people laugh is a trait of mine. Gets me in trouble at school. Haha I wish I could have described how Cartman got Pebbles out of the toilet. Be an interesting tidbit there. And I love you, you're always soo nice. But I do have a question. Is that the same iDog that you gave me to help me get out of ManBearPig's stomach? LOL thanks for reviewing!

To **Kiakamon**: I'm glad you brought up the blood. I don't think it's exactly what you were expecting, however. LOL I am feeling extremely weird today, so bear with me. Thanks for reviewing and the blood, lol!

MAKE SURE YOU READ THE A/N AT THE END! IT'S ACTUALLY IMPORTANT THIS TIME; NOT JUST ME RAMBLING LIKE A RETARDED INSECT.

**Chapter Eighteen: Kyle Gives Stan A Memory That Won't Be Shared With Their Children–** The road trip to the prophet begins with a bit of a rocky and gay start.

* * *

"Good morning guys," Aaron greeted cheerfully as he sat down next to Kadira.

Kyle looked between them, rubbing his sore nose. "So it's true then? You and Kady did get freaky last night?"

"Damn it, Darius!" snapped Aaron, "How many people did you tell?"

Darius shrugged. "Just Kyle."

"And me," Stan added.

"And me," said the housekeeping lady.

"Why'd you tell her?" asked Aaron.

Darius grinned. "She's a foxy mama! Hey Maria, how about me and you go get some milkshakes."

"It's eight a.m.," Maria said, raising an eyebrow.

"No better way to wake up than a cold, creamy beverage," Darius said slyly, "And after that, we can get dessert." He slapped his ass for emphasis, and Kyle and Stan giggled.

"Oh fine, but you better not get me fired," Maria gave in, dropping her duster and taking Darius' offered hand.

Kadira rolled her eyes. "Be back soon, Darius. We have to leave at ten!"

"Yeah, yeah, get that stick out of your ass, Kady!" came the call from the hallway.

"So, Aaron, are you feeling all right?" Kadira asked Aaron, stroking the place where the arrow had struck the night before.

Aaron nodded. "I'm fine, Kady. I think it even stopped bleeding."

"That's good," Kadira commented, "All right. Now that all of our problems are out of the way…"

Stan interrupted her. "Kyle's fine, thanks for asking."

He looked over at Kyle, who was clutching his stomach. "Kyle?"

"I'm fi… oh shit."

He ran back to the bathroom and the sound of throwing up could be heard clearly from the kitchen. "He's hung over," Stan told the other two, taking a bite from his toast.

"He was drinking?" snapped Kadira, "That is irresponsible! It could completely jeopardize our…"

"He wasn't the only one having fun last night," Stan interrupted, glaring icily at her.

Aaron snorted and Kadira blushed. "It is not like we did anything strange. It was just kissing, really."

"And touching!" came a shout from the bathroom before the throwing up resumed.

"Never mind that," Kadira mumbled, pulling the necklace out of her pocket. "I must check to see if we are near the prophet."

Aaron looked at it. "Is it hot or cold?"

Stan grinned. "Yes or no?"

"In or ou- ACK!" Kyle's singing stopped abruptly with another bout of nausea.

Aaron groaned. "Seriously, guys stop with that song."

"It is cold. The prophet is still far from us."

Stan sighed. "You know, I really don't see how finding this prophet and finding you guys a new leader is gonna save Kenny."

"Well, sort out your priorities, Stanley," Kadira told him, "Either save an entire species, or pull your friend Kenneth out of a coma."

Stan pretended to give it thought. "Sorry, but someone close to me is more important than a bunch of random people."

"Your species, Stanley. You're a vamp too," Aaron snapped.

"Well, so are you!"

"So is Kadira!"

"So are you, Aaron!"

"We already classified me."

"Stanley's a vampire!"

"We know that!" shouted Stan, "We're all vamps!"

"I'm not!" Kyle shouted before a loud thump was heard in the bathroom.

"Damn it, he's out again."

* * *

"Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long!" Stan and Kyle sang an hour into their trip.

Darius had covered his ears with headphones and Kadira and Aaron were barely restraining themselves from strangling the two boys.

_Two hours later_

Stan was singing again. "Tell me what you want, what you really really want!"

"I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want!"

They sang together. "I wanna…"

Aaron chucked a CD player and it hit Kyle's already broken nose. "Owww…."

_One hour later_

"Can't help it, the girl can't help it," Stan sang.

Kyle came in. "Oh baby!"

"You got me slippin."

"Ooooh."

"Stumblin."

"Ooooh"

"Flip…"

"I WILL FUCKING KILL THE NEXT PERSON WHO SINGS ANOTHER NOTE IN THIS CAR!" screamed Kadira, her hair frizzing wildly about her head.

Stan, Darius, and Kyle stared at her in shock, and she blushed.

_Two hours later_

"I need gas."

"I _have_ gas," Darius declared, followed by a small squeaking noise. Everybody immediately rushed out of the car.

Kyle and Stan grinned at each other when Kadira said, "Here is five dollars, go buy some food to keep your mouths shut."

"Preferably cement-like taffy."

Kyle rolled his eyes and followed Stan into the tiny store. "What do you wanna get, Stan?"

"I don't know, dude, I'm not feeling very good."

Kyle looked at his friend worriedly. "Are you sick?"

"No, no, just… I feel icky."

"Icky," Kyle repeated, and Stan nodded, "Well, I don't think even a doctor could give you a diagnoses for those symptoms."

Stan laughed. "I want Ho-Hos."

Kyle picked up one of the packages, which had two cylinder shaped cakes inside. "Ho-Hos. Look, this one is Ho Wendy, and this one is Ho Bebe! Two hos in one package!"

"Shut up," Stan snapped, playfully punching Kyle's arm.

Kyle laughed and picked up a giant Rice Krispies treat. "Damn! This thing's bigger than my head!"

"Yeah, your Jewfro and all!"

This time it was Kyle's turn to punch Stan's arm playfully, and they approached the counter to purchase the snacks.

"Is this all for you today?" the man asked in a bored voice.

A girl came up behind Stan in line and poked his shoulder. "Well hello there," she said in a flirty voice.

"Hi," Stan said shortly, nodding to the cashier and walking out the door with Kyle.

The girl followed them. "So, what's your name?"

"Stan."

"I'm Kyle."

The girl rolled her eyes at him. "Well, I'm Lilly. You can call me Lil for short!"

"I'll go with Lilly," Stan said dully.

Lilly looked put out. "Well, okay then. I was wondering. You're quite good looking, and if you wanted to…"

"I have a girlfriend," interrupted Stan.

Lilly now looked sad. "Oh, well… if you wanted to break up with…"

"Man, I feel shitty," Stan mumbled, rubbing his head and shutting Lilly out of the conversation.

Kyle patted his back. "You need anything?"

"No… I just…" Stan collapsed to the ground suddenly.

"Stan!" Kyle shouted. He bent down and checked Stan's heartbeat; it was too fast. "KADIRA! AARON! DARIUS!" He shouted as Stan began sweating furiously.

The three in question approached. "I thought I told you to get cement taffy to keep your mouths… what's wrong with him?"

"I don't know! He just collapsed!" Kyle shouted frantically, pushing on Stan's chest.

"Don't do that, he's breathing," snapped Darius, "Blood! When's the last time he had blood?"

Kadira's eyes widened. "His girlfriend! He needs blood!"

"Get him some blood!"

Lilly squealed in disgust. "That's icky! He's not even losing blood!"

"He's a vampire! Damn it!"

"Well, let him bite somebody!" snapped Kyle.

"You don't understand," Aaron said hastily, "It has to be someone he cares about deeply, because there is a bond in that blood…"

"NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO BE A HUMAN ENCYCLOPEDIA!" Darius shouted.

"He cares about me!" Lilly squealed, bending down next to Stan's face, "Bite me sweetie. I'll make the pain go away."

Kyle wanted to tear his hair out in frustration. "HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOU! I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?"

"Kyle! He needs to bite you!"

Kyle turned around in confusion. "Huh?"

"You! He cares about you the most, it seems."

Kyle shrugged and held his wrist to Stan's mouth. "Does he just bite there?"

Aaron shook his head as a blush crept over Kadira's face. "…No…"

Kyle bent down with his neck next to Stan. "Here?"

Stan took a shuddery breath, and Aaron slapped himself in the face. "He's gotta bite… your mouth."

"WHAT?" Kyle exclaimed, "I gotta _kiss_ him?"

"No, no, nothing like that," Kadira said, "You just let him bite your mouth."

"WHY MY MOUTH?" Kyle asked desperately.

Kadira shrugged. "Well, see, in most cases, the one person the other cares most about is of the opposite gender…"

"Just do it!" exclaimed Darius.

Kyle shut his eyes and bent down, puckering his lips and placing them to Stan. _"This is so gay," _he thought as a sharp pain shot through his bottom lip and Stan drank blood from it.

"_God, Wendy would kill me right now," _was the only thing going through Stan's barely-conscious mind.

Stan finally felt much better and gently pushed Kyle off of him. He looked at Kyle, and his bottom lip was bleeding, and the blood was as red as his blushing face. Stan knew he was blushing too. Darius was laughing, Kadira was blushing, and Aaron was erasing the memories of the watching crowd.

"From now on," Kadira said, "Just fill this vial with blood. Stan must drink it once a week."

Stan and Kyle nodded blankly, and Kyle helped Stan up.

"Thanks for saving my life," muttered Stan.

"We never speak of this," Kyle snapped.

"Never."

* * *

There you go. I know the biting on the mouth thing is weird, but I think it's funny, so whatever. Here's the IMPORTANT thing: There's no slash coming you guys, not from this scene here. My friend read this and thought Stan and Kyle like connected and fell in love... no. Just an awkward, life-saving moment. lol, had to get that out of the way.

No more chappys tonight. I'm tired. *yawn* sorry if this chap's on drugs. I'm really out of it because it's already late and I'm .... I'm babbling and my hands are just going all over the keys. So... goodnight you all.

I went through hell to bring you this chap, so *puts on cute face* pwease weview!


	20. A Car Chase You Won't See On TV

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Sorry about the late update! I got a concussion! I fell at my friends house and hit my head on the tile. It hurt like a bitch, but I'm okay now. I hit my head yesterday, and this is the soonest that I've felt like writing. I waited in the ER for like a month last night.

To **Kiakamon: **Yes, yes you did read that right. I read your question and I was like, "I HAVE AN IDEA!" So thanks! I don't see how it works either, but neck and wrist are totally overrated, plus, mouth to mouth gives fangirls something to squeal about *cough* Hazel *cough* Thanks! And I do push the chaps out at random times. I usually write them in one sitting, because if I get up and do something else, I'll totally zone out and forget what I'm doing. Thanks for the review!

To **Xxforget-me-notxX: **I have bad news about your goal. You should sit down. You were *holds breath* second. I know, I know, tragic! You must have stepped away from the computer for six minutes to destroy something, and BAM! But you still are SUPER TERRIFIC AWESOME! I still love you! Yep, same here. I love crunch! School without people getting in trouble is like… like… a fortune cookie without the fortune, a jack in the box without jack. It's the big picture without the fun part. You know? Really? I was Kenny. *points to concussion area* I can't say I disagree. And you don't seem like a Cartman. You're like a Kyle or Stan, cause they're so nice! And I'm glad you didn't see that as slash. My friend did, and I'm like… better explain this. And are you a genius like Kanye West, who can't figure out the Fishsticks joke? I did love that quote there. It's totally like… you know. I don't even wanna know what you destroyed while I was in the ER. What if I'd gone into a coma? You would have burned the world down, and I'd have woken up a day later and been like "WTF???" Thanks for the review!

To **mango-quincy (chapter 18): **I can't believe it either! No, I'm totally kidding, but I love Artemis. She's such a retarded Pegasus. I finally understand you with the hospital thing! I was like, omg, I need my laptop! I had inspiration! INSPIRATION I say! Aaaand I lost it. Can't remember my idea at all. But it'll come back eventually, and I'll find a way to stick it in. How could you laugh like an idiot? You'd be an idiot not to laugh! The only idiots are the people who never laugh, cause they're like totally missing out on life. And that thing I said there could have been on like little posters in classrooms if I hadn't added the 'like' halfway through, lol. Thanks for reviewing!

To **mango-quincy (chapter 19):** Aw, I love you too! Your reviews always make me a happy panda. And it'd take a pretty good ass therapist to fix that memory. The last part of your review made me laugh. But I haven't actually said if Kyle is or is not the prophet. He isn't the wizards main priority right now, he's under Stan. But, he should be above Stan, cause Kyle's frickin awesome! Thanks for the viewre! I said review in scrambled egg form!

To **Hazel-Beka (chapter 18):** lol I want a Pegasus too! I want a pink one to match my hair tie! I don't know how a cat gets in a toilet, or how Aria is legally able to have animals in her presence. Kyle's prophet status is still unknown. The vamps think he isn't, the wizards think he is, Kyle doesn't know what the hell is going on, and I have to go to the bathroom. Yeah, I'm totally moving to England! I want a drink and I want it NOW, damn it! LOL love your mathematical equation there. Cartman is smart in being manipulative, I guess you could say. I think he's just an evil genius, and I love him. *huggles fat ass* lol, I wonder what Artemis and Mozart would get if they had a baby. A flying penguin? A Pegasus with a beak? The mysteries.

To **Hazel-Beka (chapter 19): **Well, the Darius in my head is also extremely charming, and I'm sure that doesn't hurt. ;) Yep. Kyle is the injured hung over kid from hell. And I agree! We should go on strike for our right to sing on boring road trips. Hohos are little chocolate snacks that have yummy cream inside. They're like chocolate Twinkies, if you know those. OMG you caught that! I based Lilly off of a Twilight fangirl version of Lavender Brown from Harry Potter. Just had to stick her in there. The blood bond is explained in the next chap I'm gonna write, when we go back to the vamps. It might be explained later, but I planned on explaining it next. Lol I know how you feel, I used to ship the shit out of them too, but my obsession died down. Lol I totally would have freaked too a month ago. I'm glad you didn't find it romantic at all. I really tried to make them both look reluctant, though Stan was a little too busy dying to care at first. If I had gone into a coma, and you had been waiting with bated breath, we'd both be going sleepy for a long time!

Okay, CHAPTER 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is exciting! It is the LONGEST story I've ever written. I mean, I thought I'd give up before chappy 20, but you guys' reviews kept me going, so I LOVE YOU and this entire chapter is dedicated to my reviewers!

**Chapter Twenty: A Car Chase You Won't See On TV–** The wizards begin their search for Stan and his vamp homies, making what could be a very interesting episode of COPS.

"Hermes flies really fast!" Cartman exclaimed, frightened.

Hermes was flying almost 80 mph, Cartman was afraid of heights, and Percy had really bad diarrhea.

"I… I think we're gonna have to stop again…"

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Just shit on the ground! That's what birds do!"

"No… seriously!"

"If we stop it's gonna take longer to get there and that means longer on this damn horse!" Hermes squealed and bucked at Cartman. "What the hell?"

Percy laughed. "You called him a horse. He's a _Pegasus_."

"You called Artemis a horse!"

"Yeah, but she's a _stupid Pegasus._"

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Can we please just get this the fuck over with? I think I'm gonna…" His sentence was cut short by the widening of his eyes and the hand over his mouth.

"Eric, what is it?" asked Percy. Cartman didn't respond. He just leaned over Hermes and dropped his lunch to the ground. "DUDE! You just vomited hundreds of feet above the ground."

Cartman wiped puke off of his chin. "Yeah, but d'you think it will kill the person it lands on? You know, falling from that height?"

"I don't really want to think about the poor soul that will land on. Here, we're landing really soon."

Cartman grinned down at the ground as it grew closer and closer. "Wait. How do you know where to go?"

"I have vamp senses."

"Like Spidey senses?"

"No!" snapped Percy, "Well, yeah, but kinda different."

There was a jolt beneath them as Hermes landed roughly on the ground, galloping to a stop. "A gas station?"

"Well, the vamp scent is strongest here," Percy explained, "They're within a mile of here."

Cartman nodded and jumped off of Hermes. "Uh… why aren't people gawking at him?"

"Gawking at who?"

"Hermes, asshole, it's not every day you see a giant red horse with wings." Hermes snorted angrily. "Sorry… _Pegasus_."

"Cartman, turn around."

Cartman followed Percy's orders, only to find that nothing was there. "Whe…where'd he go?"

Percy grinned. "Pegasi… well _most _Pegasi blend in when they touch the ground. Artemis didn't, but she was a really cheap Pegasus. I got her at the dollar store. But Hermes here…" he gestured to thin air, then moved his hands, "Or maybe here… I don't know, is an expensive Pegasus. Probably Japanese."

"Why Japanese?"

"I think he's a Toyota."

Cartman's eyes widened. "Toyota? Like the vehicles?"

"No, it's a letter to Yoda, YES VEHICLES!"

"You can buy a Pegasus from _Toyota_?"

Percy nodded. "And Ford, Chevrolet, Honda, Saturn, all those places," he told him, "they have a special department for magical transportation."

Cartman was bewildered as he began to follow Percy into the small store that was by the gas station. "So… I can walk into my nearest dealer and say that I want a Pegasus, and they won't call Security?"

"Well, we have our own M.T. Malls around here. You can get Pegasi, Brooms, Magic Carpets, Glass Elevators, you name it," he said, "Now shut up about magic, we're inside."

They approached the man behind the counter, who was picking at his teeth with a pink toothpick. Percy kindly approached him. "Hello sir, we're with the… the… police. We were wondering if you had seen this boy?"

"I may have… I don't know…" the man said, "I get a lot of customers, dude."

"They just came in a short while ago," Percy continued.

"He was probably with a nerdy looking Jew with stupid hair," Cartman added.

The man laughed and nodded. "Yeah, I seen that kid. How could I forget? Some girl was hangin' on him like she was drownin' in the ocean and he was on o' those floatin' doughnuts."

"Did he say where he was going?" Percy asked.

The man shook his head. "No. He just lef' with tha' girl and 'is friend. He didn't say nothin' to me."

"Did anything else… out of the ordinary happen?"

"Well, there was this big ol' flash o' light, and a few minutes la'er, that girl he was with came in here lookin' awful upset."

Percy sighed. "Do you remember anything right before the flash of light?"

"Dude, I wuddn't takin' notes!"

Cartman held up his hands in defense. "Okay, we're just gonna go now."

Percy nodded and followed Cartman out the door after shouting, "Which way'd they go?"

The man pointed and Percy nodded his thanks after walking outside.

"Well," Cartman said once they were outside, "They're not that far. We don't need Hermes to get there. And we don't have a vehicle that norma… what are you doing?"

Percy was bent down next to a big red truck. "Hotwiring it, retard," he snapped, the tiny shock noise confirming his answer.

Cartman sighed. "We're not gonna be under the radar if we steal fucking cars."

"You're gonna be under my foot if you don't shut up!" snapped Percy, finishing up and hopping in the driver's seat. Cartman looked around nervously before calling shotgun. Percy started it, and it made a loud revving noise.

"Of course you pick the loudest one," Cartman said, before a face appeared at the window.

It was the man from the counter. "'Ey! Tha's my truck! They's stealin' my truck! Tha' ain' cool, bro!"

Cartman and Percy laughed as they sped down the street, looking for the familiar small car.

* * *

"Dude, my stomach's freaking out again…" Percy warned.

"Fix it with magic!"

Percy rolled his eyes. "I need a nurse witch for that, you can't just…" Cartman punched Percy in the stomach with his ring and Percy instantly sighed. "Okay… I guess you can."

"Asshole."

"God, Eric, you know what, you're always so…"

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT THERE IT FUCKING IS!"

"WHAT?"

"DID I STUTTER?"

"YOU SWORE SO MANY TIMES IN THAT SENTENCE I HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE HELL YOU SAID!"

"THEY'RE RIGHT THERE!"

"Oh," Percy muttered to himself, following the speeding silver car. He could make out a poofy head and a girl's head in the back window. "That's them all right."

Cartman scoffed. "Well, speed up!"

"I can't! There's a yellow light!"

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?"

Percy jumped at the sudden shout. "No… no…" The silver car barely made it through and the light turned red right in front of the truck.

"Don't slow down!" Cartman commanded.

"But we'll…"

"We'll lose them! Don't fucking slow down!"

Percy sighed but nodded, pressing on the gas and speeding into the middle of an intersection with a red light. After two seconds, a black Mercedes crashed into the rear left side of the truck, causing it to spin out of control before another blue car hit the front and they spun off the road.

The truck flipped over and the two men winced as their heads hit the top of the car. As soon as it stopped moving, they quickly jumped out.

"What now?" Cartman asked.

"HERMES!" called Percy. In almost no time, the red blur galloped in front of them, flashing from seen to unseen every time its feet hit the ground. The two clumsily jumped on. "SILVER CAR! GO!"

Hermes sped forward, easily advancing on the car. "Dude… people are gonna notice us."

"Who cares? They'll go somewhere, say "I saw a flying red horse," and people'll send 'em straight to an institution."

Cartman decided not to argue for they were right beside the back seat window, and Kyle was giving him a cheery wave. Cartman pointed the ring at him, and he rolled down the window.

"Hiya, fat ass!"

Cartman rolled his eyes. "I'm gonna kill you, Jew!"

"You know, I feel sorry for the pony. Carrying all that extra weight…" Cartman interrupted him with a poorly aimed curse, and it hit the top of the car. "Nice aim, fat ass."

"KYLE! What the hell are you doing? Get out of the way!" Cartman recognized the shout as Stan's, and soon was faced by his, some girl, and some guy's face. He looked to the front to see Darius driving.

Stan and his two vamp friends all faced their hands at Cartman and Percy.

The man sent the first blow at Hermes' feet, making him unable to walk. The wizards just laughed as Hermes set himself into flight, barely six inches above the ground. His large wings came down hard against the roof of the car, causing all of its passengers to shout out in surprise.

Percy took this opportunity to point his wand at the man, sending a pink spell at him. It hit him in the chest, and he instantly cried out in pain. "Aaron!" the girl screamed, grabbing his arm. Aaron mumbled something to her, and she turned back to the battle. Both vamps looked angry as they held their hands out once again.

The girl aimed her spell at Percy, and it hit him and he fell off of Hermes and onto the ground. But he wasn't left behind, for he grabbed Hermes' tail and pulled himself onto Hermes' back, the poor Pegasus yowling the whole time. The girl looked irritated that he had recovered, but not much thought was spared before the next thing happened.

Stan flung his hand at Cartman and a blast of orange light shot at him. Cartman dodged it, and it hit the tree behind him, and it burst into flames. "ARE YOU TRYING TO FUCKING KILL ME???" Cartman screamed.

Stan's eyes were angry. "Well, you tried to kill Kyle."

"I _will_ kill Kyle. I promise you that, Stanley Marsh."

Kyle's head popped between Stan and the girl's. "Hey! I'm right here you know!"

Cartman pointed his ring at Kyle, but accidentally hit Kadira.

"DUDE! WE'RE THE ONLY ONES LEFT!" he heard Stan scream.

Kyle looked to the front. "What about Darius?"

"Kinda busy!" Came the reply.

Cartman and Percy grinned. "Looks like all we have to do is finish you off!"

Aaron stood up behind them. "And me," he said, blasting a ray of light at Cartman, which was easily deflected by Percy.

"Dude, just kill Stan so we can leave!" Cartman whispered.

"I can't kill right now, my wand is recharging!"

"Recharging?"

Percy rolled his eyes. "It's like a battery, it runs out."

"Just get him!"

Percy groaned and steered Hermes closer to the car, grabbing Stan's raised hand. "What are you…?" Stan began, but was grabbed by Kyle as they teleported away.

Aaron fell forward with the sudden disappearance of Stan and Kyle. "We are fucked."

* * *

Review please! Remember by concussion! I'm injured and I will be sad if no one reviews.

* * *


	21. Yoda And Darth Vader Fight For A Cinnamo

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Ha, I look hideous with the hideous gash on my face. And I have to wake up every two hours, you know, to make sure I ain't dead. Now I'm just tired and freaking hungry.

To **Xxforget-me-notxX**: Hey, you were first this time! lol Wait, so if you're like Kanye, you're a gay fish? What's behind your back? Is that... a lighter? THAT explains the roasted marshmallows in my backyard, that I didn' t even roast. And I feel sorry for the Cartman puke person too. And all of your questions except number three will be answered. I put your answer to number four in just for you. Thanks!

To **Kiakamon**: Well, I've survived over a day, so I don't think I'm gonna di... *dies* *waits till next day* Hey, okay, I pulled a Kenny, and now I'm back. lol. Thanks. I know, Stan and Kyle are not exactly warriors, are they? Oh my god, if the clerk had told Cartman about it, he'd have just been "Screw you wizards, I know another way to kill Kyle!" That would have been a terrible way to get back at sweet little KyKy. Kyle won't become a vampire, because vamps, in the words of Aaron, "people just become vamps. It's kind of hard to explain. I guess it's just totally random." And this isn't a huge plot spoiler, so I'll tell you. The blood only has to come from the mouth if its being transferred directly. I don't know, it's the vamps idea, not mine. lol. The review did make it better! Thank you!

To **mango-quincy**: lol it's actually not shocking, if you know me. I'm kind of retarded when it comes to walking. Yeah, and that is the ONLY nice thing about hospitals. Ooh, I didn't wonder that, but now i wanna know. lol yep, that's our Percy! Well, I tell you that all three are alive in this chap. But who knows for how long? *shifty eyes* lol, i'll floss but I don't know about the what not. That'll be a bit time-consuming. Thanks!

To **Hazel-Beka**: It's not a bad concussion, and I'm a tough cookie, especially when it comes to my story. I wrote some of this when I had the stomach flu. I would be like "and aaron said... *puke* hi to someone *puke* and Kadira was like *pukes* dang!" lol But if I move to england, I MUST bring twinkies. Can't live without those things. And it rains in July? EEEEWWW! Rain sucks. I live where it rains like twice a year and its never under 100 degrees, so I guess I can't imagine rain in july. And that poor soul he puked on is probably like "Man, what is in the rain clouds today?" lol, I think insurance would be a really good idea with Artemis' stupidity. lol the floating donut? Yes, that's why she was upset. The love of her hour was gay. Or... yeah lol. And wizards just kick ass like that, they can wave a wand, hotwire a car, and keep igloos in their bedrooms. That poor man probably has so much bad luck, he's like, "Damn, my car... can I help you sir?" And funny dialogue is just my life. Me and my friends are nutcases, so everything running through my brain is stupid yet amusing, lol. Kyle's a quick recovererererer... is that a word? He recovers quickly. He still sees Cartman as the annoying fat ass he always was. Wait... the magic isn't real? I thought I was writing a biography! Damn, there goes my life's work. Thanks!

This chap's kinda retarded. I'm feeling totally 'WHEE' today! *zones out* Okay, here I am. I'm so hungry, and I wrote this chap in 10 mins, so it's a bit... "WHEE" for lack of better words. But I must trot along now. My mother says I spend a unhealthy amount of time on the computer. Well screw her. I think this is a very productive pasttime! I learn more about writing with every chap! I FINALLY REACHED THE CHAPTERS HIGH ENOUGH TO HAVE A DASH IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WORD! LOOK DOWN YOU GUYS!

**Chapter Twenty-One: Yoda and Darth Vader Fight For A Cinnamon Stick–** Kyle and Stan are confused, Kadira's irritable, Aaron's in pain, and Darius is tired. While Stan and Kyle play with a cinnamon stick (if your laughing now, your mind is perverted), Kadira tries to overcome her hatred of blood. And happiness.

* * *

"Woah… woah… okaaaaay…" Kyle mumbled, trying to catch his balance on the edge of the bridge they were standing on. Stan caught his hand, and he pulled himself back on. "Thank you."

Stan nodded and looked around. "Where's Cartman? Where are we?"

"I don't know…" Kyle said, "But it looks like something out of Star Wars."

"Yeah, totally," Stan agreed as he pulled a cinnamon stick out of his pocket, "Look! I'm Yoda!"

Kyle laughed. "No dude, I'm Yoda, I'm the short one."

"Then who am I?"

"…Darth Vader?"

"Sweeeet," Stan drawled, waving the cinnamon stick at Kyle. "Oooh bet you're scared now. Can't catch me!" He stuck the stick in Kyle's face and Kyle took a bite out of it.

Stan stared at his decapitated light saber when Kyle said, "Mmm, the force tastes good!"

Both boys laughed and looked around. "Maybe we should concentrate on where the hell we are," Kyle said.

"Agreed." Stan said, and the boys looked off of the edge of the metal bridge.

"Dude!" Kyle exclaimed suddenly.

"What?" asked Stan.

Kyle pointed below them. "Look at that!" Stan followed Kyle's finger and saw a tiny light far below them. "I think it's a door."

"Well, how do we get down there?"

Kyle shrugged and grabbed the half-eaten cinnamon stick from Stan and held it up like a sword. "I will lead the way."

"God, Kyle, you're so retarded."

"Shut up!" Kyle snapped, "Hey… can you like… light this on fire?"

Stan stared at the offered cinnamon stick. "Uh… why?"

"So we have light. In case you didn't notice, we can't even see to the end of the bridge."

"Oh, I thought you were gonna burn the place down," Stan said, using his hand to light the eaten end of the cinnamon stick.

Kyle laughed and began walking, using the torch they'd made for their guide. "Maybe it'll be like on National Treasure, when they like put one place on fire, and it led the way to where they wanted to go."

"Or maybe there'll be a big treasure!"

"Yeah, I don't think Cartman would put us in a place with treasure, though."

Stan's eyes widened. "Oh my god, I had completely forgotten what happened!"

"So had I, I just remember fat ass."

"They were after _me_, Kyle!" Stan exclaimed, "Why the hell did you grab on?"

Kyle rolled his eyes. "What, did you expect me to let you get kidnapped all by yourself?"

"Kyle, listen," Stan said, "You can't be doing this stuff. You have to be careful."

"Well, it's a bit late now," Kyle giggled.

"Seriously!" Stan snapped, "Please, I just don't want anything bad to happen to you."

Kyle groaned. "Stan, that's why I followed. _I_ don't want anything bad to happen to _you_! And anyway, I thought we already had this conversation."

"I know, I know, I just don't want…"

"Why can't you consider me like your equal? You keep acting like you're in charge of me and I'm just some little kid. Stan, I really appreciate that you care about me, I really do, but I can make my own decisions."

Stan sighed. "I'm sorry. Let's just… get out of here, okay?"

"That's a good plan," Kyle agreed, "Damn. How long is this frickin bridge?"

"I think I see the end," Stan commented, and Kyle raised his torch higher. "Yeah… yeah… that's a wall."

Kyle nodded and approached it. "There should be like stairs down or something."

He led the way to one side, looking for some way out. "Nothing here."

"Nothing here either," Stan called from the other side. "Maybe we should go back across."

"Yeah, there must be stairs on the other side." Stan nodded and grabbed the torch from Kyle. "Hey!"

Stan looked at him. "You got to carry it on the way here."

"You're such a child, now give it back!"

"No, it's mine!"

Kyle laughed. "Okay, okay, now we're both being retarded."

"I think we should be more serious."

"No, cause that'll be boring," Kyle told him, "If we're serious for too long, then we may become emo and grow up old and boring like Kadira."

Stan looked at him. "Kadira, Aaron, and Darius! What happened to them?"

* * *

"Oh my god, I'm bleeding, I'm bleeding!" The black blood ran down Kadira's pale face.

Darius sighed. "I don't even wanna know how you drink your weekly blood when you're afraid of it."

"I… I… take it like cough syrup. Squeeze my nose and shut my eyes."

Aaron was wheezing as he lay across the seat. "What the hell did he do to me?"

Kadira looked at him before pointing her bloody hand at herself, healing her injuries and leaving tiny black lines where the cuts the spell had left were. "Oh my. Here, Aaron, let me take off your shirt."

"Wait, can I get some chocolate milk first? That always cheers me up!"(1)

"Should I pull over?"

"No, Darius, and no Aaron!"

"But they dented my ride!" Darius shouted.

Kadira shook her head and undid the buttons on Aaron's shirt. "Dear god."

"What?" Aaron said, "What is it?"

"It is a burn."

Aaron rolled his eyes. "I knew that, Kady, I was wondering why you freaked out."

"I did not freak out. And it is a severe burn."

Darius peeked back from his seat. "Damn. It looks like cavemen discovered fire on your chest, dude!"

"DRIVE!" Kadira yelled at Darius, who turned promptly back to the wheel. "Alright, alright, I think I can heal this."

"You _think_?"

Kadira rolled her eyes. "I have not treated many burns. Now, I'm going to put you to sleep so you feel no pain."

"She's gonna rape you, man," Darius warned.

"Shut up!" Aaron snapped, "Just do it, Kady."

Kadira nodded and waved her hand over Aaron. "You know, this is the second time I have healed him."

"I'd just let him bleed out."

"Darius!"

"Joking! Did your childhood like really suck or something? Cause you grew up to be a total bitch."

Kadira shook her head irritably and turned back to the now unconscious Aaron. She stopped the bleeding in some parts before working on healing the skin.

"That's frickin nasty," Darius commented.

"I know, but… but…"

"What, you feeling sick? Even your boyfriend's blood disgusts you?"

Kadira glared at him and once again did not answer. The skin had healed up, but there was still a big red area. "That's going to be quite sensitive," she told herself.

"Ooh, poke him and see if he wakes up!" Darius requested.

"Darius, this is not a game."

Darius shrugged. "Hey, what about Stanley and Kyle?"

"Oh yes, Stanley, it is important that we retrieve him."

"What about Kyle?" asked Darius.

"He…" Kadira began, "Well, we can spare him."

Darius squinted, looking at Kadira through the rear view mirror. "What do you have against humans? You've been treating the Kyle kid different than the Stanley one."

"Stanley has powers, Kyle does not. We need people with powers. I didn't even want that boy to come, to be honest."

"I thought you said everyone's equal. And if it wasn't for Kyle, Stanley'd be dead."

Kadira rolled her eyes. "I know, I know, and I do think that humans and vampires are equal. It is just… we are in a war. A war of magic versus darkness. Kyle has neither."

"You know, I was beginning to like the Kyle kid," Darius told her, "Do you think they killed him and Stanley?"

Kadira sighed. "I do hope not. Stanley is our last hope. I believe that they teleported to the wizard headquarters. That is where we are going. To save Stanley." Darius looked at her expectantly. "And his friend," she added irritably.

"Wake Aaron up. I wanna see if it hurts."

"Aaron, wake up," Kadira commanded, waving her hand over him.

He woke up and cried out in pain. "SHIT!"

"Do not try to sit," Kadira told him, pushing him back down, "You will be sore for the next few hours. It takes a while for the inside to heal up."

Aaron groaned. "Then why the hell did you wake me up?"

"We're going to save Stanley and Kyle."

"Oh my god, I'd forgotten, the wizards have Stan!"

Darius rolled his eyes. "And Kyle!"

"Do you think they're gonna give them up easily? If they haven't already… you know."

"I am unsure," Kadira said, "It will be easy to get the human boy. But Stanley has power that they want. I believe that they know about his premature Vamp Ruby ceremony."

Darius sighed. "The wiz HQ is like three days away! And that's driving through the night! I'm tired!"

"I'll drive tomorrow if you drive tonight, Darry."

"Deal," Darius said, nodding.

Kadira looked between them. "When shall I drive?"

"You… drive?"

"I can drive a bit."

"Jesus Christ, no. I'll drive after Aaron. We need to survive if the boys are gonna," Darius said.

* * *

Y'all like it? Kind of... 'WHEE', right? I'm giggling my brains out and I don't know why. I really gotta go to the bathroom. It's hot in here. Where's my other shoe? That song is stupid. My cell phone is ringing! eew, it's a stalker, not answering. BATHROOM!

**To the tune of Row, Row, Row your boat**

_Please, Please, Please Review_

_Or you'll make me sad_

_Please oh please, please oh please, please oh please, please oh please_

_Even if its bad_


	22. You Did Not Just Singe The Jewfro

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I. Am. Pissed. For. No. Reason. PMS, people, I can be worse than Wendy. UGH! So sorry if this chap is retarded, I was just like, whatever. Okayo, here goes.

To **Kiakamon: **Kyle would make a good yoda, with his size and what not. But thank god Kyle's not that old and ugly. I am healing wonderfully, thanks to mr. mccormick. Now if only I could get him out of that damn coma, then he'd be just fit as a fiddle. You could eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch! I had some of that before I wrote this. lol. Thanks!

To **Xxforget-me-notxX: **OMG!!! Away from the computer!!! I hope your friend was dying- this is seriousleh! I am super cereal! And clap for you, gay fish friend. You should meet up with Kanye! Oh okay, for a second there I thought you had a lighter. Phew! Now I can sleep tonight... do you smell smoke? And I agree with Aaron too. Chocolate milk pwns regular any day. Lol, I love Darius too. He's such a pop-tart. Yes, he does want to save Kyle, unlike Kady, who is just interested in the battle. Medieval bitch... lol I had to put Star Wars in there somewhere. And I don't know why Stan carries that cinnamon stick around. The cinnamon stick makes a cameo in this chap! Lol, giggling is not idiotic, idiotic is not giggling.... huh? And I love you too, along with your username, it's all symmetrical or however you spell it. Thank you, my friend.

To **Hazel-Beka**: I have loads of energy, so I was fine. lol, i'm like an energizer bunny from hell. I live in Arizona, and it is quite nice. Everyone else I know hates it, but this is my hometown. I love it more than... more than... pancakes. Seriously. Cools down for summer??? That's crazy!!! And it's okay, I could always get a new hobby. Like unicycling. And that is how we celebrated, pouring wine all over my laptop. Fun times, fun times. And it is very wrong, go put your name on the board. jk, it's so whee, if you look it up in the dictionary, that chap is the definition. And Stan can do whatever the hell Stan wants to do, he's just not that smart. :D EEW THERE'S A BUG ON MY HAND! It's okay, I let it out the window... stupid bug won't move. Yeah, Kyle's just... trying to be all super awesome, but he should know he doesn't have to try. Peeing in a mind is twice as cool as anything Stan can do. But I still love Stan. And you will find out where the hell they are momentarily. I agree with the Kady thing, and the Darius thing. I think Darius reached teen years, then quit mentally maturing. Which I wish I could do. And I'm glad you sang my song! It was stuck in my head all night.

**Chapter Twenty-Two: You Did Not Just Singe The Jewfro–** Cartman and Percy find Stan and Kyle. They all find out why famous battles never took place on stairs.

* * *

"Can we kill them now?"

Percy tried to regain his balance. "Look, it's harder than it looks to separate the teleportation. Just give me a minute."

"I can't give you a minute if I have no idea what the hell you're talking about. Remember? I'm only here to kill Kahl. And Stan, if it's necessary. I kinda liked him, but if it's necessary, it's necessary, you know?"

Percy rubbed his head. "Would you shut up? First we need to find the two. I have no idea where I dropped them."

"Shouldn't they have landed with us?"

"Not if I let go of them halfway through the teleportation. They're somewhere in here."

Cartman looked around. "Where exactly is _here_?"

"Wizard HQ."

"Where are the other wizards?"

Percy shrugged. "Upstairs. This is just the basement."

"_Basement?_ This place is fucking huge!"

"You should see the actual HQ, then. This is tiny. But that's not what we're doing," he added quickly, "We need to find those two boys."

Cartman nodded. "Yeah, okay. But I call killing Kahl."

"Whatever, kid, let's just go!"

"Fine. Where do you think they are?"

Percy shrugged again and pulled open a large trunk. "I have a vamp tracker somewhere in here."

"What about your spidey senses?"

"This is more reliable," Percy replied.

Cartman laughed. "Well, that sucks. If Spiderman's spidey senses were as lame as yours, MJ would have been killed when that truck went through the window in the second movie. And…"

"Kid…"

"Sorry, okay, concentrating," Cartman agreed.

Percy pulled a tiny compass out of the trunk and Cartman whispered "The Golden Compass" dramatically.

"Dude, it's blue," Percy said. Cartman just rolled his eyes as Percy inspected the compass. "Okay, it's pointing that way. Apparently they're moving."

Cartman looked over his shoulder and saw the very, very detailed compass moving slowly from north to east. "Man, I never got compasses. They don't make sense."

Percy ignored him and opened the basement door, showing a large room filled with tiny bottles of potions. "Woah…" muttered Cartman.

"Potions room. You got all your potions here. From killing potions to migraine relief potions."

Cartman looked around, amazed. He grabbed a tiny pink one. "What's this one?"

"That's… not a potion. That's Pepto Bismol…"

"Why the hell do you have Pepto Bismol in a potions room?"

Percy shrugged. "I don't know. I don't make the decisions around here."

"Who does?"

"Tanek."

Cartman squinted in confusion. "Who the hell is Tanek?"

"He's our leader. You probably won't meet him for years. He hangs out in his office all the time, except for when he wants to attack the vamps. And he already attacked the vamps this year, so he'll just send troops out."

Cartman nodded and Percy found the other door and opened it. Cartman found a sparkling purple potion and stuffed it into his pocket. He would use it only if he needed to… okay, only if he wanted to.

He quickly followed Percy out of the door and found a big black room. It was so dark he could barely see his own hand in front of him. That was, until Percy turned on the light. He saw what must have been a twenty story swirling staircase in front of him, and a bridge at the very top, that led into a wall. There was another spiral staircase parallel to the one in front of him, leading to another open door. "Is there a… um… elevator?"

"Nope," Percy said cheerfully, quickly walking up the stairs, "Well, come on!"

"Dude, I don't do stairs. Can't we just teleport?"

Percy rolled his eyes. "Well, we could use the escalator. It's kinda rickety, though."

"I don't care, as long as there's no stairs," Cartman snapped, stepping onto the now-moving steps.

* * *

"We have to be almost to the bottom," Kyle said, "I mean, how high could these stairs be? The door didn't look that far down!"

Stan nodded. "I'm getting… shh… I hear something!"

"What?"

"Dude, it sounds like a door."

A light suddenly flashed on above them, lighting up the entire room and showing what looked like hundreds of feet below them. They crouched down and listened carefully.

"Is there a… um… elevator?" came a voice from what seemed like really far away.

"Oh my god, I think that's Cartman!" Kyle whispered.

Stan's eyes widened. "Yeah, and he's probably with that other dude from the flying horse."

A loud neigh sounded from behind them. "Sorry, Pegasus," Stan whispered hastily.

The floor shook as the stairs parallel to them began moving. "Shit! They're coming!" Kyle whispered frantically.

"If we stand up, they'll see us!"

"Then don't stand!" Kyle snapped, moving down the stairs with his feet, ass, and hands.

"That's not gonna get us anywhere fast enough."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Would you like to stand up and have them throw a freaking fireball at your ass?"

Stan didn't respond, and followed Kyle down. "This looks so retarded."

"Not as retarded as some of the stuff we've done on this… adventure," Kyle muttered.

Stan gritted his teeth. "What happened to never talking about it again?"

"I was talking about the car chase…" Kyle whispered, glaring at him.

"O… oh," Stan muttered, "… So… so was I. It was very traumatic. Let's forget about it."

Kyle slipped on one of the steps and fell on his ass, making a quiet thumping noise. He shut his eyes in worry that someone had heard it, but they didn't. The rickety escalator was pretty loud.

"Could you keep quiet?" Stan snapped.

Kyle resumed crab-walking down the stairs. "Shut up."

"Where did the torch go?" Stan asked.

Kyle's eyes widened. "You had it!"

"I thought… oh shit."

They looked down to see the torch on the ground, starting a tiny fire. It was just as big as the cinnamon stick itself, but they knew it would get better. "Goddamnit, Stan!"

"I'm sorry! I thought we were gonna die!"

"Well, now we are!"

"Hey, who's shouting over there?" came a voice. It was the man with Percy. They'd heard them.

"Shit!" Kyle whispered.

Stan spoke loudly in a deep voice. "It's nobody!"

"Jesus Stan! How could it be nobody?"

"Stan? Did you just say Stan?" came Cartman's voice, "Oh my god. Stan and Kahl!"

Kyle's eyes widened. "No it's not!"

"Run!" Stan yelled, and he and Kyle stood up, running down the staircase.

They heard Cartman and what's-his-name now following, so they ran faster. "Stan, come on!" Kyle shouted; he was six steps in front of his friend.

"I'm not fast and stairs are hard to go down!"

"Come on!" Kyle grabbed his wrist and pulled him down, ignoring the white light that narrowly missed his shoulder.

Cartman was now lumbering down the stairs, only about eight flights above them. "Scared, Jew?"

"Stan, do something!" Kyle shouted.

Stan glared at him, still running. "What, throw marbles?"

"What? No!" Kyle snapped, "Use your powers, retard!"

Stan gasped in remembrance. He had powers. He held his hand up and made a bunch of marbles shoot out of it. They just landed on the stairs and went between them, falling to the ground stories below.

"What was that?" screamed Kyle.

Stan slapped his head. "It works in movies!"

"Not on stairs!"

"I'm sorry, I'm not good at thinking in these situations!"

"Obviously!"

Stan shook his head and tried again, sending a green light behind him. It hit Cartman and he fell to the ground, falling down a few stairs before stopping. "Nice," Kyle praised, speeding around a corner.

A light blue light hit Stan in the back, making him fall forward. "Stan!"

"Ouch," Stan muttered.

Kyle stopped and bent next to him, noticing that the man was far behind and Cartman was still on the ground. "You okay?"

"No, I can't move, dude!" Stan snapped.

Kyle dodged a red light and grabbed Stan's wrist, and proceeded to drag him down the stairs. "Ow! Kyle, that hurts!"

"I'm sorry, would you like a pillow?" Kyle snapped, then softened, "Look, we gotta get out of here, and fat ass is getting up."

Sure enough, Cartman had recovered behind them and was now following the older guy, who had taken the lead.

"Damn it, Percy, remember the deal!"

"Fine!" the man –Percy- shouted.

Kyle groaned and switched Stan's wrist to his other hand. Kyle was only two-thirds his size, and Stan played football. Meaning he had lots of muscle weight.

"It's okay, Ky, I can almost walk again," Stan told him.

Kyle nodded. "Kay, cool. Just… damn it!" he pulled Stan out of the way of another blue light, and Stan winced. "Did it hit you?"

"No, I'm fine, keep going."

"Okay," Kyle said, looking back at Cartman, two flights above them. "He's kinda gaining on us."

Stan shakily stood up. "Okay, okay, I'm fine. Let's go."

Kyle held Stan's arm as they began running again, jumping two stairs at a time.

"You're not getting away, hippie!" Cartman shouted at Stan, "And neither are you, Jew-boy!" he added toward Kyle.

Kyle just rolled his eyes and began to open his mouth, but Stan cut him off. "Don't piss him off, he'll just curse us again."

"Ugh, he's such a douche," Kyle mumbled, turning yet another corner, Stan's arm around his shoulder for support.

"I know, but once we get back to South Park, we can save Kenny, and then we'll never have to see him again."

A red light zoomed over Kyle's head, and he smelled a weird burning smell. He felt the top of hid head and angrily turned around, glaring at Cartman. "You did _not_ just singe my hair!"

"Damn it, Kyle!"

"Dude, my hair!" Kyle snapped.

"Forget it! What's more important, hair, or life?"

Kyle seriously considered the question before sighing and bounding down the stairs again, now behind Stan. Stan flung another light back at Cartman, and he was knocked over the railing. "Shit!" Kyle exclaimed, "Did you kill him?"

Stan looked over the railing, his throat tightening in dread. Cartman was motionless on the flight below where he had been before, one flight below Stan and Kyle. "I… I… let's go…" Stan said. He ran down the stairs with Kyle, quickly approaching Cartman.

"Check his pulse," Kyle ordered, and Stan grabbed his wrist.

"It's beating, he's alive."

"Do we leave?"

Kyle looked back and saw Percy running down the stairs, two flights above them. "Kyle, let's go. That guy'll take care of Cartman. He'll be okay."

"Fine," Kyle muttered, standing up, "Not that I care. Damn asshole just tried to kill us."

They began running down the stairs again, and were relieved when they saw Percy stop at Cartman while pulling a phone out of his pocket.

"I have a feeling they're not the only trouble we'll run into," Stan said nervously, finally on solid ground with Kyle.

* * *

I have a serious question, you guys. Okay, am I making Kyle too much of THE main character? Is he like, overpowering Stan? Because I don't want that to happen, because Stan is more of a main character than Kyle, it's just Kyle is so damn awesome I can't help making him all super duper.

Another Review Song- To the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"... kinda

_Review Review Review Time_

_It won't cost a single dime_

_Review left and review right_

_Review late into the night_

_Review Review Review Time_

_I know you hate to hear me whine_


	23. A Timeshare In An Igloo Can Bring Pegape

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I just saw that movie Orphan! You know the one that's like "There's Something Wrong With Esther." It was pretty good. Not really scary, just like really freaky! I really loved it, but now I'm not adopting kids. The ending is like a totally bizarre twist. I was like what. The. Fuck.

To **Xxforget-me-notxX: **You? Withdrawl? Your poor friend! You know you owe them for anything you destroyed. No, no, I think it's smoke. Maybe there's a birthday party with candles somewhere nearby. And why are you laughing? Vanilla poptart, huh? That does sound gross, but I'll take your word on it, because you and me agree on bunches o' stuff. Eww, do you think the salamander craps in Stan's pocket??? And his hair is so damn amazing, that if it were between my life and his hair, I'd kill myself in a heartbeat- my last heartbeat, at that. Lol, poor Stan can't get it off his mind. And he's a super mega awesome genius! Haha, I did like the pillow one, if I do say so myself. Kyle is such a girl sometimes, that's why I love him. Maybe your cat and you have very much in common. Boredom=Kill. Thanks!

To **Kiakamon: **lol I'm glad the balance works. I don't wanna make it too funny or too serious, so I'm glad it's balancing out. Maybe not on this chap. This chap is plain retarded. Yay! Cinnamon Toast Crunch! I'm glad you like Kyle, lots of people like Kyle, including me. I'm glad there's not too much of him. And you will hear more from him, trust trust trust me. Lol Thanks!

To **Hazel-Beka: **lol, Kyle's jewfro is amazing, ain't it? And to Cartman, murdering is like blowing out a candle, you get rid of the light, but it doesn't hurt. And it smells bad. Oh my god, I like that simile. I'm gonna use that sometime! Yep, the wizards are pretty awesome like that. The vamps are just like derdeder all the time. Especially Darius. And thanks, I can't resist sticking crap in there, just me, I guess. And Percy's the big leader, I guess, even if he is easily irritated. And Cartman is like a little murderous puppy, wanting to kill every adorable sexy awesome Jew he sees. Wait- there's only one of those. And for now, we can call Kyle a gay fish. Cartman has no idea what he took, which is gonna be an interesting turnout. I don't even know why they bothered with stairs… wait, why am I acting like this is real! I know it's not! I am confusing myself! Aw man, I am getting way too obsessed with this. I guess Hermes was in the basement. Maybe he just heard Stan from afar and was like "oh no you didn't." Yep, Stan cannot get it off of his mind. Maybe he enjoyed it… ;D lol jk. STAN YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND! Stan and Kyle are geniuses when it comes to being spy-ninjas in disguise. Hey, Stan thought he was the Jesus of his own religion once, I'm sure powers is just like an A on a math test. Marbles, hey, it works on TV! And you're right. Sarcasm is always there for you. I guess that's what make Stan and Kyle good people, and why they're on the vamp side; they care. And caring gets you into deep shit, so keep running, retards! And I'm so glad that Ky isn't overpowering Stan, and that Stan seems like the main character. Because I think I listed this story as being about Stan and Cartman. So I'm glad that's how it's going. Thanks!

To **mango-quincy: **Are you doing the chicken type? With one finger? Cause that's fun! I love you too, and mostly because you just said by cheese. That's frickin awesome. Stan and Kyle are lucky they get adventures, even if they kill them. I think… And it's okay, both chapters still love you, but I'd watch out for 21… he's getting kinda freaky in love with you. STAY AWAY, 21! Yep, Cartman's an awesome douche. My head's doing super, thank you! And thanks for your opinion and suggestion on the *dramatic music* serious question. I will put an Eric v. Stan moment in there, just in case. And nicotine? I wouldn't cheat you like that. Heh heh heh… DAMN IT THEY'RE ONTO US! Kyle is awesome, and it's so hard to resist sticking him in every little hole in the… oh my god, I should reword that… sticking him in every little PLACE that I can fit him in. Jose? Did you check the refrigerator? Do you want me to make signs? I'm sure he's fine, he'll be fine. And that quote is now on my door for the whole world to see. I thank you, my friend, I thank you for sharing that with me! Thanks!

Okay, I replied to everyone! Gosh, I think my replies are longer than the entire chappy put together. It's going onto two pages on Microsoft word. The chap's only 7 pages! Anyway, I'm sorry that this chapter is a bit… retarded. I just want to have fun here, and this came out! I am kind of insane sometimes, and I know half of this is completely retarded, but I hope you like it anyway.

**Chapter Twenty-Three: A Timeshare In An Igloo Will Bring Pegapenguins to the world-** Darius, Kadira, and Aaron meet an interesting someone on the trip. And Darius discovers his true wild side.

* * *

"Are we almost there?"

"No, Darius."

"How far are we?"

"One more day."

"Aw! I'm so fucking bored! And hungry! I'm bored and hungry!"

Kadira turned around and glared at Darius. "Listen. You want to save those boys, right?"

"Totally."

"You don't want them to get killed or used by the wizards?"

Darius nodded dutifully. "Yep."

"Well," Kadira said, sighing, "If you want to save them, then you are going to have to make some sacrifices."

Darius laughed. "If we have to make a sacrifice, can we kill you? No offense, but you're kind of a bitch."

"It is impossible to have an intellectual conversation with you."

"It is very possible. I have loads of intellectual!"

Aaron laughed. "You're really retarded sometimes."

"Gee, thanks, douche bag."

Aaron nodded. "No prob."

"Aaron, can you go any faster?" Kadira asked.

He shook his head. "The speed limit is twenty-five."

"Yeah, it is," Darius agreed, "But you're going fifteen miles per hour."

Aaron shrugged. "Well, if I go any faster then I might accidentally go twenty-six and then a cop might pull me over and we might be slowed down more."

"Listen, Aaron," Darius said, "Seventeen cops could pull us over right now, and we could still get there faster than if you go this rate. _Speed up._"

Aaron sighed. "Fine." He pushed the gas pedal harder until they were on twenty-five. "Happy?"

"Not really. Twenty-five isn't even that fast."

"You are not telling me to speed."

Darius shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm _asking_ you to speed. It'd be rude if I just told you, now wouldn't it?"

"I am not speeding. It's illegal!" Aaron snapped.

"Yes, and the police might notice that we have… strange things in our backseat."

Kadira, Darius, and Aaron turned around to the blood-covered back seat with open books and empty vials and a tiny little bat fluttering around. "I know, nobody has cloth seats anymore," Darius agreed, "That might give us away."

Kadira glared at him and turned back to Aaron. "I am thinking that we should go about this differently."

"Differently?"

"We could… call someone from the vampire headquarters. We are not going to make it if we go at this speed."

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Everyone has to bag on my driving skills, don't they?"

"No, you're not at fault, it is the speed limit."

"I think it's his fault," Darius said, crossing his arms and leaning back in the seat.

Kadira rolled her eyes. "Why must you be so difficult?"

"Why must _you_ be so bitchy? You on your period or something?"

"That is not your business!"

Darius laughed. "You are, aren't you? That's why you're so fucking grumpy!"

"Shut up!"

"Who's a wittle gwumpy pants?" Darius teased.

Kadira turned around and flung a silver light out of her hand, and Darius' mouth was sealed shut. "Mph moo mphif mmphhh!"

"What did he say?"

"He said 'Hey, you stupid bitch,'" Kadira replied simply.

"Mmph mm moo mph mph mm mphmm?"

Aaron looked to Kadira. "He asked me how I know what he is saying. And it is because I just know."

"Okay then. Darius, quit trying to talk. Kady did us all a nice favor…"

"PHMPH? MPH MM MPH MM PHMMPH MMM!"

Kadira turned to Aaron. "He would like to show you a fucking favor."

"WHAT?" Aaron shouted, "Dude, I don't want a fuck favor from you, you're my brother!"

Darius was shaking his head frantically. He finally got the will power to unlock his own mouth. "Dude, that came out really wrong."

"Ya think?" Aaron snapped.

"She made it sound worse!"

"Of course, blame it on me, will you?"

"We are never going to make it," Aaron whined.

"I still think we should call the vampire headquarters," Kadira repeated.

Aaron sighed. "I don't wanna get anyone else involved, Kady. What if Tanek attacks again? We need someone there!"

"But one person will not make a severe difference."

"Then why are we even going to save Stanley, if one person doesn't make a severe difference?"

Kadira groaned. "I did not mean it like that. If we call someone, it will be different. It is not as though they are in the clutches of the wizards like Stanley."

"Come on Kady, we'll call someone, and then Tanek will attack!" Darius argued.

Aaron pulled the car over so it would be easier to talk. "That is so stupid! Only one person will not make a difference! I believe you just want to argue with me," Kadira snapped.

"I do want to argue with you, but it's only cause you're always wrong!"

"Damn it, you are both being so difficult!" Aaron shouted, "How are we ever going to get any… what was that?"

Darius turned his gaze back to Aaron. "What was wha… HOLY SHIT!" He jumped back against the other side of the car.

Aaron turned toward his window, and was shocked to see a large blue Pegasus chewing on his side view mirror. "Uh… what the hell?"

"Aww, it's a Pegasus!" Darius exclaimed happily, "It's so cute! Who's the wittle Pegasus? Who's the wittle Pegasus?"

The Pegasus looked up at Darius with its large violet eyes and snorted, fogging up the window slightly. "Can it understand me?" Darius asked.

"Uh… hiya!" Aaron said to it cheerfully, but it didn't react. It was busy staring at Darius.

Kadira looked between Darius and the Pegasus. "I think it only understands you, Darius."

"_Yep," _said a voice inside Darius' head, and he jumped.

"Yep what?" Darius asked Kadira, confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why did you say yep?"

"I have no idea…"

"_I said it." _Darius looked confusedly around until he heard the Pegasus' nose hit the glass. _"Me!" _

"I think she's talking to me," Darius said, leaning over Aaron and closer to the window.

Aaron looked at Darius, who was practically in his lap. "Uh… awkward position dude."

Darius ignored him. "You can understand me?" he asked tentatively.

"_Took you long enough," _the creature replied, _"And they say I'm stupid."_

"Hey, don't call me stupid!"

"_I just implied it."_

"… still…"

Kadira and Aaron looked strangely at Darius and the Pegasus, wondering about the one side of the conversation they were hearing.

"_Artemis. My name's Artemis."_

"Her name's Artemis," Darius told the other two, "I'm Darius, this is Kadira, and this is Aaron."

Artemis looked at the other two, fogging up the window with her breath. _"That's nice. This is my boyfriend, Mozart."_

She bent down and picked up a little penguin in her mouth, her teeth biting the collar of his pink sweater. The penguin stared at him, and waved with his little flipper. _"Hi."_

"He can talk to me too?" Darius asked, "You guys, I can talk to penguins and Pegasi!"

Kadira looked amused. "It looks like you have an animal affinity, Darius."

"I am pretty animal-like," Darius agreed, "So, you two, what the hell are you eating my mirror for?"

"_I was hungry, and I saw this car. I didn't think you'd mind."_

"Well I kinda do," Darius said, "This is a hybrid, dude."

Mozart was chewing on his flipper. _"What?"_

"_Is that a band?" _Artemis added.

"What, Hybrid?"

Artemis and Mozart glanced at each other. _"So, it is a band."_

"No, it's a… never mind. Look, we really gotta get going, so if you'll let us replace our mirror we'll be on our…"

"_Where are you going?" _Artemis asked.

"Is that some of your business?"

Kadira suddenly leaned forward. "What are they asking?"

"They want to know where we're going."

"Do not tell them!" Kadira commanded, "Pegasi are magical creatures! They are on the wizards' side!"

Darius rolled his eyes. "Oh come _on_. Artemis and Mozart, are you working for the wizards?"

"_Yeah,"_ Artemis replied.

"_Damn it, Art, you weren't s'posed to tell them!" _Mozart snapped, _"Now they won't listen to us!"_

"Oh… oops…"

Darius scratched his head. "Listen to you about what?"

"Look. We escaped from the wizards. The woman I lived with, her name was Aria, well, she got all drunk and accidentally melted my home. And… me and Art here decided to run away together, when we found out that the vampires had a base in Antarctica."

"Yeah, we do," Darius agreed.

Kadira scoffed. "I said don't _tell_ them anything!"

"Shut up," Darius snapped, "So, what's so great about Antarctica?"

"I'm a penguin, what are you, retarded? Me and Art found a brochure that's says we can get a timeshare in igloo condominiums if we can get there by next Thursday. But we need to get Art's friend out of the wizard HQ. We heard that you were going there."

Darius nodded. "Yeah, we are."

"_So, let me make you a deal,"_ Mozart said, _"We will get you to the wiz HQ by nightfall if you can help us get to the wizard Toyota dealership."_

Darius looked thoughtful. "I don't know if I can make any promises."

"Darius, what are they saying? Don't you dare do anything that will compromise this mission!" Kadira shouted.

Darius ignored her, for Mozart was speaking again. _"Please, me and Art wanna get married!"_

"And have little baby Pegapenguins?" Darius asked, giggling. Aaron and Kadira turned to him with a strange face. "Long story," Darius told them.

"Your whole race is at stake, and both me and Art know vital things about the wizards! We can help you destroy them! All we want is a timeshare in an igloo in Antarctica! Please!"

He sighed. "Fine. Fine!"

"Fine what?" Kadira asked, "Darius, I am serious! They are magical creatures! They can trick you into helping them!"

Darius looked at Artemis, who was drooling down the back of Mozart's sweater, which she still had in her mouth. "I kind of doubt that this thing can trick anybody."

* * *

See? I told you! Completely retarded! I don't know what is wrong. I couldn't think of anything to write about, so I just decided to take a little break from adventure and be as retarded as possible. Right?

Okay this is **IMPORTANT**. On Aug. 10th, I start school. Meaning homework. Meaning studying. Meaning not six hours a day where I can write my chapters. Meaning slower updates. Meaning I'm really sorry, but I can't fail out of life, can I? So, the updates will probably start coming on the weekends starting on Aug. 10. I'm really sorry, it's not my fault that those asshole teachers think I need an education. All I want to do in life is become a famous author, and even if I suck at writing, I will marry a rich dude and I can practice! ALL I WANNA DO IS WRITE!!!

(Sorry, had to post this twice, damn site keeps screwing up my format)


	24. Chief Kyle Catches A Vending Machine Ban

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I wrote this today, and I think it's kind of a chapter that shows their weaknesses and their strengths. And you guys'll be happy- there's more confused Kyle. I wrote this chapter, went on facebook for a while, came back, and I already had two reviews. It had only been about 40 minutes. You guys are friggin' amazing!

To **Kiakamon: **Odd? If you wanna see odd, you should have seen the original version of that chapter. I wrote it seconds after I chugged a can of Mtn. Dew. Lol, I love moo! It's my favorite word! Moo! I just freaking love it! Okay, I'm really glad I don't have to worry about you murdering me in my sleep, that's good. And lucky for you, this chap is 100% Stan and Kyle! Thanks!

To **Xxforget-me-notxX: **Hmm… I'm gonna pretend like I don't know about your destruction. *whistles innocently* Oh sorry, vanilla MILKSHAKE pop tart. That makes it sound worse! I love Ky's Jewfro too! I want to marry it. No, I wanna marry him! No, you destroy live things too! What about those two guys on youtube? Pegapenguins, yep, I love it too. They'd look real freaky. It actually was going to be Aaron that spoke to animals, but I thought since Aaron already had the limelight when he got with Kady, I should give Darry some love. And he's way better with living things anyway. Yep, Kennirus. It IS awful, isn't it??? That's two Mondays from now!!! No!!! Thanks, though!

To **mango-quincy: **Darry and Aaron sitting in a tree, K-I-L-L-I-N-G! Oh you're right about the smug! God, do they want to make Kyle move again?? Lol, don't explode your ribs, you might want to use them if you're dying and the last thing you want is a marshmallow roast! Seriously- that's why I don't laugh. Oh, so you don't want me to put 21 in the straightjacket? But I NEVER get to use it!!! And I lol'd when you said that thing about boys baseball practice, cause I have the same thing with the boys gymnastics thing down the street. Tight pants- yeeeah baby! Lol, I'll remember the sauce thing when I decide to put tacos in the story. They gotta be somewhere. HOW DARE HE??? Want me to stab some sense into that damn chicken??? Love on toast! That made me laugh so hard! I love you! I'm gonna make that the signature on my text messages! The Pegapenguins haven't been born yet, but I'll call you when Art and Mo start getting freaky. Cheese is a her. She's too awesome to be a dude. Do you have to go to therapy like Mr. G did? How did that therapist get killed again? Was it that firecracker? PS stands for… Pick Stan. PSS stands for Pick Super Stan. And I do not know if chicken or love are kosher, but I think love is. School sucks doesn't it? Thank you!

To **JoyHeart: **I'm glad you love retarded randomness! It's awesome! And thanks!

To **Hazel-Beka:** I like candles too! Aw… well, I'll be a hypocrite and use the simile anyway. I will go read it as soon as I get back from the doctor stabbing my arm with a shot. UghhH! Lol, your fangirlish mind rocks. It's stylish! Geddit? I made a joke there! HAHAHAHAHA! And I don't think Kady could give birth to such an annoying child, but she is acting like a mother. And Darius is definitely acting like a child. Lol, it totally works as a valley girl accent! Lol, well, it could give them away! Haha, unfortch for Kady, she can understand Darry not matter what he says. Pegapenguins! I think I'm gonna go draw that now! I wish we could go back in September! My birthday's then, and it would be so cool to have it over summer. Thanks!

Okay, I haves to get a shot, and it's gonna hurt, so ow. Hey!

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Chief Kyle Catches A Vending Machine Bandit**- Kyle and Stan have escaped Percy and Cartman, but now what?

* * *

Stan opened the door to reveal hundreds of wizards walking around. Some of them were standing at tiny booths set up selling things like hair-growth potion, pet dinosaurs, dragon tails, and popcorn. "Wow, you'd expect something more dramatic than popcorn after dragon tails," Kyle noted.

"Crap, how are we gonna get around all these people?" Stan asked, ducking behind a large Venus flytrap and pulling Kyle with him.

Kyle shrugged and avoided the plant's sharp teeth that were biting at him. "We could kill all of them."

"I'm not able to kill one person, let alone three hundred innocent wizards."

"I doubt any of these guys are innocent," Kyle said, eyeing a tall man with thick eyebrows and large muscles.

Stan sighed. "We could pretend to be wizards, maybe."

"No we can't!" Kyle snapped, "Look at your face, Stan! Remember your eyes? You look like a fucking goth, and so do all the other vamps. They'll know you're a vamp."

"This sucks ass, dude! Percy and fat ass will be down any second!"

Kyle looked at Stan, grinning. "They know _you're _a vampire," he said slyly, "They know nothing about me." He reached forward and plucked a tiny stem off of the Venus flytrap, which angrily bit his hand. Kyle wrenched himself from the plant's sharp teeth and held up a stick.

"Shit, Ky, what are you thinking?"

"Move it, move it, coming through!" Kyle shouted, waving his hand for the crowd to move away, "Prisoner coming through."

Stan rolled his eyes, scratching at his tied hands. Kyle held the stem up as though it was a wand and pointed it threateningly at anyone who got in his way. "Don't overdo it," Stan whispered.

Kyle shook his head and continued to drag Stan by the arm through the crowd. An officer approached them. "What are you doing, kid?"

"I have to take this vampire to the prison." Kyle shook Stan's arm, showing that he was referring to him.

The officer eyed Stan up and down. "Vampire scum. What were they trying to do this time?"

Kyle's eyes widened slightly and he looked around for a diversion. The only thing that caught his eye was another wizard officer blocking the snack machine. "He uh… tried to use our vending machine."

"He _what?_"

"Yeah, yeah, he wanted a Bon Bon. Little asshole," Kyle said with feigned disgust, glaring at Stan with a twinkle in his eye.

The officer nodded with real disgust. "Fucking vamps. All we do is kill their damn leader and they suddenly think they have open access to our Bon Bons. It's fine, son, take him away."

Kyle nodded and dragged Stan to the door, glaring at anyone who stared at them strangely. _'If he wasn't so small,'_ Stan thought, _'He might actually be somewhat intimidating. But he's just an elf with sand in his vagina.'_

"Dude! Stop talking, you're gonna get us caught!" Kyle whispered.

Stan's eyebrows wrinkled in confusion. "I didn't even say anything!"

"Don't call me short! I fucking hate it!" Kyle muttered, irritably gripping Stan's arm like a vice.

"I didn't call you short!" _'But I did think it,' _he added as an afterthought, looking at Kyle in thought. "Kyle… I thought it, in my mind."

"Maybe you talk to yourself," Kyle said, "Because I heard you say it."

Stan shrugged and allowed himself to be dragged to the opposite corridor, where nobody else wandered. Kyle released his grip and began walking straight down the hallway. "Wait, Kyle! You don't know where you're going!"

Kyle blinked. "I know that I want to get as far away as I can from anyone with homicidal toothpicks," he said, "and it sounds like there's noise coming from that way."

"Do you think that fire spread?" Stan asked, "The one we accidentally set with the torch?"

Kyle looked back. "I don't know, but if it burns this place down, who cares? Make it easier… shit dude, we can't leave yet!"

Stan looked at Kyle, bewildered by the sudden outburst. "Why not?"

"Remember? Kenny's cure is here! If we leave and let the place burn down, Kenny's cure burns down with it!"

"Shit, you're right! The Chest of Life!"

Kyle ran his hands through his singed Jewfro in confusion. "Where could it be? Damn it, it could be anywhere! Fucking anywhere!"

"Kyle, calm down, we should wait for Kady, Aaron, and Darius."

"Stan, we can't wait for them! What, do you want to check out a room?"

Stan groaned. "I don't know, dude!"

"We should get the chest by ourselves. I don't know, but I have a bad feeling about them."

"Who?"

Kyle shook his head. "Never mind, let's go find a map or something."

"Kyle, who were you talking about?"

"I don't know, I just have a bad feeling about something, okay?"

Stan sighed. "Fine, leaving me a cliffy, aren't you?"

"Man, I'm kinda getting scared," Kyle said. Stan looked at him strangely; it was weird to see Kyle scared. "Look what we're up against! There's two of us- well, one of us; I don't have powers, and there's like thousands of them!"

Stan nodded. "We're gonna be okay, dude, we just gotta get out of here."

"What about Kenny? Stan, we have to save Kenny!"

"Come on, Kyle! Do you seriously think that there's only _one _cure for Kenny's condition? If there's so many vamps out there, there must have been loads of humans that have come in contact with vamp blood. They should have over-the-counter crap by now!"

Kyle looked nervously behind them. "Why would they tell us there's only one cure, then?"

"Do they seem all that interested in saving Kenny to you?"

Kyle hesitated, his mouth slightly open. "I… I don't think they do."

"Kyle, I know they are pro-human and what not, but I think that they have a prejudice against humans too. They just don't want to murder the entire race."

The redhead sighed, twiddling his thumbs together in a very Butters-like manner. "But… if they let Kenny die, that is like murder!"

"Yeah, but it's just one human. They're more interested in their damn leader."

"I guess, Stan, but you're the one who said to wait for them! You're the one who said they can help us. You were on their side a minute ago! Wait, I'm really confused!" Kyle put his face in his hands. "They want to kill Kenny! Those stupid bastards want to kill Kenny! I… I… I don't know if…"

Stan bent down next to Kyle, worried about the high volume of his voice. "You don't know if what, Kyle?"

"I don't know if we should stick with the vamps right now. Kenny's our top priority, right?"

"Yeah, totally."

"So, if those three don't care, we have to save him ourselves! Just forget about the vamps for right now, we're our own thing now!"

Stan sighed. "But I'm not as experienced as they are! I mean… we could make them listen to us! We can't just ditch them Kyle, they're the only thing keeping us alive."

"I… what do you propose we do then? They haven't come to 'rescue' us yet!"

"I don't know, I'm just kind of worried about you right now. You're kind of freaking out."

"I'm not freaking out!" Kyle shouted, "I'm just really fucking confused! Kadira is the only one that knows anything, and she won't _tell_ me anything! I don't know why we're looking for this puppet loser-"

"Prophet," Stan corrected.

"Yeah, prophet loser. I don't know why you're a vamp in the first place! What's gonna happen when this is over, Stan? Are you gonna leave me to go to their dumb vamp headquarters? Leave me alone in South Park?"

Stan shook his head. "I don't know how it's gonna work out, Ky, but I'm not leaving South Park. That's our town, man! What would they do without me?"

"Live a normal mountain town life, I guess," Kyle replied, still twitching like Tweek.

"Yeah, see? That would suck ass! They're lucky they've got us. We just need to take this one thing at a time, okay?"

Kyle slapped his face. "One thing at a time? What's the one thing we're supposed to do? Wait for the others? Save Kenny ourselves? Run for our fucking lives? Let them get us?"

"Kyle, you just need to… wait, what was that last thing you said?"

Kyle thought for a moment. "Let them get us?"

"That's it!" Stan exclaimed, "We can let them get us! Then we can be close enough to them to maybe hear something about where the Chest of Life is!"

"If we do that, they'll just send us to the prison," Kyle argued, "And they don't talk about their high-security items around a bunch of criminals."

Stan groaned. "Damn it, why do you always have to ruin my ideas?"

"Sorry," Kyle apologized, trying to regain his breath from his near panic attack. They sighed and stared at each other as Kyle scratched his hand, which was still injured from the flytrap incident. "Stan!" Kyle suddenly exclaimed, staring at his hand.

Stan looked at Kyle. "What?"

"I have a way we can let them find us, but not have them send us to prison!"

Stan's eyes brightened. "Really? How?"

Kyle looked both ways before looking down the hallway. "Yes, stairs!" he said, "Okay, listen. You need to go fall down those stairs."

"Um… excuse me?"

"Go fall down those stairs!" Kyle repeated, "If you get injured, we can go to the little wiz hospital, and they can do shit to help you! And we'll be around loads of wizards that know about curing things! They'll probably know where the Chest of Life is!"

Stan sighed. "Why would they want to help us? They'd just let us die!"

"Not you! You're a vamp! They want to know about your powers!"

Stan began to brighten again, before he looked at Kyle. "What about you? You're just a human, they don't give a fuck about you!"

Kyle grinned. "Remember that thing we said we'd never talk about again?"

"…no?" Stan said, nodding his head yes.

"Yeah, well if that had happened, you would have transferred some vamp DNA into me or something. There's gotta be something vamp related in me now!" He paused. "I mean, there would be, if that had happened."

Stan rolled his eyes. "Well, if that had happened, and you did have vamp DNA in you, how would you get into the hospital? They need to know that I'm hurt for them to let either of us in, and you need to tell them."

"You just fall, Stan, I can take care of the rest," Kyle said.

Stan groaned and stood up, walking to the stairs on the other side of the hallway. "Just fall!" Kyle shouted.

Stan sighed and untied his shoelace. "Wow this place is really cool I wonder if they have nacho dip because that would be…" Stan babbled until he tripped over his shoelace and tumbled down the stairs. Kyle ran to him and bent over him.

"Stan, you okay?"

"Dude! I hit my fucking head!"

Kyle nodded. "Okay, good."

He ran up the stairs and screamed at the top of his lungs. "HOLY SHIT IT'S ASHTON FUCKING KUTCHER!" He finished the sentence by jumping down the stairs and landing right beside Stan before he blacked out from his new head injury.

* * *

I HATE MY STUPID COMPUTER!!! I SERIOUSLY DO!!! DAMN THING FORMATS ALL OF MY STORIES WRONG, EVERYTIME I POST SOMETHING, IT POSTS IT TWICE- SO WHEN I COPY+PASTE MY REVIEW RESPONSES, IT DOES IT TWICE, AND THE SECOND TIME IT DOES IT, MY REVIEW RESPONSES ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF MY STORY!!!! I HATE IT SOOO MUCH!!!!!

Sorry, I guess it's just really frustrating sometimes.

Hey, after this I'm gonna start a Horror story. Lotsa people are gonna die! I've never written a horror story, so it should be fun! This is my first time with a fantasy/adventure, and I'm having loads of fun. I thought I could only write romance! But this story ain't even close to being over, so my horror story's gonna have to wait. I will tell you that KYle's mom's gonna die. Cause I hate her. I love her at the same time, cause she makes the show facinating, but I also hate her.

REVIEW SONG 3 _To the tune of the South Park theme song_

_Readin some fanfiction  
It's what I do all the time_

_(Stan and Kyle)_

_Crazy fangirls everywhere  
Wishing we would get together_

_(Normal)_

_Readin some fanfiction  
Most of the writers are high_

_(Cartman)_

_People always make me nice  
One day I will kill you authors!_

_(Normal)_

_Readin some fanfiction  
I never even go outside_

_(Kenny ((muffled)))_

_Killing me off every chapter  
Or making me a porno actor_

_(Normal)_

_You read my fanfiction  
Now review or die!_

That was fun to write, lol.


	25. Darius Is A Crouton

_Fight Fear With Fire _

Sorry about the slow update. I've been busy making previews for my stories on YouTube. I'd love it if you guys checked it out. I have one for this story, it's the first I've ever made. I also have three previews for my upcoming horror story: Leena. I used the girl from Orphan and the guy from Jeepers Creepers (he plays Stan!) for my previews. I just want to tell you, that I'm not much of a video maker, so they kind of suck. Add me as a friend if you'd like. My username is **kylexcartmanfan918. **Type that into YouTube search to get my vids.

To** Xxforget-me-notxX: **Thanks! I really love that song too! It's my favorite out of all the review songs I've written. Oh my god, I loved when he took his hat off in that episode too! He was all swinging those sexy locks around and I was like drooling. Robot? Of course not, silly, the only robot in the world is A.W.E.S.O.M-O! Darry loves you too. *Darry+You hug* School is nasty. Lol, I read through all of the reviews, and a lot of you people said something about the popcorn. You people notice weird things. At first, I was like 'What are you talking about' and I had to reread my own chap to see it. Kyle in a little green suit… with tights to show off his nice ass. Aw yeah, that is my new mind-screensaver. Lol, "…no?" _Yes._ Chapter says thanks, Story says thanks, and I say thanks. Thanks 3x!

To **Kiakamon: **Thank you! It's great to know I make people cry. :D Haha, well, some of these fanfic people are a bit… insane. *points to self* Lol, but Stan may never have to drink Ky's blood again, except out of a vial. They don't do mouth to mouth all the time, that'd be kinda weird. Kyle reading Stan's mind… I wish I could say but I can't so I won't. I still have to deal with that damn author-supersexyjewboy confidentiality agreement. Or something like that. It took me a while to think of someone for Kyle to scream about. I tried spiderman, but I already mentioned spidey in this fic, I tried Demetri Martin, but I don't know if many people know him, and Ashton Kutcher came out of nowhere. Well, at least they're near hundreds of medically trained wizards, that must help a bit. But not with the I.Q. points poor Stan was forced to lose. Lol, you liked the song too! 2 votes for SPRS (south park review song) heh, I wish it'd be the theme. I'd be rich. Look no further, here's an update! Thanks!

To **Hazel-Beka:** I am trying on the Pegapenguins, but it's haaard! Once I get it, I'll post it on like DeviantArt or something. See? You mentioned the popcorn too! Read **Xxforget-me-notxX**'s review response, line 5. lol. Jurassic Park is a favorite of mine! But the pet dinosaurs are friendly! If you're suicidal, they'll help you out! Oh, that's just ONE room of their HQ! I need to put a Hot Topic in there. I LOVE Hot Topic! And eh, I think Kyle's just a bit desperate. They just singed his jewfro, for Merlin's sake! I don't think anyone except Kadira is bright in this fic. And Kady's brightness shines in this chap. Kyle + Elf Suit + Tights = My new Mind-Screensaver! Kyle is just awesome like that. He's awesome without even knowing it. I laughed at the mental image of Dumbles picking at his teeth with the "homicidal toothpick" Kyle has a bad feeling about something, he's not being very clear with us, is he? I WANNA HUG KYLE! KYLE GO PUT ON YOUR ELF TIGHTS AND I'LL GIVE YOU A BIG HUG! Vampire Blood Infection? I love that! That's the new name! Or do you have it copyrighted. I'll call it VBI for short! Or we could call it… Vampire Blood Interaction Infection (VBII) That's fun to say! And my offer still stands; if he puts on the tights, I'll squeeze him like a teddy bear. Kyle and Stan both are kind of random when it comes to ideas. Heh, I'm just easily frustrated… THERE'S HAIR ON MY HEAD! MOVE, DAMN IT!… yeah… lol Well, check out the preview on youtube to get a little taste of the story, which by the way, will be titled "Leena." Thanks!

To **JoyHeart: **Umm… I will nod at certain points so it looks like I know what the heck you're saying. Naw, I'm kiddin. I know where you're comin from. I totally been there.

Okay, So, there's my reviews. I will once again remind you to type **kylexcartmanfan918** into Youtube, and you will find my vids.

**Chapter Twenty-Five: Darius Is A Crouton-** Darius, Kady, and Aaron finally arrive at the wizard HQ, but have to wear jewelry and chew teeth-staining gum. Ew.

* * *

"Just land!" Darius shouted at the Pegasus, who was circling over the wizard HQ, "Every moment counts!"

Artemis didn't listen. _"I need to make sure we get a good parking space,"_ she told him briskly.

"Art- you can fly away as soon as you land. We'll call you if we need you!"

"_I don't know how to answer my calls!" _Artemis cried, _"My new voice machine brain implant is…"_

Darius groaned loudly. "If you don't land this fucking minute, I'm going to shove your stupid boyfriend up your ass!"

Mozart's beak twitched. _"Please do."_

"Jesus Christ!" Darius exclaimed, "I'll shove a pencil up your ass, then! MOVE!"

Artemis irritably sped toward the ground, galloping for a few moments before landing. _"I'm gonna stay right here."_

Darius rolled his eyes. "Are you retarded? If they see you, we won't have a ride home."

"_I'm gonna stay right there," _Artemis corrected, flicking her tail toward a large cluster of trees.

"You do that," Darius said, and turned around, "'Kay guys, let's go save some asses!"

Kadira and Aaron looked at each other before following. They were quite annoyed from hearing Darius talk to the animals, but not knowing what the animals were saying. It was like listening to someone talk on the phone- very annoying.

Kadira looked both ways before pulling Aaron and Darius into a corner behind the tall building. "Okay, put these on."

Darius eyed the plastic bracelets Kadira was holding out. "Kady… bracelets are for girls."

"I have seen boys wear them."

"Have you seen boys wear _pink_ ones?"

Kadira paused. "It is not pink, it is a neon lavender. Just put it on!"

Darius reluctantly took the pink plastic loop, Aaron following his lead. They slipped them onto their fingers. "So what do they do?" Darius asked, "Make us invisible?"

Kadira shook her head. "No. They make us unnoticeable. When we wear these, nobody looks our way. Nobody asks us questions."

"Why didn't you just get invisibility bracelets?" Darius asked.

"These were on sale," Kadira snapped. She rolled her eyes and turned the corner, confidently approaching the large, golden door. Darius and Aaron were more cautious, seeing all of the wizards walking around and not even looking their way. They finally caught up to Kadira, who said, "Do not run into anybody. These bracelets are not the same as the other inconspicuous objects."

Aaron turned to her. "What are the other inconspicuous objects?"

"Oh, they have everything," Kadira said pleasantly, "Hats, shirts, gloves, shoes, underwear, even maxi pads and…"

"Okay, okay, don't share anymore!" Darius interrupted, "If they have gloves, why the hell did you get bracelets?"

Kadira rolled her eyes again. "Did you not hear me? These were on _sale_. The only other things on sale were inconspicuous bras, and I really doubted that you would want those."

"Thank you," Aaron said appreciatively.

Kadira nodded at him kindly. Darius scoffed. "Okay, why are you always so nice to him? I try and be nice to you… kind of! And you always treat me like you're smarter than me!"

"Well, I am," Kadira said bluntly.

"Yeah, but that's not the point," Darius snapped, "You're a smart-ass bitch!"

"And you are a agitating, ignorant, cretin"

Darius turned to her. "Did you just call me a crouton?"

"My point exactly," she muttered, pulling open the large door and revealing a large lobby behind it.

Aaron looked around in awe. "Damn, they have hot secretaries!" Kadira glared at him, and he blushed. "I mean, they're secretaries are hot compared to ours. Come on, Kady, we have crumbly old ladies!"

Darius snorted. "Crumbly old ladies?"

"You heard me," Aaron replied shortly.

"Would you two please keep it down?" Kadira said irritably.

Aaron looked around. "But you said no one will notice us."

"Yes, but you are getting on my last nerve, so quiet!"

The two men sighed and let Kadira walk ahead of them. She walked briskly past small doors labeled with their inhabitants such as _"Witch Doctor M.D." _and _"Merlin's Toys: Stupid Spoiled Whore Playset- Wizard Edition Now Available!" _

Darius was quickly distracted by _"Pleasurable Potions- Give Your Partner The Time Of Their Life."_

Aaron grabbed his arm and dragged him away, reminding him that he had no partner to pleasure.

Kadira completely ignored them, quickly heading toward the large bronze doors ahead.

"She sure seems to know where she's going," Darius whispered.

Aaron shrugged. "I don't know. It's Kady, dude. I think she knows everything."

"She doesn't know everything," Darius argued, "She just thinks she does. She thinks she's the best damn thing on this whole planet. You know, that's why no one likes her and everyone likes me! It's because I'm fun."

Aaron snorted. "Dude, when Kady was getting her award for best vamp of '23, you were sorting through death threats you got from mom!"

"Fuck you!"

"Mommy likes me better," Aaron sang.

"Shut up! She just didn't understand me!" Darius argued, crossing his arms.

Kadira opened the bronze doors, and two people ran out, looking agitated. "Shit!" Darius whispered. "That's Percy and Eric! The ones who attacked us!"

"They looked pissed," Aaron noted.

"Looks like Stanley and Kyle escaped."

Darius grinned. "Those two kick ass."

Kadira slipped through the door, followed less gracefully by Aaron and Darius. There were two hallways on either side of them. "Damn. Which way do we go?"

"Kady, can you use the Hot n' Cold necklace temporarily for this?" Aaron asked.

"I guess I could," Kadira said, pulling it out of her coat pocket. She held it in her hand and walked to the edge of one hallway. "No," she muttered, crossing to the other one. "They are this way."

Darius and Aaron high fived. "This is easier than I thought it'd be!"

"It will be more trying soon," Kadira said.

"Right little ray of sunshine, aren't you, Kady?" Darius said.

She rolled her eyes yet again. "You have used that phrase before. It really is not meaningful anymore."

"I am just strolling along here, trying to be happy, and you are just being a negative…"

"This way!" Kadira suddenly explained, turning a sharp corner. She stopped suddenly, and Aaron and Darius ran into her back.

Darius looked at Kadira like she was insane. "Uh… Kady? This is a _wall_."

"Yes, and these are wizards," Kadira replied distantly, "They refuse to have only doors, that would be too easy. Did you notice any security in the front of the building?"

The two men shook their heads. "No, just around the shops."

"Precisely, because all of the paths to the important places are sealed off like this."

Aaron sighed. "Then how do _we _get through?"

Kadira was staring at the wall with deep concentration. "Let me think." She ran her hand along the wall, her long fingers feeling for creases or bumps that were out of the ordinary. After not finding anything with her hands, she stepped forward and pressed her forehead against the cold wall, whispering Latin phrases under her breath. Nothing happened.

"Maybe there's a password or something," Aaron suggested.

Kadira nodded, considering the thought, but her nods soon turned into shakes. "I doubt it, actually. Think about this. Thousands of people would be forced to remember a single phrase."

"I guess that's kinda unrealistic," Darius agreed. "Maybe it's like Diagon Alley in Harry Potter. Maybe you just tap it in a certain place and…"

"Darius! That is brilliant!"

"Well, fuck you! It was just a suggestio… wait, what?"

Aaron grinned. "She said it was brilliant."

Kadira searched her coat pockets again until she pulled out a pack of what looked like gum.

"Gum? What, are you stressed?" Darius asked.

"No, of course not," Kadira said, popping one of the navy blue pieces into her mouth, "This is a fingerprint revealer. Humans have something similar, I believe. It just brings out the fingerprints on the wall." She leaned up to the wall again and opened her mouth. Steam-like navy clouds came out of her mouth and spread across the wall. Moments later, many finger-shaped dots were littering the wall. "Perfect."

There was a cluster of fingerprints on four different places. "How do we know which order to touch them in?" Aaron asked.

"Look, there are four of them in a row," she pointed at each little cluster, "I believe that the order in which we touch them will be similar to a password, like Aaron suggested earlier."

Darius raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, but how do we know what the password is."

"The wizards want to rid the world of all humans, correct?" Darius and Aaron nodded. "And when do they plan on doing that?"

Aaron's eyes brightened. "2013! That's the password!"

Kadira smiled, the blue gum staining her teeth slightly. "Yes. I believe that the first one is zero, and then they are in numerical order." She reached out and touched the third print, representing the two. When nothing happened, she followed by touching the first, second, and fourth prints. The wall trembled where it stood and a circular hole began forming through the middle until it was wide enough for them to crawl through. Kadira went first, followed by Aaron and finishing with Darius.

They entered a large white room with shelves and shelves and shelves lined with potions. The sparkling at first was blinding, but their eyes adjusted. "Perfect," Kadira said again, "This is a great start. See if any potions are missing."

"How will that help?" Darius asked.

"Well, it will tell us if the wizards actually do have Stanley and Kyle. They would have used potions to capture them."

Aaron nodded, and they proceeded to scan their eyes over every shelf. The wizards were terribly organized, so it would have been quite obvious if one potion was not present. But it seemed as though every single one was there, until…

"Found something!" Darius called.

Kadira and Aaron scuffled to get behind him. There was a row of purple sparkling potions, but the very first one was missing. "What kind of potion is it?" Aaron asked.

Kadira's eyes roamed the room until they landed on a small device in the corner. It was like a funnel that led into a tiny test tube, and a tiny display screen rested below it. Kadira took one of the purple bottles and poured a drop into the funnel. It dripped down and landed in the test tube, where it exploded into gushing purple smoke. The display screen flashed _"Processing Potion"_ and made loud beeping noises until it finally came to its conclusion.

"I thought it'd be way more dramatic than that," Aaron said.

Darius laughed. "Looks like someone just came in here to spice up their girlfriend or boyfriend."

Kadira just rolled her eyes and quickly retreated out the other door. Darius and Aaron reluctantly followed, still snickering about the display sign that read _"Lust Potion."_

I like the way this chapter turned out. I got exactly what I wanted to say out there, and it works. I think. Feel free to tell me I suck.

May I just remind you once again: Type **_KYLEXCARTMANFAN918 _**into **youtube** to see my _previews._

Another Review Song _(To The Tune Of "Wake Me Up When September Ends" by Green Day"_

_Chapters all come and pass  
Twenty-Five have gone so fast  
__Please review  
It's free and easy too_

_Before I touch my keyboard  
I want to know if you are bored  
Please review  
The cow will moo for you_

I know, it's short and just the first two verses of the song. idk, i'm just loony today. I still keep South Park Review Song as my fave

_**KYLEXCARTMANFAN918** ON YOUTUBE!!!_

* * *


	26. Tighty Abs and Half Pint Are High On Fai

_Fight Fear With Fire_

OMG, I'm sooo bad ass. I sneaked into a rated R movie today! I saw Funny People! I'm much younger than you think I am, and I'm much younger than I should be to be writing this fic (language, sexual shit), but the youth of the world is no longer as innocent as it used to be. 10 year olds can now access porn on the internet. I've seen my friend's brother do it. What kind of world is this?

To **Xxforget-me-notxX: **Darry wants to be your best buddy. Lol, it's weird, cause it's like someone says to god, "hey, they're cutting down your rainforest," and gods like, "What rainforest?" and the the dude's like, "the amazon one. You made it a few thousand years ago? Remember? At the Christmas Party?" and god is puzzled. "I have no idea wtf you're talking about." Lol. The name of the chapter… ah yes. I'm sure it is confusing to the eye that is unaware of the going ons of this chapter. Aaron and Kady are gonna probably have to check into a hospital when all this is over. Darius is gonna be forced into a straight jacket. And your love is all Darius needs, so Aaron can go screw his mom for all we care. And I think that's the first time I've mentioned the Hot N' Cold necklace without the Katy Perry reference. Lol, thanks!

To **Hazel-Beka: **You should see my room. It is scattered with failed attempts at the Pegapenguins. And I think one of those was on the back of my class schedule. O.o. The vamp's HQ is bigger, but it isn't as social-oriented. It's got way less fun stuff, but way more… idk, other stuff. Wow, I just went to Hot Topic today, picked out a super sexy scarf/bandana thingy. No clue, but it's pretty colors! And I put those refs in there to show that the wizards, the vamps, and the humans really aren't all that different. It's not a whole separate world. Because that's the one thing I've never liked about Harry Potter; the fact that it isn't up to date at all and its so cut off from the rest of the world. So I want to show that this is one world, and no matter how different they all are, there's a lot of similarities too. Man… that's as deep as I'll ever get. Haha, the inconspicuous bras would be good for Cartman. He could wear it with his flabby man-boobs. Yes… let's burn Paris Hilton… wait, she's not a witch? Burn her anyway! Who says that the mother is still sane? yep, Cartman really needs to learn to think before he acts. Thanks!

Okay you guys, I have a thing. I know that my review grammar is really crappy, and I'm sorry about that. It turns out that I have a mild case of ADHD, and I have to take these stupid pills for it, and I'm so freaking hyper that my fingers are moving like freakishly fast. So I know my grammar really sucks up there, but I promise you I proofread my chapter, just like I always do.

**SUPER SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT!!!! **Okay I couldn't wait any longer. I began writing "Leena." I just had an inspiration and had to grab onto it. So it's online, but only the first chap. This story here is my top priority, and that story will only be worked on if I'm at my dad's house and I've already written a chapter for this that day. Because it's really no good when I write two chaps in one day. They end up too similar.

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Tighty Abs And Half-Pint Are High On Fairy Dust-** Stan and Kyle are found, but things don't turn out as expected.

* * *

"HOLY SHIT! IT'S ASHTON FUCKING KUTCHER!"

Nineteen-year-old Megan Simmons spun around on the heel of her crocodile-skin boots. "Ashton Kutcher? Ohmygod really?"

There was a loud thud down the hallway and Megan squealed. She began running, but noticed that she was missing something. "Sam, come _on_! Didn't you hear? It's Ashton Kutcher!" She pulled on her younger brother's arm, dragging him down the hallway.

"Yes, I heard. And I don't find it at all amusing. He isn't even that great of an actor and he really isn't all that handsome."

"Quit being a gaywad and come on!" she shouted and continued walking, her high-heeled boots clicking their way down the black tiles. Sam's beat-up sneakers followed less gracefully, one of the untied muddy shoelaces dirtying the ground. Class was a Simmons family trait, but unfortunately, Sam didn't inherit it.

Megan was now far ahead of him, her dark-brown ponytail brushing the ground behind her. Sam didn't see how she could walk so fast in those uncomfortable boots, but it was Megan, and if cute meant death, she'd easily accept the deal.

He caught up before she turned a corner, knowing he'd get lost if he didn't.

But apparently, he hadn't needed to rush. Megan was stopped at the bottom of the stairs, staring at something he couldn't see. "What is it?" he called.

"I don't know what it is, but it sure ain't Ashton Kutcher."

Sam descended the stairs and saw two boys lying unconscious on the ground. One was far above average height, with muscular arms and long black hair. The other was completely opposite, short with a skinny figure and curly red hair.

Megan didn't look too concerned. "Oh my god, look at his abs. Those are fucking nice abs," she whispered.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Megan! They're out cold! That means they could have a concussion!"

Megan folded her arms over the beaded front of her pink top. "Let's just go, Ashton Kutcher is worth missing the dragon races, but this sure as hell ain't. Just let some other people pick them up. They probably just got high on fairy dust and tripped."

"We can't just leave them! Didn't you see the markings on the tall one's eyes?"

"What markings?" Megan asked, leaning closer, "Oh, crap! He's a vampire!"

Sam nodded. "And the other one's a human. We have to get them out of here before they're found by someone else."

"We can't just take them with us, Sam," Megan said, "They need to go to the hospital. That's what you're supposed to do if someone's unconscious."

Sam shook his head. "We have medics at the V.W.H.C.A. We can take them there."

Megan sighed. "Fine, you take tighty abs, and I'll take half-pint…"

The redhead stirred in his sleep and muttered something along the lines of "fukoo."

"Fuck you too, bitch."

* * *

"There was a time, my friends, when the wizards…" the woman paused for effect, taking a few steps to her right, "the vampires, and the humans all lived together in peace!"

The medium-sized crowd around her cheered, and she continued her speech.

"That was ended when the humans thirst for power turned to violence. That began the war between the vampires and the wizards!"

The crowd grew silent, awaiting her next words.

"We are attacking the humans because of their ancestors' mistakes! We are attacking the vampires because they believe in equality!" She paused once again, looking into the faces of numerous people in the audience. "It is our fear of them that fuels us to fight with such menace!"

The crowd cheered once again, and a few "Yeah!"s were scattered around.

"Instead of fighting with each other, we should be cooperating! We have our disagreements, but those can be solved with civilized and democratic processes!" She pounded her fist into her hand at every adjective. "Instead of building weapons, we should be helping our fellow neighbors! Not everyone is equal in power, but everyone is equal in humanity!"

Another cheer rang through the large room, louder than the other two cheers that had proceeded.

"Right now, at this moment, our world is in a weakened state. The death of the vampire leader, Aleser, has brought the vampires into a depression. And we know what our leaders will do! They will attack and bring down the vampires!"

Her wide blue eyes scanned the crowd and she continued. "Do you know what will happen when the vampires are defeated? The elders will stop at nothing to destroy every last human that roams this very planet!"

A wave of whispers blew through the crowd before she continued.

"And if the humans are gone, even we will be powerless. You see, our people believe that they are the best, and that all others are inferior. We allow the humans to do all of our simple jobs because we believe they deserve to work for us, to be our slaves without even them knowing!" She stepped off of the stage and walked between the aisles of chairs.

"What will happen when we destroy our slaves?" She leaned down in front of one man, who was staring at her intently. "In destroying the humans we are destroying ourselves. Little do we know that the humans are quite a large factor in our rise to success."

She stood up straight again. "If the immorality of destroying an entire race because of their supposed inferiority isn't lodging in your brain, remember this. Without the humans and the vampires, we can't survive. Without the humans and vampires, we can't create what we need because our people always depended on the humans to do it for us! Without the humans or vampires, we are nothing!"

The crowd cheered once again as she made her way back onto the stage. "I am not saying that we prevent this peacefully, no." She looked once again around the crowd. "But unlike the elders, we are going to get straight to the root of the problem. The one that brought all the tension between our species."

The name 'Tanek' was whispered through the room, but with many different emotions: fear, anger, spite, disgust.

"That's right. Tanek was around when the very first battle occurred between the humans and the wizards. He actually called on the first battle between the wizards and the vampires. And for the past hundreds of years, he's been shoving the idea that we are the almighty down every throat that belongs to a wizard!"

Silence followed, and the last syllable of 'wizard' could be heard echoing throughout the room. "It was his ideas, and his ideas alone, that brought this war upon us all. I believe that he is the only one faithful enough to those ideas, to spread them around. Meaning that… if he's gone, his ideas will be weakened. The only ones left will only have the defense that these ideas are what they grew up on. We can change the entire world around, just by defeating this one man!"

Spirited applause followed, and she straightened out her jeans. "But Tanek is more powerful than I think any of us can imagine. We need a foolproof plan that can get us to him and destroy him once and for all. Since these ideas must be thought out carefully, we must move slowly and cautiously. One faulty move can have us all caught and our plan diminished. So I ask all of you tonight to believe in this. Believe that this is possible. Because we can have all of the plans, and weapons, and strong words we want, but if we don't believe, we might as well just surrender and leave right now."

Not a single person flinched and she smiled triumphantly. "Equality!"

"EQUALITY!" the group shouted after her, screaming and cheering as a man came onto the stage.

"That was Rayvin Reynolds everybody, and that concludes tonight's meeting."

Rayvin waved at everybody as she made her way into the back room, where only the council was permitted. The only other person was a tall man by the name of Antonio. She called him Tony for short.

"That was good today, Miss Reynolds."

Rayvin smiled warmly up at him. "Well, thanks Tony. I think I really got to them, don't you?"

"Yes," agreed Tony, "The W.H.W.C.A is very glad that you're here for us. You're the best speaker we've ever had."

"Well, we haven't been around for that long," Rayvin said distantly, "What's it been now, six years?"

Tony nodded. "But we've come a long way in the recruiting."

"Yeah, and it's hard to recruit and keep all of this a secret at the same time. Sometimes I'm afraid that one of them will go blab on us."

"Don't worry about that, Miss, you know they are incapable."

"Yeah, we've got pretty good security, huh?"

The door burst open at that minute, and two disheveled looking teens stumbled in, carrying two motionless bodies.

"What happened?" Rayvin asked immediately.

Megan took a breath and sighed. "We found these two by the stairs by the mall. One's a vamp, and one's a human. We were afraid that the elders would find them, so we brought them here." Sam nodded next to her.

Rayvin nodded. "You did the right thing, guys. The elders probably would have killed them. Well, they probably would have killed the small one."

"Beech…" came the mumble from the smaller one, as he twitched in his unconscious state.

Rayvin waved her wand over them, and both of them immediately woke up. The tall one's blue eyes looked curious, and the redhead just looked incredibly confused.

"Er… hi," Megan said nervously.

The redhead's eyes widened as he stared at Megan. "Wiz… shit!"

"This isn't the hospital," the tall one said said, giving an irritated look at the other.

"Hey, don't look at me, I thought it would work!" he defended, "And you guys! Get the fuck away from us! We… we… you better not kill us!"

Megan snorted. "We're not gonna kill you, but you're lucky that it's us that found you."

"Doubt it," the tall one said, "You're wizards. You tried to kill my friend here and then tried to kill me. For all we know, you killed the other three we were with in the car."

"Don't be scared you guys, we're not going to hurt you," Rayvin said, tying her blonde hair up behind her. "We're not like the normal wizards. We want to protect humans and vampires."

The tall one raised an eyebrow. "But I thought all the wizards wanted to kill us."

"Nope, not all of them," Sam replied, "We're the Vamp-Human-Wizard Cooperation Association."

"Sounds like a rap," the redhead said.

"You can call us V.H.W.C.A for short."

"It's not much shorter," the same boy replied.

The taller one decided to change the subject. "Okay, we'll stay friendly as long as you stay friendly. Now who the hell are you?"

Rayvin pointed at herself. "I'm Rayvin Reynolds, director and speaker for the V.H.W.C.A."

"I'm Tony, her assistant and treasurer."

"I'm Megan," Megan said, "And this is my kid brother, Sam."

Sam glared. "I'm not a kid. I'm already sixteen!"

"He's retarded," Megan said, ignoring his whines.

Stan smiled while Kyle still looked suspicious. "Well I'm…"

"He's Sal and I'm Kip."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Sal and Kip?"

"Sal and Kip?" Stan asked with him.

Megan snorted again. "What, were your parents like… circus people?"

"Hey, don't laugh at our names!"

"I seriously doubt those are your names," Sam said, very Craig-like, in Kyle's opinion.

Rayvin smiled. "You don't have to tell us your real names. We understand that you don't trust us."

Kyle's suspicion did not fade, so she continued. "I must insist that you stay here, though. It's dangerous if you go out there. Loads of wizards actually _would _kill you."

"We found that out already," Stan muttered, remembering Percy and Cartman.

The others looked curious, but Rayvin shook her head. "I'm sure you all have many questions for… um… Sal and Kip, but they'll have to wait until tomorrow. They just had a head injury and they need to rest."

Sam and Tony nodded and they left the room. Rayvin turned to the boys. "I'm sorry to give you so little information, but we have to leave right now before we get caught. Megan, do me a favor and stay here. They can sleep here and you can sleep in the conference room."

"Why do I have to stay?" Megan whined.

Rayvin gave her a sharp stare. "Because someone needs to and you're the last one out." She shut the door behind her, and Megan turned to the two boys.

"Hope you're happy. All I wanted was to see Ashton, and I ended up with you two losers."

Stan folded his arms. "You're gonna be great company, huh?"

"Shut it, Sally."

"Sal and Kip?" Stan whispered to Kyle, who shrugged.

Megan grabbed two blankets and a few pillows from a cupboard. "Don't know why these are here…" she muttered, then met Kyle's gaze, "You can just _kip_ under 'em if you get cold."

* * *

Wow. I really liked this chapter. You see, when I write a chapter, one of the things I love to do is to go through and criticize it. To see what I can improve on. And I decided to look back to chapter one, and I am just really glad right now. Because I think about how much my writing has gotten better.

I just published this story last month, and there are many things I'm proud of. I'm proud that it's only been a month, and I have twenty-six chapters. I finished my story, Geometric Love, just last month, and I started it in February. Not to mention that it was only fifteen chapters. I'm proud that I haven't given up. I'm so glad. Usually I just lose my inspiration halfway through, and just quit the story or leave it with a shitty ending. But I'm into this, and I know I cannot slack off until this frickin thing is finished. I'm proud that my writing has improved so much. There are still many things to work on, but with each chapter I learn something new. And I'm hoping I can keep getting better until my dream of being an author is actually possible. I'm also proud that I actually like this story. It's... got a plot. A hell of a confusing plot. But it's sophisticated, and I've never tried that before. I'm proud that I actually tried something new by writing a fantasy/adventure story. I'm proud that I tried something new by having OC's. I don't know what it is about this story, but it's the only thing in my life that I feel good about. It's just... hard to explain.

I know I'm making a big deal out of something lame, but it's just me. I love writing so much, you know? I wish I could just sit at home all day and write. It's just fun, no matter if the story is sad or scary or retarded. And the number one thing I'm proud of is that I have stuck to my goal of just having fun with this. I usually hold back on my stories just because I'm afraid of what people will think. But I haven't held back at all, and I think I'm doing all right. And I don't care if I never go anywhere with my goal of being an author, because whether it's books or not, I don't want to ever stop writing.

And I'm starting my new story "Leena" with my new and improved writing style, and it's great. Because I'm trying something new again, and I want to see how it turns out. And if it crashes and burns, who the hell cares, because I tried and I enjoyed it. And my reviewers that have stuck with me through this whole thing, thanks so much. I think if it weren't for you I would have given up long ago. There have been times where I feel like I might just want to leave this on hold for a while, but I don't because you guys' reviews just make me want to write more and more and more. I love getting your opinions, it makes me a better writer.

Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. I can't believe I just said all that! Why the hell am I so freaking emotional today? God... what's the word I'm looking for... when someone goes on and on and on about shit. Is it monologing or something? idk. Anyway, sorry about that, but I just wanted to get that out there. I probably sound like a conceited self-loving bitch, but I swear I'm not. I know I have lots of things to work on, but I critique every single chapter and for once I just wanted to look for all the good things. And I did, and I feel great. Shit, I'm doing it again! I really need to get off of this fucking medication.

Check out "Leena" and my faithful reviewers on this fic, I really hope to see you on Leena. I only have one review as of now, so please give me your opinion.

And to anyone who didn't, check out **kylexcartmanfan918** on Youtube.

_Review Song Again (To The Tune Of "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park) just the chorus_

_When my chaps come  
Notice screw-ups that I've done  
Help me make it better  
Review I can't ask for less_

_And please don't flame me  
Cause that don't really help me  
It just makes me grumpy  
Review as you pass  
Review to save your ass_

lol, I know that last line of the first verse doesn't fit too well, but whatever. Most of y'all probably don't know that song, but I love it so much, so look it up on Jango or something


	27. All About The Mayans

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Okay, I put something in the last chapter that I was wondering if you people would catch. None of you did, (granted there were only two reviews), and so I get to tell you the answer and go hahaha I tricked you. Two new characters were introduced in the last chapter- Sam and Megan. If you have seen the movie Transformers, you would know that the main character is named _Sam_ Witwicky. And that his girlfriend Mikayla is played by _Megan_ Fox. I named the two characters after two of my many most favorite people. So ha.

The title of this chapter, in case you didn't catch it, is a pun on the South Park episode, _All About The Mormons_.

Hey! I finally figured out how to enter smaller. You click shift +enter. I didn't know that! So now my reviews responses can be nice and organized!

**Xxforget-me-notxX  
**Darry is glad.  
lol, the random god story made me laugh too. But I don't remember seeing it anywhere in the Bible. Hmmm....  
Yay! Leaving you confused and laughing his my goal, home skillet!  
Checked back in every chapter just for Katy? Well, Katy is quite flattered that you'd go to such trouble for her.  
I'm glad you like Sam and Megan. I personally kind of think Sam's an asshole, but he's my buddy. Megan is one of my favorite characters as of now. Along with Darius, Aria, Kyle, and Mozart.  
I heard that when you panic, your mind can do amazing things. Apparently Kyle's can make up names that have never been used or have been ridiculed right on the spot. That's a... uh... useful talent, I guess.  
I must say that 'fuckoo' is one of my favorite words in the world now. When I was typing this chapter, I wrote fuckoo like 20 times before I could make myself stop.  
But remember? VBI doesn't kill, it just puts you into a coma that you'll never wake up from. That's their prediciament (bad spelling). If Kenny could just die, then the whole story would be shit.  
Thank you for reviewing, my object-destroying friend.

**Kiakamon**  
I can't forget you! Are you crazy? lol, it's no biggie. At least you try and review, unlike some people who just read the story when it comes out and leave me without their opinions. (Yes! I'm talking to you, green shirt! I bet you read through every chapter, read my review song, then walk away without a passing glance. How could you? What? I don't care if your fingers are severed, just review the damn chapter!)  
lol, both you and forgetmenot used the word "backfired". Sorry, that just caught my attention.  
Glad you like the Review Songs! And I'm SO glad you like "Leave Out All The Rest!" I love that song sooooo much!  
Thanks for reviewing, my two-exclamation-point-using friend.

Mkay, that's all I gotta say. Great. Now the chap has to be published even LATER cause my damn mom wants me to go get some damn milk. I don't want any milk, my bones are already strong!! *finger breaks off* Uh... i have insurance for that...

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: All About The Mayans**: Kadira teaches Darius and Aaron a history lesson. Darius teaches her to respect. Aaron teaches himself that if he's quiet, nobody will teach him anything the hard way.

* * *

"So, what the hell do we do now?" Darius asked, leaning against the wall across from Kadira.

She looked around with narrowed eyes. "If Stanley and Kyle are somewhere alone here, where do you think they would be?"

"Uh… I don't know, probably to go check out wizard chicks."

Kadira rolled her eyes. "Darius, can you please be serious? Our entire species is in danger right now!"

"Well, everyone's in danger. 2012 is in… three years! Oooh, scary!"

"Well, the wizards are obviously planning on destroying the world in 2013. Are you not aware of the story between the actual 2012 world-ending theory?"

Aaron and Darius looked at each other. "Um… doesn't it have something to do with like… pilgrims or something?" Darius asked.

"No it's like Indians or something."

"The way of the buffalo," Darius said randomly in a low and scratchy voice.

"Both of you, quiet," Kadira snapped, "Do you ever read?"

Aaron nodded, but Darius just rolled his eyes. "Well, the reason humans believe that the world will end in 2012 is because that is as far as the Mayan calendar goes. But the actual calendar has hardly anything to do with it."

"So it's not going to end in 2012?"

"No, but just listen to the facts," Kadira said, "So, back when the Mayans were around, it was still the time when vampires, humans, and wizards lived in peace. Everything was good until the wizards tried to take the Mayans' land. The Mayans were upset, but they were also slightly guilty because they had been making the wizards do all of their hard work when they were having rituals and what not."

Darius raised an eyebrow. "So who's at fault there?"

"Both the Mayans and the wizards, but the wizards did not see that. See, the Mayans really did work hard, but they were making pots and such so they could bring money to themselves and the wizards. Meanwhile, the wizards were gathering their food and finding water."

Aaron crossed his arms. "What were we doing?"

"The vampires were in Eastern Europe, searching for some artifacts that we could use for healing and helping others. But we do not really matter in this story yet." Kadira paused and sat down against the wall. "Anyway, so the wizards and the Mayans were separated by a small river. One year, there was a big flood, and the wizards' land was completely wiped out."

Darius grinned. "Pwned."

Kadira glared at him. "Quit that!"

"Sorry," he muttered.

Kadira sighed and continued. "So the wizards asked the Mayans if they could have their land. The Mayans suggested that they share it, but the wizards disagreed. The wizards wouldn't want to share, because that was just not their way. They always stuck to their own kind in… packs, if you will. I believe there were already some feelings deep inside of them about humans."

"Probably," Aaron murmured.

She nodded. "So, the wizards told them to get off of the land or they'd attack. Their excuse was that if the Mayans hadn't built the dam over the lake with wood, their own land would still be fine. But the Mayans wouldn't leave. And the wizards attacked."

"Assholes," Darius commented, picking at his thumb.

"Most of the Mayans hid out- they were powerless compared to the wizards. The vampires heard of the battle and came, but it was too late, almost all of the Mayans had been killed. The vampires heard the wizards speaking of how all humans were selfish scum, and they heard them plotting to rule them out. The vampires were angry and wouldn't let them do so. So we fought them for years and years. That is, until one of the wizards found the calendar."

Darius grinned. "Oooh, and here comes 2012."

"Yes. The man who found the calendar, Oswald Thtendswel, was sneaking around the old Mayan land found something the calendars in one of the tents. It went all the way up to 2012, as you know. You see, Oswald was a vengeful man. His brother had just been killed in the battle by a vampire called Aliena Rose."

Darius clapped. "Isn't she yo' momma?"

"Yes, she was. She killed Oswald's brother four days before his brother would have returned home. On December 21st." She paused and pushed some hair out of her face. "Right after his brother's death, Oswald had a burning rage against the vampires. He was, and still is, known as the cause of the death of hundreds of vampires from that battle. One day he decided that he was going to find the body of his brother. The body that hadn't been found. His brother had been killed at the beginning of the battle, meaning that it was on the Mayans' old land. He traveled there, and that's where found the calendars."

Aaron was listening intently, and Darius was shuffling through his iPod.

"When he found the calendars, he knew right away that this was the calendars humans believed in. If there was one thing he hated more than vampires, it was humans, because they started the war in his mind. So he took the calendar and found the very last year that the Mayans had marked. You may be surprised to find that it was not in fact 2012, but 2013."

Darius dropped the iPod. "God damn it! They already have a movie coming out titled 2012!"

"Darius!"

He sighed. "Right. Sorry again."

She facepalmed and continued. "Anyway, he picked the very last year that they'd marked because one usually relates the words last and death to each other. He found the day his brother died and cursed it. Saying that on December 21st, 20_13_, the wizards would officially take over the world."

"I thought it was like an apocalypse or something."

"I will get to that later. After Oswald cursed December 21st, 2013, he took that part calendar and magically hid the fact that part of it was missing. Then he took it somewhere where nobody would ever find it. Because if someone did find it, they could take the curse off."

Aaron sighed. "So the world is for sure going to end in 2013?"

"Yes, but we can stop it. Do you not understand? That is why we need to find a new leader! That is why we need to finish this war! We need to finish the wizards! Because without the wizards in our way, we will be able to find the missing piece and stop the end of the world from coming!"

"This would be so much easier if it really was Jesus," Darius commented, "We could reason with Jesus. This sounds like a fucking Where's Waldo game from hell."

She groaned. "Listen to me. Hardly anyone knows this. Most vampires just believe the wizard theories. Because if we told, the information would eventually reach the wizards, and we cannot let them know that we know what they know."

"I know," Aaron added.

"Okay, so we need to take this one step at a time," Kadira said, "First, we find Stanley and Kyle. Second, we find the prophet. Third, we go back to Kaminari's home and allow her to help us contact the darkness. Fifth, we strategize and win the battle against the wizards. Sixth, we tell the new leader everything we know about 2013. Seventh, we find the missing piece and save the world."

Darius raised an eyebrow. "It even sounds hard when you try and make it sound easy."

She rolled her eyes. "Darius, please! Now listen. There has got to be a way to track Stanley and Kyle."

"Why don't you just use the Hot n' Cold necklace again?" Aaron suggested.

"I could, but this area is complicated… and if we…"

"Shut up Kady and just do it," Darius snapped, "You just want to make this more difficult than it has to be, because you want to do it all right and say 'look at me! I just did the most difficult task perfectly!' and make yourself look so fucking awesome once again."

Kadira and Aaron stared at Darius, mildly open-mouthed. "Are you… _jealous_ of Kady?"

"Of course I'm not! That's fucking retarded! Why the hell would I want to be the smartest vamp in the world? Why the hell would I want to know all about history? Why the hell would I want to accomplish every single task I put my mind to? Why would I want to be smart and successful?" Darius shouted, standing up as he rambled, "You know what? I'll tell you the truth. I _do_ want to have all the greatness Kady has, but I _don't _want to be like her. I'm so glad that I'm me, you know. I'm glad that I have fun, and even if I don't do anything right, I still keep you entertained as the comic relief! I'm glad that I always look on the bright side when everything's turned to shit! I'm fucking _glad_ that I don't walk around with my nose in the air and my ass shaking around telling everyone just how fucking _awesome_ I am! Because I don't need you to tell me that I'm awesome, because I know I am. And I'm not as insecure as you, Kady, I don't need to tell myself that I'm awesome to believe it. I just know."

Kadira and Aaron's open mouths gaped even more as their wide eyes stared at Darius. "I…" Kadira began, "I am _not _insecure!"

"Darius, what the fuck was that?"

"I meant every word of that and you people need to quit treating me like I'm less important that you. I'm not asking you to be nice to me or to love me or anything, I just want some god damn respect."

There was a pause as Aaron and Kadira looked at each other. "Well, then we'll just have to god damn respect you," Aaron said.

"Yes…" Kadira agreed, "We will."

Darius nodded, his face set in a triumphant straight line. "Then let's go find Stan and Kyle."

_(Commercial Break) _

"Hot… cold… that way, no… that way, hot, okay… straight, straight, cold, left… right… hot, hot, hot, hot, hot,"

"Shut the fuck up!" Darius shouted.

Kadira looked up from the necklace. "What? I am just thinking out loud."

"That's the reason we have _brains_, so we can use _them _to think instead of our _mouths_."

Aaron rolled his eyes. "Let's just let her do her thing."

"Thank you," Kadira said, "Okay, hot, cold, hot, hot, hot, it is burning hot! It is even burning the underside of my hand!"

"Kady?"

"I think we are near it! Just give me a moment here."

"Kady?"

"Silence, Aaron, I am working."

"God damn it, KADY!"

"WHAT?" she shouted, turning around.

Aaron sighed. "You're holding the necklace over the furnace."

"What?"

Aaron pointed at the furnace behind her. "The reason it was so hot is because you were near the furnace."

She looked behind her and to the necklace. "Oh…" she muttered, slightly embarrassed, "Er… yes. Very good observation, Aaron." She walked away with a slight blush on her face; she was not one to make mistakes.

"Well, now that we are not near anything that could possibly be contributing to the heat, it is still slightly warm."

Darius grinned. "Probably from you nearly burning the shit out of it."

"Fuck you, it is not affected by any other temperatures than its own."

After he got over the fact that Kadira swore once again, he raised an eyebrow. "Then why was it burning in your hand?"

"It was just my imagination. My hand was burning, so I thought the necklace was."

"Kady made a screw-up, Kady made a screw-up, Kady made a screw-up!"

Kadira glared. "I'll screw you up if you don't shut up."

Darius fell silent, and she sighed, holding the necklace out in numerous directions. "It is guiding me to the stairs."

"Then up the stairs we go," Aaron said, climbing them briskly.

"You sure are desperate to find them, aren't you Aaron?" Darius said, commenting on the fast pace in which Aaron was walking.

Aaron shook his head. "I just really gotta use the bathroom."

"Aw, did Mr. Big Man not go potty before we left HQ?"

"Remember that thing about us respecting you?"

Darius nodded. "Why yes, yes I do."

"Doesn't that mean you should respect us?"

Darius shook his head. "Why no, no it does not."

"Why not?"

Darius grinned. "I got lotsa payback to catch up on!"

The door in front of them suddenly opened, and three people exited, talking to each other. One was a blonde woman in her twenties with long, straight blonde hair, a pink sweater, and light blue jeans. The other was a tall man with large arms. The third was a boy that looked a bit younger than Stan. He looked older than Kyle, but Kyle was small for his age.

The three were about to pass by when Kadira suddenly gasped. She quickly took her bracelet off and approached the blonde. "Rayvin!"

"Kady! Oh it's so great to see you!" Rayvin exclaimed, giving Kadira a tight hug.

Darius and Aaron also removed their bracelets, and Rayvin smiled at them also. "Hi! I'm Rayvin Reynolds." She reached out her hand for Aaron to shake.

Aaron took it with a warm smile. "Aaron White. Boyfriend of Kady's over there."

"Kady! A boyfriend! I can't believe it! I personally was beginning to think you were a lesbian…"

"What?"

Rayvin smiled. "I'm just joking. And you must be…"

She looked to Darius, who was staring at her with his mouth open and his eyes glazed. "OhmigodRayvinReynolds…" Darius muttered.

"Uhm. Yes, that's me. And your name is…?"

"My name is whatever you want it to be, hotcakes," Darius said, quickly snapping out of his reverie.

"Darius!" Kadira scolded.

Rayvin laughed. "Well, I'll assume your name is Darius, and sorry, but I'm not interested right now."

"What days are you interested?"

"Please, Darius. Now may I ask why you're here?" She turned to Kadira and Aaron.

"Well, a young vampire recruit and his human friend were captured by the wizards and brought here and…"

Tony interrupted. "You mean Sal and Kip?"

Darius squinted his eyes. "Who the fuck names their kids Sal and Kip?"

"We found these two boys at the bottom of the stairs. We know that their real names aren't Sal and Kip, but we don't blame them for not trusting us," Rayvin explained.

Kadira's eyes brightened. "What did they look like?"

"Well, one was very tall with black hair and according to one of our younger members, 'tight abs.'"

Darius snorted. "That's totally the one we're looking for. Was he with a dweeby kid with curly red hair?"

"Yes, actually," Rayvin said, "Goes by the name of Kip."

"Well, their real names are…"

Rayvin held up her hands. "Don't tell me. If you tell me, and they find out we know, then they will lose their trust in us."

Aaron blinked. "It's just a name."

"Then it doesn't matter whether it's Kip or Joe, does it?"

"Uh… guess not."

"Right. Well, you can't see them tonight, as we've already shut the doors. But I assure you they're safe with Megan, one of our youth wizards."

Sam suddenly piped up. "She's my bitchy sister."

"All sisters are bitchy," Darius said, "Get the hell over it."

Sam glared at him. "I happen to be the top wizard in all of the youth wizards classes."

"Then you happen to be at the top of the nerd list," Darius muttered, "So what are we supposed to do all night?"

Rayvin smiled. "You can stay in my room, Kady, and you two can stay in Tony's room."

"Hey Tony, you got any pizza up there?"

Tony grinned. "Not only pizza, man, I got beer and shiz."

Darius cheered. "Yeah! That's my kind of man!"

* * *

This is a pretty long chapter. It's the... second longest chapter. The longest is still chapter five, "Cartman Plays A Harsh Prank."

Okay, I'm really sorry about that commercial break, I just couldn't resist. It just seemed like a moment where they'd cut to commercial.

Okay, so I have another ***~important question~*** So, I notice that a lot of you love how the story is really funny. And it's cool that it's funny, but I'm just wondering; does it cause you to take the situation less seriously? Like, does it seem like it's all just kind of stupid? Cause, originally, I was going to try and make this have as little humor as possible, and then I was like, 'damn. how the hell do I do this?' so I started putting in humor here and humor there, and now I'm afraid it's becoming a bit... silly?

Maybe I'm just overreacting, but I want your opinion. Is it stupid or does it actually have a plot? It's really hard to explain what I'm asking. But maybe you get it. Just give me some feedback, please.

Review Song of the Chap (To The Tune of Complicated by Avril Lavigne) ((kinda long))

Uh-huh  
With chaps like this  
Uh-huh, uh-huh  
What do you see?

Review  
Whatcha waiting for  
Why not?  
It kinda makes me sore  
When you  
Read through this and walk away  
I gotta say

I like  
when I check my mail  
and see  
Whether or not I failed  
It's great  
And makes me feel alive inside  
I want to fly

But when you don't review  
I just want to sue  
Every ass that walked by  
Without a reply  
To what I just wrote  
I'll strangle your throat  
Just please  
For me!

Why do you think reviewing's overrated  
It's just nice to review every chapter even if you hate it  
How do I know  
If you hate  
If you cried  
If you loved  
If you sighed  
All I want is  
To hear your opinion on anything that's tolerated  
Please review

Sorry it's so long, but here's some tips in case it was hard to follow  
VERSE ONE: is just the intro of Complicated  
VERSE TWO: is the part where it goes "Chill out, whatcha yelling for"  
VERSE THREE: is the part where it goes "I like you the way you are, when we're driving in your car"  
VERSE FOUR: is the part that goes "Somebody else, round everyone else"  
VERSE FIVE: is the part that goes "Why'd you have to go and make things so complicated"


	28. Spilling Secrets To The Untrusted

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Okay, so I actually wrote this chapter… yesterday, I think. But I wanted to wait for your reviews until I posted it. When I opened my email today, and it said **You Have 10 New Messages!** I was like OMG. But like half of them were from stupid Facebook, so there's not 10 reviews. XD It'd be cool if there were though!

**Xxforget-me-notxX  
**Darry is glad that you're glad that he's glad.  
It should totally be in the bible.  
You're like my science teacher. She freaking loves penguins. Kinda weird... but who am I to call someone weird?  
Oh my god, don't kill Kenny!

Yep, Darius was quite the chatterbox. Had a bit of a meltdown there, eh?  
YAY! You love Rayvin's spelling! I love it too! Every time I write her name, I'm like SQUEE!  
They should respect his women skills. I mean, they had to save each other's lives to even look in the same direction. All Darius has to do his shake his sexi ass.  
Hehe, speech. That was fun to write.  
Yeah, well I Kady hasn't had much of a love life, so I wouldn't be surprised if she was either.  
Thanks!

**Kiakamon**  
YAY! What are your other top five? How did you even PICK a top five? How do does a doggie pick its nose?  
lol, stressful is a good word. I deleted it like, 40 times before I got it right. I also did some research on the calendar, but it didn't come that much in handy, since it was just regular old basic information. I'm glad it worked out okay. And I'm also glad that Mucho is impressed, but what about you? XD Okay, that joke kinda sucked. *facepalm*  
HUH??? WHAT??? *goes to check* I did! *gasp* FAIL! I should just kill myself right now! I should take a bunch of historical documentaries, pop them in my DVD player, and just commit suicide with the pure torture that will grant me. After I finish the story, of course.  
Yep. I personally get really irritated when I'm trying to do something, and someone's over in the corner muttering to themselves, and I'm like, "what?" and they're like, "nothing, just thinking out loud." I'm like "YOU SNAPPED ME OUT OF AN INSPIRING MOMENT YOU BRAINLESS TROLL!" ... i get kinda serious about writing.  
Hmmm.... I'll get back to the comedy thing at the end. I also got another comment on this.  
Ha, actually, I once considered becoming like Weird Al, sell my first CD, make enough money so I don't have to work, and spend all day every day writing. Yepz.  
Thanks!

**JoyHeart**  
HBP, lovin the HP refs! Hmm... like it, love it, as long as you don't hate it. XD  
Thanks

**Hazel-Beka _Chapter 26_**  
I forgive you. You're a faithful reviewer. Man, I just made it sound like a religion... WORSHIP ME! JK,  
*hides* Don't tell the cops! I didn't want to, but I was forced I say, FORCED! If I told you how old I was, you'd be like WTF and shoot me in the face. But I'm younger than 17, cause that's the R rated limit thing.  
I'm so close to getting the Pegapenguins. I can't decide between a penguin with wings and a little horsey nose and hooves, or a horse with little black wings and a beak. Or anything else. But I must try until it is accomplished.  
Yeah, and if they're not gonna have magic, they should at least have something cooler than it. But candles? What is this, Medieval Times? Glad the blending worked. I used my new blender, and it's only been used for one strawberry smoothie or something.  
The chap titles are almost my favorite thing to write. My fave things to write: 1. Kyle, 2. Darius, 3. Chap Titles, 4. Kady/Darius Arguements, and 5. Aria moments.  
ORLANDO BLOOM? WHERE???? 'nuff said.  
I'll tell you Megan's secret. (Pssst, she has extensions!)  
lol, that abs thing was kinda based on myself. In fact, the entire Megan character is a mix between Mikayla from Transformers and myself. The part you saw last chap was a lot like me, every time I see a movie, I always say something like he has nice abs. The part of Megan you're gonna see in this chap is more of the Transformers version.  
Yeah, Kyle REALLY doesn't like being called short. At all.  
Of course it'd be the humans. And it's more likely to be americans. We're like, "Did you just BREATHE on California??? We'll get Shamu and Mickey and come kick your terrorist asses!!!" No, I'm totally kidding. Maybe. I don't know that much about politics and crap.  
The V.H.W.C.A. was one of my favorite parts to write. I loved writing Rayvin's speech soooooo much! I was typing the crap out of my keyboard. Poor little keys.  
Yep. I thought Kyle would be the suspicious one. Kyle's like the realistic and smart one while Stan's the positive and calm one. Cartman's the power-hungry and evil one while Kenny's just the unlucky perverted one. Only in South Park would there be an assortment of boys like these.  
Thanks! You're the first person to comment on my author dream. Thanks. I'll dedicate my book to you and the others who review my fic, because you'll be like the first people who saw me actually write. Of course, I've written other stories, but this is the first I've tried really hard on.

**Hazel-Beka_ Chapter 27  
_***LE GASP!* You haven't seen Transformers??? That is like the BEST movie in the history of movies! Shia Labeouf (spelling?) is SOOO hot!! Ehm... I mean, he's a fair actor. *SQUEAL!!*  
Ooh, I can't believe I made someone like OC's! I personally don't like them either, so I know how you feel! YAY! Ooh! Shiny medal. *eats*  
Yeah, I researched a bit about the 2012, and I really wanna see that movie. In 2013, of course. Thanks, the Mayans thing was sooo frustrating to make up. It was hard, because I was so scared of getting some like, historical facts wrong. But in the end I was just like, screw it. What I say goes. It's my magical freak world.  
That was actually the original name of the chapter "A Where's Waldo Game From Hell", but I changed my mind. Ha, A pissed of Darry, weird, right? And Kady, Kady, Kady, can't even see what's in front of her own nose.  
I laughed when I read the "screw you up" part. You're like my friend Gio, but just a little. I don't know if you've seen that movie WALL-E, but it's rated like PG and he made it like triple X rated. It was soooo awkward.  
Yeah, more about the organization will be in the next chapter.  
Thanks for your opinion on that, I'll get to my response at the bottom.  
Heh, review songs. So much fun.  
Thanks!

Okay, my response to the important question. Thanks to **Kiakamon **and **Hazel-Beka,** You guys actually helped me out a lot on this. Okay, so the two opinions are take a bit of the humor off, and leave it just as it is. I was thinking: if I did make it less humorous, I wouldn't want it to get boring, but I want them to understand the severity of their situation. Then I thought of things like the cop and the vending machine. That was a bit... weird. That may have ruined the idea of the wizards security thing. It made it way too easy, and in the back of my mind, I probably did that on purpose because it makes it easier to write. So, I'm going to work on it a little bit, but it's gonna stay about the same. But thanks you guys sooo much for helping me out on this, so I dedicate this chapter to you.

By the way, this chapter majorly sucks.

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Spilling Secrets To The Untrusted- **Let's get to know Megan a bit more, shall we?

* * *

"So… uh, what do you think?" Stan asked tentatively, unrolling his blanket.

Kyle looked up. "What do you mean, what do I think? I think you're fucking nuts. That's what I think."

"What did I do?"

"Why the hell do you trust these people?" cried Kyle, "They're _wizards_, Stan! And in case you haven't noticed, the only other time we've come in close contact with wizards, they tried to fucking _kill_ us!"

Stan dropped his blanket onto the ground. "Exactly, Kyle, that's the only time we've ever seen them! I'm not ready to believe that the wizards are all bad!"

"Well, fine, maybe not _all_ wizards are bad, happy? But for a moment, pretend like there's no such thing as wizards and vamps. Just pretend that everyone's human. Now, in this human world, you fall down the stairs. You wake up to find these strange people you've never even met hovering around you. Would you trust them? And then when you add the fact that they are in fact wizards, that makes it like twenty times worse!"

His friend sighed and sat down on his blanket across from Kyle. "It's all we've got right now, Kyle. These are the first people we've seen try to help us since Kady, Aaron, and Darius."

"So if Hitler was the last person on earth, would you befriend him?"

"These people aren't like Hitler. They're being nice, and I think it's genuine," Stan said, "And… what else can we do, Kyle? There's no where else to go!"

"Well, the time when we're most vulnerable is when we think we're safe! If we go out and run, at least we'll be on the lookout for someone stabbing us in the middle of the night!"

Stan groaned. "Listen. Would you like to keep watch to make sure nobody's going to murder us?"

"Yes, I would like that very much."

"Fine. You stay up all night."

Kyle's eyes widened. "But… I… can't we take turns?"

"Why? I feel perfectly safe and I don't think there's a reason to watch."

The redhead groaned and leaned against the wall. "Fine then. I'll stay awake all night."

"You're insane, dude," Stan commented, snuggling under his blanket.

Kyle sighed. "I'm just worried."

"I know, man, I'm sorry," Stan said, "But it'll be easier for you if you just relax."

"Relax and get shot in the face? I don't fucking think so!"

Stan stared up at the ceiling in thought. Kyle climbed on top of the table, intent on staying up. For a few moments, there was nothing but silence. Crickets chirped annoyingly and their breathing sounded in time with each other. After many moments of the strange silence, Stan turned over so that he was facing Kyle.

"Kyle?"

Kyle looked at him from his perch on the table. "Yeah?"

Stan didn't meet his eyes as he looked for the right words. "Do you… do you regret coming here with me?"

His friend looked slightly confused. "You mean to this place or on this whole adventure?"

"On this whole adventure."

"No, I don't regret it," Kyle said without hesitation.

But Stan did hesitate before he asked, "Why? I mean, you seem really paranoid and scared."

"I am, but you're my best friend, dude. And I'd do anything for you, even if it means going into danger," Kyle said simply, looking out of the window, "And besides, you'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"

Stan grinned. "Hell yeah. What are super best friends for?"

Kyle smiled with him. "Totally."

Stan, satisfied with the conversation, rolled onto his back and looked at the ceiling once more. The moon shone brightly through the window, illuminating all of the shadows in the room. Stan wondered if the moon's brightness had anything to do with how high up this building was. It was the tallest building he'd ever been in.

As Kyle listened to the silence, he thought about the possible outcomes of their situation. His first priority was Kenny. They had to find that Chest of Life. He'd have to remember to ask the weird wizards about it tomorrow. If they haven't shot him in the face, that is. But as he embarked on the adventure, he felt a strong want for the vampires to win the war so everyone could live in peace. Sure, it sounded like a speech for Miss America, but it actually came from the heart. It reminded him of things like the holocaust and immigrant discrimination. Because the source of power was just like skin color. For example, Stan hadn't chosen to be a vampire. He could just as easily have been a wizard when he got his powers. It wasn't something he could help. And it wasn't something he should be judged by.

"Kyle?"

Kyle jumped slightly. He'd thought Stan was asleep. "Yeah?"

"You're my best friend."

"I know, dude," Kyle said, "You're my best friend too."

There was a pause before Stan asked, "Can you promise me something?"

"Yeah," Kyle said.

"Promise me that, no matter what happens with this damn war, we'll always stick together. Even if I'm forced to do what Kady, Aaron, and Darius do, I want you to be with me. I don't want to be alone."

Kyle nodded. "Of course, Stan. No matter what."

Stan smiled to himself and closed his heavy eyelids, shortly followed by soft snores. Now he really was asleep. Kyle didn't feel tired himself; he was too afraid to even think about sleeping. But what was he going to do? Stare at things for six hours? He hadn't brought anything to do. Entertaining himself wasn't the first thing on his mind when he saw Stan being kidnapped.

He looked up when he heard a bumping from the next room. It probably just that Megan girl. Was she the one who had brought them here? Should he be mad or pissed off at her?

A thumping was heard, and the door opened with a tiny creak. "Yo," she whispered, "Is Sal asleep?"

"Yeah," Kyle whispered.

"Okay. Come on in here."

Kyle shook his head. "I'm not leaving Sal alone."

"We'll leave the door open," Megan snapped, "Now come on!"

Kyle sighed and approached her, ignoring his mind frantically screaming at him not to. Megan had the same kind of room as Stan and Kyle had, except there was a large narrow table in the middle. She took a seat on it and swung her legs.

"So, Kip, why are you here?"

He didn't answer. "I'm not telling you that."

"Good call," Megan commented, "You just met me. You shouldn't trust me yet."

His mouth opened slightly in confusion. "Y-yeah."

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna like, do anything," she told him, "I just wanna talk."

"Okay, shoot," Kyle said.

Megan smiled at him and jerked her head toward the slightly open door. "Your friend. He's pretty hot."

"Sure, I guess," Kyle muttered.

She grinned. "So. Does he like, have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah, he's been dating a girl for nine years."

The grin faded. "Damn. How come all the hot ones are taken?"

"Uh… because everyone likes the hot ones?"

She rolled her eyes. "So… got any talents?"

"Talents?"

She groaned. "Yeah, talents, retard. Sports, instruments, shit like that."

He shrugged. "I, uh, play violin."

"Oh really?" she said, her eyes brightening, "That is so cool!"

"Really?" Kyle asked, raising an eyebrow. Megan didn't seem like the classical music type.

She nodded. "Totally. I play the cello myself. Oboe too. I love music. You any good at violin?"

"Not according to my mom."

"Heh, family problems, huh?" Kyle nodded, and she smiled knowingly. "My dad fucking hates me. Says that I don't try at all. I don't know, but magic's never really been my thing." Kyle was surprised. "I know, right? Weird. But it's true. I just want to be a human like everyone else. It gets irritating when things are overly simple."

Kyle got over his shock. "So… your dad?"

"Oh yeah, my dad, I was going somewhere with that. Well, he likes my brother Sam better. Sam's a fucking wizard genius. And then he found out that I support human and vampire rights, and he was just pissed off."

"I'm guessing he's not part of this club."

Megan laughed. "Hell no. He was pissed. Made me go to some gay camp that teaches us all about stupid history, and how the humans made us their damn slaves."

"We did?"

"Well, no. I don't know… I'm not gonna pretend like I paid any attention."

Kyle snorted. "I don't blame you," he said, "But what about your brother? He's in this club, what does your dad think of him?"

"Oh please, Sam is such a prick."

"Does he really believe in the cooperation thing?"

Megan held up her hand. "Oh yeah, he's really into that whole equality thing. Not all of the wizards who believe that humans are inferior are assholes, and not all of us here at the V.H.W.C.A. are totally nice hippies."

"So… what _does_ your dad think of Sam being in here?"

She shrugged. "He doesn't know. Sam keeps it a secret."

"Do you?"

"God, no," Megan said, "I told my dad I wasn't going to listen to his shit rules the moment I got home from that camp. I told him I was my own person and I was going to do whatever the fuck I want!"

Kyle looked at her. "Wow… that's amazing!" He wished he'd had the bravery to stand up to his own mother like that. But he was just a fucking pussy. "Did it work?" he added as an afterthought.

"I guess," she said, "he doesn't really talk to me anymore, but he's no longer riding my ass. And then when I turned eighteen, I just ditched the house and went out on my own. What about your mom? What's up with her?"

Kyle shrugged like Megan did so often. "I don't know. It's kind of the same boat as yours. My brother is a fucking kid genius and I can't even measure nearly up to his level. She gets so mad when I don't accomplish things 100%. Like when I missed a note at my violin recital or when I accidentally started cussing at my essay competition."

"Is that what happened to your arm?" she asked.

Kyle looked down at his arm in shock, surprised that there was still a bruise there. "Yeah."

"You haven't stood up to her yet, have you?" she asked.

"No, I haven't," admitted Kyle, "I know she'll go fucking berserk."

She sighed. "Well, my dad never hit me, but I was pretty scared about him going nuts too. But after a while, it just built up and I had to make it stop. I had to take control of my own life."

"That's amazing," Kyle repeated, staring at Megan with awe.

She smiled. "You already said that."

"It's just… I wish I could be like you," Kyle said, "I wish I could be strong and stand up to my bitch mom."

"Well, you don't have to be me to be strong," she said, "All you have to do is believe in yourself."

Kyle snorted. "What is this, Polar Express?"

"No, there are no fucking toddlers singing about gay old men around here."

They both laughed for a few moments before looking into each other's eyes. Megan had ice blue eyes that were the complete opposite of Kyle's forest green ones. They both quickly looked away.

"Uh… so what kind of music do you like?" she asked as though the last moment hadn't happened.

Kyle didn't bounce back as fast. "I… uh… like everything except country, I guess."

"Oh my god, totally. Can't stand that shit!" she nodded and backed up, allowing Kyle to sit next to her.

"Yeah, I'm mostly into rock and pop, though."

She nodded. "I have an insane range of likes. Like, on my iPod, I'll be shuffling, and I'll see a song by like, the Backstreet Boys or something, then two seconds later, it'll be Slipknot."

Kyle laughed. "Oh my god, I know, right?" he agreed, "But it's good too, because you can have a conversation with pretty much anybody and be able to relate to them. It's like the first thing I ask, just so we don't have to go through the awkward conversation starter.

"Yeah, totally!" agreed Megan, "But when they say like Carrie Underwood or something, I'm like fuck you, asshole!"

Kyle laughed again. "Been to any good concerts?"

"Hmm… you know No Doubt?"

"With Gwen Stefani? Yeah."

She nodded. "I saw them in concert earlier this year."

"Any good?"

"Fucking ass kicking show, dude!" Megan exclaimed, pounding her fist into the air, "What about you?"

Kyle shook his head. "My mom won't let me go to concerts. Says that my studies are more important."

"Bitch."

He nodded, and she straightened out her top. It was a pink shirt that was tight and exposed part of her stomach, but not enough to be slutty. It had a picture of Happy Bunny on it, but it didn't say anything, which was strange for Happy Bunny clothes. And she wore matching pink pants and fluffy pink socks that were shedding tiny fuzzies everywhere.

The awkward silence had them both looking away. "Er… Megan?"

"Hmm?"

"What's that necklace?"

She looked down at the necklace, which had two complex symbols hanging from it. "Oh, those are just Japanese symbols."

"What do they mean?"

"Hope."

Kyle smiled. "Where did you get it?"

"My mother. When I was a little kid, she was like, my best friend. But when I was ten, she died. And at her funeral, she was wearing this necklace in the casket. I knew what it meant because she taught me Japanese as I was growing up," she trailed off there, looking away. "I did something that is probably really bad," she paused again, "I took it. When no one was looking, I took it from her neck and kept it."

Kyle was listening intently. "Why?"

She sighed. "Be-because when Mom died, I felt like there wasn't anything left to live for. I was alone with my bastard dad and my brother, who was seven at the time and was already a better wizard than me. And… when I saw that necklace, I knew what I was missing. I just needed hope and I knew everything would be okay. And even now, I still wear it so I can always feel like everything's okay. And… I don't know."

"That was beautiful," Kyle said.

She smiled. "I'm not just a preppy wanna-be diva who is as deep as a negative Nancy's glass of water. I actually have a heart."

"Have you ever used it before?" Kyle asked with a smile.

She laughed for a moment, before actually considering the question. "No, I don't think I have. I uh… never told anyone that story. Only a total bitch would steal from her dead mother."

"No, I bet your mom's glad you took it."

"You think?"

"She wouldn't want you to be depressed," Kyle replied.

She nodded. "That's what I thought when I felt guilty! You just like, took the words out of my mouth! Maybe that's why I told you."

"Why?" asked Kyle.

She shrugged. "I… there's just something about you. I don't know if I can trust you, but I want to tell you everything. I… I'm… this is weird."

Kyle was incredibly confused, but he knew how Megan felt. He knew in his heart that she was a wizard, and that she couldn't be trusted, but he still told her all the things that could get him killed. What the hell was this?

"Megan?"

"Yeah?"

Kyle paused. "I'm really confused."

"So am I," she agreed.

He sighed and paused again. "So, what do we do?"

She grinned. "We just go with it."

She leaned forward and smashed her lips into him, knocking him back a little bit. Kyle had kissed very few girls in his life, but he'd never felt like this. His heart was beating at an abnormal rate and his stomach felt like it did when one loses circulation in their leg and it falls asleep. Her lips tasted a bit like lip-gloss, but mostly like Oreo cookies. He never liked Oreo cookies as much as he did then.

* * *

Kymance!!!! ARGHH, IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SEE KY WIT SOMEONE ELSE!!!

Anyway, I'm not really too happy with the way this turned out, but I just needed to help them see that they relate to each other. Wait... WTF?? I don't need to help them see anything! They're not real! I probably need to go back to the doc. I love it there, they give me this jacket, and it's striaght, and it makes me feel special 'cause I get to hug myself!

This chap really isn't supposed to be much except for hookin Ky and Meg up. So what are they now. Kyan? Megle? Kyan works, but it's a bit too much like KyMan.

Review Song (To the tune of Pain by Three Days Grace)

Chaps  
Without reviews  
Chaps  
What's there to lose?  
Chaps  
Don't let them cruise  
Away without telling them what you choose

I'm sick of waitin round  
Gaining 32 pounds  
Just say you like it more  
Than a cute turtle killed by a big cold sore  
It sucks when I'm online  
And nobody even tries  
To tell me what's goin on  
Am I the only one who finds that wrong

Chaps  
Without reviews  
Chaps  
You love them too  
Chaps  
Don't fake the flu  
Just to get out of what you gotta do

I like this one, here's a guide.

VERSE ONE is the part that goes "Pain, without love, Pain, I can't get enough"  
VERSE TWO is the part that gos "I'm sick of feeling numb, you're not the only one"  
VERSE THREE is the same part as VERSE TWO


	29. A Breakfast With Celebrities, Aliens, He

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I'm sorry about the slow update. I went through a short depression about some personal things in my life and I just didn't feel like writing. Or doing anything but kill myself, for that matter. lol, jk.

**Xxforget-me-notxX**  
Yes, you should. Darius gives up on being glad, because if he goes any further, he'll have to ask Kady how to go that far.  
Yep, that's our Darry. But he does have a sexi ass... and they'd have to get someone with a sexi ass to play him in the movie, lol.  
Very fun. I based it offa something, but I can't remember. You can blame my ADHD. XD  
Heh, I just imagined Aaron's face. "KADY!!!"  
Kyle and Megan sitting in a tree, and letting their trust run free. Retards. Lovable retards.  
Don't melt! NO!!! Wait... are you melting into a milkshake, cause I could use one right now.  
Hehe, I'll take your word for it.  
Thank you, home skillet.

**Hazel-Beka  
**I found the answer to your question on Answerbag: "In short, anybody under the age of 17 can get into an R-rated film with a parent or guardian, but cannot get into an NC-17 film period, regardless." That's exactly what it said, but I've never even seen an NC-17 film. I guess it's like X.  
England sounds so much more easy than stupid America with our stupid confuzzlingness.  
I used to never bother with chap titles either, but now I just come up with a cute little sentence. I go back and find something that I can say without giving away anything important. This chap title is kinda retarded, though.  
Lol, it was worth it, huh? It was worth writing it too. I never thought it'd reach 30 chaps, but it's gonna. Damn! this is exciting!  
This chap is a little bit like what I'm going for on the humor thing. Maybe a little less... random. Just read and you'll understand.  
OMG! That's totally what I've wanted to do since forever is be on a debating team! It's totally my thing, and I love it! I kinda wanna be a lawyer, but you know... eurgh. And authors are super bad ass anyway.  
I love StanxKyle friendship, it's always soooo adorable! It's just the cutest thing in the world, and I always wish I had friends like that. If I say "I love you," to my friends, they're always like "LESBIAN!" They just take it waaay too seriously when I said I was bi-curious in like.... fourth grade or something. XD It's okay, I went to that camp with Butters and got it all sorted out... kinda.  
Well, I wonder if Kyle realizes that there's like millions of us here on who would do anything for his heart.  
Should I just kill Megan off? *stabs* MEGAN GOT PWNED!!! Eh, I had something going for Megs, but it got ruined last chapter. And that was only one of her first chapters. I did kind of a suckish job of showing that she was supposed to be like fearless and tough and never shows emotions, but I guess that's ruined. So now Megan's just kinda floating around, and I can't pick how I want her personality to go.  
It takes me about three minutes to write the songs, and I'm sure you could do it, it's pretty easy if you know what you want to yap about. The turtle with a cold sore though.... I was just trying to think of something that could possibly be suckier than this story. XD  
Thanks!

**Kiakamon  
**I never thought I'd have a story with OCs, let alone pair Kyle with one. They're so out of character, that I bet if I just changed the four main boys names, it would be my own thing. But I never read stories with OCs, and I usually don't like stories with OCs, so it's weird that I'm writing one.  
Heh, are those in like best-to-worst order? My favorite out of those was All About The Mayans just because of what you said, it took a lot of thinking and I was pretty happy with how it turned out.  
So... my story is a pancake? Or a cupcake? Or a brownie? You're even more hungry now, huh?  
Hmm.... do doggies even get boogers?  
lol, KylexStan friendship once again. It makes it hard to like Style, because they're so cute as friends! But I like it either way, and I like almost any pairing that's Kyle related.  
Not a fan of OC pairings either, haha. This is pretty weird, but at the beginning of this story, waaay before I even wrote chapter one, I think I was gonna put Kyle and.... either Stan or Kenny; I can't remember, together. But I just dropped that and went with the flow. And Megan just popped out of nowhere and was like. "Put me wit Kyle!" and I was like.... uughghgh! But I did anyway, because SHE insisted. Damn imagination- it's so pushy!  
Yeah, I forgot to actually have Kyle call his mother, so I'll have to do that later. XD  
What happened was, I published this, but it totally messed up in the format, so I republished it and then I deleted the old chap. So don't worry, you're up to date!  
Thanks!

This chapter is nuts. Just nuts. Well, the end is. I don't know if my writing is very good on this, because I was like really rusty today. But we all have our days, you know? Today just happened to be a bad one. WARNING: Towards the end it gets a little confusing.

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: A Breakfast With Celebrities, Aliens, Heiresses, And Tiki Heads:** Cartman and Percy are back! Cartman carries a burden that he needs to relieve himself of and get some interesting results.

* * *

"So he was like 'that's a waste of a door, man, what are you doing?'"

Darius cracked up at Tony's joke. "Oh my god, did you see the one about B batteries?"

"Yeah, man, that was fucking hilarious, and then how D batteries must be hard for foreigners?"

"'es I would like de batteries?" Darius imitated.

The two laughed again, and Kadira rolled her eyes. "You two watch far too much television."

"Yeah. And you imitate comedians that imitate other people," Aaron added.

Darius and Tony huffed and lowered their voices so that the others couldn't hear them. Rayvin opened the door to the V.H.W.C.A and peeked inside, where Stan was reading through Sports Illustrated and Megan and Kyle were both asleep on the couch.

"Good morning, guys!" Rayvin said cheerfully, and Stan waved.

Kyle and Megan's eyes fluttered a little bit and they slowly sat up. "Fuckeeen alarm…"

"Yeah…" Megan muttered, looking blearily at Kyle.

Kyle jumped at her voice and turned to see her. "Shit!" he shouted, scrambling off of the couch and stumbling over to Stan. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, holy fucking shit!"

"What?" she asked.

"What the fuck happened last night?" Kyle screamed at her.

Stan grinned. "Well, I believe that you two got to know each other a bit better in there… if you know what I mean."

"Sta… Sal!"

"Well, what _did_ happen?"

Megan rolled her eyes. "We were just _talking_. And then talking led to bonding and bonding led to kissing and then it led to nothing."

"Kissing? I'm… fuck… shit… no way…"

Stan was distracted. "Kady! Darry! Aaron! Hey!"

"What the hell is your problem?" Megan asked in a slightly hurt voice, "You were fine with it last night!"

Kyle fumbled further away from her, tripping over a chair and landing on his ass by the door. "I don't know what that was last night, but it wasn't what you think it was!"

"What was it then?"

"It was a mistake!" Kyle shouted, "I didn't… I wasn't thinking… I… was confused."

Megan scoffed. "You told me you were confused last night and you still went through with it! What about all that stuff you said? All the stuff we talked about? Remember?"

"Look, Ky, it's them!"

"I shouldn't have told you! I can't trust you!"

Megan jumped off of the couch angrily. "After all that stuff last night, you still don't trust me?"

"Kyle, seriously, just turn around."

"Why should I? One of your people has already tried to kill us!" Kyle said desperately, "From what I've seen, all you people want to do is take over the world."

Megan stopped, choking something back in her throat. "You've seen me, and gotten to know me, and _kissed_ me for god's sake, and you still believe that?"

"I…"

"Forget it." She stormed past him and out of the room, being sure to slam it violently behind her. Kyle stared down at the ground, and Stan stared where Megan had just exited. Darius, Aaron, Kadira, Tony, and Rayvin were standing awkwardly in the corner.

Darius scratched his neck as Rayvin went to retrieve Megan. "Who wants some waffles?"

* * *

"Where the hell could they have possibly gone?" Cartman snapped, walking down the hallway.

Percy followed, his phone conversation on hold. "Probably got themselves killed."

"But I wanted to kill them!" Cartman whined.

"Shut up, just forget about them for a minute," Percy muttered, "They'll probably be at breakfast."

Cartman scoffed. "Why would they go to breakfast if they're hiding?"

"I don't know, dude, they're probably with some of those hippie wizards."

"Hippie wizards?" Cartman asked, his hatred of hippies sparking once again.

Percy nodded and imitated a hippie voice, "Equality, man! It's the hip new thing!"

"Oh, we have to kill Kahl, then the rest of the Jews, then the hippies, then… I don't know, then Wendy. She's a bitch."

They opened the large doors to the nearly empty cafeteria. "Why is there a cafeteria? There's a McDonald's right across the hall!"

"This is quicker. The fast food places are always slow at mealtimes," Percy muttered. Cartman groaned and entered the line, which only consisted of one other man, who was wearing a Pink Floyd shirt and talking to his boyfriend on the phone.

The cafeteria was serving waffles with sausage and milk. Percy grabbed his food hurriedly and sat down at a table, trying to get away from Cartman, who he thought would rampage through the food.

He was right; Cartman took six waffles, three sausages, and twelve milks. The drinks automatically multiplied so that when the tray they were on was empty, more glasses appeared so they never ran out.

The bottle of potion burned in Cartman's pocket. It was warm all the time and it was starting to irritate his leg. He wanted so much to use it on Stan or Kyle, but it didn't look like they were going to find them before his leg was burned off, so he looked back and forth before dumping the bottle into one of the glasses of milk. Maybe he'd get to see who took it.

As he sat down with Percy, he was looking at the Vamp Tracker compass. It was spinning around in the phase that Percy called 'loading' and Cartman called 'seizure'.

The door opened once again and a fairly large group of people walked in. The first was a really pretty skinny blonde wizard. The second was a tall man with thick eyebrows who was speaking with a man with light brown hair and large sunglasses. The girl next to him was shorter, and had curly golden hair that flowed past her upper back and covered half of her face. She was looking intently at the man next to her, who was tall with dark brunette hair and also sunglasses. Two boys were standing next to each other. One was short with a large white hat on and big black sunglasses. The one next to him was tall and had long blonde hair that reached his back. The caboose was a tall girl with straight brown hair that reached her waist.

A few of them looked like they were dressed for the beach, what with the sunglasses and hats. Cartman snickered. "They look like Paris Hiltons, cause only she would wear sunglasses inside. All they need is a little yappy dog."

They all grabbed their food and sat down at a table very close to the two guys. Cartman looked at the milk tray, and realized that one of them had the potion. Yes! They each had a glass of milk, and he just had to wait to see which one had _the_ glass of milk.

The blonde woman took a drink from hers as she chatted animatedly with two of the men. She put her milk down and continued laughing as she took a bite of her waffle. Hot Blondie: Eliminated.

The one with thick eyebrows, who Cartman decided to dub Tiki because of his rectangular shaped face chugged his milk in one gulp while the one next to him, who Cartman called Budweiser because he gave off the impression he was drunk, chanted "chug" over and over and over. Tiki was fine afterwards also, as he put down his glass and stuck his sausage up Budweiser's nose. Tiki and Hot Blondie: Eliminated.

That left the short one (Yoda), the tall one (Brad Pitt), the girl with sunglasses (Paris), the man who was flirting with Paris (Desperate), and the tall girl (Foxy).

Brad Pitt was talking cheerfully to Tiki and Budweiser. Foxy was stabbing her tray angrily with her fork as though it had just told her that her jeans made her look fat. The next one to take a sip was Desperate, who was also unaffected. So now Tiki, Hot Blondie, and Desperate were eliminated.

Cartman listened to the conversation at the table.

Brad Pitt looked in his glass. "This glass has a crack in it!"

"That's weird," Hot Blondie said.

Yoda, who looked depressed, sighed. "Here, trade with me."

Brad Pitt handed his glass to Yoda, who put it next to his tray without a sip. "Asshole," Cartman muttered.

"What?" Percy said, and Cartman realized that he'd forgotten him.

"Oh, nothing, just… nothing."

Percy shrugged and turned back to his food that was already half gone.

More and more people were piling into the room, and Cartman could no longer hear the conversation of the neighboring table. Even Percy was jabbering on his phone.

Cartman decided that they probably didn't even have the potion, and if they didn't, it would be impossible to find out who did. So he concentrated on the waffles that were piled so high that they almost met his nose. After sticking his fork in the top one, he stuffed the entire thing in his mouth in one bite.

Percy was revolted at his lack of manners, but Cartman didn't care. He just wanted to get to the whole 'gaining power' part of his adventure. He'd already gotten sucked up in a tornado and suffered a head injury, and the 'fun' part hadn't even come yet. It was all because of stupid Stan and Kyle. They were always in his way of fun, even when they lived back in South Park.

He pushed his fork through two waffles and stuffed them both into his mouth in one bite once again.

"That was impressive," came a voice right beside him. Cartman jumped and looked at the speaker; it was Yoda from the other table.

When the people at the other table heard him speak, Brad Pitt called out. "Ky… Kip, what are you doing?"

Yoda, or… er… Kip, ignored him. He was staring at Cartman with a strange look in his eyes. "What else can you fit into your mouth?" he asked huskily, and Cartman backed away.

Budweiser and Tiki laughed loudly, and Brad Pitt grabbed Kip's shoulders. "Kip… what are you doing?"

"Being a fucking fag, that's what he's doing!" Cartman shouted.

Brad Pitt glared at him. "Shut up, fat ass."

Fat ass? Hmm… hardly anyone except Stan and Kyle called him that. What an asshole.

Kip scooted closer to him. "Can I have your sausage?"

"KIP!"

"OH MY GOD!" Budweiser shouted, tears rolling down his eyes from laughter.

Paris stood up with a fierce face. Maybe she wasn't like Paris Hilton after all. "What on earth do you think your doing?"

"I just want Cartman's sausage," Kip said in a low voice, "Maybe some of his…"

"Wait, did you just call me Cartman?" Cartman asked, trying to look at Kip's eyes through his sunglasses.

Brad Pitt gasped quietly, thinking he couldn't hear it. "Uh… he said heart man. Cause… cause you got heart, dude."

"Way more than heart," Kip said, leaning forward. His glasses tumbled off of his long nose, and Cartman saw his eyes. His large, round, green eyes.

"Kahl?" Cartman asked quietly.

Kyle grinned. "Took you long enough. Now why don't you say me and you…"

"KIP!" Brad Pitt shouted, and Cartman now recognized him as Stan when he took his hat off. Stan grabbed Kyle around the waist and pulled him off of the bench as the latter kicked and flailed. "It's them! We have to get out of here!"

"ARTEMIS!" Budweiser shouted, and almost immediately, the Pegasus Cartman and Percy had ridden there burst through the window with a tiny penguin on her head.

Stan grabbed a shouting Kyle and forced him onto the horse, followed by Budweiser, Desperate, and Paris. Desperate turned to Hot Blondie and Tiki. "Aren't you guys coming?"

Hot Blondie faked a look of surprise. "You're not _wizards_?" She winked at them.

But Foxy looked upset. "You're fucking gay? Is that your problem, Kip? You're fucking _gay_?"

Budweiser kicked Artemis, and she took off into the sky, the tiny penguin almost stumbling off of her head. The ceiling shattered and pieces of glass and plaster fell onto their food.

"Come on!" Percy snapped, "We have to get them!"

"HERMES!" Cartman shouted, and the red Pegasus burst through the opposite wall that Artemis had come through. Percy and Cartman climbed onto it and it took off through the other half of the ceiling, shattering more people with material.

The people who had been eating stared at the sky in shock. "Do… do you think they're gonna pay for repairs?"

* * *

See? Freaking insane. In case you didn't understand it.  
Hot Blondie was Rayvin  
Yoda was Kyle  
Brad Pitt was Stan  
Paris was Kadira  
Budweiser was Darius  
Tony was Tiki  
Megan was Foxy (geddit? Megan Fox?)  
Desperate was Aaron

Okay, I was really rusty today. I'm just depressed that school starts Monday. I'm going to play the oboe in band. I just don't want summer to end.

Hahahahaha Cartman gave Kyle the lust potion, hahahahahahaaa.

Review Song (to the tune of I'm Yours by Jason Mraz)

Well I wrote this  
I wanna know if you liked it  
I just wanna know  
If you are bored or excited  
I cannot improve  
If you won't help me to

I'll sit here  
And I won't even write more  
Until I get your opinion on what you think before  
I type anything  
So I'll just sing

[CHORUS INTRO]  
So please don't hesitate  
Just contemplate  
On what you thought  
Of what you read today

[CHORUS]  
Just go and review  
It's what friends do  
It could be one sentence or maybe two  
It's really not that hard  
It could be really fun and  
Writing stuff isn't just as easy as it seems  
But we all have got our dreams  
And we can acheive them too  
If you just review

I will sit and stare  
At empty air  
Until I can  
Think straight and aim all clear  
You don't need more chaps  
If you don't care  
So I will swear  
I'll quit if you don't review

I know that you've got lotsa things that you could be doing  
But so do I, I could have just left you snoozing  
With that boredom song  
I'm not wrong  
What would you be doin right now if you weren't reading  
You'd probably be eating chips or allergy sneezing  
Oh look, I helped you there  
Just show me that you care

[CHORUS INTRO]

Just go and review  
It's what friends do  
It could be one sentence or maybe two  
If you just review you'll find the, the power's yours  
So please just, please just, please just  
There's no need to sit and wait  
I swear your heart will soar  
This is, this is, this is just great  
Just go and please review

I know it's a bit confusing.  
VERSE ONE is the part that goes "Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it..."  
VERSE TWO is the part that goes "Before the cool done run out I'll be givin' it my bestest..."  
VERSE THREE is the part that goes "So I won't hesitate no more, no more..."  
VERSE FOUR is the part that goes "Open up your mind and see like me..."  
VERSE FIVE is the part that goes "So I won't hesitate no more,"  
VERSE SIX is the part that goes "I've been spending way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror..."  
VERSE SEVEN is just verse three again  
VERSE FOUR is the part at the end where it has half of the chorus, then it's like "Look into your heart and you'll find the sky is yours, so please don't please don't please don't... " you know that part

Lol, this was hard to write, so i hope you like it.


	30. Radio Talks and Fights in Flight

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I know it's been a whole week. Maybe more. School started Monday, and I've had loads of homework every day. Not to mention I have to pracice Oboe, Piano, and Viola now. Not to mention singing. But I wrote this today, and here it is.

**Kiakamon**  
Hehe, I just had to give it to Kyle, I just HAD to.  
I'm glad you didn't find it confuzzling. It was a beensy bit to me, lol.  
I bet your dog really loves you. I'll have to check my dad's girlfriend's dog as soon as I see him again.  
We'll get some Stan reaction in the next chapter. They're a bit busy in this one. lol.  
Thanks for the review!

**Hazel-Beka  
**i was glad you asked about the rating, because I was curious myself. XD  
Megan. Let's read some more Megan. Give me some feedback on how she's doing. If she sucks, I'll kill her off. lol, probably not though.  
I forgot to add in that those jokes are actually Demetri Martin. He's a comedian that used to come on after South Park. The joke was this:  
"I saw a door one day, and it had a sign on it that said "This Door Must Remain Closed at All Times." I was like, "that's a waste of a door, man, what are you doing?'"  
lol  
Megan Kyle kissy kissy I got nothing I can say. *hides*  
Don't worry, the potion wears off. Or does it??? *shifty eyes*  
YAY! and thanks for the review!

**Xxforget-me-notxX  
**OREO MILKSHAKE!!! I had one of those on Wednesday!!! YUM!!!  
But remember, Gay Kyle has fangirls too. Any Kyle has fangirls, that's just how awesome he is.  
Megan. *cough* Oh look at the time.  
Thanks!

Sorry about the short review responses. I'm not feeling so good, my throat hurts and I'm all sniffly. But I'll be better tomorrow. See ya!

P.S. I think this is the first chapter that doesn't follow Stan, Kyle, or Cartman.

**Chapter Thirty: Radio Talks and Fights In Flight :** The battle continues! But not at first. We must first discover who is hiding a mysterious secret.

* * *

Buzz. That was all she could hear around her. That irritating buzzing. Of course, all she had to do was open her eyes, and she'd be able to see what it was. But she was just so tired. So, so tired.

"Megan."

Goddamnit. She opened her eyes reluctantly. "What?"

She sat on a hard wooden chair in front of a tiny radio. The radio was the source of the voice. "You let him get away."

"No shit, Sherlock," she snapped, trying to move her arms. They were tied behind the chair.

"You said you would get him. But he got away."

She rolled her eyes in irritation. "Are you done stating the obvious? Okay, I screwed up!"

"You said you had a plan!"

"Again with the obvious!" Megan shouted, "Okay, I'll tell you what my plan was. I was gonna make the little nerd one fall in love with me, kill him, and then get to the vamp!"

There was a chuckle on the other end of the radio. "And where did you fail?"

"I… I don't know…" Megan muttered. But it was a lie. She knew exactly where she messed up.

"Did you spray the Fresh Love into the room?"

She nodded, and then realized that the radio had no visual. "Yeah, I did."

"And the kid fell in love with you, right?"

"Y-yeah, he did," she muttered.

"But you didn't kill him."

"I…"

"You had him in the palm of your hand, and you didn't kill him. Why?"

Megan bit her lip. "I needed to talk to him more! Get some information…"

"You gave him more information than he gave you!" the radio shouted, "You told him everything about yourself!"

"How was he supposed to fall in love with me if he didn't know me?"

The radio voice grunted. "You sprayed the Fresh Love, right? He fell in love with you moments after he entered! But he wasn't the only one in love, was he?"

"What?" Megan shouted in confusion.

"You were flirting with him! Fucking around when you should have killed him then and there! How are we supposed to capture the vampire now?"

Megan's mouth dropped in shock. "I wasn't _flirting_ with him! I was playing him! I just never got around to the killing part!"

"You had all night and all day, and neither of them died!"

"It's not as easy as it seems!"

The radio paused. "You've killed before," it muttered.

"I mean…"

"Do you know why I hired you, Megan?"

Megan sighed. "Why?"

"Because you are unemotional. You don't get _attached_ to your missions and those involved in them. You're strictly business!"

"I still am!"

The radio voice sighed. "No. You fell for that boy and you let the important one slip right through your fingers!"

"I don't care one bit about that loser!" Megan shouted with spite. Her stomach dropped, but she kept her eyes fierce, putting on a show for the air.

"Then show it!"

Megan bit her lip again. "How?"

"Find Percy and his apprentice. Join them. Capture the vampire."

"Just the vampire?" Megan asked.

"Just the vampire," The radio voice repeated, "Capture him, bring him to me, and let nothing, _nothing _get in your way."

"I'll do it, but I have to go now!"

The radio voice paused. "You'll kill that little whelp if he gets in your way."

"Fine. I don't care. I'll show you I don't care for that piece of shit."

"Now Megan, don't do anything extreme," the voice warned, "Just get that vamp, bring him back, and we'll go from there. Okay?"

"Yeah," Megan said with a nod. "Yeah."

* * *

"Go faster, Art!" Darius screamed.

Artemis bucked a bit, but sped up. _"You're mean."_

"Fucking shit. They're right behind us!" Aaron shouted.

"They're gonna catch up if you don't hurry!" Stan yelled.

"I flirted with _Cartman_?" Kyle cried in disgust.

Stan and Kadira looked back to see the angry faces of Cartman and Percy behind them. "Shit…" Stan muttered, "Can't you guys use your powers?"

"I would, but it's dangerous if we miss!" Aaron replied hastily, dodging a fireball from the wizards.

"There is no way you could miss Cartman's fat ass!" Kyle yelled, looking like he was about to throw up.

Stan groaned and turned around. "I'll do it." He raised his hand and closed his eyes. Kyle ducked down under the hand so he wouldn't get hit just before a flock of angry canaries burst from his hand.

"Shit…" Darius said to himself, and Artemis promptly turned around. As soon as she spotted the birds, she took off after them.

"What is she doing?" Kadira screamed, clutching the Pegasus' mane.

Darius grinned sheepishly. "She… she uh… likes birds."

The canaries attacked Percy and Cartman fiercely just moments before they had to dodge the oncoming Pegasus. Hermes ducked just in time, but Percy and Cartman were still bleeding from the furious birds.

Stan and Kyle high-fived.

"Ah hell no!" Cartman shouted, pushing out his ring finger. A giant guinea pig, just like the ones that attacked South Park many years ago, jumped out of his ring and grabbed on to Artemis' tail.

"Crap!" Stan yelled, throwing small objects at the huge rat, but it was unaffected.

Aaron crawled around to the very end of Artemis. "Here, I'll take care of it, you just get those two."

Stan and Kadira continued to attack Cartman and Percy as Aaron killed the guinea pig and Darius tried to steer the unintelligent Pegasus.

Hermes dodged many of the attacks, but this also messed up the two wizards' aims. Percy still managed to hit Kadira's hair with a spell, singing it slightly and distracting her for a moment. A long enough moment for them to get a hit on Artemis. Just as Percy's wand focused in on the navy blue horse's hair, a loud pop startled him out of his concentration.

"Megan?" Kadira shouted, and Kyle looked up. She was barely hanging onto the back of Hermes' black tail, but she maintained her balance.

"Yeah, its me." She glared angrily at Kyle.

Percy flung a spell at Artemis, who began to roll in the air. Her passengers had to hold on for dear life until the spinning stopped. Blood dripped down Darius' leg from Artemis' wound.

Kadira shot a ray of energy into Hermes, who easily dodged it. Cartman grinned, realizing that the other team was going down; the beating of Artemis' wings had slowed.

"You guys, I think she's hurt," Darius said.

Aaron turned around. "Can she keep flying?"

"No!" Darius yelled, "We have to land. Now."

Kadira's eyes widened. "But they are right behind us!"

Darius shouted in frustration. "I don't know what else to do, Kady! She's going to die if we continue like this!"

"Battles are about sacrifices!" Kadira yelled back.

"FUCK SACRIFICES!" Darius screamed. "LAND, ARTEMIS! RIGHT NOW!"

The wizards on Hermes heard the command, and seized fire. "What are they doing?" Percy whispered.

"I think you hurt their Pegasus," Megan replied simply, watching as their enemies slowly descended to the ground.

"Let's follow them!" Cartman shouted, pushing down on Hermes.

Megan looked at the both of them. "I'll take care of it."

"Listen, little girl, you can't just…" Percy started, but Megan cut him off.

"I've been trained twice as much as the both of you put together," she snapped, "I've been told to do this, and I'm doing it alone."

Cartman stuck his bottom lip out. "But I wanted to kill the Jew!"

"Eric, we have to get back to the HQ. We have a meeting in an hour!" Percy shouted.

"But Percy, you said…"

Percy glared. "Let. Her. Do. It."

"Fine!" Eric said, crossing his arms.

Megan rolled her eyes and stood up, her heels digging into Hermes' back. "See ya."

She jumped off of the horse and sped to the ground, pulling a string on her backpack and releasing a parachute.

* * *

Second shortest chapter. Like I said, I'm not feeling good. So sorry for the crappiness. I just had to give you guys SOMETHING this weekend. So yeah.

CHAPTER THIRTY OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG Can you believe it????? CHAPTER THIRTY!!!

Review song... right... I'm really sorry, but I'm not up to it right now. I'm sorry. I feel uber crappy. I think I'll just take a nap.

Bye...

Can you still review, even if there's no song?

Please?


	31. Fun Things You Can Do In A Tent

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I know it's been a whole week! I just can't write with homework and practicing oboe and piano, and trying to enjoy my life a little bit. So sorry.

**Kiakamon**  
ha, there's a review song on this one, so don't fret! You know, I've been saying that forever, but I still don't know the exact definition of "fret". Hmm...  
Megan's a double agent! lol, Fresh Love is a nice air freshener that can spruce up anything. I'd love to have some of that.  
Well, Megan's mostly concentrating on killing Stan, thank goodness. If she kills my Kyle, I'll never forgive her. It's not like I control what she does!!!  
Thanks, I feel loads better. And chapter thirty's pretty exciting. This is another exciting thing: this is the longest chapter EVER in this story! Until now, the longest chapter was chapter five, but this one beats it by 4 KB.  
Thankzzz!!!

**Xxforget-me-notxX  
**You are that awesome!  
And you're too awesome to be a cannibal! NOO!!!  
No, I'm sure there are Cartman Fangirls. He just doesn't have the automatic cuteness that Kyle's got. But that's the opinion of a Kyle Fangirl, so I shan't speak.  
DON'T KILL KAHL! YOU BASTARDS!!! I love when they did that in the Heaven VS Hell episode, it made me laugh so hard when they're all chanting "Don't kill Kenny, you bastards!"  
Don't kill Artemis, you bastards! So it's okay for a normal Pegasus to die, but a retarded one can't. Is that rascist or something??? Le GASP!!!  
*eats chicken noodle soup* the spirit of the buffalo runs within me again. lol, love that episode too!  
Thankeyyooo!!!

**Hazel-Beka  
**Aw, well at least you got to build suspense for all those stories. Did you havezz funnzz?  
I was wondering that too! And thanks for your concern, and I'm feeling hella good now!  
And yay! Super Double Agent Megan was surprising!!! YAY! Kyle + Love Potion = Happy Lori!!! WOOT!  
Megan was a shaky character from the start, and I had no idea where I was going with her. I got a pretty straight road going now.  
haha, thanks for still reviewing!  
And I originally planned on this having 30 chaps, but I"m not ready to end it! So it'll probably be 40-50 chaps. I can't say for sure though, lol.  
Thanks!

okay, I'm sooo tired. It took me about four hours to write this chapter. I will repeat that it is THE longest chapter since Cartman Plays A Harsh Prank, which was chapter five. I'm having a suckish week, after fighting with my BFF. I still think she's a bitch, but I'll deal with it, because it's better than fighting. Good thing I have better BFFs who aren't selfish bitches. Sometimes I wish I had a friendship like Stan and Kyle's. Of course, I would want to be Kyle.

Freakish chapter beware!! It's weird. It's long. It's freaky fresh, though!

**Chapter Thirty-One: Fun Things You Can Do In A Tent :** Arguments are fun, but they get old fast. Kadira learns that after listening to hours of Kyle VS Megan, and Darius VS herself. But arguments will be the least of their problems tonight. Because not everyone's asleep at 1:14 AM.

* * *

"Shit!" Darius shouted as he stumbled off of Artemis' back. "Those assholes killed her!"

Artemis rested on the ground and gently lowered Mozart. _"You okay, Art?"_

"_I'll be fine, I think."_

"Just hang on, Art. We're gonna get some help," Darius muttered, and turned to Kadira. "Don't you know something about healing?"

Kadira sighed. "No! Did you just assume that I took Magical Creature Healing classes in college?"

"No, but you think you know everything!"

"For the last time, I do _not _know everything! My intelligence is just at a higher mark than the rest of you stu…" Kadira was silenced as a person landed right on top of her. Before they could see who it was, however, a parachute covered the both of them.

Despite the danger, Darius snickered a bit at Kadira's luck. Stan and Aaron rolled their eyes and pulled the parachute off of the two people. "Megan?"

Megan pushed herself off of Kadira and spat dirt out of her mouth. "Yes, it's me, Einstein. Do you think a parachute could hold that fat ass little boy?"

"I do not think I would be here right now if it were that fat ass little boy," Kadira muttered, picking herself up off of the ground.

Darius stepped forward. "Is it true that you're highly trained?"

"Yeah, asshole, do I look like some bumbling cheerleader?" Megan snapped irritably, brushing dust off of her jeans.

"Well, could you heal Artemis?"

Kyle scoffed. "Heal her? She'll kill Artemis! Are you people blind? She's a manipulator! She's a wizard! She's _evil_!"

"Shut up, faggot," Megan said with an evil glare at Kyle.

This was when Kadira entered the conversation. "Listen up. Megan here is part of the VWHCA! She is not evil just because she is a wizard!"

"Yeah, there's probably a whole shitload of reasons she's evil!" Kyle retorted.

"Screw you, Kip, now let me heal the stupid horse." Megan stomped over to Artemis and pulled out her wand.

Stan grinned. "Why is your wand so sparkly?"

"It's pimp, and screw you!" She waved her wand over the wound, and it sparkled slightly.

"You're pimping the wound, too?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm _cleaning_ it, asshole." She waved it again and the wound stopped bleeding. Everyone 'ooh'd and 'ahh'd over Megan's work except Kadira and Kyle, who huffed and hung around the back. But Kadira jealously glanced over every few seconds. "Is it feeling better, Artemis?" Megan asked the horse. Darius quickly translated.

"_Yeah, it's better. Can I get a band-aid with Pooh Bear on it?"_

"Yeah, but she wants a band-aid with Pooh Bear on it," Darius muttered.

Megan snickered. "It's gonna need a bit more than a band-aid." She wrapped Artemis' entire stomach in bandages.

"You people are lazy," Stan said.

"What?"

"I don't know," Stan said, "I mean, you never do anything manually."

Megan rolled her eyes. "It's cause we don't need to, asshole. God, you people are fucking retarded."

She stood up and leaned against the tree, looking expectantly at Kadira and Aaron.

"Where are we?" Darius asked, looking around.

Kadira dug her foot into the ground. "We are in a forest."

Darius scoffed. "Wow, really? But why are these trees everywhere?"

"Shut it, Darius. I have no idea which forest we are in."

"Maybe the Amazon?" Aaron said, looking at an oddly colored bird.

Megan kicked some dirt with her boot. "Weren't you retards looking where you were going when you were flying around up there?"

"We were a bit busy with your homicidal friends!" Kyle shot back angrily, kicking dirt back at her.

"In case you've forgotten, that fat one is _your_ homicidal friend!" Kadira spat back.

Kyle glared at the both of them and folded his arms over his chest. "I am not going with her!"

Darius groaned. "Come on… Kip… if she was evil, she would have tried to kill us already!"

"Yeah, it would be a great idea to kill one of us with four other people that could kill her! She's not stupid!" Kyle turned to his best friend. "Come on, Stan, do you trust her?"

Stan sighed. "Well… she… kinda… fixed Artemis… you know? Would she have done that if she was evil?"

"If she was trying to keep her cover! God damn it, people are fucking stupid!" He made a noise of annoyance and flopped onto the ground. "You know what, fine! Get yourselves killed! Let's just be friends with every murderous wizard who crosses our path!"

"Okay, we will," Darius muttered with a sigh. "Kady, do you still have the necklace?"

Kadira nodded. "Yes. Should we use it to find the headquarters again?"

Darius shook his head. "No, we should keep trying to find the prophet. We can't keep getting distracted. We have everyone we need, St… Sal and Kip are safe, and nobody except Artemis is injured, so we should go."

"Why the hell would the prophet be in the middle of a forest?" Aaron asked.

"I'm not saying that the prophet's in the forest, I'm saying that finding the prophet is our way _out_ of the forest!"

Kadira blinked. "Darius… that was brilliant!"

"Come on, I'm not just sexy."

She rolled her eyes and pulled the necklace out of her pocket. Stan opened his mouth to sing, but Kyle was still on the ground with an angry pout on his face, so he decided against it.

"It is freezing." She stepped to the left. "Even more freezing." She stepped backwards. "Still freezing." She stepped forward. "Ooh, cold, okay." She began walking slowly forward. "Good. Good. Good."

Darius slapped his forehead. "Here we go with the irritating repetitiveness."

"Shut up, Darius!"

"You're the one who should shut up!"

Kyle, Stan, Megan, and Aaron followed as the two bickered. Kadira changed direction quite often, confusing her followers. That was, until Aaron noticed something. "It's getting dark."

Megan blinked. "But we had breakfast a few hours ago."

"But it's getting dark," Aaron repeated.

"What is this, Alaska?" Darius asked.

"Alaska's dark or light all the time, you idiot," Megan snapped at him.

Aaron groaned. "Can we all just try and get along?"

"No!" Kyle shouted, "I will not get along with this murderous manipulative romantic-attacking bitch!"

Megan turned on him. "And I will not get along with a dorky ginger midget who's afraid of his own damn mother!"

Kyle paled. "D-did I tell you that?"

"Fuck off," Stan snapped, grabbing Kyle's shoulder.

"You fuck off, he's the one starting all the fights!"

"Only because you're gonna kill us all!"

"If I was gonna kill you, you'd already be dead!"

"Maybe you're too much of a pussy to do it!"

"Maybe you're too much of a pussy to trust anyone but your fucking self!"

"I'd rather trust myself than trust you and have you kill everybody!"

"You're just pissed because you're totally worthless on this thing!"

"I'm not _worthless_!"

"Well, you don't fucking do much!"

"Fuck you!"

"SILENCE!" Kadira screamed, flinging her hand and knocking Kyle and Megan to the ground. "Both of you listen closely. We will leave you behind if you continue to bicker like this! Kyle, you have no reason to doubt Megan's trustworthiness. If you have a personal issue with this, you need to keep it to yourself. And Megan, you are not showing your loyalty by screaming at our vampire recruit's friend."

"Cool your jets," Darius added, snickering at his own usage of words. Megan and Kyle stood up, continuing to glare at each other. Megan inched further away from him as Kyle inched closer to Stan.

Kadira sighed. "Okay, now. Since it is getting dark, we should set up camp."

"Ew, like with tents?" Darius asked, eyeing the forest around him with disgust.

"Yes, with tents," Kadira returned irritably, "Anyway, so I have… one, two, three tents in my purse."

Stan raised an eyebrow. "In your purse?"

"What, you have never heard of 'tents in a can?'"

"Y-yeah, I guess I have," Stan muttered.

"Exactly. Now, I have a Monster tent, a Diet Coke tent, and a Mountain Dew tent."

Darius jumped up excitedly. "I call the Monster tent!"

"Darius, there is no reason to be immature about this," Kadira said.

"But I want the Monster tent!"

She rolled her eyes. "You are not getting the Monster tent if you are going to behave in that manner."

Darius scoffed. "That's so not fair, Kady! This is how I always behave!"

"You are not getting it!" Kadira repeated. "You may have the Mountain Dew tent, and I will take the Monster tent with Megan…"

Darius grinned. "You want the Monster tent for yourself, don't you?"

Kadira bit her lip. "I… that is untrue."

"Come on," Darius said, "You want it so bad. That's why you won't let me have it!"

"I just do not want you to behave like a child!" Kadira argued.

"I'm not behaving like a child," Darius said, "You are. If you don't care, then give me the god damn Monster tent."

"No!"

Darius crossed his arms. "Wow. I never knew that Kady was so immature. I always thought she was a genius, but I guess she's just as childish as the rest of us."

Kadira threw the can at Darius. "Fine! I do not want it anyway!"

She tossed the Mountain Dew can to Stan and Kyle and took the Diet Coke one for herself and Megan.

Stan threw the green can on the ground and it exploded into a large green tent, with the Mountain Dew logo across the side. "Man, they should use these in movies for product placement."

"That used to be an ordinary pop can," Kadira explained, "But the vampires enhanced it." She turned to Darius and Aaron. "We are just going to take our tent into the clearing over there."

"Wait! Make sure I'm doing this right!" He moved to throw the can on the ground, but Kadira stopped him.

"You will do it right, just let us get out your way and into that clearing."

He rolled his eyes. "I do _everything_ wrong, Kady, just make sure I'm doing this right." He threw the can on the ground, but all that happened was a strange fizzing sound. "See, I told you I can't do it."

Kadira closed her eyes. "Maybe we are pressuring you. We will just go over there…"

"No, let me try again," Darius mumbled, picking the can up again and throwing it. A large dent pierced the side, but nothing more happened. "Maybe you just have to open it…"

"No!" Kadira said, but Darius already opened it.

The others braced for a large explosion, but it never came. Darius sniffed the opening of the can. "This is just a regular can of Monster! Kady!"

"Wow. I guess it is defective," Kadira said, her voice rising an octave. But Darius knew better and grabbed her backpack, pulling out another can of Monster. He threw it on the ground a few feet away and it turned into a tent.

"You gave me the wrong can!"

Kadira flushed. "Did not!"

"I've never seen you like this, Kady!"

"Like what?"

"Cheating me just so you can get a tent!"

She bit her lip. "I… you… we… I… it is larger, okay?"

Darius laughed. "God, this is the weirdest day ever!"

"Darius!"

"Go set up your Diet Coke tent, God, this would really suck for Diet Coke in a product placement movie."

Megan grinned. "Monster would be happy though."

"Yes, Monster would love you, Kady."

Kadira huffed and stomped to a corner, thrusting her can onto the ground. The tent it produced was slightly smaller than the Monster one, but it was still larger than Stan and Kyle's Mountain Dew one. She glared at Darius, who was chugging from the "defective" Monster can.

"Fuck you…" she muttered to herself.

* * *

1:14 A.M., according to the watch. Megan unzipped the tent and crawled out onto the grassy forest floor, trying hard not to wake Kadira. Once outside, she turned back into the tent and stuffed pillows under her blanket, making it look like she was still asleep inside of it.

She checked her cell phone, once again reading the text she'd gotten over two hours ago. _'He must die 2nite. Every day he lives he gains more power. Kill him 2nite, and run.'_ She hated taking orders from inanimate objects, but she'd die if "Sal" didn't.

She stood up and tiptoed across the clearing, being sure to stay in the shadowed areas, the ones not highlighted by the full moon. She could hear the two boys whispering in their tent, and knew that she'd have to kill them both. It didn't bother her. Really.

Her bare feet didn't make a single noise against the forest floor as she approached the tent. She pulled her wand out of her hair tie and cast a silencing bubble around the Mountain Dew tent. This way, she only had to deal with two nuisances. She waved her wand again, and saved the image of the peaceful tent into the wood's memory before casting it upon the silencing bubble. It was like wallpaper that hid everything that happened inside.

Then, Megan thrust her wand out and vanished the tent causing the two boys to jump in shock.

"Oh, hey Megan," Stan mumbled tiredly, "Can we have the tent back?"

Kyle, however, was eyeing her curiously. She could see that he was purposely awake, probably waiting for this moment.

"Stanley," she stated simply, pointing her wand at the taller boy.

"Yeah, tent. Please?" She waited for his thoughts to pull together. His eyes widened after a few moments. "How do you know my name?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm not an idiot. Now, don't make a big deal, and this will be painless."

Stan and Kyle's eyes widened in fear and the backed against the edge of the bubble. They were angered to find that it was more like a force field. They couldn't get out.

Kyle whispered something in Stan's ear, and Megan turned her wand on him, jerking him away from his friend. "Shut up, you worthless piece of shit. You're not involved in this." She flicked her wand again and ropes bound Kyle over four feet away from Stan.

"What the hell's going on?" Stan asked, standing up and holding his scarred hand out to Megan.

She rolled her eyes yet again. "Kip over there was right. Do you seriously think that _I_ work for those stupid hippie wizards? Fuck no. They honestly believe that humans like him-" she jerked her head at Kyle, "-are even _close_ to being equal with us. I should probably clarify some things." She winked at Kyle, but held her wand steadily at Stan. "You probably remember me telling you that my father was pissed at me, Kip?"

Kyle, who was still struggling against the ropes, froze. "Yeah."

"You don't know how often I have to rehearse that damn story," Megan muttered, shaking her head. "But anyway. My father, as it turns out, was a huge supporter of the VHWCA. I didn't lie about his hatred of me. He did hate me. But it was because I believed what Tanek believes. That you putrid humans are far below us wizards on the food chain."

Stan's mouth fell open. "But _you're_ in the VHWCA! You believe in cooperation between the species!"

"No, I believe in power! Some people have what it takes, and others don't. The wizards have it, but you humans continue to overpopulate us! It's completely ridiculous." She paused and shook her head again. "Would you let me finish the god damn story?"

Megan sighed and continued. "Anyway, so yeah, I met Tanek before he came into power. And he gave me a mission. I was to be a… spy, if you want to call it that, for the wizards to the VHWCA. It was easy, since my whole family was into it. Except for the fact that my father knew about all about my real beliefs. And he would be suspicious if I suddenly became a cooperation supporter. So I… cleared the obstacles."

Stan bit his lip in fear. "Wha… what did yo… you do?"

"I killed him, retard. Killed him and made it look like an accident. Sam and Mom were devastated. Mom killed herself a few years after that. It was perfect, because it made it so easy for the worthless VHWCA to take pity on us. Rayvin Reynolds, that idiotic slut, took us in. She was so damn motherly, always asking if we needed fucking therapy. Sometimes I wanted to kill her too. But I didn't. Because if three people close to me turned up dead, that would look a bit suspicious."

She looked up to find that Stan wasn't even looking at her. He was looking at Kyle, who was mouthing something to him. She angrily thrust her wand at him, and a large piece of duct tape covered his mouth. Then she turned back to Stan. "Are we paying attention now?"

Stan nodded fearfully.

Finally rid of Kyle's distractions, Megan continued. "Anyway. So I stayed with Reynolds and her stupid hippie troop. And then Tanek contacted me. He told me that after the vamp leader turned up dead, a new vampire was discovered. Of course, the vamps were completely oblivious to this new vamp's power. I mean, it was fucking radiating from your name. But we were busy with a new wizard recruit. Percy was stupid not to realize that both you and the wizard recruit were from the same place. Tanek only realized after Percy was out of contact. By then, you'd already been found by Kadira, Darius, and Aaron."

She took a breath and eyed the wand in her fingers, trying to decide if it was time to kill Stan. "Tanek told me to just wait at Reynolds' place. I did, and eventually, you came to us. It pissed me off that Tanek didn't tell me you were coming. When Sam and I found you, I was ready to just leave you there. Until Sam realized that you were a vamp, and I knew you were the one."

She grinned and raised an eyebrow. "I never knew until now how stupid you vampires were. You see, Kady told us all about your mission. To find the prophet, right? Do you know how a prophet is created?" Stan shook his head. "A prophet is created by the sudden transfer of power! The only living human prophet of yesterday is dead as of today."

"Who is it?" Stan asked carefully.

Megan met his eyes and uttered two words. "Wendy Testaburger."

Stan's mouth dropped open. "Wendy! That's fucking impossible!" Kyle screamed something that they were unable to make out.

"It's not. You accidentally bit her that day, right?"

"Yeah, how did you know that?" Stan shouted.

Megan scoffed. "Dude, are you retarded? Wizards read minds. It's our thing, okay? I read your mind while you were unconscious down at the HQ."

"Wait… Wendy… you said the prophet is dead as of today. Does that mean Wendy's… Wendy…"

"She's dead, yeah, gone, deceased. Gone."

Stan sunk to the ground, his lip quivering. "Dead?"

"Yes, are you deaf?"

Kyle knocked himself on the ground and rolled over to Stan to comfort him. "Why'd you kill her?"

"The vamps were after her! We tampered with Kaminari's necklace, but it wasn't enough to keep them from her forever. She wasn't a full-out prophet, and she wasn't worth much, so we killed her."

Stan shook Wendy out of his head, trying to forget that his love was gone. He needed to live. He needed to get revenge on the wizards. "I bit Kyle, and he's not a prophet."

Megan turned to Kyle and eyed him with suspicion and curiosity. She was reading his mind. "You've been affected by both vampires and wizards on a sudden occurrence. Is it possible… no."

"What?" Stan said, "Is Kyle a prophet too? What's your problem?"

"Shut up!" Megan screamed, "I'm killing both of you, right here, right now!"

Stan stood up and held his palm out again. "No, not until you say what it is about Kyle!"

"Don't you know the force that controls the vampires?"

"The darkness, yeah!"

"Yes! One person can't hold wizard power and vampire power inside them at once, like your friend's doing! He isn't a prophet! He's… I think he's…" She stared at Kyle in awe, her wand still pointed at Stan.

"WHAT IS HE?" Stan shouted.

"He's like… the spokesperson for the darkness! It's inside of him right now! For some reason, the darkness didn't want that kid to die! So it overpowered the wizard's power inside of him and now he's all dark and… man! I don't know!"

Stan's eyes brightened as an idea hit him. "You can't kill us! You don't know our power! Kyle's got the darkness in him, and I bit him! That means I'm a vampire with the darkness in me! If you kill us, you'll never know the power!"

"I don't need to know!" Megan shouted, her wand arm shaking. "Tanek told me to kill you, and I'm going to!"

"Wait!"

She shook her head. "No!" She slung a spell at Stan, and it flew so fast that Stan had no time to defend himself. The moment it hit him, a white light blinded all three of them, and their screams couldn't even be heard over the deafening silence.

The light didn't fade for a while, and when it did, Stan wasn't dead. But somebody was.

The white faded to a black cloud floating directly above Kyle, who was lying on the ground. It didn't do anything, and it was hard to imagine that it was so powerful only seconds ago. Nobody moved as it slowly blended into the air, turning into nothing.

Kyle took a shuddering breath. "Dude, that was freaky." (1)

"Did you do that?"

"No… yeah… yeah, no… man," Kyle muttered incoherently. The light had burned through the tape and the ropes, leaving him free to speak and move. He shakily stood up and looked across the battleground. The silencing bubble and the false picture were gone, leaving the broken tent for everyone to see. Megan was lying were she had been a minute ago. But this time, she wasn't breathing.

"She's dead," Stan mumbled, helping Kyle to his feet.

"Did I kill her?" Kyle asked.

Stan looked at him. "Something inside you did."

"So she was right about the darkness?"

Stan shrugged. "I don't know, but whatever it was, it saved our lives."

"Man. I had awesome powers, and I didn't find out until they were all gone.

"It's cool. You make a pretty kick ass human, dude."

Kyle grinned and watched as the people in the tents began moving, their shadows showing through the thin walls of the tents.

Kyle's grin faded as he looked down at Megan again. It reminded him about Wendy. "Do you think Wendy's really…"

Stan shook his head. "I won't believe a damn word she said until I see it."

"But Stan…"

"She's not dead, Ky, I can feel it."

* * *

(1) Haha, you thought Kyle was dead, huh? hahaha

Oh my god, they killed Megan! You bastards!

Megan was a shaky character from the start, like I said. I never knew how she'd turn out. Evil, good, hungry, stupid, Kyle's girl, Kyle's ex-girl, idk. But I did know one thing for sure. She would try and kill Stan, but the darkness would stop her. That's the only reason I brought Megan into the equation. I personally think I killed her off a bit too soon, but I didn't want to wait around for her to do crap. She may be dead, but she ain't gone. Okay, she is gone, but who knows what can happen?

Wendy- dead or alive? Yes, Wendy is (was) the prophet. Ha, you people thought it was Kyle, huh? You'll learn more about Kyle in later chapters. Same with Wendz.

Okay, so now for your review song. I recently bought the really old Taylor Swift CD, so let's play with her song.

Review Song (to the tune of "Teardrops On My Guitar" by Taylor Swift)

I wrote a story  
You walk away and ignore me  
But I need your opinion  
On everything that this could be

I know it's really hard  
To use a minute  
But I took six hours so why can't you live with it?

You read for me  
This chapter of this story  
But I don't know you did  
If you won't tell me your wish

You say it's stupid  
To make you review this  
But what about the time that I took writing it

You're the reason for the teardrops on my keyboard  
The only thing that keeps me typing when my fingers are sore  
You're the thoughts in my head that keep me writing this all the time

Man this sucks, but I have no inspiration for a song right now, so it's good enough, I guess. Please review, man, I'm so tired and high right now, I have no idea what's going on.


	32. Confusion Of Teenage Murderers

_Fight Fear With Fire_

Holy crap I KNOW I haven't updated in forever! I was having lots of trouble in math, and anytime I could sit down to write this, I just couldn't get in. I'm so so so so so so sorry, and please don't shoot me.

**Kiakamon**  
ha, there's a review song on this one, so don't fret! You know, I've been saying that forever, but I still don't know the exact definition of "fret". Hmm...  
Megan's a double agent! lol, Fresh Love is a nice air freshener that can spruce up anything. I'd love to have some of that.  
Well, Megan's mostly concentrating on killing Stan, thank goodness. If she kills my Kyle, I'll never forgive her. It's not like I control what she does!!!  
Thanks, I feel loads better. And chapter thirty's pretty exciting. This is another exciting thing: this is the longest chapter EVER in this story! Until now, the longest chapter was chapter five, but this one beats it by 4 KB.  
Thankzzz!!!

**Xxforget-me-notxX  
**I hope your head didn't explode! Though it would be kind of cool if it did.  
I can only answer one of your questions: Kyle would look damn FINE in a tutu.  
I laughed when you said you wanted to marry someone like Cartman, except... attractive. Ha!  
Ah! I hope you didn't leave me and my story in my long absence! But thanks for reviewing! I hope you have had a super however-long-its-been!

**Kiakamon  
**Megan is dead. I totally thought she was annoying.  
lol, Kyle's just a confusing mess, isn't he?  
I tricked you! You thought Kyle was dead! I totally couldn't resist, I just wanted to freak y'all out!  
I'm glad comedy and seriousness are balanced and that the fanfiction world of sexy gay couples and enemies falling in love is at peace. Because it's so strange when it's not.  
Wow, I suck at updating now, huh? I'm getting back on track, though. I swear I'll write every weekend now. Thanks for reviewing.

**Hazel-Beka  
**Haha, but I MUST apologize for this slow update. I feel so bad! And me and my BFF are BFFs again. We went to the dance together. Haha.  
OMIGOSH! I showed the thing you wrote about Kady's dialogue to my friend! She came up with that idea, cause I'm like, "How do I make Kady sound more boring and sophisticated? and she's like "Don't use apostrophes," and I'm like "Okaaaay...." and I knew after a few chapters that she sounded so stupid, but I wanted to be consistant. So I changed it in this chappy. :D  
I would write something about every single comment you made, cause they make me feel so bubbly, but I'm on a short schedule. I'm supposed to be in bed. I have advanced placement testing tomorrow. EEP! Thanks so much for reviewing!

**Neitherworld  
**Ah, my friend, if only you'd seen me in my days of updating almost every single day. That was summer though, and now school's back in. 0.o  
It's easy to make something in less than a year when you have no social life. :D  
HA! It would so be better than Twilight! Although... a movie of a horse pooping on a soda can would be better than Twilight, but YEAH!  
Thanks, the balance is one of my main goals with this story. I'm sometimes worried that it gets a bit too humorous to take it seriously, but I'm working hard on it!  
2012/2013 was my favorite thing to make up. It actually brought some history into the world.  
Wow, that is very random. I shall listen to those and read my story again.  
That is an honor to be in your top six faves! So thank you!  
WOW! Now I can eat, hug, and be successful all at the same time!  
Darius rant, haha, I know what you speak of. That rant was fun, cause Darry blew a fuse. Or a bomb. Hmm...  
I'm glad you love it, and thanks for reviewing!

**Dnny By  
**Wait... bad review? does that mean the song sucks, the story sucks, or I suck? I'm so confused. As for your prize, here's a cookie.

Once again, I'm SO sorry about the long wait! I hope you didn't lose interest while I was gone. By the way, this chapter is really confusing, bear with me though, it'll be explained soon. And I'm sorry it's so short. I needed to give you something.

**Chapter 32: Confusion of Teenage Murderers**: Megan's dead, but she's the lucky one. She doesn't have to deal with the yelling and confusion around her.

* * *

Stan shuddered in his sleep, his eyes shut tight with his nightmare. The sleeping bag beside him was empty, so his snoring went unheard by his tentmate.

A loud boom shook the ground, and Stan bolted upright. "Kyle?" He looked to the bed beside him to find just sheets. "Kyle?" He wiped sweat off of his face, but couldn't remember his bad dream. Instead, he just opened the tent and crawled out of it. The cool night breeze hit his face and made him shiver. There was a dark figure ahead of him and a large lump in front of it. Stan stood up and approached it, wincing against the cold ground.

He just reached the figure when he let out a gasp. Kyle turned around and blinked, as though he wasn't surprised that Stan snuck up behind him. As thought the sight before him didn't faze him at all. But it did faze Stan, and he bend over the motionless body. "Megan?" he whispered, too quiet for Kyle to hear. Her gray eyes stared straight up at the sky and her mouth was partly open, but no breaths came from it. Stan felt his arms weaken and looked back up at Kyle, who had a peculiar expression on his face. Before he could ask, however, the Diet Coke tent was opened.

"What was that sound?" Kadira snapped, looking around the clearing. Darius and Aaron too crawled out of their tents, staring between Stan and the body. "What happened?"

Stan answered with a shaking voice. "She's dead..."

Kadira, Aaron and Darius too gathered around the body. "How did she die?" Darius asked quietly.

"I don't know," Stan replied, suddenly feeling his Super Best Friend's eyes glaring at him, "I just found her."

Kadira met Stan's eyes. "Did you see anyone else?"

He hesitated and turned to look at Kyle, who now looked surprised and confused. Should he lie to Kadira? Would that make Kyle look guilty? _'That's stupid, Stan,'_ he scolded himself, _'Kyle won't look guilty 'cause he _isn't _guilty.'_ He sighed and nodded. "Kyle was here."

Darius let out a tiny gasp and Aaron looked sharply at Kyle. Kadira however, just stared down at Megan's body. "He was the only one?"

"Yes," Stan said, not meeting his friend's eyes.

Kadira nodded, sighed, and stood up, slowly looking up at Kyle. "Do you have an explanation?"

"Well, yeah!" Kyle exclaimed, "Stan... he _was _there!"

Stan squinted his eyes at Kyle. "No I wasn't."

Kyle nodded frantically. "Yeah, yeah you were! Megan... she was evil! She was going to kill you, Stan!"

"What?"

"What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?"

Stan stood up, slightly annoyed. "What am I acting like? You're the one acting like a whack-job!"

"You're the one acting like you've been asleep for the past two hours!"

"I _have_!"

Kyle pulled at his hair. Kadira faced him. "Did you kill her?"

He looked furious, but paused. "I... yeah, but no."

"What?" they all said at once.

"Well, she was about to kill Stan, and... I felt all cold and weird. Like... my blood stopped running... and then there was this huge flash, like a camera and how it blinds you for a minute, and then when I could see again, she was dead."

The only sound for moments was the chirping of crickets and the trees blowing in the breeze. Everyone was staring at Kyle, but Kyle was staring at Stan.

Stan's mind was racing. Of course, he knew, _knew, _that Kyle wasn't capable of killing. The ones who suspected him hadn't known him for as long as Stan had. Stan knew that Kyle would have to be insane to kill someone. But as he looked at Kyle's shaking form, his wide eyes, his messy hair, and his pale face, he didn't look sane at all. He kept saying that _Stan _was there, when Stan knew for sure he wasn't. Plus, his story was completely unbelievable. Megan worked with Rayvin Reynolds, she couldn't be against vamps!

"What exactly happened?" Kadira asked calmly.

Kyle let out a shaky sigh. "I didn't go to sleep because I knew that Megan was going to try and kill all of us in the middle of the night. And then she shows up and blows our fucking tent away. She put this huge bubble around us, but I don't know what it was. Then she pointed her wand at Stan and started saying that she was with Tanek and that she believed in power and that she killed the prophet."

"That's impossible," Kadira snapped, "My necklace has been pointing to it!"

Stan blinked. "Who's the prophet?"

Kyle's mouth dropped open slightly and he shook his head. "You honestly don't remember?"

"I honestly have _never heard it_," Stan said.

"It's... Wendy. It was Wendy. Megan said that Wendy was dead, but then after Megan was dead, you said you didn't believe Wendy was really dead."

Stan bit his lip and shook for a moment between letting out a barking laugh. "For real, Kyle? _Wendy's_the prophet? And... let me guess, you're Demi Moore, huh?"

"Demi Moore?" Kadira muttered.

Kyle appeared to be furious. "You're _laughing _at me?"

Stan was unable to wipe the smirk off of his face even after seeing Kyle's hurt expression. "Well, I'm just playing along with your fairytale."

"My fairytale," Kyle repeated, glaring.

The tall one rolled his eyes. "What, so you're not lying?"

"No!"

"So you're lying again!"

"What?"

Stan shook his head, his laughter replaced by anger. "Dude, that's ridiculous, I can't believe you'd make up some fucking story! You fucking scared me about Wendy!"

Kadira decided to stop the movie before the action came and grabbed Stan's arm. "Come, let me speak with you, Stanley."

She led him to the clearing where she'd ran to hide her tent. "Stanley, I'm concerned about your friend."

Stan scoffed. "You and me both, sister."

"Do you believe that he murdered Megan?"

He paused and sighed. Did he? Sure, he believed that Kyle had completely lost his marbles, and that a _sane_Kyle would never kill Megan. But what about the redhead out in the clearing, lying to him and making up retarded stories? Was that the Super Best Friend he'd grown up with, or had this new Kyle's mind been warped by stress and pressure? "I... can't say, Kady."

"Do you recall how yesterday he continuously spoke of Megan as a traitor?"

Stan nodded. Kyle had been quite bitchy about that. "Yeah."

"I understand that you believe your friend is incapable of killing. But if he honestly believed that Megan was going to hurt you, it wasn't truly his fault."

Stan nodded again, actually accepting this statement. "Yeah, but... that still doesn't explain the... weird feeling he felt and the flash of light."

"Look, Stanley, I don't believe your friend is... stable at this moment." She paused and chose her words carefully. "All of this magic probably came as a shock to him, so he saw Megan's death as some strange and supernatural occurrence."

He shrugged and bit his lip. "Why's he saying I was there? I swear I wasn't there, Kady."

"I cannot say, but I can say that this is a problem."

"A... problem?"

She nodded and sighed. "Stanley, I know that he's your friend, but... I don't believe it is safe to continue to bring him along."

He felt his stomach clench. "What?"

"What if he begins thinking one of us is a traitor? Will he kill us?"

"He wouldn't!" Stan said, a bit too loudly.

Kadira shook her head. "Look, Stanley. I refuse to take any chances. This is a matter of life or death. We must carry on without your friend."

"Well, alright, we'll just go drop him off at his house," Stan reasoned, "He'll be back to normal after he's back home."

He was confused by the sad expression on Kadira's face. "I'm afraid that is impossible. We're too far into our mission. We cannot turn all the way back to Colorado."

"So what," Stan snapped, "D'you just propose we leave him here?" He was surprised to see her nod. "Leave him in the middle of a fucking forest?" he shouted, "That's insane! He'll die and never make it back home!"

She sighed once again. "We can give him a special compass that will ensure his way home," she told him, "We can also leave Artemis with him."

"And that makes it okay?"

"He can control Artemis," she replied, "And the compass will lead him straight back home. The only difference is that we won't be there."

Stan bit his lip. He truly was worried about Kyle, but was Kadira's idea a good one? Kyle didn't know how to control a Pegasus, and Artemis surely couldn't control herself. But the compass would give him enough information to tell Artemis where to go. Shaking, he nodded and went to speak with Kyle.

Kyle was huddled over by a boulder, as far away from Aaron and Darius as possible. Stan approached him. "Kyle?"

"What, you want a restraining order so I don't murder you too?"

"Ky, I don't think you killed Megan."

Kyle continued to glare. "Well that's damn good. 'Cause I didn't."

"Look, we just think it'd be safer if you went back home."

This turned the glare on Kyle's face into a mixture of sadness and desperation. "Why?"

"This is just a lot of pressure on you, dude, and..."

"You _do _think I killed her!" Kyle shouted.

Stan shook his head but handed the compass to Kyle. "I'm not going to explain this right now, it'll just upset you more. Here's a compass that will lead you back to Colorado. Me and the others are going to leave Artemis here with you, so go back home, okay?"

Kyle looked shocked and angered by the sudden change of pace in the conversation, but before he could say anything, Stan was already walking away. He squeezed the compass tightly in his hand and blinked back tears.

* * *

Gasp! All done! So I give you a short review song to the tune of Kiss Me Thru The Phone by Soulja Boy

_Review  
I know that you want to  
Even though the story is poo  
But it's nice so just go ahead type away the day  
Type away the day  
New chap to come out soon  
Type away the day_

I know it sucks, but I'm totally loopy right now and I just thought I owed you people an attempt. Sorry once again. I swear my updating will be more regular from now on!


	33. When Nature Calls, Don't Answer Because

_Fight Fear With Fire_

I'M SO PISSED OFF! I JUST WROTE ALL OF MY REVIEW RESPONSES AND THEN MY COMPUTER HAS A SEIZURE AND THEY GO AWAY! MOTHERF--KING S--T FACED DAMN!

*sigh* My old responses were really good, let's try this again.

**Kiakamon**-  
I hate when that happens! Like, it'll be such a good story, and sometimes you just want to take it from them and finish it yourself!  
School's more important? That must be what my therapist keeps trying to tell me!  
Don't worry, Kyle's just gone from the vamps, he's not gone from the story. He's too sexy for that.  
The answer to your confusion is probably somewhere within this chapter. I can't remember, though. I wrote the first part on Monday.  
Ah, the double review thing. Sorry about that. Sometimes when I feel lazy, I just copy and paste the old review responses into the box so I don't have to reformat it. I guess I screwed up that time. Sorry! :D  
Thanks fo reviewing!

**Hazel-Beka-**  
Thanks, she would've been a bad BFF to lose. But good in some ways, if you know what I mean. ;)  
Thanks! I was really happy with the way Kady's dialogue went! Now I know: Apostrophes are People Too.  
See the fourth line of my response to Kiakamon as a response to your confusion.  
They should listen to Kyle more! He's my fave character, so I love to bag on him! I don't know why, but I think almost everybody likes to make their favorite character go through crap!  
I updated faster than last time. This time it was mostly just because this chap introduces new characters, and I wanted to get them right.  
Thanks for reviewing!

**TCOGS-  
**It is really gay, haha. Even though I'm trying to make a serious Kyle here, I can't help but put some of that girly Kyle in there too. It's my favorite Kyle, one that's hard for me to resist. :D  
Thanks for reviewing and raising your hand politely!

**Chapter Thirty-Three: When Nature Calls, Don't Answer Because You Have Places To Be-** Something strange is bubbling for Tanek. Cartman and Percy are not working too well together as they ride to an important meeting. Kyle is confused and feeling emo enough to use twigs and blood. **this chap has new characters!!!**

**

* * *

"**She's dead, my lord." Rakland didn't dare look at his lord's face, knowing that it wore a dreadful glare.

"How did this happen?" the lord asked in a horrible low voice.

Rakland sighed. "It was the vampire's friend. The darkness used him to save the young vampire."

"What?" the awful voice screeched, "The darkness hasn't taken human form in over three-hundred years!"

"I don't know if he was necessarily _possessing_ the boy," Rakland explained, "It was just a temporary outlet of power."

The lord shook his head, but it was unseen in the shadows. "The darkness can't just use anyone for an outlet. It had to be possession because the boy was only human."

"Yes, but the boy had contact with both the human and the wizard. If both powers are within, it leaves just enough magical black blood for the darkness to take advantage of," Rakland said.

The lord stood up and stepped into the rose-red glow that filled that half of the room. His firey and fierce straight hair hung over his entire face and shone brightly. Almost invisible were his eyes, black as outer space, sparkling menacingly between the crimson strands of hair. He paced back and forth, his silk cape dragging behind him. "So, since he had the magical blood, he is still alive?"

"Yes, my lord."

"No matter," he said, mostly to himself, "Outlets can only be used once. Luckily, the darkness used it on Megan instead of a real threat. Now that vampire is hopeless."

Rakland shifted back and forth on his feet. "Just in case, I got rid of the human. I warped the vampire's memories around to make it look like the human killed Megan out of insanity. Now the darkness has no outlets."

"Good, good, very good," he whispered, "There will be a meeting at Sidnis for Tanek's strategy. We must make ourselves known. I am nearly positive that Tanek will sell us his loyalties. There are no rebellions against Tanek except for the agency Megan was in. Rayvin Reynolds will be easily taken care of, but that is a later order of business. Firstly, we must go to this meeting at Sidnis. We cannot let control slip from our grasp."

Rakland nodded. "If you don't mind me asking, my lord, what if Tanek calls his military against us. I know he's extremely unintelligent, but if he sees that his ranking of power is in danger, he may react rashly."

"Yes, I have considered this, Rakland," he said, nodding. He paused and put his hand to his mouth in thought. "We cannot be too direct if we want to worm our way into Tanek's inner circle. He must first trust us, and then we attack from the inside out. Nobody outside of Tanek's circle must be attacked. If too many casualties occur, then we may not be able to gain the wizarding nation's trust."

The lord turned back to Rakland and held out a hand. "Are you prepared, Rakland?"

"Er..." Rakland said, unsure of what exactly was implied, "Prepared for what, my lord?

"I am not stupid enough to have an assistant," he said, "Tanek will very soon learn that dictatorship is what is necessary to control. But I do need a leader of the spying agency. I think you have proved yourself worthy."

Rakland grinned nervously. "So, do we shake on it?"

"Yes. The bond shake," he said.

Rakland held out his own palm and spit on it before extending it to his master. But the other man did not look pleased, "Not that bond, you imbecile."

"Oh..." Rakland muttered. He slid his wand out of his pocket and ran it smoothly over the lifeline on his palm. A thin line of blood appeared on the pale skin and the lord took it. He felt a surge of pain throughout his veins, but it vanished quite suddenly. The lord removed his hand and nodded.

"I pledge my full allegiance to Lord Krishnos of the New World."

* * *

"Damn, they really need cup holders on this thing," Cartman muttered, looking around Hermes' back for somewhere to set his bottled soda.

Percy rolled his eyes. "Eric, can you please take this seriously?"

"I can't take it seriously unless I know where the hell we're going."

"We're going to Sidnis," Percy explained, "The White House of the wizards."

"White House?" repeated Cartman, "Is it really a white house?"

Percy shook his head. "No. It's more like the HQ, except smaller. And less recreational."

"So there's no mall?"

"Nope."

"Shit." Cartman shook his head and looked down at the tiny pinpricks of buildings. The clouds blocked his view of anything specific, but he still could amuse himself looking. "This day gets worse and worse."

Percy turned around. "Why?"

"I forgot my Chipoltlaway." (1)

The older man sighed. "Eric, you need to lay off the Chipoltle."

"Dude, have you ever _had_ Chipoltle?"

He shook his head. "As soon as I saw that Billy Mays commercial, I stayed away from that shit."

"Just because it makes you bleed a little..."

"A _little_?"

"It's sooooo good," he drawled.

Percy groaned. "I am so pissed off. You're the one who made us miss the meeting at the HQ!"

"Well, pardon me for having to pee!"

"_Twelve_ times?!!?"

Cartman grinned sheepishly. "I was really thirsty."

"Shit. We will _not_ miss the Sidnis meeting! This meeting is important to the war."

"So, who's going?"

Percy shrugged. "Tanek, of course. All of our military generals. Aria will probably be called on to help train. They probably won't let her join though, because she hasn't been clean. Let's see, Tanek, military generals, Aria, me, probably some vamps trying to crash the party."

"So that's it?" Cartman asked, "No celebrity guests? No little benefit concert?"

"This is a serious meeting, Eric, and you're not even going, so don't…"

Cartman interrupted. "Woah, woah, woah, what do you mean, I'm not going?"

Percy rolled his eyes. "This meeting is for professional wizards only."

"Dude, I've totally kicked vampire ass!" he shouted, "Doesn't that make me professional enough?"

"You've not had the training and the education of our past like the other people coming to this meeting."

Cartman scoffed. "I can't believe this! I'm almost wishing I stayed home. I really only came here to have power, but you're always pushing me around. And the one chance I get to kill Kahl is taken by a hot chick with awesome boobs!"

"Eric, this isn't all fun and games!"

"You sure made it sound that way!" Cartman retorted.

Percy now had to shout to be heard over the flapping of Hermes' large wings. "I needed you to join!"

"I get it, I get it," Cartman muttered, "It's like one of those lame ass commercials that get you sucked into something and then make you pay three "easy payments" of $19.95 before you get the fun stuff."

Percy wrinkled his eyes in confusion. "What?"

"'Ey, asshole, stop eavesdropping!"

"This is gonna be a long ride…."

* * *

The sound of a forest in the morning is a favorite sound of many. The birds chirp way up in the trees and water runs from an unseen river. But when you're trying to think, maybe the morning forest isn't the best place to be.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid birds!" Kyle screamed at the sky, gripping his pencil tightly.

Then again, maybe he was just pissed about Stan and the other vampires.

His paper had tiny scribbles on it: snippets of Megan's speech the day before. He knew it happened. What he didn't know, however, is why no one else did. On the left margin of the paper, Kyle had written:

_The war draws nearer  
__One of the leaders is not what they seem  
__An old friend will turn their back  
__A savior will fall from their own actions  
__Dimensions will collide  
__Those who hide shall be the first to fall_

He knew that everything- Megan's speech, Wendy's rant, his own drunken tirade –was all related somehow. All he needed to do was piece everything together, phrase-by-phrase.

'The war draws nearer' was obvious. Of course it was talking about the war between the vampires and the wizards. Back then, however, he hadn't known a war was coming at all.

The second sentence, 'One of the leaders is not what they seem,' stumped him. One of whose leaders? The vamps? The wizards? The words were surrounded by a circle where Kyle had decided he would come back to it.

'An old friend will turn their back.' Two days ago, this question would have been easy to answer. Cartman had turned his back on them. But now that Stan had left him all alone in the forest, he sure felt like Stan had turned his back. Maybe, however, it had nothing to do with Stan, Kyle, and Cartman personally. Maybe it was an ally of the vamps that turned.

'A savior will fall from their own actions.' Kyle's first thought was Jesus, but that just seemed stupid. On their journey, everyone had been a savior. And by 'fall from their own actions', did they mean this savior killed themselves? And if so, why?

With a sigh he continued onto 'dimensions will collide'. By dimensions, he assumed it meant the wizarding world and the vampire world. The collision probably referred to the war. It was a pretty easy one to understand.

'Those who hide shall be the first to fall' was an eerie statement in Kyle's mind. He knew it referred to the cowards who hid away from the battle. It almost seemed like a warning. To whom the warning was directed, he didn't know.

All the thought simply gave him a headache and a yearning to know what Wendy's rant was. The only way he could find that out was by going back home. He pulled the compass out of his pocket and stared at it. Anger he felt for Stan welled up inside of him, and he threw the golden sphere to the ground, stomping furiously on it. A crack shattered the forest, and he felt something squish under his shoe. Moving his foot away, he saw a black substance surrounding the crushed compass and forming a puddle. The substance seemed familiar, and that's when Kyle remembered when he, Stan, Kadira and Aaron were all in the car. When Stan found the Vamp Ruby and cut his hand. The blood was black

"_It means the darkness is within you. In most cases, it's a good thing."_

Did that mean the darkness was within the gooey crap surrounding the void compass? Kyle bent closer to examine it. Why would there be any sort of substance inside the compass unless it was important? It was a vampirical artifact, meaning that it was of use to the vamps. So… did that mean it also had darkness mixed in with it?

He knew that the darkness had helped him make those prophecies or whatever. Maybe the darkness would help him learn Wendy's. After searching for a moment, Kyle found a sharp twig resting beside a small pebble. Not really sure how to do it, he jabbed the wood into his hand and felt a sharp sting shoot up his arm. Red blood oozed out of the puncture, reminding him slightly of Stan's cut on the ruby. He picked up the compass that was still dripping with the black goo and clenched it in his bleeding fist, his knuckles turning white. A wave of dizziness washed over him and he felt his vision begin to blacken. Through the flashing splotches of darkness, what looked like a large shed began to appear, glowing with a slightly blue shine. He passed out, and the compass next to him began whirling uncontrollably. After moments of the fast movement, it halted, pointing northeast.

* * *

There! Chappy 33 is finite!

1. A reference to the mid-season 13 premiere "I See Dead Celebrities" if you didn't catch it. It's disgusting and cruel, but I couldn't help but find myself amused.

Okay, so I owe you guys a much better review song than that shit I served you last time. So this is a parody of a song probably none of you know by Panic! At The Disco called "The Only Difference Between Matyrdom and Suicide Is The Press Coverage". The name is far too long.

_Hey there, I'm gonna need you to review  
Come on just click, click, click your hands on the keys  
Go, go, there's a button that's down there for you  
Just type, type, type your fingers for me_

_And I believe this may be what drives me to the next chappy  
Can't you see? I'm the helpless author and you hold the important critique_

_Please go and review, please go do it  
The story's young, it's waiting for attention  
It wants to be the best in your eyes, in your mind_

_Love it or like it, just you wait  
If you say what you're thinking I'll fix it today  
It seems that I'm improving; it's almost too late  
So don't wait until there's nothing to say_

_And I believe this may be a life changing story if you please  
Can't you see? Reviewing is so easy and it gives you the key_

_Please go and review, please go do it  
The story's young, it's waiting for attention  
It wants to bee the best in your eyes, in your mind_

That's my song, and I think it's better than "Kiss Me Thru The Phone" turned out for sure, haha. At least KMTTP is a song people know.

VERSE 1: that's when it's like "Sit tight, I'm gonna need you to keep time..."  
VERSE 2: that's when it's like "And I believe this may call for a proper introduction..."  
VERSE 3: that's when it's like "Swear to shake it up if you swear to listen..."  
VERSE 4: that's when it's like "Applause, applause, no wait, wait..."  
VERSE 5: that's just like verse 2.  
VERSE 6: that's just like verse 3

Thanks for reading, and I have exciting (or terrifying) announcements.

**announcement #1: **There will be a Fight Fear With Fire II. After much disputing and thinking and uneeded fat food, I decided that the story would be best if it were split into two parts. Yeah, so I hope that's good. The sequel will come out a while after this one ends (which will be a while, mind you).

**announcement #2: **I updated _Leena_! One review on the new chap, which was posted something like Monday. :'(

Thanks so much guys, and please review!


	34. Great Minds Think Alike What A Load Of

_**Fight** Fear With Fire_

I have to rewrite ALL of my review responses because ONCE AGAIN, screwed up. I'm getting seriously fucking pissed off. *sigh* Oh well, here you guys go!

**Hazel-Beka**:  
Fangirls have many unexplained problems. That's what makes us so awesome!  
I recycled! Kinda....? I'm glad you like the characters, though! I was aiming for mysterious so... YAY!  
Haha, I kinda forgot about Cartman for a minute there. But the vamps had a bigger plot going on, so they're all good. Cartman had an amount advantage because he figured out he was a wizard before Stan knew he was a vamp. So, I gues they're even.  
Suspense! I think I've used every genre in this story so far! Haha, I win! lol  
I know oodles of people love Panic! At The Disco, but that song doesn't seem so popular with the people I hang out with. I don't know why, though, it's my favorite!  
Haha, thanks you for reviewing!

**Kiakamon:  
**Chapter 33! Now 34! I'm so happy!  
Izz a mystery... ooooh... sooodfodka... whatever I just wrote was a mystery. It looks like Sue Vodka, which would be an AWESOME name to have!  
Stan can just do what they did in that episode, The Ungroundables or something. lol, they burned down Hot Topic!!! !  
Oh my gosh, don't laugh at Kyle! Nobody understands him! l:'(  
Haha, I'm glad I'm updating too! Thanks!  
And thank you for reviewing, yo!

**catrag101:  
**Thank you! Who dies?: EVERYONE! jk, what a depressing story that would be. Like "Knowing" or whatever that movie was called. Is it Kyle?: **cannot say!** That's kinda contradictory- don't kill kyle, but it would be good if you did. Haha, I know how ya feel. It's part of that Kyle Fangirl Phobia that's going around. Put him through hell on purpose, but then say that you feel remorse. 'Cause you always feel remorse- well I do! Where am I going with this?? OMG SNAPE!!! I totally just imagined Snape walking into this story and choked on a granola bar, I was laughing so hard! With all the Harry Potter references, I should actually randomly pop him in there. Uh... why do I have a feeling I should rephrase that last part? =O.O=  
OMG YOU WROTE AN UPDATE SONG!!!!! *HUGGLES* I LOVE YOU! I love that song too! You rule! You win! Your prize is an update! :D  
Kyle's uber sexy, but I still can't believe you read this in one day! Aren't your eyes burning???  
Thank you for reviewing! You write good songs too!

**Neitherworld:  
**I love that you're thinking the prophecy through like Kyle is. I must point out that your theories are very good. I can't say if they're accurate, because that would kind of ruin the point. Haha, you should get a mystery machine!  
I miss updating every day. It always felt so accomplishy or something. ANd now I've got Dance Team that's gonna get in my way! If I even make it. :D  
Man, I would go see the premiere of the Horse Poo movie any day. Well, anyday that Twilight's on too. :P  
Vamp Stan Plushie!!!! I WANT ONE!!! I imagine that plushie as looking like red goth, except his hair's more emo than goth. And those shoes are pimp! Those purple ones.  
Thank you ever so much for reviewing!

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Great Minds Think Alike. What A Load Of BS - **You need help to figure out a mystery. It just depends on what help you get.

* * *

Darkness. Oh, that isn't what you're supposed to see when you wake up. Where was he even standing? Kyle strained his eyes to see something, anything that he could hold onto. Nothing appeared, and he really hadn't expected anything to. He lifted one foot off of the 'ground' he was standing on and stomped. It was satisfactorily solid. After much hesitation, he took another step. Not a good idea. His foot flew through the air and he lost his balance on whatever he'd been standing on before. Now he was falling, falling. There wasn't any whooshing in his ears or cold air hitting his face. For all he knew, he could've been floating. He knew he was wrong when he hit solid ground again.

"Kyyyyyyyleeeee," came a drawling voice, low and scratchy.

Kyle jumped up and looked around. There still wasn't any light, and it was beginning to scare him. He wouldn't move again. Who knew if the ground was there or not?

"Ohhhh Kyyyyyyyllllleeee," the voice said.

Kyle bit his lip nervously. "Y-yeah?"

He heard breathing in his ears that wasn't his. Whoever was talking seemed to be circling around him. He couldn't feel anything, not even when he waved his hand frantically through the air. There wasn't any.

"It'sssss beeeennnn sooooo looonnnng…"

Kyle whirled around to where he assumed the voice was coming from. Then he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Boo."

"SHIT!" Kyle screamed, stumbling back and landing on (thankfully) the ground. A bright light momentarily blinded him, and when it faded he saw the source of the voice.

He had blonde scraggly hair and bright blue eyes, and his lips were pulled into a teasing smirk. "Did you miss me?"

"Kenny?"

Kenny laughed. "Yep. Dude, I'm so glad you're here. It gets really lonely around here."

"Where exactly is here?"

The blonde shrugged. "No idea," he said, "All I know is that I've gone god knows how long without a freaking smoothie. Or a girl. Do you know what that's like for me?"

"Must be painful," Kyle muttered sarcastically, picking himself off the ground. "When did I get here?"

"Feels like an hour. There's not really a clock down here, so…"

Kyle scratched his head. "Wait. You're in a coma."

"No shit."

"Does that mean I'm in a coma?"

Kenny laughed again. "How should I know? I just know that you picked a good ass time to become emo."

"Emo?"

"Cutting yourself gets you nowhere," he said, faking an authoritative voice, "You need to find better ways to solve your problems."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Kenny, can you please be serious?"

"I've had no one to talk to for the longest time!" Kenny whined, "I've had to talk to that fucking dildo over there!" he gestured to a corner of the room where an old man sat playing sudoku. "I think he's deaf, and he keeps telling me that he wants his cake!"

Kyle glanced between Kenny and the man. "Does he know anything about where we are?"

"He thinks my name's Bedelia!"

The redhead groaned. "Then how are we supposed to get out of here?"

"I don't know, but can you just stay for a while? Come on, I got some stuff I gotta catch you up on."

Kyle squinted his eyes. "Catch _me_ up on?"

Kenny nodded and grabbed Kyle's arm, leading him away from the old sudoku man. "Okay, so why did you go all emo?"

"Uh… it wasn't emo. I was trying to get the darkness in my blood so I could find out what Wendy's prophecy is."

"Yeah I know, because the vamps…"

Kyle's eyes widened. "Wait, wait, wait. How do you know about the vamps?"

"How do you not know?" Kenny said with a grin, "That one chick's fucking hot! Too bad she got with that douchey Brad Pitt dude."

Kyle held up a finger to stop him. "Are you talking about Kady and Aaron?"

"Yeah, dude!" Kenny said, throwing his hands out in a 'le duh' manner.

"How do you know all this shit?"

Kenny sighed. "Please don't make me explain it right now. Let's just take this one thing at a time."

"Wait," Kyle said suddenly, "Wendy! Is Wendy alive?"

Kenny let all the air out of his lungs. "Oh god, is she ever." He clapped his hands and Wendy appeared in the middle of the room, looking thoroughly annoyed. "Alive and kicking."

"Damn it, Kenny!" she screeched, "I told you to call me before you did that!"

"I'm so sorry," Kenny said sarcastically, "I must've left my cell phone in my _comatose body!_"

Kyle motioned at Kenny to shut up. "Wendy? You're alive?"

"Yes! And I know that that bitch thinks I'm the prophet," she said, calming down slightly, "But I'm not. I have no idea what a prophet is!"

Kenny groaned. "You wouldn't believe how pissed she was to see Stan on an adventure with two hot girls."

"I wasn't pissed!" Wendy shouted, her voice once again rising in pitch, "I just can't believe he's a vampire!" She turned to Kyle. "Can you believe it, Kyle?"

Kyle shrugged. "It's more believable than giant guinea pigs attacking the world dressed as bees, pirates, and dinosaurs."

"Ugh!" she whined, "I hate this! I was just sitting in my room with Bebe when this pissy chick shows up and points her twig at me! Now I'm stuck in a fucking asylum with Sudoku Santa and Masturbating McCormick!"

Kyle looked at Kenny, who winked at him. "Oh Jesus, Kenny," he said, "Wait, then who's the prophet? And where did you come from, Wendy?"

"I was over there," she replied, pointing to another unseen corner of the room, "I would've come out, but I was reading."

The redhead groaned and sighed. "I've never been this confused in my life."

"Let's just take it one question at a time," Wendy reasoned, "I think we should first figure out your prophecy, Kyle."

"What about yours?" he asked.

"Huh?"

"The one that you recited after you kissed Stan." Kyle spoke urgently. "The prophecy, Wendy, do you have it?"

"That was a prophecy?"

"Yes!" Kyle snapped, "Can we please see it?"

She nodded slowly. "Why, do you need it?" she asked.

"Damn it, _yes_!" he snapped, "If we're gonna be down here, we might as well get some god damned work done."

Wendy looked a bit taken aback. "Well Jesus, someone's on his period."

"Look who's talking!" Kenny retorted.

She glared and handed a pen over to Kyle. "It said:

_The final battle approaches.  
One power will stand above the rest.  
There is a traitor in your midst  
And a tragedy in your future.  
To save one, many must die.  
The power lies within one.  
For darkness to rise  
it must make the right decision."_

Kyle wrote down the last part. "Mine's a lot like yours. Your first line is 'the final battle approaches.' Mine says 'The war draws nearer.' It's obviously talking about the same war. The one between the vamps and the wizards." He pulled his paper out and scanned it, Wendy looking over his shoulder.

"What about 'An old friend will turn their back?'" Wendy said, "That's a lot like 'there's a traitor in your midst.'"

Kyle nodded thoughtfully. "But… the traitor one is a bit more broad. The traitor and the old friend could be two different people." He leaned a bit closer. "I think the old friend is either Cartman or…" he glanced at Wendy, "Stan."

"Stan?" she screeched, "It's not Stan! He'd never turn his back!"

Kenny was also in deep thought. "But… Kyle might be right. Stan ditched him in the forest."

"Isn't it more likely to be Cartman?" she asked desperately.

Kyle and Kenny glanced at each other. "It depends on whose old friend it's speaking of. If it's my old friend, then it's probably Stan. If it's Kenny's or Stan's old friend, then it's probably Cartman."

"Or you," Wendy added, glaring.

Kyle raised an eyebrow. "Or me," he repeated seriously. He looked at both lists again. "Hey! Look, yours doesn't mention the darkness!"

Wendy blinked. "So?"

"Maybe yours is talking about the wizards, and mine's talking about the vampires!"

Kenny's eyes brightened. "Dude, that's brilliant!"

"And that means the traitor must be Cartman," Kyle said.

Wendy shook her head. "No, wait. We can't elaborate on one theory. The fact that mine's about wizards is just a theory. If we elaborate on just that, then if one thing is wrong, the whole thing is screwed."

"We have nothing else to elaborate on, Wendy," Kyle said darkly, "Unless you want the traitor to be Stan."

While they argued, Kenny was looking at the two papers. "Hey, look at this. 'A tragedy is in your future.' 'A savior will fall from their own actions.'" He looked at the other two, "Doesn't fall kind of mean… like… die?"

The two quit feuding to look at him. "Yeah, that's good, dude. But who's a savior?"

"Jesus!" Kenny said brightly.

"Wrong," Wendy snapped, "I mean, right, but not what we're talking about."

Kenny nodded. "You're right. Jesus would just come back on Easter anyway."

"Jesus wouldn't…"

"Stop, you're offending Kyle!" Kenny interrupted, shielding Kyle's ears from Wendy's words.

Kyle pushed Kenny off of him. "Seriously, guys, let's concentrate. Who could be the…"

"Holy shit!" Kenny shouted, jumping up and backing away from Kyle, "Kyle!"

Kyle turned sharply. "What?"

"You saved Stan, remember!" he said, "The light, remember? That means you're a savior! Oh my god, dude, you're gonna die!"

The redhead looked alarm for a moment, then shook his head. "That technically wasn't me. Remember, it was the darkness?"

Kenny relaxed. "Oh… maybe the darkness will die?"

"I don't think the darkness can die," Wendy said.

"I wish you would die," Kenny muttered, not loud enough for Wendy to hear.

She shook her head. "The one that creeps me out is 'To save one, many must die.' Who's important enough to have people die for them?"

Kenny looked between them. "Wait. The vamps are looking for a new leader, right?"

Kyle brightened. "Good, Ken!" he exclaimed, "That means that they're going to find the leader before the war!"

"That's not good," Wendy said, "Didn't you read it? 'One of the leaders is not what they seem.'"

"Yeah, but yours is talking about the wizards," Kenny argued.

"Remember, we're not going off of that theory."

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Of course we're not. It's mine."

The death glare was exchanged between the group as the hunched over the prophecies again.

* * *

"My lord, I come with good tidings."

Lord Krishnos huffed. "I have no interest in toilet paper, Rakland."

Rakland shook his head. "No, my lord, you are speaking of Tide. That's a brand of bleach, I believe."

"What's going on, Rakland?" Lord Krishnos snapped.

"The boy that the darkness possessed is dead. As is the alleged prophet girl."

Lord Krishnos nodded. "Good, good. So there are no doubts in our way." He strode into the red light, staring at the waterfall of lava. "Now our mission is simple. We must get to the meeting at Sidnis.

* * *

Hey, does anyone get the cake and the Bedelia thing? If you do, tell me! I wanna see how many of y'all know.

I'm so tired, but I have a song for you guys. It may be sucky, but I'm sorry. My eyes are closing as I type.

To the tune of "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis. I can't believe I didn't have this idea earlier. It's just the chorus.

(the part that goes I don't care what they say, I'm in love with you)  
_I don't care what you say  
Just come on and review  
You can gimme some praise  
But hating always works too  
I just need something to keep this story from explodin'  
Ohh oohhhh  
_(the part that goes Keep bleedin' keep keep bleedin' love)  
_Puh-leaze review  
Please please review now  
Puh-lease review  
Please please review now_

You know it will just say that over and over. I just reminded myself that I have music tomorrow. *sigh*

G'nite y'all.


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